Whirly Brains/transcript

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• [The episode begins at SpongeBob's house where SpongeBob and Patrick are hitting a plastic cup with a stick, feeling bored.]
• SpongeBob: [sighs] Your turn. [gives Patrick the stick]
• [Patrick hits the cup with the stick.]
• Patrick: Now you. [gives SpongeBob the stick]
• [SpongeBob hits the cup with the stick.]
• SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick.
• Patrick: [sighs] Yes, SpongeBob?
• SpongeBob: Do you think it will make the game more exciting if we played it with... [holds out two sticks] two sticks?
• [Patrick's head buffs up and snatches the sticks from SpongeBob's hands.]
• Patrick: Two sticks?! That's against the rules! You can't change the rules, SpongeBob, just because I'm winning!
• SpongeBob: I'm sorry, Patrick. I'm just so bored playing "Stick in a Cup."
• Nathiel Waters: [on television] Are you tired of playing with an old stick and a cup?
• SpongeBob and Patrick: [turn their heads to the TV] Yeah.
• Nathiel Waters: [on television] Well, say goodbye to boring and hello to whirly brains! The exciting new toy that puts you in the driver's seat of your own mind! It's so simple! Just flip your lid, attach the propeller, and watch your brain soar hundreds of feet into the air as you control the action!
• [SpongeBob and Patrick get very excited about the advertisement on TV and their eyes were put in a trance. Two fishing poles dragged them to the screen.]
• Nathiel Waters: Get your whirly brain today and free your mind!
• SpongeBob: Free my mind! Free my mind! Free my mind! [chews on a stick]
• [Patrick chews on a cup. Both SpongeBob and Patrick grab to television and started doing a tug-of-war with it.]
• SpongeBob: I want it!
• Patrick: No, I want it!
• SpongeBob: No, I want it!
• Patrick: No, I want it!
• SpongeBob: No, it's mine!
• Patrick: I want it! I want it!
• SpongeBob: No, it's mine!
• [They pulled so hard that they accidentally break the television into pieces.]
• Patrick: Sorry to hear about your TV, SpongeBob.
• [They put the television back together and it turns on.]
• Nathiel Waters: [on television] Whirly brains available now at Bikini Bottom Toy Shop.
• [They put the television down and start dancing around.]
• SpongeBob and Patrick: Whirly brains! Whirly brains! Whirly brains! Whirly brains! Whirly brains!
• [The scene changes to SpongeBob opening the Whirly Brainbox and taking out the propeller. SpongeBob climbs up on Patrick.]
• SpongeBob: Okay, Patrick. Just let me flip your lid so I can attach the propeller directly to your brain.
• [SpongeBob tries to open Patrick's head, but failed as it gets out of shape. SpongeBob slides down and Patrick straightens out his face. SpongeBob reads the instruction paper.]
• SpongeBob: Step one... [reads] Oh, I see what to do.
• [SpongeBob pulls out a monster mask, puts it on and scares Patrick out of his wits. Patrick's head opens up.]
• SpongeBob: [takes off mask] It's just me, Patrick.
• Patrick: Oh! [sighs]
• [SpongeBob attaches the propeller on Patrick's brain and gives Patrick the mask.]
• SpongeBob: Now, you do me!
• [Patrick puts on the mask.]
• Patrick: Boo!
• [SpongeBob screams as his head opens up. Patrick attaches the propeller on SpongeBob's brain and takes off the mask. SpongeBob takes out the remote controls and gives one to Patrick.]
• SpongeBob: It's time to free our minds!
• [SpongeBob and Patrick activate the remotes and their brains slowly exit their heads with their eyeballs attached, leaving their bodies blind. Their whirly brains then fly around the air.]
• SpongeBob: Wow, Patrick! I've never seen the world from this angle before!
• Patrick: [laughs] And the propeller tickles my think folds! [laughs] Hey, hey, hey, SpongeBob! Eye bump!
• SpongeBob: Eye bump!
• [SpongeBob and Patrick's whirly brains crash into each other and injuries their eyes.]
• SpongeBob: Patrick, no more eye bumps. Okay?
