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Encyclopedia SpongeBobia

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "The SpongeBob Musical: Live on Stage!" from season 12, which aired on December 7, 2019.

Pre-Show[]

  • [The Nickelodeon logo appears in front of Bikini Atoll. The camera pans below the water, where the Reef Cinema is showing a film called "The SpongeBob Musical."]
  • French Narrator: Ah, the theater. A magical place for all to enjoy, so long as we follow a few simple rules.
  • Squidward: [hums and walks into the theater then sees an open seat] Oh! Ah.
  • SpongeBob: Oh, hi, Squidward!
  • Squidward: Grr...
  • French Narrator: In case of emergency, always take a moment to locate your nearest exit...
  • [Patrick slams the exit door on an usher.]
  • French Narrator: And try to find your seat before the show begins.
  • Patrick: Excuse me! [sits near Squidward]
  • Squidward: Huh? [grumbles angrily]
  • French Narrator: Please do not disrupt the show for others. This means no gum chewing.
  • [Patrick loudly chews gum and blows a bubble in Squidward's face.]
  • French Narrator: No bouncing.
  • [SpongeBob bounces up and down on his seat, annoying Squidward.]
  • French Narrator: No armrest hogging.
  • [Patrick hogs the armrest, intruding on Squidward's space.]
  • French Narrator: No jellyfishing.
  • [A jellyfish swims by. SpongeBob catches it and Squidward in his jellyfishing net. It zaps Squidward, and he screams.]
  • SpongeBob: Whoops! Sorry!
  • French Narrator: No hamboning.
  • Patrick: Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh! [slaps his knees and chest]
  • French Narrator: No gargling.
  • SpongeBob: [loudly gargles in front of Squidward]
  • French Narrator: No play fighting.
  • [SpongeBob and Patrick play-fight with each other.]
  • Squidward: Sit down and stop ruining my night off!
  • [A larger, muscular usher grabs Squidward and clenches his head very tightly.]
  • French Narrator: And of course, no talking.
  • [The usher takes Squidward out of the theater. SpongeBob and Patrick shrug.]
  • SpongeBob: Enjoy the musical, Patrick!
  • Patrick: Shh! No talking!

Act I[]

  • [The musical begins with the logo of the musical being shown; afterwards, the camera closes in towards models of Patrick’s rock, Squidward’s Easter Island house, and SpongeBob’s pineapple.]
  • French Narrator: Ahh.. bonjour, salut, and welcome to this quiet corner of the ocean floor, teeming with all the many kinds of undersea life. It is here we find the sub-marine habitat known as… [ensemble members lift up platform showing Patrick’s rock, Squidward’s Easter Island house, and SpongeBob’s pineapple] Bikini Bottom. Let us observe now as the sun rises on a new nautical day. Here, we see an ordinary cluster of kelp. [ensemble member points at kelp] And here… [ensemble member runs toward coral and points at it] a common clumping of coral. And here… [ensemble member runs toward SpongeBob’s pineapple and points at it] a pineapple! This fruit is home to one of the most fascinating sea creatures of all. Aplysina fistularis — the yellow sponge!
  • [SpongeBob's foghorn alarm clock is heard, and SpongeBob is then seen on the stage while propsmen flip background revealing his house, indoors. Audience cheers and applauds.]
  • SpongeBob: [stretches] Good morning, world, and all who inhabit it! [gets up] ♪ Jump out of bed, mix up a breakfast for my fav’rite pet snail! ♪
  • Gary: [enters the stage on a skateboard] Meow!
  • SpongeBob: [tends to Gary] ♪ Full steam ahead; the S.S. I Am Ready is about to set sail! ♪ [salutes] ♪ This kind of day couldn't get much better but it keeps on trying ♪ [dances, then laughs] ♪ Somewhere there's a Krabby Patty that needs frying! ♪ [grabs spatula, flips an imaginary Krabby Patty into the air and then eats it; then proceeds to hand spatula to orchestra conductor] ♪ Who's the lucky sponge in the mirror who is living his dream? ♪ [his hand stretches all the way across his home while holding a toothbrush] ♪ Who's always extra careful with his dental hygiene? [retracts hand] ♪ Gary, it's me! ♪ [proceeds to brush Gary’s eyes with the toothbrush] ♪ Happy just to be here ♪ [hands toothbrush over to orchestra conductor while a Bikini Bottomite steps in] ♪ in the world-renowned Bikini Bottom! ♪ [waves hi to the Bikini Bottomite who tags Gary along with her as she exits the stage] ♪ How I love this town, Bikini Bottom ♪ [background changes very quickly, revealing Patrick’s rock and Squidward’s house along with SpongeBob’s pineapple] ♪ When the sun shines down on a beautiful Bikini Bottom day! ♪ [SpongeBob exits from his house and Patrick tumbles onto the stage while props men flip background revealing his rock, indoors]
  • [Audience cheers while Patrick stretches and yawns.]
  • SpongeBob: [waves at Patrick] Good morning, Patrick!
  • Patrick: Is it morning already?
  • SpongeBob: Yep, and I’m singing an opening number!
  • Patrick: Ooh, I want a verse! I want a verse! ♪ I missed a snack; this busy schedule makes it hard to be me ♪ [tries to dance while seated, then grabs remote control from behind his back] ♪ To stay on track, now I’ll have to eat it while I’m watching TV ♪ [changes channels with the remote control while foley artist is seen doing the audio effects] ♪ There might not be time for a nap but I'll do what I can; they're showing all the episodes of — ♪
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: ♪ "Mermaid Man"! ♪
  • Patrick: ♪ Every single one! I'm spending all day underneath my favorite rock ♪ [hovers remote control over his head like a rainbow as three back-up singers appear while holding rocks]
  • Back-up singers: ♪ Favorite rock ♪
  • SpongeBob: ♪ Bikini Bottom! ♪
  • Patrick: ♪ Now what rhymes with rock? ♪
  • Back-up singers: ♪ Rhymes with rock ♪
  • SpongeBob: ♪ Bikini Bottom! ♪
  • Patrick: ♪ Nothing rhymes with rock! It's a typical Bikini Bottom day… ♪
  • [Back-up singers throw rocks off the stage and shattering glass is heard.]
  • SpongeBob: No, Patrick, it's a beautiful day. And a lot of things rhyme with rock.
  • Patrick: I don't think so.
  • SpongeBob: Sure. Clock, smock, electroshock...
  • Patrick: Oooh!
  • SpongeBob: Pop n’lock!
  • [Back-up dancers appear and join SpongeBob in a dance break while Patrick beatboxes.]
  • Squidward: [from inside his house] Would you two please keep it down?
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: Good morning, Squidward!
  • Squidward: [walks toward the middle of SpongeBob and Patrick, and the audience cheers and applauds] Another day, another migraine. [SpongeBob and Patrick walk closer towards Squidward, but Squidward halts them and they both freeze] ♪ When I want some quiet, there's nowhere to go; A sensitive artiste can't get a moment's peace with these two ♪ [Bikini Bottomites appear and dance with Squidward] ♪ idiots in stereo, they never go away ♪ [Bikini Bottomites disperse, leaving SpongeBob, Squidward, and Patrick alone] ♪ a typical Bikini Bottom day… ♪ [puts hands grumpily on his waist; SpongeBob and Patrick unfreeze themselves]
  • SpongeBob: It's a great day, Squidward. In fact, I'd say this could be the best day ever!
  • Squidward: You say that every day.
  • SpongeBob: And it’s always true! [waves goodbye to Patrick] Bye, Patrick! [Patrick waves goodbye; SpongeBob locks arms at Squidward and smiles at him] I’ll see you at work, Squidward.
  • Squidward: What have I done to deserve this?
  • [Patrick and Squidward walk away while SpongeBob walks toward Sandy’s treedome.]
  • French Narrator: We now follow SpongeBob past the treedome; home to a creature seldom seen here on the ocean floor: a squirrel [an image of a squirrel is shown] from Texas. [a cowboy hat is placed on top of squirrel’s head; and a title card showing “the Treedome” is shown] This is Sandy Cheeks, the scientist, hard at work on her latest invention.
  • [An explosion reveals Sandy with a jetpack beside her.]
  • SpongeBob: Hiya, Sandy! [the audience cheers]
  • Sandy: Howdy, SpongeBob! ♪ Gee golly, that was close; it’s just a little smoke, a minor setback! ♪
  • [Back-up singers wearing cowboy hats walk in.]
  • Back-up singers: ♪ Setback! ♪
  • Sandy: ♪ A few more hours at most ♪ [wears jetpack behind her] ♪ and I'll be done with this here brand-new jetpack... ♪
  • Back-up singers: ♪ Jetpack! ♪
  • Sandy: ♪ And then this Texas squirrel, this country girl will spread her wings and fly ♪ [points at her tail] ♪ My bushy tail’s a comet’s trail, clear across the sky! Above the town and looking down on a typical Bikini Bottom day… Hey! ♪
  • [Rumbling is heard while the ground shakes, and the shaking ultimately stops.]
  • Sandy: What in chicken-fried tarnation was that?
  • SpongeBob: I don’t know. But I kinda liked it. [audience laughs]
  • Sandy: ‘Scuse me, SpongeBob. I’m gonna go power up the ol’ seis-o-mograph.
  • SpongeBob: I’m off to work too, at the greatest restaurant there is!
  • [Sandy heads back into her treedome, and now both the Krusty Krab and the Chum Bucket are seen at opposite ends of the stage.]
  • French Narrator: Ah. yes, the Krusty Krab, Bikini Bottom’s most popular dining establishment, home to the Krabby Patty. [a Krabby Patty is shown] Owned and operated by Mr. Eugene Krabs. [Mr. Krabs appears] And across town, the least popular restaurant -- the Chum Bucket, run by Sheldon J. Plankton. [a puppet of the animated Plankton appears on top of the Chum Bucket] Two arch-nemeses locked in a fast food Cold War.
  • Mr. Krabs: ♪ Winds from the west, everywhere you look the skies are clear and sunny ♪ [shuffles] ♪ Good weather's best when you’re in the mood to make a ton of money! ♪ [laughs, then freezes]
  • Plankton: [puppet is seen using a telescope towards the Krusty Krab] ♪ Laugh while you can, until the day you laugh no more, forever, forever! ♪ [Plankton enters the stage with Karen who is holding a real-life version of the animated Karen’s mobile form] ♪ I've got a plan, and I went to college so you know it's clever… ♪
  • Karen: With you, there’s always another plan.
  • Plankton: Quiet, computer wife! [manipulates puppet in front of him] This time, it’ll work! I’ll make everyone love my Chum Burgers through the power of hypnosis. [makes puppet jump] It’s almost too easy. [sticks a “Beginner’s Guide to Hypnosis” onto the puppet; Karen hovers a magnifying glass in front of the puppet for the audience to see] Soon they’ll all see; I may be small, but my genius is immense!
  • Karen: [takes magnifying glasses away] Come on, Sheldon. It’d take forever to hypnotize this whole town.
  • Plankton: You used to enjoy my evil schemes…
  • Karen: What can I say? After twenty years of marriage, the magic’s gone. [Karen’s real-life mobile form shows a frown; Plankton groans]
  • Mr. Krabs: ♪ They say that money doesn't matter when you love your work. Ha! Who would say that? Probably some penniless jerk! ♪
  • Plankton: ♪ Soon the day will come when they'll all love chum! ♪ [lets go of the puppet] It's just a matter of time! ♪
  • Mr. Krabs: ♪ Bikini Bottom ♪
  • Plankton: ♪ Till I get them in line! ♪
  • Mr. Krabs: ♪ Bikini Bottom ♪
  • Plankton: ♪ And this town is all mine! ♪
  • Plankton and Mr. Krabs: ♪ Just a typical Bikini Bottom day... ♪
  • [SpongeBob walks toward the stage, coming from an area near the audience.]
  • SpongeBob: [waves at the Mayor] Good morning, Ms. Mayor!
  • Mayor: [walks toward SpongeBob while browsing through her phone] Oh, pipe down, I'm governing here!
  • SpongeBob: [whistles; then greets and waves at Mrs. Puff from behind her] Good morning, Mrs. Puff!
  • Mrs. Puff: [screams after getting jumpscared] SpongeBob, please, I almost spilled my kelp-accino.
  • SpongeBob: [waves at Larry the Lobster] Hiya, Larry the Lobster!
  • Larry the Lobster: [walks in holding a barbell while groaning] Watch where you’re going, puny dude! [lifts barbell] I’m getting these claws swole! [SpongeBob blows on his biceps to inflate it]
  • SpongeBob: Hi, Old Man Jenkins! [Old Man Jenkins walks in and SpongeBob hollers at him] Hellooo!
  • Old Man Jenkins: Get off my lawn!
  • SpongeBob: [jumps off of the lawn and points happily at it] Hello, lawn! [gasps] Hello, street! [waves at orchestra conductor] Greetings, Maestro! [waves at foley artist] Hello, guy making all the sounds! [foley artist makes noises and SpongeBob dances to them, then proceeds to wave at the camera] Hello, everyone at home! [looks at the sky] Hello, sky! [waves at the flowers] Hello, flowers! Hello, Bikini Bottom!
  • [The background changes and reveals Bikini Bottom and its residents, dancing all around the stage.]
  • Everyone: ♪ On my way! Hey! The pulse is pumping and the traffic's fin to fin! What a day, hey! Looks like the weather is the best it's ever been! ♪
  • SpongeBob: [sits on a beach ball while wearing shades and sunbathing] ♪ We've got the best sun ever! ♪
  • Everyone: ♪ Sunny weather, sunny weather! ♪ [continues to dance around] ♪ In the flow, whoa! Swim with the current ‘til it carries you along! ♪ [SpongeBob is seen jumpscaring Squidward, and Squidward screams] ♪ Here we go, whoa! Another busy day where nothing will go wrong! ♪ [everyone stops walking around and begins dancing around as one] ♪ I will always vow and pledge allegiance to this town that I hold dear, for all are welcome here! Bikini Bottom blue, yes, I'll stay true ♪
  • Female Bikini Bottomites: ♪ To the Bikini Bottom way ♪
  • Male Bikini Bottomites: ♪ Bikini Bottom way ♪
  • Female Bikini Bottomites: ♪ Bikini Bottom way ♪
  • Male Bikini Bottomites: ♪ Bikini Bottom way ♪
  • Female Bikini Bottomites: ♪ Bikini Bottom way ♪
  • Male Bikini Bottomites: ♪ Bikini Bottom way ♪
  • Female Bikini Bottomites: ♪ Bikini Bottom way ♪
  • Male Bikini Bottomites: ♪ Bikini Bottom way ♪
  • [Bikini Bottomites gather together centerstage]
  • Bikini Bottomites: ♪ Bikini Bottom, Bikini Bottom, Bikini Bottom way! ♪
  • SpongeBob: ♪ It's the best day ever! ♪
  • Everyone: ♪ Ahh... Hey! Hey! ♪
  • [SpongeBob and Sandy lead dancing while the rest of the Bikini Bottomites watch.]
  • Everyone: ♪ In the world-renowned Bikini Bottom, our own home town ♪ [everyone gathers together once again] ♪ And the sun shines down, the sun shines down, the sun shines down, the sun shines down… ♪ [everyone slowly marches toward centerstage] ♪ It's a typical... ♪ [stops]
  • SpongeBob: ♪ Incredible! ♪
  • Bikini Bottomites: [marches again, then stops] ♪ A regular... ♪
  • SpongeBob: ♪ Exceptional! ♪
  • Bikini Bottomites: [marches again, then stops as they gather centerstage] ♪ An ordinary... ♪
  • SpongeBob: ♪ Extraordinary! ♪
  • Bikini Bottomites: ♪ Bikini Bottom… ♪ Hey! Bikini Bottom, Bikini Bottom day! ♪
  • [Audience cheers and applauds while Bikini Bottomites scurry along and SpongeBob heads towards the Krusty Krab.]
  • SpongeBob: I can't wait for another fine day at the finest eating establishment ever established... [Squidward hands him his spatula] for eating!
  • Squidward: [seen at the cashier station] And here I thought it was a third-rate greasepot...
  • SpongeBob: [pokes Squidward with his spatula] The finest third-rate greasepot [tucks spatula into his left arm] where I am proud to be Fry Cook of the Month.
  • Squidward: You're the only fry cook! [steps out of the cashier station] Well, I, for one, have my sights set far beyond this place. I've been developing a one-man show starring an as-yet-undiscovered young, handsome… [shows off his tentacles] and very leggy talent. I call it… [drumroll] Tentacle Spectacle, the Musical. [a Playbill parody, called a Playgill, is shown, bearing the title Tentacle Spectacle the Musical] My mother… [sends a flying kiss to the skies] she always said I belonged on the stage. [raises arms like a showman]
  • Mr. Krabs: You'd make a great tree. [walks in] Now look sharp, boys, my precious whale daughter is here. Pearl!
  • [Pearl walks in, causing the Krusty Krab to shake violently]
  • Mr. Krabs: Soak it in, me darlin' daughter. One day, all this'll be yours. As soon as you graduate high school, I'll start you as manager.
  • Pearl: But Dad! I have my own dreams.
  • Mr. Krabs: Like what? Listenin' to that boy band fourteen hours a day?
  • Pearl: They're called the Electric Skates. [twirls and steps aside, causing the Krusty Krab to shake violently again]
  • SpongeBob: [walks toward Mr. Krabs] Uh, Mr. Krabs? If she doesn't want to be manager, I know someone who would be great for the job.
  • Mr. Krabs: You? [laughs and sets SpongeBob aside] A fry cook is all you'll ever be. You're just a simple sponge, boy. And yet, you don't seem to absorb very much. [laughs more heartily]
  • [Bikini Bottomites walk into the Krusty Krab and chime into Mr. Krabs’s laughter, then the scene freezes with SpongeBob in the middle]
  • SpongeBob: ♪ Why can't they see? I wore my good shoes and I've got my tie on; maybe it's me, am I just a simple sponge you can't rely on? All I want is someone to notice who I am? Do you have make me say it out loud? ♪ [sings toward a frozen Mr. Krabs] ♪ Come on, Mr. Krabs, this is more than just a job, let me show you, let me make you proud! I've been waiting patiently to be the sponge I'm meant to be! Why won't anyone believe in me? ♪ [the ground shakes] Eeeeee — ♪ [the ground shakes again; then SpongeBob sings in an operatic voice] ♪ Eeeee — ♪ [the ground shakes again, a bit more violently, then stops]
  • Squidward: Um... is that something we should worry about?
  • SpongeBob: Nah.
  • [Bikini Bottomites compose themselves after the tremors, and Perch Perkins walks in to bring news while a TV screen hovers above them]
  • Perch Perkins: Breaking news! That is something we should worry about! [Bikini Bottomites whisper among themselves] After today's second, unexplained tremor, smoke has been sighted at the top of Mount Humongous... [Bikini Bottomites look toward the TV screen which shows Mt. Humongous] the long-slumbering volcano of dooooom!
  • [Bikini Bottomites are horrified. SpongeBob is then seen pacing his eyes back and forth until he stops himself, and it goes into a commercial break. Afterwards, the Bikini Bottomites continue watching Perch Perkins deliver the news.]
  • Perch Perkins: Impending disaster: a special bulletin. We've just learned that Bikini Bottom is under threat from a terrifying volcano of doom; and now, a live statement from the mayor of our town.
  • [Everyone looks at the mayor.]
  • Mayor: Ladies and gentlefish, if this mountain erupts, orange rivers of steaming lava will obliterate all we know and love! [Bikini Bottomites gasp in fear, but the Mayor tries to calm them down] Don't worry, your government has everything under control. I'm starting an initiative to assemble a committee to identify a strategy to evaluate the situation. In the meantime, all citizens must report home and remain indoors. The threat level is now [crosses arms across her chest] Code Orange.
  • [Bikini Bottomites scramble away in fear, and SpongeBob and Squidward are left together, facing each other.]
  • SpongeBob: I don't understand why everyone is so worried. Sure, that volcano might destroy everything. But on the other hand, it might... not.
  • Squidward: When are you gonna learn, SpongeBob? The world is a horrible place filled with fear, suffering and despair. [proceeds to count with his hand] Also dashed hopes, shattered dreams, broken promises, and abject misery.
  • SpongeBob: [holds Squidward’s hand] But it's our horrible place... [shakes Squidward's hand back and forth while they hold hands] with the best abject misery there is!
  • [Squidward is both surprised and disgusted to see SpongeBob holding his hand. He lets go and walks away.]
  • SpongeBob: They'll see, everything is under control. Right?
  • Perch Perkins: [walks toward SpongeBob with a massive TV screen behind them] ♪ No fish knows the future, not a single shark or sole; it's all deranged, no control... ♪
  • SpongeBob: [grabs microphone from Perch Perkins] Don't you think you're being a little negative?
  • [Bikini Bottomites walk in, joining in the song]
  • Perch Perkins: ♪ The town is under curfew, the fish-police are on patrol; it's all deranged, no control... ♪
  • Bikini Bottomites: ♪ No control! ♪ [Bikini Bottomites disperse]
  • Squidward: [seen inside his house] ♪ Stuck here at home, but I'm not upset! An evening alone with my clarinet! [plays clarinet badly]
  • Patrick: [seen inside his house] ♪ This could take a while, so I should relax, but the stores are all closed and I'm — ♪
  • Bikini Bottomites: [walk in] ♪ Out of snacks! No control! ♪
  • SpongeBob: [walks in] ♪ La la la la la la la la... ♪
  • Sandy: [stops SpongeBob] SpongeBob, what are you doing out of your pineapple? Everyone's supposed to be inside!
  • SpongeBob: It's going to be fine, Sandy. The Mayor said she'll handle it. And everyone knows, you can always trust the government. [walks away, but Sandy stops him again]
  • Sandy: [hands SpongeBob the calculations she made on paper, and SpongeBob is gradually having a difficult time handling the weight of Sandy’s calculations] Well... I've got news hot off the griddle. I did some calculations, and that volcano is gonna erupt, as sure as a rhinestone cowboy at a disco rodeo. I figured out when, too. It's gonna happen at sundown... tomorrow! [calculations land on SpongeBob’s foot]
  • SpongeBob: OK, Sandy, but I don't think —
  • Sandy: [clutches SpongeBob] I'm serious as a guacamole shortage at a taco party!
  • [A projector is wheeled in to show diagram of Sandy’s calculations.]
  • Sandy: I determined the timeline through analysis of… [the projector shows different tables and charts] seismic activity, gas emissions, geomagnetic and gravimetric changes. Over the next [the projector shows a drawing of a clock with spinning hands] 36 hours… [the projector shows a drawing of Mt. Humongous with lava building up in its base] tremors will increase and [the projector shows a drawing of falling boulders from the volcano] boulders will fall, eventually leading to a [the projector shows a drawing of a massive volcanic eruption] cataclysmic eruption which will [the projector shows a drawing of Conch Street] completely destroy Bikini [the projector shows a close-up drawing of a sunbathing woman on Conch Street] Bottom! [the projector shows a close-up drawing of the woman’s butt; the audience laughs while SpongeBob stares at it, then Sandy abruptly ends her presentation] The end… [gong sounds, showing the words “The End” on the projector] is nigh!
  • SpongeBob: The end-end?
  • Sandy: ♪ The science is clear, I'm afraid it's true; the end's really here, there's nothing we can do… And if I read these numbers right, our time is up tomorrow night! ♪
  • SpongeBob: Tomorrow?
  • Bikini Bottomites: ♪ Tomorrow night! ♪
  • SpongeBob: [screaming] No-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o! ♪ No control! ♪
  • Bikini Bottomites: ♪ The end is coming! ♪
  • SpongeBob: ♪ We have no control! ♪ [slowly dissolves into the crowd of Bikini Bottomites]
  • Bikini Bottomites: ♪ The end is coming! ♪
  • SpongeBob: ♪ No control! ♪
  • Bikini Bottomites: ♪ The end is coming! The end is coming! The end is coming! The end is coming! The end is coming... ♪
  • [Bikini Bottomites look at clock ticking overhead.]
  • Bikini Bottomites: [screaming]
  • [The clock continues ticking.]
  • Bikini Bottomites: [screaming]
  • [The Bikini Bottomites’ screams are drowned by Patrick’s own screams as they scramble away. SpongeBob rushes to him to calm him down.]
  • SpongeBob: Patrick! Patrick! Patrick! Patrick! Patrick! Patrick! Patrick! Patrick! Patrick! Patrick! [plugs a cork into Patrick’s mouth to stop the screaming] You have to pull yourself together! [takes cork out of Patrick’s mouth and throws it away] Breathe in and out. Eyes here. Eyes —
  • Patrick: But you don’t understand! I'm stuck inside and I can't watch any of my shows, because there's nothing on TV but this… [turns TV on with remote control]
  • TV announcer: [from the TV] The end is coming… The end is —
  • SpongeBob: [turns TV off] I get it, buddy. I get stressed out too sometimes. Like when Mr. Krabs says I'm not manager material.
  • Patrick: Manager material? You mean like polyester? [the audience laughs]
  • SpongeBob: He says I'll never be more than a fry cook.
  • Patrick: What? [scoffs] You just want some respect. I get that. I got a lot of great ideas, but no one ever pays attention —
  • SpongeBob: We're getting off topic, Patrick. The point is, we're gonna get through this emergency together. We don't need television, as long as we have… IMAGINATION!
  • Patrick: … ice cream — imagination. [the audience laughs again]
  • SpongeBob: Right. Because we’re B-F-F.
  • Patrick: B-F-F. Bffffffff!
  • SpongeBob: Best Friends Forever.
  • Patrick: [tries to seem like he understands] … I still don’t get it.
  • SpongeBob: ♪ I got you, and you got me; I don't need my glasses on to see we're both pretty lucky ♪ [SpongeBob hands remote control to musical conductor] ♪ Stuck inside with no TV… ♪ [Patrick tries to take remote control back but SpongeBob stops him] Nope! ♪ Still I'm stuck with you so I'm as happy as can be! ♪ [SpongeBob taps at Patrick’s shoulder] ♪ Let's have some fun together! ♪ [SpongeBob and Patrick switch places as Patrick tries to find out who tapped his shoulder] ♪ We'll be best friends forever! ♪ [writes B-F-F in the air] ♪ B-F-F, that stands for us! ♪
  • Patrick: There's nothing as fun as mindless entertainment, SpongeBob.
  • SpongeBob: [runs into Patrick’s arms] Ehh! ♪ Maybe so, but all I know is right here, we've got all we need ♪ [sits on the couch and motions to do the same. Patrick sits down beside SpongeBob] ♪ to make today pretty special! Let’s explore! ♪ [runs toward Patrick’s drawers] ♪ open every draw’r! ♪ [finds a piece of cheese]
  • Patrick: ♪ Hey, you’ve found my long-lost cheese! ♪
  • SpongeBob: [throws the cheese at Patrick] ♪ That’s what friends are for! ♪ [Patrick throws cheese at the musical conductor] ♪ Let’s have some fun together! ♪
  • Patrick: ♪ You're my best friend forever! ♪
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: [write B-F-F in the air] ♪ B-F-F, that stands for ♪ [dances] We’re best friends and this is the friend dance; we’re best friends and this is the friend dance; we’re best friends and this is the friend dance; we’re best friends and — ♪ Every little thing that I can think of doing just sounds better, doing it together; every little thing that I can think of doing just sounds better, doing it together, doing it with you! ♪ [both sit down on the sofa]
  • SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick, check this out. [SpongeBob stretches Patrick’s sofa all the way across the room and sits down at one end] The Incredible Stretching Sofa!
  • Patrick: [stretches the other end of the sofa to the other end of the room] It’s alive! [lets go of the sofa] It got away... [sofa snaps back to SpongeBob’s end, SpongeBob is blasted off the sofa] Are you okay, SpongeBob?
  • SpongeBob: [gets up, although a bit dizzy] Sure! What's a minor concussion between friends?
  • Patrick: Oh, I have an idea… [stretches sofa out into a circle, making it look like a bathtub]
  • SpongeBob: I love me some bubbles in my bath.
  • Patrick: I love me some bubbles anywhere.
  • SpongeBob: [takes the sofa with Patrick and forms a dome with it] OK, since you're so into bubbles, I'm gonna make you the biggest, baddest bubble ever! [giant bubble emerges] ♪ Floating high like a bubble in the sky; feeling good just like I should, and you're the reason why! Let's have some fun together! ♪
  • Patrick: ♪ We'll be best friends forever! ♪
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: '[write B-F-F in the air] ♪ B-F-F, that stands for us! This can’t get any better ♪ [the letters B, F, F come in and dance around] ♪ You're my best friend forever! B-F-F, that stands for us! B-F-F, that stands for us! B-F-F, that stands for… ♪ [the letters realize they’re not in the right order and correct themselves; the audience laughs] … SpongeBob and Patrick! ♪ That stands for us! Whoa! ♪
  • [Audience applauds.]
  • French Narrator: Will SpongeBob and Bikini Bottom survive? Can the power of BFF save the day? Find out when “SpongeBob the Musical: Live on Stage” continues.
  • [Audience cheers and applauds, then goes into commercial break; afterwards, wailing sirens are heard.]
  • Mayor: All citizens report to the town square!
  • [Bikini Bottomites gather in front of the mayor.]
  • Mayor: Ladies and gentlefish, we only have until sundown tomorrow. But I will lead us through this crisis by setting meetings to encourage dialogue about drafting proposals for eventual action.
  • Squidward: So… we’re doomed.
  • Sardines: I'm scared! We need someone to save us!
  • Old Man Jenkins: We need to find whoever's to blame for all this.
  • Mayor: Does anyone have an actual plan to propose?
  • Patrick: Ooh, ooh, I do! [raises hand enthusiastically] Call me! Me, me, me, me!
  • Mayor: Yes, enthusiastic sea star?
  • Patrick: If we all close our eyes, maybe nothing will happen.