• Patrick: [rubs his eye hole] I feel you.
• [The scene changes to SpongeBob and Patrick's whirly brains fly around SpongeBob's house. The whirly brains fly through the chimney and come out through the sink faucet. SpongeBob's whirly brain flies around the kitchen to look for Patrick's whirly brain. Patrick's whirly brain, who is in the freezer, sneaks up on SpongeBob's whirly brain and pulls it in. The two whirly brains fight each other inside, which makes the refrigerator bounce around the house and sends it crashing outside. SpongeBob and Patrick laugh as their whirly brains feel dizzy.]
• SpongeBob and Patrick: Whirly freeze!
• [SpongeBob and Patrick's whirly brains fly through a bush and makes a SpongeBob and Patrick-shaped topiary. Patrick's whirly brain slices the pineapple peel off of SpongeBob's house, revealing Gary doing his business in his litter box. Gary hides himself in the curtain. SpongeBob and Patrick laugh.]
• SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick. I know who we can spy on. [laughs]
• [Squidward is in his bathtub.]
• Squidward: [sighs] The sanctity of my bathroom. The only place in the world where I can... [unravels his nose] let it all hang out. [sighs] Me... [sinks into his tub and rests]
• [SpongeBob and Patrick whirly brains peek inside Squidward's bathroom.]
• SpongeBob: Hey, where's Squidward? I'm sure I saw him in here.
• [SpongeBob's whirly brain flies in and lays on Squidward's head.]
• Patrick: Well, maybe he fell in the toilet. I'll check!
• [Patrick's whirly brain flies into Squidward's toilet.]
• Patrick: Squidward, are you in here? Did you fall in? Squidward!
• [Squidward wakes up.]
• Squidward: Stop serenading me, you sap! It's my day off! Now, go away!
• [Squidward takes out a mirror and looks at his reflection. But to his horrifying surprise, he sees SpongeBob's whirly brain on his head and freaks out.]
• SpongeBob: Found him!
• [Patrick's whirly brain flies out of Squidward's toilet.]
• Patrick: Yep, that's him! Hi, Squidward!
• [Squidward is freaked out.]
• Squidward: Aliens from Mars! It's an invasion!
• [Squidward jumps out the window and lands flat on his face in the ground. He gets up and frantically runs around, naked. The scene changes to SpongeBob and Patrick flying their whirly brains around until they sliced their heads. The heads fall on the wrong bodies.]
• SpongeBob and Patrick: Whirly brains are go!
• [The scene changes to SpongeBob and Patrick's whirly brains switching Perry and Evelyn's cups at the Le Café. They both drink the wrong cups until they spit in each other's faces. SpongeBob and Patrick laugh.]
• Patrick: She spit in his face! [laughs]
• [The scene changes Mrs. Puff and Mr. Krabs going on a date. SpongeBob and Patrick both spy on them with their whirly brains.]
• Mr. Krabs: Mrs. Puff, we've been dating for 16 years now. So, I was sincerely hoping that today might finally be the day that...
• Mrs. Puff: Yes, Eugene?
• Mr. Krabs: Can I steal a little kiss?
• Mrs. Puff: Oh! [laughs] Oh, Eugene! I thought you'd never ask.
• [SpongeBob turns the brain gas lever on the remote.]
• Mr. Krabs: Come here, you.
• [As Mrs. Puff and Mr. Krabs are about to share a kiss, SpongeBob and Patrick's whirly brains pass gas, which causes Mrs. Puff to inflate herself.]
• Mr. Krabs: What a woman!
• Mrs. Puff: [blushes] Oh, Eugene!
• [SpongeBob and Patrick laugh. The scene changes to SpongeBob and Patrick's whirly brains flying around, creating a whirly brain-shaped cloud with the gas. SpongeBob and Patrick laugh until someone throws eggs in their faces.]
• SpongeBob and Patrick: What was that?
• [Right in front of SpongeBob and Patrick was a kid who also has a whirly brain. But he is using it to bully people like throwing eggs.]
• Kid: Oh, that smarts! [laughs] Bullseye!