  • Sardines: So… deep! [gasp in amazement and walk away excitedly]
  • Squidward: No, it's not! It's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
  • Patrick: Hooray! Wait...
  • Sandy: I've got it! We can find a way to halt the exponential increase of pyroclastic flow in the subterranean magma chamber.
  • SpongeBob: Yeah, what she said! [goes beside Sandy] La-la-la-laaa! [pauses] What did she say?
  • Sandy: [chuckles] Science, y'all. That's the answer!
  • [Time freezes except for Plankton and Karen.]
  • Plankton: I have a new scheme, Karen, my best one yet. But for it to work, I need them to stay scared.
  • Karen: What are you talking about? The end is coming! This is no time for one of your schemes.
  • Plankton: Oh, yes, it is. What you said was true; it would take too long to hypnotize each of them into loving my chum burgers. But when fish are scared, they school together. If I get them all in one place, trapped where there's nowhere to run, I can hypnotize them in bulk. First, though, I need to shut down that squirrel. Ahem! [unfreezes time] Excuse me.
  • Mayor: Yes? Speak up, tiny citizen.
  • Plankton: [grumbles in anger while Bikini Bottomites chuckle] Do any of you actually believe that science can save us?
  • Bikini Bottomites: Of course, we do. [agree among themselves]
  • Plankton: Oh, come on! Next she'll tell us tidal warming is real.
  • Sandy: I've been studyin' Bikini Bottom for years now. If you'd just trust me...
  • Plankton: Why should we trust you? You're not even from here.
  • Old Man Jenkins: Yeah, you're a land mammal.
  • Sandy: Since when does that matter?
  • Old Man Jenkins: Things are different now. Our town is under attack.
  • Plankton: You know what they say, folks: when the going gets tough...
  • Random Bikini Bottomite: The tough… [twirls around and ends with a flourish] ...get going!
  • [Bikini Bottomites applaud.]
  • Plankton: No! The tough get lost.
  • Bikini Bottomites: [look at each other in disbelief] What?
  • Random Bikini Bottomite: Dude, that is not the saying.
  • [Plankton freezes time again.]
  • Plankton: I need to sell them on my plan, Karen, but it won't be easy. I'm going to need to do it in song. Gimme some music, please, Karen.
  • Karen: [sings in a hillbilly style] ♪ Ba-dum-dum, hey-diddy, ho-diddy, hey-ha — ♪
  • Plankton: No! That won't win over anyone.
  • Karen: [scat singing] ♪ Skatta, de-booby-de-doo, booby-de-pow! ♪ [ends with a split]
  • [Audience applauds.]
  • Plankton: A for effort, but no. I need something with mass appeal. Give me a beat, Karen… A hip-hop beat.
  • Karen: Come on, Sheldon. You couldn't rap if your life depended on it.
  • Plankton: Oh, yeah? Watch. [unfreezes time as he begins rapping] ♪ This task force is for losers, I've got the perfect plan ♪ [dances in the middle of SpongeBob and the rest of the Bikini Bottomites] ♪ Right now, the gettin's good, so let's get out while we can! Look, lava's pretty hot, let's give in to our fear, disaster's on its way -- that means we can't spend no more time in hear. You all know who I am, evil genius, giant brain, you can't stop a volcano, I mean are you all insane. The ones who stay will all be vaporized without a doubt; before that sucker blows, we've got to get the fish out! ♪ [Bikini Bottomites step aside and Plankton dancers come in] ♪ So let's go, and be gone! So let's go, and be gone! So let's go, and be gone! So let's go, and be gone! ‘Cause when the going gets tough ♪
  • Plankton Dancers: ♪ When the going gets tough ♪
  • Plankton: ♪ That means it's time to get lost ♪
  • Plankton Dancers: ♪ It's time to get lost ♪
  • Plankton: ♪ When the going gets tough ♪
  • Plankton Dancers: ♪ When the going gets tough ♪
  • Plankton: ♪ That means it's time to get lost! So let's go and we gone, let's be gone! ♪
  • SpongeBob: ♪ Hold on, Plankton, I am simply shocked ♪ [Plankton groans] ♪ Bikini Bottom is our home, I can't believe you'd talk about just walking out; Let's figure out a way to stay today, tomorrow; I feel sorrow, I feel fear, but I'm not leaving here! Who's with me? ♪
  • [Bikini Bottomites raise their hands in agreement.]
  • Plankton: ♪ The simple sponge is talking, fascinating, do go on; the fry cook has a plan; good luck with that, ‘cause I'll be gone; you don't just wait around when you're under attack, no! ♪
  • Plankton and Plankton Dancers: ♪ Run like crazy, out the back, you got one day left, go home and pack! ♪
  • Plankton Dancers: ♪ When the going gets tough ♪
  • Plankton: ♪ That means it's time to get lost ♪
  • Plankton Dancers: ♪ It's time to get lost ♪
  • Plankton: ♪ When the going gets tough ♪
  • Plankton Dancers: ♪ When the going gets tough ♪
  • Plankton: ♪ That means it's time to get lost! So let's go and we gone... ♪
  • Bikini Bottomites: ♪ Let's be gone! ♪
  • Plankton: Of course, mass evacuation is no simple feat. We'll need to leave together in a vessel that can trap us all… I mean... fit us all!
  • [Karen is seen browsing through the evil plan.]
  • Plankton: A Giant Escape Pod!
  • [Karen lifts up the copy of the plan for all to see and takes it to the Mayor; and the Mayor browses through it.]
  • Plankton: This Pod will take us far away from here, to build a new home. We'll call it… Chumville!
  • Mr. Krabs: Hold on, tiny dancer! [Bikini Bottomites look at him] I wasn't hatched yesterday. This sounds like another one of your schemes.
  • Plankton: [Bikini Bottomites look at him] At a time like this? How could you think such a thing?
  • Mr. Krabs: [Bikini Bottomites look at him] You've got something up your sleeve.
  • Plankton: [Bikini Bottomites look at him; walks toward Mr. Krabs] I'm a one-celled organism. I don't even have sleeves.
  • Karen: [jeering] Ooohh!
  • [Bikini Bottomites join Karen in jeering Mr. Krabs; then they step aside revealing Plankton and the Plankton Dancers]
  • Plankton: Watch this, Karen! Break it down now!
  • [Plankton and the Plankton Dancers are doing a dance break, which ends up with Plankton in the middle of the Plankton Dancers and the Bikini Bottomites.]
  • Plankton: [rapping] ♪ Coming up as one of many, mom and dad had plenty more of me, and 20/20 vision, never had it so I had to be a devastating, conversating luminous communicator, hoping later every hater of this little nerdy me would pay; you never heard of me? OK, I am a giant! I don't give it up, I live it up! I'm floating in the saline, running from the balene, I'm a celebrated single cell of ciliated cerebellic genius! Ha! Ha! Ha! ♪
  • Plankton and Bikini Bottomites: ♪ 'Cause when the going gets tough ♪ (the going gets tough) ♪ that means it's time to get lost ♪ (time to get lost) ♪ When the going gets tough ♪ (when the going gets tough) ♪ that means it's time to get lost ♪ (time to get lost) ♪ let's be gone, let's be gone, so let's go! ♪
  • [Audience applauds; then the mayor is seen on an elevated platform.]
  • Mayor: [browses through Plankton's plan] Well, Plankton, it seems your plan is the will of the fish.
  • SpongeBob: No, wait!
  • Mayor: We'll order the escape pod, cash on delivery. Expedited shipping by 6:00 pm next business day, just in time to get us out before sundown tomorrow. And it only costs… [cash register sounds] Neptune’s trident?! [lets go of the plan and a Bikini Bottomite catches it] There aren't enough clams in all Bikini Bottom to pay for this!
  • SpongeBob: I guess we'll have to stay.
  • Plankton: No! We can… uh… we can raise the funds.
  • Squidward: Before sundown tomorrow? There's not a chance in kelp.
  • Larry the Lobster: Pffft! Yeah, the only way I ever give money is if a celebrity asks.
  • Pearl: That's it! We could have a benefit concert!
  • Plankton: I have an idea. We could have a benefit concert. One of those charity shell-e-thons.
  • Squidward: [runs around and the Bikini Bottomites give him more space] I have the perfect piece for the occasion! I call it: Tentacle Spectacle the Musical. Let me give you a little taste. Maestro! [starts dancing] ♪ Look out, world, ‘cause here I come — ♪
  • Larry the Lobster: [stops Squidward from dancing] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Dude! You are not a celebrity. [the audience laughs]
  • Pearl: But the Electric Skates are. We should get them to play!
  • Mayor: Who loves the Electric Skates… [Pearl raises her hand] and is old enough to vote? [Bikini Bottomites raise their hands] Ah, then the Electric Skates it shall be.
  • [Bikini Bottomites cheer.]
  • Pearl: [jumps in happiness, causing the ground to shake] I’m going to meet them!
  • Mr. Krabs: You're not meeting anyone, young lady. You are staying inside. [grabs Pearl by the hand and drags her back home with him]
  • Mayor: And don't worry, Squidward, we won't leave you out. You can be Official Concert Organizer, and cater to the band's every crazy whim and unreasonable demand.
  • Squidward: Actually, that doesn't —
  • Mayor: Start packing, everyone! It won't be long before we kiss our Bikini Bottom goodbye! [steps off of platform as Bikini Bottomites disperse]
  • SpongeBob: Oh, wait, everyone! We can't abandon our home!
  • Sandy: They've made up their minds, SpongeBob. About me, too. [sadly goes back to her treedome]
  • [SpongeBob is then left alone with Mr. Krabs.]
  • SpongeBob: We can't just give up.
  • Mr. Krabs: Let it go, boy. There's nothing you can do. I told you before, you're just a simple sponge. [dissolves into the background, his voice echoing] Simple sponge, simple sponge, simple sponge...
  • SpongeBob: ♪ Sure, I spend my days floating around, head in the bubbles and my feet on the ground; but there is more to me than just my name, give me a chance and I could change the game! And maybe one day, Mr. Krabs, you'll say ♪ [imitating Mr. Krabs’s voice] ♪ "The Krusty Krab's yours, it's your lucky day!" ♪ [back to his normal voice] ♪ That is what I've always wanted, then I can finally say I've done it! Let me have adventure, be a contender and more! ♪
  • Sponges: [start appearing in SpongeBob’s background] ♪ ‘Cause you're not a simple sponge! ♪
  • SpongeBob: ♪ I wish he'd see I'm not just the sponge-next-door! ♪
  • Sponges: ♪ No, you're not a simple sponge! ♪ [slowly form into a square]
  • SpongeBob: ♪ There's got to be a better way, a way to save this town I love; but how can I stop the end of the world? Am I just a simple sponge? ♪
  • Sponges: ♪ No, you're not a simple sponge, no, you’re not a simple sponge! ♪ [disperse and reform at both sides of SpongeBob]
  • SpongeBob: ♪ So what if I'm a sponge? It's what I want to be! ♪ [sponges form an extension of SpongeBob’s arms] ♪ There isn't anyone who stretches like me! Employee of the month, two years in a row ♪ [sponges form wood planks just like in a karate dojo] ♪ Undisputed master of my own dojo! ♪ [kicks on the wood planks] ♪ And everyone here knows that they can depend on this expert jellyfisher who's a trusted friend; I can eat a lot of ice cream, I can even play my nose like… ♪ [plays a few notes like a flute while sponges form musical notes] ♪ Let me have adventure, be a contender and more! ♪
  • Sponges: ♪ ‘Cause you're not a simple sponge! ♪
  • SpongeBob: ♪ Can't they see I'm not just the sponge-next-door? ♪
  • Sponges: [form candlelights behind SpongeBob] ♪ No, you're not a simple… ♪
  • SpongeBob: ♪ I wish that I could turn back time; I never thought my world could end, I only wanna hang out with my friends! ♪ [sponges form a snail on his left side and a star on his right] ♪ But fear, I fear, is dragging us down... ♪ [sponges disperse]
  • SpongeBob and Sponges: ♪ And now there's panic that's run amok — ♪
  • SpongeBob: ♪ In my simple town ♪
  • Sponges: ♪ No! No! No! No! ♪ [form a cape behind SpongeBob]
  • SpongeBob: ♪ No! Just give me adventure, I'm a contender and more! ♪
  • Sponges: ♪ ‘Cause you're not a simple sponge! ♪
  • SpongeBob: ♪ I will show I'm not just the sponge-next-door! ♪
  • Sponges: [some form a smiley face beside SpongeBob] ♪ No, you're not a simple sponge! ♪
  • SpongeBob: ♪ I'm gonna find a better way, a way to save the life I love! [sponges enclose him in a box] And I am gonna stop the end of the — ♪
  • Mr. Krabs: [appears in the background, while standing on an elevated platform] ♪ No! You're just a simple sponge... ♪
  • SpongeBob: [sponges slowly remove him from enclosure] I'll find a way to stop that volcano, Mr. Krabs. We can use Sandy's jetpack to get to the top. Wait... pretty sure it's only built for one.
  • Mr. Krabs: ♪ See? You are a simple sponge... ♪
  • SpongeBob: We'll have to climb it, then. With Patrick's brawn, and Sandy's brains, and my --
  • Mr. Krabs: ♪ Yes! A very simple sponge! ♪
  • SpongeBob: I'm not sure what I bring to the table, but that won't stop me. When the going gets tough, this sponge gets going! ♪ No, I'm not a simple... ♪ [sponges form rays of light around him] ♪ sponge! I am not a simple sponge!
  • Sponges: ♪ Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! ♪
  • SpongeBob: ♪ Now at last, I have found a way, a way to save this town I love! [sponges organize themselves neatly behind him] ♪ I am not a simple sponge.. ♪
  • [Audience applauds and cheers.]
  • French Narrator: Can the town be saved by a simple sponge? Find out right after the break.
  • [It goes into a commercial break; afterwards, the musical conductor is seen on stage.]
  • Musical Conductor: One, two, three, four! [leads the band by playing the kazoo, and SpongeBob cartwheels toward the Krusty Krab counter]
  • SpongeBob: Hey, Mr. Krabs! [Mr. Krabs walks away to get his safe] We're not going to have to leave Bikini Bottom after all. I'm putting together a team to save the town.
  • Mr. Krabs: [walks in, carrying his safe] Good luck with that. We're packing. [puts safe on the counter]
  • Pearl: [walks in, carrying two dresses on hangers] I can't decide which one to wear for The Electric Skates.
  • Mr. Krabs: For the last time, get it through your blowhole. [takes dresses away from Pearl and gives them to SpongeBob] You are not meeting those sting-ray degenerates.
  • [SpongeBob takes the dresses and puts them on the counter, but starts fiddling with one of them.]
  • Pearl: But Dad…
  • Mr. Krabs: You've got your priorities all wrong. We're in a crisis here, and when you're in a crisis, there's only one thing you can depend on.
  • Pearl: You mean family?
  • Mr. Krabs: No.
  • SpongeBob: [approaches Mr. Krabs while wearing one of Pearl’s dresses] Community?
  • Mr. Krabs: You’re kidding, right? ♪ When time is short and the end is near, it's important to identify what you hold dear. It's clear, Pearl, your daddy always knows best… ♪
  • Pearl: You don't understand me. I know we're not the same species, which is pretty weird now I think about it...
  • Mr. Krabs: Let me show you what counts more than all the rest. [walks toward SpongeBob, who also runs toward one side of the Krusty Krab] Close yer eyes, boy, this part's not for you. [SpongeBob covers his eyes with his hands; Mr. Krabs takes a bag of money and cash register sounds are heard] ♪ Money, money matters most! ♪ [takes another bag of money and cash register sounds are heard again] ♪ Money, money, I can boast! ♪ [somebody off-screen tosses him a bag of money and he catches it, placing it in the counter] ♪ Money, money, make a toast to ♪ [another person off-screen tosses him a bag of money; he catches it again and places it in the counter] ♪ Money! ♪ [foley artist tosses him a bag of money while SpongeBob avoids it] ♪ Money! ♪ [foley artist tosses him another bag of money, and he ends up grasping two full bags of money in his claws] ♪ Money! Ha-ha! ♪
  • Pearl: ♪ I should be my daddy's greatest prize, but instead he's got dollar signs in his eyes... Daddy, you just don't understand; all I care about is rocking out with my favorite band! ♪
  • [The Electric Skates appear behind Pearl.]
  • The Electric Skates: ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah! ♪
  • Pearl: ♪ Oh, the feeling it creates... ♪
  • The Electric Skates: ♪ Yeah, yeah! ♪
  • Pearl: ♪ When I hear the Electric Skates! ♪
  • Mr. Krabs: [shakes the bags of money, causing the coins inside them to jingle] Can you hear it, Pearl? [starts dancing around the Krusty Krab, still holding the bags of money]
  • The Electric Skates: ♪ Money money money money... ♪ [continues to sing as they slowly disappear from the background]
  • Pearl: ♪ Daddy, can you hear me? Can you hear me at all? Oh Daddy! ♪
  • Mr. Krabs: ♪ Money, money in the air! ♪
  • Pearl: ♪ Can you hear me? ♪
  • Mr. Krabs: ♪ Money, money everywhere! ♪
  • Pearl: ♪ Can you hear me? ♪
  • Mr. Krabs: [clutches the bags of money close to him] ♪ Money, money do not share! ♪
  • Pearl: ♪ Daddy! ♪ [she and Mr. Krabs switch places]
  • Mr. Krabs: ♪ Money! ♪
  • Pearl: ♪ Daddy! ♪
  • Mr. Krabs: ♪ Money! ♪
  • Pearl: ♪ Daddy! ♪
  • Mr. Krabs: ♪ Money! Ha-ha! ♪
  • Pearl: ♪ Can you hear me? ♪
  • Mr. Krabs: ♪ Money, money, I'll stay true! ♪
  • Pearl: ♪ Can you hear me? ♪
  • Mr. Krabs: ♪ Money, money, just us two! ♪
  • Pearl: ♪ Can you hear me? ♪
  • Mr. Krabs: ♪ Money, money, I love you! ♪ [dances again, but still clutching the bags of money and lifting them alternately] ♪ Money, money! ♪
  • Pearl: ♪ Daddy! ♪
  • Mr. Krabs: ♪ Money, money! ♪
  • Pearl: ♪ Daddy! ♪
  • [Mr. Krabs and Pearl's singing are now overlapping one another.]
  • Mr. Krabs: ♪ Money, money, money, money... ♪
  • Pearl: ♪ Daddy! Daddy! Daddy... Daddy! ♪
  • Mr. Krabs: [stops singing and looks at Pearl] I'm sorry, Pearl. Were you trying to say something?
  • Pearl: ♪ Daddy... ♪
  • Mr. Krabs: ♪ Money! ♪
  • [Audience cheers and applauds, and Pearl sits down sadly, away from her father.]
  • SpongeBob: [his hands are still covering his eyes] Excuse me, can I open my eyes now? [takes hands off his eyes] Oh, hey! [sees Pearl and runs to her as she’s almost crying] Oh, don't cry.
  • Mr. Krabs: Now ya see, Pearl, I'm launching a new ad campaign. "One More Krabby Patty Before The End!" [Krabby Patty mascot comes in with a cart full of Krabby Patties] Buy your Krabby Patties now, before it's too late! [Bikini Bottomites scramble toward the Krusty Krab] Come on, everybody! Get in here!
  • [Time freezes once again, except for Plankton and Karen.]
  • Plankton: [looks at the Krusty Krab through a telescope] Little does he know, the tables will soon turn. Once they're all trapped in the escape pod, they'll be easy to hypnotize. By the time we reach Chumville, everyone will love chum! Mwah-ha-ha...hah!
  • Karen: You know, I'd forgotten how much I like hearing you... gloat.
  • Plankton: Oh, Karen… [Karen gasps] it's been years since I've felt this close. Gazing into your screen right now [the ground begins to shake violently] I feel the very earth move under my feet.
  • Karen: [tries to keep her balance] Oh... Oh, it is moving!
  • [Time unfreezes for the rest of the Bikini Bottomites as they also feel the ground shaking.]
  • Perch Perkins: Breaking news! A giant boulder is rolling down from Mount Humongous! And it's headed... this... way!
  • [Bikini Bottomites panic.]
  • SpongeBob: Don't worry, I've got it!
  • [Bikini Bottomites scream and anticipate the boulder’s approach, but the shaking suddenly stops. As the shaking stops, they also stop screaming.]
  • Bikini Bottomites: Oh!
  • [The ground suddenly starts shaking again and the boulder approaches from behind the Bikini Bottomites. SpongeBob stops the boulder from hitting anyone, but he ends up being upside-down, ultimately ending up on the floor after the ground stops shaking. The Bikini Bottomites then scream in panic and disperse themselves.]
  • SpongeBob: [tries to calm everyone down, but everyone leaves except the Krabby patty mascot] No, it's gonna be – [Krabby Patty mascot encircles him, screaming] There's gonna be – If you would just – [Krabby Patty mascot continues to scream] I'm putting together a – There's gonna be – [Krabby Patty mascot stops screaming and stops running right in front of SpongeBob] If you – [Krabby Patty mascot starts screaming and runs away] I guess everyone was right. This will be the end. Unless I can stop it! I gotta get my team together! [runs toward Patrick’s rock and chants] You are not a simple sponge! You are not a simple sponge! You are not a simple sponge! You are not a simple sponge! You are not a simple sponge! [arrives inside Patrick’s rock, and sees Patrick seated, scratching his belly, with his things beside him] Get ready, Patrick! I have a plan to save the town and I need your help. Are you with me?
  • Patrick: I'm right here, hello.
  • SpongeBob: Well then… [holds out his hand towards Patrick] welcome to the team!
  • [Patrick shakes hands with SpongeBob.]
  • Sardines: [suddenly enter Patrick’s rock, and scare both Patrick and SpongeBob] Mr. Star! Mr. Star!
  • SpongeBob: Were you expecting all these sardines?
  • Patrick: Nuh-uh.
  • Sardines: [dance as they talk to Patrick] You said, "If we close our eyes, maybe nothing will happen." And we understood, it's only by shutting out the turmoil of the world that we can find salvation. Give us more wisdom, O Pink One! Eeeee!
  • Patrick: Uh… Life… smells… weird. [audience laughs]
  • Sardines: So... deep! Life smells weird! Life smells weird! [exit out of Patrick’s rock]
  • SpongeBob: What was that all about?
  • Patrick: Finally, someone understands! The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma.
  • SpongeBob: Come on, Patrick! We gotta go get Sandy on the team!
  • [SpongeBob and Patrick leave the rock to go to Sandy’s treedome, just as Perch Perkins comes in with another news report.]
  • Perch Perkins: Apocalypse: a special report. Just 28 hours left before the end. How will you spend them? [approaches Mrs. Puff, who is currently drinking at the tiki bar]
  • Mrs. Puff: [angrily grabs microphone from Perch Perkins] I'm gonna do all the living I should've done before. [gives microphone back to Perch Perkins and forcefully puts her glass down] Gimme another kelp juice, Johnny. [bartender places another glass of kelp juice at the table, and Mrs. Puff raises it] Carpe diem!
  • Bartender: [angrily puts empty glass down, surprising Mrs. Puff] Who are you calling a carp?
  • Old Man Jenkins: [drinks a smoothie while hanging out with the foley artist and the other tiki bar guests] I'm gonna find someone to blame for all this. [foley artist nods in agreement and they clink their glasses]
  • Shrimp: What about the squirrel? That whole "science" thing is pretty suspicious.
  • Foley Artist: Not only that... she has lungs!
  • Male Tiki Bar Guests: Yeah! This is a gill town! [reveal a portion of an old wall, with “Land Mammals Go Home” spray-painted on it] Land mammals go home!
  • Old Man Jenkins: We don't want her kind here. Let's blame the squirrel!
  • All Tiki Bar Guests: Blame the squirrel! Blame the squirrel! Blame the squirrel! [leave the tiki bar, leaving their anti-land mammal wall behind]
  • Sandy: [enters the tiki bar and sees the anti-land mammal wall] I thought this was my home. I guess I was wrong. [leaves the tiki bar and walks toward Jellyfish Fields]
  • French Narrator: Let us now follow Sandy as she takes refuge in Jellyfish Fields… [Sandy arrives at Jellyfish Fields, and gasps in amazement as jellyfish appear around her] one of the great wonders of the undersea world.
  • SpongeBob: [runs toward Sandy, together with Patrick] Sandy! Oh!
  • Patrick: [tries to catch his breath] Oh, we've been looking for you everywhere!
  • SpongeBob: We have a volcano to beat and we need you on the team. [points at Sandy] Brains... [points at Patrick] brawn… [Patrick flexes his biceps as SpongeBob points to himself] and though I don't have any special skills to bring to the table, I'm coming too.
  • Sandy: This town doesn't want my help, they want me gone. And I can take a hint. [tries to walk away but SpongeBob stops her]
  • SpongeBob: You can't leave. This is your home.
  • Sandy: No, it's not, SpongeBob. Let's face it, I never fit in here. Then again, I never really fit in Texas either. [goes into flashback as propsmen enter while holding squirrel props] I was always the odd rodent out. [squirrel props are held closer towards Sandy] No one knew what to make of a girl squirrel who was into science and martial arts. [takes nunchucks out and beats up the squirrel props] I've never felt at home anywhere, really. [propsmen look at each other as they show the squirrel props again] And now it's time to dig up my acorns again and push on. [throws nunchucks away and propsmen leave with the squirrel props, ending the flashback]
  • SpongeBob: Oh, that's terrible, Sandy. But please, don't leave. We need you on the team. ♪ If the world is gonna end tomorrow, wallowing in sorrow isn't where I want to be; ‘cause there isn't a catastrophe… ♪
  • Sandy: Uh… hello?
  • SpongeBob: ♪ That could ever measure up to me; Sandy, just try it and see! Come on! ♪
  • Sandy: Try what?
  • SpongeBob: ♪ Hero is my middle name! ♪ Ooh, Patrick! [Patrick crosses his arms but SpongeBob corrects him] ♪ Fixing trouble is my game! ♪
  • Patrick: It’s a good game…
  • SpongeBob: ♪ Just give it the old know-how, there's no better time than now! ♪ [Sandy moves between SpongeBob and Patrick] ♪ Don't give up and don't give in! ♪
  • Patrick: Yeah! [SpongeBob gently pushes Sandy towards Patrick but she bounces right back] ♪ If you're thinkin' sink or swim… ♪
  • SpongeBob: ♪ The right answer's "swim"! ♪ [props Sandy’s hands on her waist with Patrick’s help] ♪ Courage is your claim to fame, when hero is your middle name! ♪ [dances]
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: ♪ And hero is our middle name! ♪ [begins dancing but Sandy stops them]
  • Sandy: That's nice, boys, but mine's Jennifer. [walks away from SpongeBob and Patrick] And no one believes my science is real.
  • SpongeBob: ♪ Your machines, they made a real prediction; it's not science fiction… ♪
  • Sandy: ♪ But no one wants to listen at all ♪ [points at the anti-mammal wall] ♪ when the writing's on that old sea wall…
  • SpongeBob: ♪ But your friends need you to heed the call! ♪ [Patrick runs toward SpongeBob and Sandy]
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: [puts one of their hands on top of each other, as if in a huddle] ♪ All for one and one for all! ♪
  • [Sandy separates SpongeBob and Patrick’s hands and walks away sadly.]
  • SpongeBob: We need you, Sandy. [Patrick happily looks toward Mount Humongous and points at it] ♪ Patrick can help us climb that volcano, but you have to handle the stopping-it-from-erupting part. Because we have no clue how, and time is running out really, really fast. But no pressure.
  • Sandy: ' Pressure! Yes! I think I have an idea. [SpongeBob and Patrick help her roll in a projector] Figure one! [projector now shows a drawing of an exploding Mount Humongous, with its magma chamber at the bottom] Diagram of a volcanic eruption, caused by rapid pressure build-up in a subterranean magma chamber. Figure two! [projector now shows a drawing of a calm Mount Humongous, without any pressure building up in its magma chambers] If this pressure is released, no eruption will occur. Ipso facto, I can design an explosive device… Figure three… [projector shows a drawing of the crater of Mount Humongous, and someone dropping an explosive device in it] to drop in the mouth of the volcano… Figure four… [projector shows a drawing of a clock with the word “erupt” printed on it] with a timer set to detonate at the precise moment of eruption... Figure five… [projector shows a drawing of a bomb exploding with bubbles] unleashing a deluge of bubbles that'll release the pressure and prevent the blast! [ends presentation]
  • Patrick: You lost me at one. [the audience laughs while SpongeBob nods in agreement]
  • Sandy: The point is, this could work. I reckon I can have this bubble device built by tomorrow morning.
  • SpongeBob: So you'll stay and help us?
  • Sandy: Boys, I'm still gonna push on from this town of yours. But you're my friends, so I say we give this idea a shot.
  • SpongeBob: [raises an arm like a superhero] Three heroes to the rescue!
  • Sandy: [raises an arm like a superhero] Team of Tres, to the top!
  • Patrick: Us, go! [raises an arm like a superhero]
  • [Sandy and SpongeBob cartwheel toward the middle; Patrick attempts to do the same but fails]
  • SpongeBob, Sandy, and Patrick: ♪ So come on! Hero is our middle name! ♪ [link arms and SpongeBob tumbles in between Patrick and Sandy] ♪ Fixin' trouble is our game! ♪
  • Sandy: [switches places with SpongeBob] ♪ I'm up and I won't back down… ♪
  • SpongeBob, Sandy, and Patrick: [pose as superheroes] ♪ And we're gonna save this town! ♪
  • Sandy: ♪ I am Sandy, hear me roar; I won't be playin' sweet no more! Courage is my claim to fame… ♪ [poses like a martial artist together with SpongeBob and Patrick] ♪ 'Cause hero is my middle name! ♪ [punches and kicks in the air]
  • SpongeBob, Sandy, and Patrick: ♪ And hero is our middle name! ♪ [SpongeBob does a kick while upside down as Patrick and Sandy point at him] ♪ Hero is our middle name! ♪ [Patrick flexes his biceps as SpongeBob and Sandy point at him] ♪ Hero is our middle name! ♪
  • [SpongeBob, Sandy, and Patrick share high-fives with each other and ends with their superhero poses; Sandy then approaches the anti-mammal wall and karate kicks it in half, the audience cheers and erupts in applause.]