• Patrick: I thought we were the first kids on the block to get whirly brains!
• Kid: What are you? Thick? Every kid in town's got a whirly brain! [spits]
• [Numerous whirly brains fly around SpongeBob and Patrick's whirly brains.]
• Buddy: Daddy, daddy! Can I have a whirly brain too?
• Fred: Absolutely not, son. Your brain is your body's most important organ, not a toy.
• [Buddy cries while a whirly brain flies towards Fred and hits him. Buddy laughs.]
• SpongeBob: Hooray! Now, we can play whirly brains with the whole neighborhood! Hey, kid! Race ya to the end of the street!
• Kid: Eat my brainstem slowpoke!
• [The three whirly brains take their positions for their race.]
• Patrick: Get ready, get set, punch it!
• [The three whirly brains fly through the air at fast speed. The kid's whirly brain spit out gas to blind SpongeBob and Patrick's whirly brains. SpongeBob and Patrick cough and continue to fly. The kid's whirly brain laughs as he is beating them. But unfortunately, the kid's whirly brain ended up flying into Bubble Bass's butt. SpongeBob and Patrick's whirly brains fly past Bubble Bass.]
• SpongeBob: Yes! We're gonna beat him, Patrick! We're gonna win!
• [SpongeBob and Patrick's whirly brains continue flying until suddenly, they get hit by someone's can and fell on the ground. The cane belonged to a grouchy old man who thought kids were invading his property with toys.]
• Angry Old Timer: Play your toys into my yard, will ya? Well, they're mine now!
• [The old man takes SpongeBob and Patrick's whirly brains inside his house and stores them into a barrel where he keeps the other whirly brains in. He wraps a sheet over the barrel so they won't fly out.]
• SpongeBob: Hey, what's going on? Everything went dark! Uh, Patrick, can you see anything?
• Patrick: Only the dismal abyss of black nothingness. [his eyeholes widen]
• SpongeBob: Aw, our remote controls are dead too! Oh, Patrick, I don't want to jump to any conclusions here, but I think that we have lost our minds!
• Patrick: [laughs] M-O-O-N. [laughs] That spells moon! [laughs hysterically]
• SpongeBob: Okay, don't panic, Patrick. We'll find them. Just take it easy. Take it easy! PATRICK, TAKE IT EASY!
• Patrick: I'm taking it easy, SpongeBob.
• SpongeBob: Our brains are probably right around here somewhere. Uh, here brains! Brains! Here, boy! [stutters]
• Patrick: Here, brains!
• [SpongeBob and Patrick look for their whirly brains. SpongeBob touches Nazz who is holding her baby.]
• SpongeBob: Brainy, where are you?
• [Patrick touches Officer John.]
• Patrick: Brain, brain, brain! I think I found it, SpongeBob!
• SpongeBob: I've found mine too!
• [SpongeBob has the baby on his head with it's feet sticking out of his eye holes while Patrick has a fire hydrant on his head.]
• SpongeBob: Oh, darn it. I still can't see.
• Patrick: Yeah, my brain won't fit back in.
• [Patrick hits the fire hydrant with a hammer. Nazz takes her baby out of SpongeBob's head, leaving it's stinky diaper behind.]
• SpongeBob: Oh, uh, ma'am, you forgot something.
• Nazz: That's okay. You can keep it. [she leaves]
• Patrick: I'll take it!
• [Patrick takes the smelly diaper and puts it in his head. He closes his head and marks dots on it to make it look like eyes.]
• Patrick: Oh, yeah! Lookin' good!
• SpongeBob: Ew! Give me that!
• [SpongeBob kicks open Patrick's head and throws away the smelly diaper.]
• Patrick: Aww, man! That felt all squishy! [laughs]
• SpongeBob: Patrick, we need help. Let's call Sandy.
• Patrick: Okay. SANDY!
• SpongeBob: [takes out phone] Patrick, I meant on the phone.
• [SpongeBob dials the number and calls Sandy.]
• Sandy: [on phone] Hello?
• SpongeBob and Patrick: SANDY!