  • French Narrator: Can SpongeBob and his friends be the heroes Bikini Bottom so desperately needs? Find out when we come back.
  • [It goes into a commercial break. Afterwards, Squidward is seen holding a clipboard.]
  • Squidward: Alright, I gotta get this concert organized. [walks toward one side of the stage] The drumkit will go… [points at his left] here. [drumroll; then the camera focuses on the foley artist in the background] The confetti cannon there! [points at an area near where the drums will be as well as at the foley artist; he anticipates a confetti explosion but nothing happens] Oh. [confetti explosion is heard and he looks annoyed] Oh, and posters, of course. "The Electric Skates...with very special guest: Squidward Q. Tentacles!" [gasps as audience cheers for him] Oh, I can still remember that night; my third-grade talent show. All the other fish calling me [points at random audience members] "Loser! Loser! Loser!" To this day, whenever I hear that word, something inside me just snaps. [snapping sounds are heard as he straightens his posture] But you got me through it, Mama. [sends a flying kiss to the sky] You told me someday I'd play the Bikini Bottom Bandshell. [looks at the sky] Well, before time runs out, I will prove you right! I'm a pretty squid, Mama… [shows off his tentacles] and I'm gonna show 'em what I got! [points at musical conductor] Hit it! ♪ Oh, look out, world… ♪
  • [SpongeBob, Patrick, and Sandy come in, interrupting Squidward.]
  • SpongeBob: Hey, Squidward, good news. We're going to save Bikini Bottom!
  • Plankton: [comes in with Karen] What're you talking about? Explain yourself, rhombus slacks.
  • SpongeBob: [walks toward Plankton] Sandy is going to build an ingenious bubble device to stop the volcano. [walks toward Squidward] Then all we have to do is climb to the top of Mount Humongous and drop it in.
  • Squidward: [looks at SpongeBob with disbelief and laughs at him; SpongeBob then starts to laugh too] You're kidding, right? [points at SpongeBob] Nobody has ever reached the top [points at Mount Humongous] alive.
  • [SpongeBob and Squidward both look at Mount Humongous in fear.]
  • SpongeBob: When you say nobody, do you mean that as a figure of speech or...?
  • Squidward: I mean nobody ever, period, full stop, exclamation point.
  • [SpongeBob gulps while Squidward snickers and leaves.]
  • Patrick: [walks toward SpongeBob] Don't worry, buddy, we can do it. I'll be with you the whole way, no matter what.
  • [Sandy gives SpongeBob two thumbs up, then time stops except for Plankton and Karen.]
  • Plankton: That sponge is the biggest threat to my plot. [looks at Mount Humongous as Karen walks towards the time-frozen SpongeBob] If somehow they do manage to climb that mountain…
  • Karen: We have to make sure they don't live long enough to reach the top.
  • Plankton: [points at Karen] I like how you're thinking, Karen. And you know what, I'm so glad you want to scheme with me again. [walks toward Karen and they encircle the time-frozen SpongeBob] It's just like the old days. [touches Karen’s cheek lovingly]
  • Karen: [mobile form shows a fireplace, and she celebrates] I guess it took a little apocalypse to... spice things up.
  • [Plankton and Karen leave while time unfreezes.]
  • Sandy: We got this, boys. Come tomorrow, we'll be on that mountain like a smoked sausage on a hickory grill.
  • [SpongeBob and Patrick happily rub their hands together in anticipation.]
  • Sardines: [calling out from afar] Patrick Star! Patrick Star!
  • SpongeBob: Hey, do you hear that?
  • Sardines: [chanting louder] Patrick Star! Patrick Star!
  • Patrick: Sounds familiar.
  • Sardines: [suddenly enter, wearing outfits that match Patrick] Patrick Star! Patrick Star! Patrick Star!
  • SpongeBob: It's the sardines!
  • Patrick: And they're wearing great outfits.
  • [Sardines put their hands together, as if in prayer.]
  • Male Sardine #1: ♪ I believe I found the star! ♪
  • Female Sardine #1: I believe I found the superstar! ♪
  • Sardines: ♪ We believe we found the superstar sea star who will save us all! ♪ [more sardines enter] ♪ Patrick Star! ♪
  • SpongeBob: I am sorry to interrupt, but we have some very urgent business to…
  • Male Sardine #2: ♪ We've been hoping, we've been searching everywhere ♪
  • Female Sardine #2: ♪ And we finally found the answer to our prayer! ♪
  • Female Sardine #1: ♪ He said we should close our eyes… ♪
  • Sardines: ♪ Which made us realize that Patrick is the one who will save us from our demise! ♪ [dances toward Patrick, who eventually ends up in front of them]
  • Male Sardine #2: ♪ So give it up! ♪
  • Sardines: ♪ Give it up! ♪
  • Male Sardine #2: ♪ Raise the sound! ♪
  • Sardines: ♪ Tell everyone! ♪
  • Female Sardine #3: ♪ For we have found our shining star! ♪
  • Sardines: ♪ Yes he is, oh, yeah! Super sea star savior, Patrick Star! ♪
  • Patrick: Guys, I think they're singing about me!
  • Sandy: We hadn't noticed. Come on, we have a mission here.
  • [Sandy and SpongeBob start running toward Mount Humongous while sardines gather around Patrick.]
  • Patrick: ♪ This is weird, you guys, but I like having all you around ♪
  • Sardines: How profound! ♪
  • Patrick: [waves at SpongeBob and Sandy, who encourage him to go with them] ♪ Hey, look at all the new friends that I have found! ♪
  • Sardines: ♪ We’ve been found! We’ve been found! Oh! ♪
  • Patrick: [shimmies] ♪ And give it up! ♪
  • Sardines: [imitate Patrick] ♪ Give it up! ♪
  • Patrick: ♪ Raise the sound! ♪ [kicks the air and raises his arm]
  • Sardines: ♪ Raise the sound! ♪ [kick the air and raise their arms]
  • Patrick: ♪ Tell everyone ♪
  • Sardines: ♪ Tell everyone to gather around! ♪ [stretches their arms toward Patrick and puts their hands together]
  • Patrick: ♪ For I might be your shining star! ♪ [a female sardine offers him a pink hat and he takes it]
  • Sardines: ♪ Super sea star savior… ♪
  • Patrick: [wears hat] ♪ Me! Patrick Star! ♪
  • Female Sardine #3: ♪ Oh! Patrick Star! ♪
  • [SpongeBob and Sandy encourage Patrick to join them.]
  • Female Sardine #1: ♪ Oh, yeah! ♪
  • [Sardines gather behind Patrick, holding cards bearing a picture of Patrick’s animated eyes.]
  • Patrick: [marches toward SpongeBob and Sandy who back away from him] ♪ As your leader, I will complete ya; glad someone’s following me ♪
  • Sardines: [marches behind Patrick] ♪ For a change! ♪
  • Patrick: ♪ Now where we’ll go... ♪ [Patrick pauses] I don’t know… ♪ I’ll know it when I see it! ♪
  • Sardines: ♪ Great pink one, you are everything! There’s great pink wisdom in all you sing! ♪
  • Patrick: Like this: ♪ Figaro! Figaro! Aaaahhh! ♪
  • [Sardines erupt in celebration, whipping out star-shaped tambourines.]
  • Sardines: ♪ Shout it out! ♪
  • Patrick: ♪ Shout it out! ♪
  • Sardines: ♪ Shout it out! ♪
  • Patrick: ♪ From the mountain high! ♪
  • Sardines: ♪ Shout it out! ♪
  • Patrick: ♪ To the valley low! ♪
  • Sardines: ♪ Shout it out! ♪
  • Patrick: I feel it, my brothers and sisters!
  • [The sardines overlap each other.]
  • Sardines: ♪ Shout it out! Shout it out! Shout it out! Shout it out! ♪
  • Male Sardine #3: [goes behind Patrick and shakes tambourines] He can think, y'all! He will save us! [gives Patrick a tambourine] Y’all praise pink!
  • [Patrick leads the Sardines into dancing.]
  • Sardines: ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! Y'all praise pink! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! Y'all praise pink! ♪ [Patrick touches two female sardines and they both collapse] ♪ Shout, shout, shout it out! Shout, shout, shout it out! Shout, shout, shout it out! Oh, oh! ♪ [Patrick wears a robe, climbs an elevated platform behind the sardines and they look at him] ♪ Super sea star savior… ♪ [genuflect in front of Patrick] ♪ Patrick… ♪
  • Patrick and Sardines: ♪ Star! ♪
  • [Audience cheers and applauds as Patrick and the Sardines begin to leave SpongeBob and Sandy behind.]
  • SpongeBob: [tries to stop Patrick from leaving] No! No, no, no, no, no! [Patrick stops in his tracks, together with some sardines who are holding his robe] You can't leave! We have a mountain to climb.
  • Patrick: That was before I was a savior.
  • SpongeBob: You said you'd be with me no matter what!
  • Patrick: Unless I became a savior. I’m pretty sure I said that! [sardines nod in agreement]
  • SpongeBob: What about our team?
  • Patrick: [walks furiously towards SpongeBob] This is my moment, SpongeBob. Try not to ruin it!
  • SpongeBob: Fine, then! Go! I don't need you!
  • Patrick: You don't? Well, I don't need you!
  • SpongeBob: Well, I don't need you more!
  • Patrick: At least I don't live in a fruit…
  • SpongeBob: At least I don't have a conehead! [points at Patrick’s hat]
  • Patrick: At least I'm not square! [points tauntingly at SpongeBob] Square! Square!
  • SpongeBob: [points tauntingly at Patrick] Pink! Pink!
  • Patrick: Yellow!
  • SpongeBob: Fine!
  • Patrick: Fine!
  • SpongeBob: Fine!
  • Patrick: Fine!
  • SpongeBob: Fine!
  • Patrick: Fine!
  • Sardines: Fine!
  • Patrick: We're out.
  • Sardines: Yeah!
  • [Patrick and the sardines leave SpongeBob and Sandy behind.]
  • SpongeBob: What are we gonna do now? Patrick's the brawn. There's no way we get up that mountain without him.
  • French Narrator: At that moment, night falls.
  • [It suddenly becomes nighttime in Bikini Bottom; SpongeBob and Sandy are as if crushed by the nighttime.]
  • Perch Perkins: [comes in, on all fours] The last night before the end. And as hysteria spreads through our streets, many have begun to question the government's ability to handle this crisis.
  • [SpongeBob and Sandy hear indistinct shouting gradually becoming louder, which are coming from Bikini Bottomites complaining at the mayor as they gathered behind her.]
  • Mayor: Stop it! [Bikini Bottomites stop grumbling] Don't believe the media! [points at Perch Perkins] Everything is under control.
  • [Bikini Bottomites begin grumbling, and they stop as the ground shakes violently.]
  • Mayor: [looks in the direction of Mount Humongous] Oh, tartar sauce! Look! More boulders!
  • [Bikini Bottomites gather together, anticipating the boulders. Multiple boulders start flying around and hitting them, and they scream in panic. Once the boulders stop coming, the camera focuses on SpongeBob, who is saddened by the situation and begins to lose hope.]
  • Sandy: [approaches SpongeBob and tries to comfort him] SpongeBob… We can't give up now… ♪ We only have tomorrow to try to save the day; our world could end tomorrow; SpongeBob, we have to find a way! ♪
  • SpongeBob and Sandy: ♪ A way! ♪
  • Squidward: ♪ I only have tomorrow to show them what I got ♪
  • Mr. Krabs: ♪ We only have tomorrow, so get ‘em ♪ [holds out a Krabby Patty] ♪ while they’re hot! ♪
  • 'Plankton: ♪ Small, yes, but devious; I feel ten feet tall ♪ [Karen holds out a sponge] ♪ If I succeed ♪
  • Plankton and Karen: ♪ The sponge will fall! ♪ [Karen breaks the sponge in half]
  • [Patrick and the Sardines enter join the Bikini Bottomites.]
  • Everyone: ♪ The sun has sunk below us, the dark of night is here; the hands of time keep ticking, tomorrow's almost here! Almost here, almost here! We only have tomorrow before our town is gone; we only have tomorrow before we must move on! ♪
  • [Everyone's singing is now overlapping one another.]
  • SpongeBob and Sandy: ♪ From the world renowned ♪
  • Female Bikini Bottomites: ♪ We only have tomorrow ♪
  • Male Bikini Bottomites: ♪ Bikini Bottom ♪
  • SpongeBob and Sandy: ♪ Have to save this town ♪
  • Female Bikini Bottomites: ♪ We only have tomorrow ♪
  • Male Bikini Bottomites: ♪ Bikini Bottom ♪
  • SpongeBob and Sandy: ♪ As the sun goes down… ♪
  • Bikini Bottomites: ♪ We only have one more… ♪
  • SpongeBob and Sandy: ♪ … on a beautiful Bikini Bottom … ♪
  • French Narrator: Will SpongeBob save Bikini Bottom? You will find out… after these messages.
  • Everyone: ♪ … day… ♪
  • [Audience cheers and applauds, and it goes into a commercial break, ending Act I.]

Act II[]

  • [Act II begins with someone in the audience’s area hollering out to the crowd; and Patchy the Pirate, trying to conceal himself in a cloak, is seen walking towards the stage.]
  • Patchy: [in an old lady’s voice] Programs! Get your programs! Help an old lady through college by buying a program. [hands a program to an audience member] There you go, dearie, it's free for you. [continues to walk towards the stage] Programs! Can't tell the characters without a program! Ha-ha! [successfully makes it to the stage, and goes back to his regular voice] Oh! Ha-ha! [removes his cloak] I made it in! [audience erupts in applause as he raises his arms in victory] Ha! Yes! Ha-ha! They can't keep me out; I'm Patchy the Pirate, SpongeBob's number one fan! [audience cheers and he raises his arms in victory again] You know, after they wouldn't let me in because I'm a pirate, I wandered the streets, until I happened upon a Pirate Dive Bar, and it was there, talkin' to me fellow buccaneers that gave me the courage to come back here with a message, on behalf of all victims of pirate prejudice. In fact, I wrote a protest song, ha-ha! [takes out a sheet of paper containing his song] Yeah! Got the sheet music right here. [gives sheet music to the musical conductor, who takes out her accordion] Ooh, you brought your accordion, isn't that convenient? [musical conductor plays a few notes on the accordion] ♪ Let me begin with a hardy ho-ho and a tale that nobody tells well; I've not come all the way from En-C-I-N-O to be treated like sewage that smells! Some of us just want adventures, the open sea wind in our earrings… Why are we constantly misunderstood? Don’t you know pirates have feelings? ♪ [forms a heart with his hook and hand]
  • [A group of pirates slowly enter the theater and mess with the audience.]
  • Patchy and Pirates: ♪ Poor pirates, P-O-O-arrrr; poor pirates, P-O-O-arrrr! Poor pirates, can’t deny this simple truth! Poor pirates, P-O-O-arrr people too! ♪
  • Patchy: Me friends from the dive bar!
  • [The pirates holler and walk towards the stage to join Patchy.]
  • Patchy: ♪ Think of how hard we have had it ♪
  • Pirates: ♪ So hard! ♪
  • Patchy: ♪ Out on ships there is not much to eat ♪
  • Pirates: ♪ Oooh, not much to eat! ♪
  • Patchy: ♪ And dentists hate pirate insurance! ♪
  • Pirates: ♪ Yo-ho, no! ♪
  • Patchy and Pirates: ♪ Which is why we’ve so many gold teeth! ♪
  • Male Pirate: ♪ We’ve so many gold teeth… ♪
  • Patchy: ♪ Me laundry stays damp and me boots start to stink; and me fingernails filthy and ♪
  • Patchy and Pirates: ♪ ... dirty! ♪
  • Patchy: ♪ Me internet loads unbelievably slow… ♪
  • Patchy and Pirates: ♪ And me bedtime’s around seven-thirty! ♪ [dances in one line, with Patchy in the middle] ♪ Poor pirates, P-O-O-arrrr; poor pirates, P-O-O-arrrr! ♪ [a member of the Pittsburgh Pirates join them on stage] ♪ Poor pirates have it so much worse than you! [pirates dance around Patchy]
  • Patchy: ♪ Poor pirates, P-O-O-arrr! Oh-oh-oh, oh! ♪
  • Pirates: ♪ Poor pirates, P-O-O-arrrr! ♪
  • Patchy and Pirates: ♪ Poor pirates, can’t deny this simple truth; that pirates, P-O-O-arrr ♪
  • Patchy: ♪ … people too! ♪
  • Patchy and Pirates: [huddle together at centerstage] ♪ Yo-ho! ♪
  • [Audience cheers and applauds as a female security guard comes in.]
  • Security Guard: Hey! Hey! Everybody off the stage!
  • Patchy: No, you can't kick us out. We're making a stand, am I right, boys? [pirates nod and holler in agreement] Avast ye! Ha-ha!
  • [The security guard comes a little bit closer to the stage, and the pirates, running away in fear, leave Patchy alone.]
  • Security Guard: Hey!
  • Patchy: [looks around for the pirates] Hey, wait! [realizes the pirates left him] What --?
  • Security Guard: There are no pirates allowed in here.
  • Patchy: No, I’m not leaving ‘til i see SpongeBob. Hmmph!
  • Security Guard: [approaches Patchy] You’ve got ten seconds, sir!
  • Patchy: [starts to back up] Okay, alright...
  • Security Guard: [slowly chases Patchy off the stage] You got five seconds, sir.
  • Patchy: [runs away from the security guard] Can we talk about this?
  • Security Guard: You’ve got one second, sir!
  • Patchy: [steps off the stage] Don’t rush me!
  • Security Guard: Alright, you lowlife. You’d better hold on to your booty.
  • Patchy: Okay, but I’ll be back! I’ll be back!
  • [Patchy mocks the security guard, who proceeds to chase him out of the theater. Afterwards, a titlecard saying "The next morning..." is seen.]
  • French Narrator: Let us now return to our story. It is the next morning, and we find ourselves, once again in Bikini Bottom. [SpongeBob is then seen sleeping soundly, while snoring] Here we see SpongeBob, sound asleep in his pineapple home.
  • SpongeBob: [wakes up, panting; talks to Gary] Oh, Gary, I had a terrible nightmare… I dreamed the end was coming at sundown today, and Patrick abandoned me. [smiles] Neither of which could ever actually happen, of course.
  • [Perch Perkins comes in with a breaking news update and SpongeBob looks at him.]
  • Perch Perkins: Good morning, Bikini Bottom. Our top story: [turns to SpongeBob] The end is coming at sundown today, and friends are abandoning friends. [sighs sadly and leaves]
  • SpongeBob: So it wasn't a dream? [screaming] Nooooo —
  • [Time passes by.]
  • French Narrator: Ten minutes later…
  • SpongeBob: Oooooooo —
  • [More time passes by.]
  • French Narrator: One hour later…
  • SpongeBob: [lying down] Ooooooo —
  • [More time passes by.]
  • French Narrator: Fifty years later…
  • SpongeBob: [wearing a fake beard] Oooooo —
  • Gary: Meow?
  • SpongeBob: Oh, this? [takes fake beard off] Comes right off. [throws fake beard to musical conductor]
  • Gary: Meow.
  • SpongeBob: You're right, I need to get moving. [starts to get going, bringing rope, a torchlight, and his backpack with him] Sandy and I have a mountain to climb!
  • Gary: Meow?
  • SpongeBob: You need to be strong now, Gary. [goes back to Gary] If I don't make it back, and... I may not, you have to go on without me.
  • Gary: Meow.
  • SpongeBob: And I carry you in mine, Gary. Always. [kisses Gary goodbye, and takes Gary away]
  • [SpongeBob starts heading to Mount Humongous, passing through some Bikini Bottomites like Mrs. Puff, and Larry the Lobster suddenly stops him.]
  • Larry the Lobster: [points a stick, with a jellyfish attached, at SpongeBob’s direction] Freeze! [SpongeBob and Bikini Bottomites raise their hands.] State your name.
  • SpongeBob: SpongeBob SquarePants. You know me.
  • Larry the Lobster: Just following procedure, dude.
  • SpongeBob: [sees Larry’s jellyfish-on-a-stick] Is that a jellyfish on a stick?
  • Larry the Lobster: [still pointing his jellyfish-on-a-stick at SpongeBob] Don't make me zap you, bro.
  • [The mayor is seen on an elevated platform while holding a megaphone.]
  • Mayor: [through the megaphone] I've declared a State of Emergency. You're either with me or you're against me. Now move!
  • [SpongeBob tries to run away, but he almost runs into Squidward.]
  • Squidward: [pushing a shopping cart and holding a clipboard] Out of my way, SpongeBob, I have a concert to organize!
  • [SpongeBob also nearly runs into Mrs. Puff and he ends up on the floor.]
  • Mrs. Puff: [holding a bottle] Clear off the road! I have a bender to go on!
  • [The camera pans over to Patrick running away from the sardines, who are still following him.]
  • Sardines: [shaking their tambourines] ♪ Praise pink! Praise pink! Praise pink! Praise pink! ♪
  • [The camera then pans over to Old Man Jenkins who is running from the opposite direction, with some of his fellow Bikini Bottomites.]
  • Old Man Jenkins and Random Bikini Bottomites: [chanting] Blame the squirrel! Blame the squirrel! Blame the squirrel! Blame the squirrel!
  • [The camera pans over to Sandy in the orchestra pit, beside the musical conductor.]
  • Sandy: Are they gone?
  • SpongeBob: [on the floor, still holding his torchlight] Uh-huh. [gets up]
  • Sandy: [leaves the orchestra pit] Then let's get moving while the coast is clear.
  • SpongeBob: Do you have the ingenious bubble device to stop the volcano?
  • Sandy: [takes a box from the musical conductor] Took me all night, but it's ready.
  • [Sandy takes the box to SpongeBob and opens it, showing the device, and water bubbling is heard.]
  • SpongeBob: [gasps] Will you look at that! [tries to touch the device, but Sandy slaps his hand away] The ingenious bubble device to stop the volcano!
  • Sandy: Oh, I came up with a name, too: "The Erupter Interrupter." [the audience laughs]
  • SpongeBob: Very catchy.
  • Sandy: Yeah?
  • SpongeBob: Yeah.
  • Sandy: ‘Cause I wasn’t sure.
  • SpongeBob: I think the rhyme was great.
  • Sandy: [closes the box and carries it] Okay, enough yammering! Duty calls. To the mountain!
  • [SpongeBob and Sandy begin marching in place.]
  • SpongeBob: Heroes, march!
  • [SpongeBob and Sandy march towards Mount Humongous, and Plankton and Karen come in while on an elevated platform.]
  • Plankton: If they reach the top and save the town, my whole hypnosis-in-the-escape pod scheme will be ruined! And I still don't have a plan to stop them! Well, Karen, my evil genius is exhausted.
  • Karen: Don't worry, Sheldon. I've got just the thing!
  • [Larry the Lobster comes in carrying Plankton’s device.]
  • Plankton: My Avalanche Maker 3000!
  • [Larry the Lobster goes around Plankton and Karen, while still carrying the Avalanche Maker 3000.]
  • Karen: We can use it to start a landslide that they'll never survive. Then Chumville, here we come!
  • Plankton: Oh, Karen. It's evil, it's diabolical… [Larry the Lobster holds up the Avalanche Maker 3000, right in front of Plankton and Karen] It's lemon-scented! [the audience laughs]
  • Karen: Gloat for me, baby.
  • Plankton: Mwahahaha!
  • [Karen joins Plankton in his evil laughter.]
  • Plankton and Karen: Mwahahaha! [disappear into the darkness as the audience cheers and applauds]
  • [Afterwards, a stage is seen and Bikini Bottomites are seen crowded around it. On one end of the stage, Old Man Jenkins is seen holding a poster saying, “Electric Skates Rock and Roll”, while Pearl and her friends are seen nearby, hanging out and taking shell-fies. On the other end of the stage, the Mayor is seen talking with Perch Perkins and Mrs. Puff, who is holding a poster saying, “I ♥ SPIKE!!!”]
  • Squidward: [enters the stage] Alright, everyone clear out. [grabs microphone from Perch Perkins] This is a closed soundcheck for the Electric Skates. [Bikini Bottomites disperse, and Pearl approaches Squidward] The concert is this afternoon, so why don't you go…
  • [Squidward is overlapped by a screaming Bikini Bottomite.]
  • Female Bikini Bottomite #1: They’re here!
  • Squidward: … come back this afternoon.
  • [The Electric Skates enter the stage, one member on roller skates and the other two members on skateboards, as Squidward flees the stage and as Bikini Bottomites cheer for them.]
  • Electric Skate #1: Hello, Bikini Bottom! Are you ready to rock? [twirls in place while on his roller skates]
  • Electric Skates: ♪ If you wanna rock and feeling alright, Bikini Bottom Boogie all night, whoa! Getting sick, skatey, sweet, rad, gnarly and tight, Bikini Bottom Boogie all night! ♪
  • [Bikini Bottomites continue to cheer for the Electric Skates as they approach one end of the stage.]
  • Electric Skate #1: ♪ Toeside, heelside, how do I look? ♪ [the other two Electric Skates make their skateboards lean on one side and stand on them] ♪ It doesn't really matter ‘cause it's so off the hook! ♪
  • [Two Electric Skates go towards the other end of the stage.]
  • Electric Skate #2: ♪ Long hair, short hair, mohawk or bald… ♪ [the remaining Electric Skate joins the other two at the other end of the stage]
  • Electric Skate #3: ♪ Or shaving off your dorsels when your grandmother called! ♪
  • [The Electric Skates on skateboards proceed toward the ramps on the stage and perform tricks.]
  • Electric Skate #1: ♪ There's no magic potion, we'll jump in the ocean blue! ♪
  • Pearl: ♪ Jump in the ocean blue! Yeah! ♪
  • [The Electric Skates notice Pearl’s singing and they approach her.]
  • Electric Skate #3: Nice wail, whale! [holds Pearl’s hand]
  • Pearl: [hyperventilates] Really? You heard me singing? My daddy never hears me.
  • Electric Skate #3: You know what? We've been looking for a back-up singer to go on tour with us. I think we just found her. [hands her his electric guitar]
  • Pearl: I'd follow you anywhere!
  • Female Bikini Bottomite #2: [approaches the Electric Skates while holding a skateboard] Will you sign my skateboard?
  • Electric Skate #3: [takes skateboard] Nah, but I'll ride it! [stacks the two skateboards and skates on it, while doing a handstand]
  • Pearl: ♪ Whoa! ♪
  • [The Electric Skates skate around Pearl and around the stage.]
  • Everyone: ♪ So if you wanna rock and feeling alright ♪
  • Bikini Bottomites and Electric Skates: ♪ Bikini Bottom Boogie all night! ♪
  • Pearl: ♪ Yeah, I'm feelin' alright tonight! Whoo! ♪
  • Bikini Bottomites and Electric Skates: ♪ Bikini Bottom Boogie all night! ♪
  • Pearl: ♪ My dreams are coming true tonight! ♪
  • Bikini Bottomites and Electric Skates: ♪ Bikini Bottom Boogie… ♪
  • Everyone: ♪ All night! ♪
  • [Electric Skate on roller skates is seen while other two on skateboards play their guitars.]
  • Pearl: [belts a high note] ♪ Yeah! ♪
  • [The audience and the Bikini Bottomites applaud while Squidward comes back to the stage, and he is seen with his clipboard tucked under his arm and tissues on his ears, serving as his earplugs.]
  • Squidward: [slow claps] Bravo, gentlemen, bravo. That was some soundcheck. [takes earplugs off]
  • Electric Skate #2: Rock and roll!
  • [The Electric Skates and the Bikini Bottomites celebrate.]
  • Squidward: Hey!
  • [The Bikini Bottomites are saddened and leave Squidward behind with Pearl and the Electric Skates.]
  • Squidward: Given the great importance of this concert, I've been thinking about a special guest. I'd like to suggest… [shows off his tentacles] myself.
  • Electric Skate #3: You? No way.
  • Electric Skate #1: That reminds me! [skates around Squidward while his fellow members play their guitars, and present Squidward with a rolled-up list] We have a rider.
  • [Squidward unravels the very long list down to the orchestra pit and it creates chaos among the musicians, accidentally playing discordant notes.]
  • Orchestra Member: [from the orchestra pit] My leg!
  • [The audience laughs.]
  • Squidward: Two pounds of seahorse radish, three cases of kelp juice, nineteen assorted shiny objects...
  • Electric Skate #2: Whoa!
  • Squidward: Yeah, there's no way I can possibly get all of this for you. [lets go of the list]
  • Electric Skate #1: [in protest] Whoa, whoa, whoa —
  • Electric Skate #3: Look man, we'll make you a deal. You get us what we want, we'll let you open for us.
  • Squidward: [gasps] Really? You mean it?
  • [The Electric Skates begin to leave.]
  • Electric Skate #1: [from off-screen] Sure, Pillword.
  • Squidward: Oh, actually, it's Squidward —
  • Electric Skate #3: Catch ya on the flip side, Swillbird!
  • Squidward: No, it's Squidward —
  • [An Electric Skate motions Pearl to leave the stage with them and she obliges.]
  • Electric Skate #2: [in a high-pitched voice] Rock and roll!
  • [Squidward is left alone on the stage.]
  • Squidward: Oh, forget it! [orchestra conductor gives him the list all rolled up] So… it all comes down to this. [trails off as he leaves the stage] Three cases of kelp juice, five quarts of...
  • [SpongeBob and Sandy are then seen arriving at the foot of Mount Humongous.]
  • French Narrator: Let us now journey to Mount Humongous, towering above Bikini Bottom in all its great and fearsome majesty.
  • SpongeBob: When you get right up to it, it looks even taller!