• [The scene changes to Sandy using her brain detector while SpongeBob and Patrick are tied to a rope so they won't get lost.]
• Sandy: Dang. You two sure are lucky that I created this brain detector last summer. I was beginning to think I'd never use this thing.
• SpongeBob: Oh, I hope we find our brains soon. They're probably cold and hungry by now. Poor things.
• [Soon, everyone in town is looking for their missing whirly brains and as they look, they end up crashing into each other.]
• Sandy: And it looks like you're not the only critters around these parks to lose your minds. [looks at her detector] Hmm... And my detector is leading us directly to that house.
• [The old man who stole SpongeBob and Patrick's whirly brains is sleeping on his rocking chair on the porch.]
• Sandy: Excuse me, kind sir. Would you mind too terribly if we just came in your house for a minute and looked around for my friend's missin' brains?
• [The old man is still sleeping.]
• Sandy: We're gonna take that as a yes. Step lively, fellas!
• [Sandy, SpongeBob and Patrick enter the old man's house.]
• Sandy: This place has a ten-gallon case of the creepies. I wonder what's in...
• [Sandy takes a peek inside the barrel.]
• Sandy: [gasps] Hey, fellas! I think I've found your brains!
• SpongeBob and Patrick: Hooray!
• [SpongeBob and Patrick jump in excitement but accidently creaks the floor.]
• Angry Old Timer: [offscreen] Hey!
• SpongeBob, Sandy and Patrick: Huh?
• Angry Old Timer: What are you sneak thieves doing into my house? Them brains violated my air space and I'm keepin' them! I'm callin' the cops!
• [SpongeBob and Patrick pleads the old man not to call the police, crying.]
• Sandy: Sorry nothin'! Look, Old Timer, one false move and I'll be on you like a horsefly on a cracker barrel!
• Angry Old Timer: Bring it on, Slimmy Whiskers! All twenty-threes can do your bees knees with one nickel, sister!
• Sandy: Alright! Now you listen to me, you twisted coot! You can't steal somebody's brain just because it flies into your yard! That's brain-napping! And it looks like I'll be the one callin' the police!
• SpongeBob: Oh, I love it when Sandy gets aggressive. Let's give her some room.
• [SpongeBob and Patrick back up but they both trip over the barrel and frees the whirly brains the old man stole. The whirly brains fly out of the old man's house and heads back to town to find their owners. Some of the whirly brains ring the doorbells.]
• Fred: Oh, Brainy, you're back!
• [Everyone cheers as their whirly brains have been returned. SpongeBob and Patrick's whirly brains fly back into their heads. SpongeBob and Patrick remove the propellers from their brains and close their heads, returning to normal.]
• SpongeBob: Whew! I'll never be a no-brainer again! [laughs]
• Sandy: Everyone has their brains back, so I'm a let it go this time. But if you steal as much as a beach ball, so help me I'll...
• Angry Old Timer: [cries] I'm sorry, Squirrel Lady! I just couldn't take watching all the kids have fun in the air while I'm stuck here with this crotchety cane on the ground!
• SpongeBob and Sandy: Aww!
• Sandy: Well, I think we've got a cure for what ails you. Right, SpongeBob?
• SpongeBob: Sandy, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
• Sandy: I think I'm thinkin' what you're thinkin'.
• SpongeBob: Patrick?
• [Patrick is pulling his head with a plunger.]
• Patrick: My think is clogged.
• [The scene changes to the old man flying through the air with the whirly brain propellers and is having a lot of fun.]
• Sandy: Sure was nice of you two to donate your whirly brains to the old timer. You fellas did a good deed today.
• SpongeBob: Oh, no need to thank us, Sandy. If we can just make one angry old man happy, that and itself is thanks enough. The dignity of the elderly was the victor here today.
• [The old man flies above several old people at Shady Shoals Resting Home.]
• Angry Old Timer: [laughs] Look out my dears below! Take a ride on the love copter!
• [Squidward, who is still naked, runs past Shady Shoals Resting Home.]
• Squidward: The Martians are coming! Run for your lives! You're next! YOU'RE NEXT!