  • Sandy: It sure does.
  • [It goes into a commercial break; afterwards SpongeBob and Sandy are seen at the foot of Mount Humongous.]​​​​​​
  • Sandy: Alright, SpongeBob, it's time to climb this here mountain.
  • SpongeBob: Hey, check out this sign! [points at the sign and goes to read it] “"Voted Most Likely to Kill You, Seven Years in a Row." [trembles in fear] I can't do this… I can’t do this!
  • [SpongeBob runs around in panic while screaming, and Sandy hits him with her nunchucks to stop him from panicking.]
  • Sandy: Snap out of it! I'm scared too, but we have to keep going. Just remember the number one rule of Ka-ra-tay.
  • [Gong sounds are heard as Sandy takes a bow.]
  • SpongeBob: [with his eyes closed] "Let not the sands of time seep into your shorts, for it shall chafe." [takes a bow and the gong is heard again]
  • Sandy: [taps SpongeBob with her nunchucks] Sorry, meant rule number two. [gong sounds are heard as Sandy takes a bow and SpongeBob bends over backwards] "Keep your mind clear… [bangs nunchucks to her chest] your spirit strong, and your hands free." [sets her nunchucks aside]
  • SpongeBob: Wait! [Sandy takes his torchlight from him] What are you doing, Sandy?
  • Sandy: [takes SpongeBob’s backpack and rope away from him] ♪ We're too heavy when we're holding on to all that stuff ♪ [puts hand on SpongeBob’s shoulder] ♪ Why load up on trouble when there's trouble enough? ♪ [does a karate pose] ♪ You gotta chop to the top that you aim for ♪ [does a karate chop] ♪ Get some gumption and you won't turn tail! ♪ [SpongeBob tries to do a karate chop but fails and hurts himself instead] ♪ Just keep your eyes on the prize that you came for ♪ [bows in front of SpongeBob and begins climbing Mount Humongous] ♪ And use ka-ra-tay and you cannot fail, and chop to the top; chop to the top, come on and keep it moving, don’t stop ‘til you drop! Come on and chop, come on and chop! ♪
  • SpongeBob: ♪ It feels better when you're kicking that fear away ♪ [tries kicking but his foot gets stuck] ♪ Sometimes you can't make it happen, but that won't happen today! ♪ [begins to climb Mount Humongous and tries to catch up to Sandy]
  • Sandy: [looks over to SpongeBob] ♪ If you wait, it's too late, you're defeated; push yourself just a little bit higher ♪ [she and SpongeBob each do a kick, but SpongeBob slightly loses his balance] ♪ You want to win? Don't give in, you can beat it! ♪ [SpongeBob regains his balance] ♪ Find your mojo and set it on fire, and... ♪
  • SpongeBob and Sandy: [doing karate chops and kicks] ♪ Chop to the top, chop to the top, come on and keep it moving, don’t stop ‘til you drop! Come on and chop, come on and chop! ♪
  • SpongeBob: [looks down and slightly loses his balance again] Whoa! Ground so far below… sponge so high above!
  • Sandy: [holds SpongeBob to keep him from falling] ♪ Don't be afraid, I’ll be with you all the way! ♪ [does more karate] Come on and chop to the top, chop to the top; come on and chop to the top, don’t ever stop! ♪
  • SpongeBob and Sandy: [does karate together] ♪ Come on and chop to the top, chop to the top; come on and chop! Come on and chop, come on and chop! Come on and… ♪
  • [SpongeBob and Sandy hear rumbling and come across a deep crevice on the mountain with a ladder-like structure across. SpongeBob is panting in fear while Sandy stands up straight at one end of the crevice.]
  • Sandy: Follow me! [goes across the crevice successfully; SpongeBob tries to follow Sandy, but the ladder-like structure slowly detaches itself from the crevice] Hold my hand! [tries to reach out to SpongeBob but fails]
  • SpongeBob: I can't reach, Sandy!
  • [SpongeBob finds another segment of the mountain and climbs up the segment to get to where Sandy is. He is successful, and he raises his arms in victory together with Sandy. Suddenly the ground trembles and SpongeBob is plunged down.]
  • SpongeBob: [screams in terror]
  • Sandy: [tries to find SpongeBob and looks around] SpongeBob!
  • SpongeBob: [from below] Sandy!
  • Sandy: SpongeBob, where are you?
  • SpongeBob: [still from below] I don't know, but it's really dark!
  • Sandy: Hold on, I'll find you!
  • [SpongeBob emerges from below and is at the opposite end of the volcano’s segment, away from Sandy.]
  • SpongeBob: [calling out] Sandy?
  • Sandy: [also calling out] SpongeBob?
  • SpongeBob: Sandy?
  • [SpongeBob and Sandy eventually find each other again and are reunited. SpongeBob sighs in relief and Sandy laughs, and they start pointing at each other. They were about to share a high-five when they’re separated, and SpongeBob screams in terror. They try to find each other while climbing up the volcano and ultimately succeed.]
  • SpongeBob: [does a little dance in celebration] ♪ We did it! We did it! ♪
  • Sandy: Uh, SpongeBob?
  • SpongeBob: [with his eyes closed] Yes, uh, Sandy?
  • Sandy: We’re only halfway…
  • [SpongeBob opens his eyes in shock, and both he and Sandy end up sitting down in despair. The scene then cuts to Patrick hanging out with the sardines. Two of them are holding massive fans at each side, one of them is holding two tumblers full of drinks, and the remaining sardines look at Patrick in admiration.]
  • Patrick: [groans] Are we going to be doing this all day?
  • Sardines: [claps] Yes!
  • Patrick: [hands a tumbler to a sardine] Oh, I have a better idea. [a sardine gives Patrick two tumblers but he declines] We should head back to my rock. I got a great couch there, and it can stretch and —
  • Sardines: We don't have time for that!
  • Patrick: Okay… We could go jellyfishing! That was SpongeBob and my's favorite hobby. Once we caught this great, big one, and… [smiles fondly] Oh, We had a time.
  • Sardines: No!
  • Female Sardine: You have a mission, oh Guru!
  • Male Sardine: You have followers!
  • Sardines: What else do you need? [claps; one sardine hands him a tumbler]
  • Patrick: What else do I need? [sets tumbler aside] ♪ Never thought that I could ride so high without you; everything I've got's so good, but not without you; And suddenly nothing feels quite right, why does the sunshine feel like night? I'm only pretending I'm alright without you... Now what's a macaroni without the cheese? Or peas in a pod without the peas? That's the way it feels when there's me without you… I… I… I… guess I miss you! ♪
  • [SpongeBob is seen on Mount Humongous with Sandy.]
  • SpongeBob: ♪ It doesn't really matter how high I climb without you; oh I can't enjoy this lonely view when I'm without you; no one can make me laugh like you, nobody turns my one to two; maybe that's why I feel so blue without you… Now tell me what's the apple without the pie? Tell me what's the French without the fry; that’s the way I feel when I know I'm without you… I… ♪
  • Patrick: ♪ I… ♪
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: ♪ I… ♪
  • SpongeBob: ♪ I… ♪
  • Patrick: ♪ I… ♪
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: ♪ … guess I miss you! ♪
  • SpongeBob: ♪ Won't you get here, my friend? ♪
  • Patrick: ♪ Bring my sunshine back again! ♪
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: ♪ ‘Cause life's no fun when you don't come around! I… I… I… guess I miss you! I… I… I… guess I miss you! ♪
  • [The scene cuts to SpongeBob and Sandy at Mount Humongous.]
  • Sandy: Come on, SpongeBob! This mountain won't climb itself!
  • [The scene then cuts to Patrick and the Sardines.]
  • Patrick: You know what, guys? Maybe I can save you… but this isn't how. [gets up and takes off his cloak] The guru's gotta go.
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: ♪ Hmmmm… ♪
  • [The audience applauds; then the scene cuts to Squidward entering the concert stage, carrying a huge sack and the Electric Skates’ list of demands.]
  • Squidward: [puts the sack down] Done! [puts the list on top of the sack and screeching is heard from inside while the audience laughs] And just in time! [points at musical conductor and the orchestra] You know what to do! [leads the orchestra] ♪ Look out — ♪
  • [The Electric Skates come in, still on their rollerblades and skateboards, interrupting Squidward.]
  • Electric Skate #3: There you are, Billherd! How's it going with the rider?
  • [The Electric Skates continue to skate and do tricks around Squidward.]
  • Squidward: Oh, I got everything except the seahorse radish, it's out of season. Now, I'd love to have a conversation about my —
  • Electric Skate #1: Wait! Did you say “no seahorse radish”?
  • Electric Skate #3: Man, you got a radish problem.
  • Electric Skate #1: I can quit anytime I want!
  • Squidward: [tries to pacify the Electric Skates] Gentlemen, please…
  • Electric Skate #1: Listen Millnerd, there's no way you're opening for us today.
  • Squidward: [groans loudly and points at the sack] But I got all of this for you! Oh, don't make me beg…
  • Electric Skate #3: Seems like you're begging already, Four Legs.
  • Electric Skate #1: Yeah! You are such a loser!
  • [The audience groans in disapproval; the Electric Skates stop skating and Squidward stops in his tracks, suddenly looking furious.]
  • Squidward: What did you just call me?
  • Electric Skate #1: Loser!
  • [Squidward and Electric Skate #1 have a stare-down and Squidward turns to him.]
  • Squidward: [smiles sarcastically] Oh, no, no, no, no… [points to himself] I… [points at Electric Skate #1] … am not a loser. [gets all up in Electric Skate #1’s face] You're the loser! [turns and points to the other Electric Skates] Loser! Loser! [turns back to Electric Skate #1] Loser!
  • Electric Skate #1: I can't work like this.
  • Electric Skates: We quit! Loser! [cackling] Loser!
  • Electric Skate #2: [trailing off, bringing Squidward’s sack of items with him] Rock and roll!
  • [The Electric Skates leave Squidward alone.]
  • Squidward: Fine! Go! Good riddance! Don't let the kelp hit you on the way out! [a spotlight suddenly shines on him] ♪ I'm not a loser, I don't secretly hate myself; I'm not singing this to no one, it's not the case that no one cares; I'm not a failure, I don't not have talent; when others see me, they can't see the nobody that isn't there… ♪ [talks to himself] No, wait a minute, that's a triple negative. You can't not see nobody, because I'm not nobody… which can't not be seen! Let me start over. ♪ My life's not empty, they don't not like me at all; I don't not leave the house ‘cause I don't not prefer to stay at home; I don't stink, I'm not a waste, I'm not all alone in thinking that I am not all alone… ♪ [talks to himself again] Maybe I am a loser… [chuckles nervously and then begins to sob]
  • Sea Anemones: [from behind Squidward] ♪ Hey, Squidward! ♪
  • Squidward: [surprised] Huh?
  • Sea Anemones: ♪ You're not delirious with despair, and you're not calling true things false! ♪ [enter the stage wearing glittering outfits and tap shoes] ♪ Hey, Squidward! ♪
  • Squidward: This is weird… [sees a group of sea anemones forming a chorus line behind him]
  • Sea Anemones: ♪ You're not hallucinating this sea anemone chorus line at all! ♪
  • Squidward: I'm not?
  • Sea Anemones: [gather around Squidward] ♪ You're not a failure! You don't not have talent! ♪
  • Squidward: Hello… thank you.
  • Sea Anemones: ♪ When others see you… ♪
  • Squidward: [pulled towards the back of the sea anemones] What?
  • Sea Anemones: ♪ They can't see the nobody that isn't there... ♪
  • [The sea anemones step aside to reveal Squidward in his own glittering outfit and tap shoes.]
  • Squidward: I'm not a loser!
  • Sea Anemones: ♪ Not a loser! ♪
  • [Squidward and the sea anemones begin tap dancing.]
  • Squidward: ♪ They don't not like me at all! I don't not leave the house, ‘cause I don't not prefer to stay at home! ♪
  • Sea Anemones: ♪ … stay at home! ♪
  • Squidward: ♪ I don't stink… ♪
  • Sea Anemones: ♪ You don't stink! ♪
  • Squidward: ♪ I'm not a waste! ♪
  • Sea Anemones: ♪ You're not a waste! ♪
  • Squidward: ♪ I'm not all alone in thinking that I am not all alone! ♪ [someone off-screen throws a clarinet towards Squidward and he catches it] Clarinet solo! [plays the clarinet while the sea anemones tap dance; then hands clarinet to the musical conductor] Look at me now, Mama!
  • [Squidward leads a tap dance break with the sea anemones. After the dance break, a marquee bearing Squidward’s name is lit up, and the sea anemones form a chorus line with Squidward in the middle.]
  • Squidward: ♪ I'm not a loser! ♪
  • Sea Anemones: ♪ You're not a loser! ♪
  • Squidward: ♪ They don't not like me at all! ♪ [gets surrounded by the sea anemones] ♪ I don't not leave the house, ‘cause I don't not… ♪
  • Sea Anemones: ♪ ...not prefer to stay at home! ♪
  • Squidward: ♪ I don't stink! I'm not a waste! I'm not all alone in thinking that I'm not… ♪ [musical conductor hands him a top hat] Not… ♪ [hovers top hat above his head] ♪ Not all alone! ♪
  • Sea Anemones: ♪ You are not alone, you are not alone, you are not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not… alone! You are not, not, not alone! ♪ [audience cheers and applauds] ♪ You are not alone, you are not alone! ♪
  • Squidward: [reverts back to his normal attire] I'm not alone!
  • [The sea anemones leave Squidward alone.]
  • Sea Anemones: [trails off] ♪ You are not, not, not, not, not, not, not... ♪
  • Squidward: Come back… [finds himself all alone] Alone. [puts hands grumpily on waist]
  • [The audience laughs and applauds, then it goes into a commercial break. Afterwards, the scene cuts to the ticking clock above Bikini Bottom and the camera pans over to Perch Perkins.]
  • Perch Perkins: With one hour left on the Doomsday Clock, the benefit concert is about to begin. Our phone lines are now open. [television screen beside Perch Perkins turns on and shows phone operators on standby, with the toll-free number 1-800-555-KELP written across] It's up to you, our viewers across the ocean. [telephone ringing is continuously heard in the background] We need your donations to pay for the escape pod and get out before the volcano blows us to oblivion! [points to an area off-screen] And there, you can see them now… [television screens now show Bikini Bottomites walking the streets, led by the Mayor] the citizens of Bikini Bottom, led by the Mayor, through the streets of our beleaguered town, on the way to the bandshell. It is a truly historic exodus.
  • [The scene cuts to the Bikini Bottomites, carrying their belongings with them, headed towards the bandshell. The Mayor is leading them while on an elevated platform.]
  • Bikini Bottomites: ♪ Bikini Tevka… Bikini Tevka… Aaaahhhh… ♪
  • Mayor: Alright, alright, that's enough! Luggage there, escape pod will go here!
  • Pearl: But, where's the band? They should be here!
  • Squidward: Oh, they quit.
  • Pearl: [surprised] What?
  • Bikini Bottomites: Huh?
  • Squidward: Artistic differences…
  • Pearl: They left me behind? But he said I could go on tour with them! [wails]
  • Mr. Krabs: What? You were going to run away? Pearl Krabs, if we survive, you are grounded! [stops himself and looks around] I'm sorry if that sounds cold-blooded, but I am. [audience laughs]
  • Mrs. Puff: We won't survive! Without the band, we'll never raise enough money for the pod!
  • [The ground starts trembling and the Bikini Bottomites also start to panic.]
  • Old Man Jenkins: Oh no, not again!
  • Perch Perkins: It’s another boulder!
  • Mayor: Everyone, stay calm…
  • Old Man Jenkins: It’s – it’s coming from up th–
  • [The tremors get even more intense, and the Bikini Bottomites scream in terror. A boulder rolls toward them and squishes Old Man Jenkins; Larry the Lobster intercepts the boulder and tries to roll it away from the citizens, almost squishing another Bikini Bottomite. Larry the Lobster then zaps the boulder with his jellyfish-on-a-stick contraption. Afterwards, he gasps in surprise, and Bikini Bottomites gasp, seeing the flattened Old Man Jenkins. A Bikini Bottomite faints.]
  • Perch Perkins: [holds the flattened Old Man Jenkins up and points at the mayor] This is the government's fault!
  • Mayor: [points at Perch Perkins] This is the media's fault!
  • Mr. Krabs and Squidward: [shouting and pointing at each other] It's your fault!
  • [Bikini Bottomites start shouting at each other and beating each other up. The scene suddenly cuts to a propsman, holding SpongeBob and Sandy dolls and moving them around.]
  • French Narrator: Meanwhile, high on the treacherous slope of Mount Humongous, SpongeBob and Sandy are the only hope for Bikini Bottom. Will they reach the top before Plankton and Karen can stop them? Zut alors! It is a race against time!
  • [The scene then cuts to SpongeBob and Sandy, still climbing Mount Humongous.]
  • Sandy: It's a race against time, SpongeBob! Remember what I told ya: don't stop ‘til you drop.
  • SpongeBob: Yeah, let's definitely not drop!
  • Sandy: We got this. Eyes on the prize!
  • [SpongeBob and Sandy stop climbing.]
  • SpongeBob: Is it just me or is it getting kinda toasty up here?
  • Sandy: I'm sweatin' like a snowman in a steam room. We're almost at the top; come on!
  • [SpongeBob and Sandy continue their ascent and the camera pans over to the audience where Plankton and Karen are located, with their Avalanche Maker 3000.]
  • Plankton: Alright, now's our chance!
  • Karen: Let’s do this... [lowers glasses] big guy.
  • Plankton: Ready…
  • Karen: Aim…
  • Plankton and Karen: Fire!
  • [Plankton and Karen fire the Avalanche Maker 3000 towards Mount Humongous. Meanwhile, the volcano rumbles and an avalanche begins to form.]
  • SpongeBob: Sandy, do you hear that?
  • Sandy: It’s an avalanche!
  • [SpongeBob and Sandy get trapped in an avalanche, and boulders roll down and around them. The avalanche stops, but SpongeBob loses balance and begins to slip.]
  • SpongeBob: I'm slipping! [gasps in terror]
  • Sandy: [quickly grasps SpongeBob’s hand] I’ve got ya!
  • SpongeBob: [slips down the volcano and his hand stretches out] I think this is goodbye, Sandy… these are my last words…
  • Sandy: No, SpongeBob, please!
  • SpongeBob: Look over there!
  • Sandy: Those are your last words?
  • SpongeBob: No! It's Patrick! And he has your jetpack!
  • [The camera pans over to Patrick, flying using Sandy’s jetpack. The audience cheers.]
  • Patrick: I'll save you! [in slow-mo] SpongeBob…! [flies toward SpongeBob]
  • SpongeBob: [in slow-mo] Patrick…! [Patrick catches SpongeBob and stops his fall; and the speed goes back to normal] You came back!
  • Patrick: Of course I did! [puts SpongeBob down and faces Sandy] I hope it's okay I borrowed your invention.
  • Sandy: Mi jetpack es su jetpack.
  • Patrick: [in admiration] Awwwww! [pauses] I don't know what that means. [faces SpongeBob] I realized something today, buddy. The total devotion of adoring masses is pretty awesome, but they're not really there for me. Not like you are.
  • SpongeBob: Hey, we're BFFs. Being there for each other is what we do.
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: [share a hug] We're best friends and this is the friend dance! We're best friends and this is the friend dance! We're best friends and this is —
  • Sandy: [stops SpongeBob and Patrick] This is real sweet, but the town's gonna be toast if we don't hurry up!
  • SpongeBob: Alright. Team, let's move!
  • [SpongeBob and Sandy continue their climb up Mount Humongous, with Patrick trailing behind them. Afterwards, they finally reach the area near the crater — SpongeBob and Sandy looks at it with terror, and Patrick faces the audience.]
  • Sandy: Boys, we have a problem.
  • Patrick: We do? [turns to face the crater] Oh, you mean this giant unclimbable volcano mouth of doom...
  • Sandy: No way can I fit through those squeezes.
  • Patrick: Oh, me neither. [faces SpongeBob] But I bet you could, SpongeBob!
  • Sandy: Done gone it, that's right! You can squeeze through anything!
  • SpongeBob: [scared] Look at that thing! I can't do this. Mr. Krabs was right; I – I'm just a simple sponge…
  • Patrick: No! Remember when we were stuck inside and there was nothing on TV?
  • SpongeBob: Yeah?
  • Patrick: I thought it was an epic life-ending disaster, but you got me through it. You always see the bright side.
  • Sandy: And you never give up! When I was ready to bail on y'all, you kept me going.
  • Patrick: That's what you bring to the team, SpongeBob. Management skills!
  • SpongeBob: Really?
  • Patrick: You are manager material!
  • Sandy: And you… [punches SpongeBob’s arm] can do this.
  • SpongeBob: Give me the Erupter Interrupter… [Sandy hands him the Eruptor Interrupter and he puts it in his pocket; then begins his ascent to the crater, squeezing into the crevices] ♪ I am not a simple sponge! I am not a simple sponge! ♪ [Patrick and Sandy are seen watching SpongeBob’s ascent] ♪ I am not, I am not, I am not! ♪ [almost loses his balance but manages to hold on and continue his ascent] ♪ I am not a simple sponge! I am not, I am not, I am not, I am not… I am not a simple sponge! ♪ [finally reaches the main crater] Whoo, I'm here! And it’s really, really hot!
  • Sandy: [hollering] Throw it in!
  • Patrick: [hollering] At the count of three!
  • Patrick and Sandy: [hollering] One… two —
  • SpongeBob: [hollering at Patrick and Sandy] Wait! On three or after three?
  • Patrick: I don't get the question!
  • SpongeBob: Like, "One, two, three," or, "One, two, three, uh!"
  • Sandy: [faces Patrick] One, two, three, uh, right?
  • Patrick: [faces Sandy] Yeah. One, two, three, uh!
  • SpongeBob: [hollering from the crater] Got it!
  • SpongeBob, Patrick, and Sandy: [hollering] One… two… three, uh!
  • [SpongeBob throws the Eruptor Interrupter into the crater and it falls down very slowly into the volcano. SpongeBob then begins going down to where Patrick and Sandy are.]
  • Sandy: Now we wait until sundown and hope that it works.
  • Patrick: "Hope"? What do you mean, "hope"?
  • Sandy: I think my calculations are right, but as they say in Texas, the proof is in the cowpie.
  • Patrick: Oh, I love pie...
  • Sandy: We'll know for sure in ten minutes.
  • [SpongeBob, Patrick, and Sandy hear distant, distorted screaming.]
  • Patrick: Hey… What’s that sound?
  • [The screaming gradually gets louder.]
  • Sandy: It's coming from down there…
  • [The camera pans over to the musical conductor, who is manipulating puppets fighting each other in a mini-Bikini Bottom setting.]
  • SpongeBob: They're all attacking each other!
  • [The musical conductor holds a mini Krusty Krab and throws it down the mini-Bikini Bottom setting. SpongeBob, Patrick, and Sandy scream in terror.]
  • Patrick: That was the Krusty Krab!
  • Sandy: Volcano or not, Bikini Bottom's gonna destroy itself!
  • [The musical conductor continues to manipulate the puppets and destroy the mini-Bikini Bottom setting.]
  • French Narrator: It's a big finale of "SpongeBob the Musical: Live on Stage.” Next!
  • [It goes into a commercial break; afterwards, the musical conductor is still manipulating with the puppets.]
  • SpongeBob: If we don't stop this, Bikini Bottom's not going to last ten more minutes!
  • Sandy: But it'll take hours to climb down.
  • Patrick: Guys, I have an idea —
  • SpongeBob: We could roll down. It might hurt a little…
  • Patrick: I have an idea —
  • Sandy: If we tuck in our heads —
  • Patrick: Pay attention to me! [SpongeBob and Sandy stop and focus on Patrick] This jetpack, it has a parachute.
  • Sandy: Of course!
  • Patrick: See? My ideas are worth listening to.
  • SpongeBob: You can say that again.
  • Patrick: See? My ideas are —
  • Sandy: Okay, boys! Let's do this thing!
  • SpongeBob, Patrick, and Sandy: [braces themselves together] Us, go!
  • [SpongeBob, Patrick, and Sandy fly down to Bikini Bottom, and see the Bikini Bottomites fighting with each other.]
  • SpongeBob: [rings the jetpack like a bell and shouts] Stop! [Bikini Bottomites stop fighting] What are you doing?
  • Squidward: Is that a rhetorical question?
  • Plankton: [climbs the elevated platform together with Karen] Quick, everyone! Those fools perished in an avalanche! We have to get into the escape pod now.
  • Karen: Honey, they’re alive.
  • Plankton: They are?
  • SpongeBob: Yes, we are. But thanks for worrying about our safety, Plankton. Seems you're the only one with some decency left.
  • Sandy: We made it to the top and dropped the bubble device into the volcano. In seven minutes, we'll know if we saved the town.
  • SpongeBob: But if you keep going like this, it won't matter either way. There won't be anything left to save!
  • Squidward: Deep thoughts, SpongeBob, but we’re kinda busy here —
  • SpongeBob: [in a deep voice] I’m not finished! [leans toward Squidward’s direction and Bikini Bottomites do the same; voice goes back to normal] At a time like this, we should be coming together. Instead, you're all looking for someone to blame… [looks at Old Man Jenkins] or to follow... [looks at a sardine] to exploit… [looks at Plankton and Karen] or control! [looks at the Mayor]
  • Sandy: You're all so scared for yourselves that you're turning against each other! And that's just as dangerous as any volcano.
  • SpongeBob: It doesn't have to be like this. We might only have seven minutes left, but we could make them the best seven minutes ever.
  • Mrs. Puff: How? The whole town is in ruins!
  • Squidward: Like I said before, SpongeBob, the world's a horrible place filled with fear, suffering and despair. And you didn't believe me!
  • SpongeBob: I still don't! Just look at the sun… [everyone looks at the sky] It's still shining! And look at the kelp… [approaches the clump of kelp nearby] It's still… kelp-y. Look at us… We still have each other! ♪ Just six more minutes left... ♪ [approaches Patrick and Sandy] ♪ We've done all we could do… And whatever happens next, I'm glad I'm here with you… Mr. Sun came up and he smiled at me ♪ [approaches a Bikini Bottomite with a smile, and they share a laugh] ♪ Said it's gonna be the best day, just wait and see! ♪ [approaches a mermaid, imitates the way she swims and helps her get up; then approaches another Bikini Bottomite] ♪ Volcanic doomsday caught us unaware ♪ [helps another Bikini Bottomite get up] ♪ But we're still here and Mr. Sun's up there! ♪ [points at the sky] ♪ Could be the best day ever… ♪
  • Sandy: ♪ Best day ever! ♪
  • SpongeBob: ♪ It still could be the best day ever… ♪ [approaches the Mayor]
  • Patrick and Sandy: ♪ Best day ever! ♪
  • SpongeBob: ♪ I'm so lucky, got nothing to do! ♪ [helps a sardine get up and imitates his hand movements] ♪ I can spend five minutes just being with you! ♪ [dances with a Bikini Bottomite] ♪ Every flower, every grain of sand is reaching out to shake my hand! ♪ [shakes hands with the Mayor while approaching the foley artist] ♪ It’s the best day ever! ♪
  • Bikini Bottomites: ♪ Best day ever! ♪
  • SpongeBob: ♪ It's the best day ever! ♪
  • Bikini Bottomites: ♪ Best day ever! ♪ [gather around SpongeBob]
  • SpongeBob: ♪ These past two days, the world’s been closing in on me… ♪
  • Everyone: [looks at each other] ♪ But when I'm feeling down, I can lose that frown; [looks at the sky] just stick my head out the window and look around! ♪ [Bikini Bottomites disperse]
  • SpongeBob: [takes Larry’s jellyfish-on-a-stick, and Sandy places a flower on its end] ♪ Whatever comes, there’s just one thing to do… ♪ [gives Larry’s jellyfish-on-a-stick to Patrick] ♪ Make the best day ever with all of you! Today’s the best day ever with [in a deep voice] … all of you now!
  • [SpongeBob points at Squidward, who is still frowning, and everyone looks towards him.]
  • Squidward: [smiles] ♪ It's the best day ever! ♪
  • Everyone: [dances around and with each other] ♪ It's the best day ever (best day ever); it's the best day ever! (best day ever) ♪
  • [Everyone’s singing is slightly overlapping each other and they clap along while singing.]
  • SpongeBob: ♪ It’s the best day ever! ♪
  • Bikini Bottomites: Bop-bop-ba-dam-ba-dam, bop-bop-ba-dam-ba-dam… it’s the best day... ♪
  • Perch Perkins: ♪ Ba-dam-ba-dam-ba-dam-ba-dam-ba-dam… Best day ever! ♪
  • SpongeBob: The best day ever! ♪
  • Bikini Bottomites: ♪ Bop-bop-ba-dam-ba-dam, bop-bop-ba-dam-ba-dam… it’s the best day... ♪
  • Perch Perkins: ♪ Ba-dam-ba-dam-ba-dam-ba-dam-ba-dam… Best day ever! ♪
  • Everyone: ♪ It’s the best day ever… oooh… ♪
  • Squidward: [points at the clock] There's one minute left...
  • Patrick: [points at the sun] The sun is about to set...
  • Sandy: Come on, Erupter Interrupter. Come on!
  • [Bikini Bottomites hold hands and brace themselves.]
  • Everyone: ♪ It's the best day ever (best day ever); it's the best day ever (best day ever) ♪ [closes their eyes] Five, four, three, two…
  • Plankton: '[opens his eye] … It didn’t erupt –?
  • [Everyone opens their eyes and sees bubbles cascading down on Bikini Bottom.]
  • SpongeBob: [amazed] Look, Sandy… Bubbles! It worked, just how you said!
  • Old Man Jenkins: [pointing at Sandy] You did this?
  • Sandy: [points at SpongeBob and Patrick behind her] We did.
  • Old Man Jenkins: Thank you.
  • Perch Perkins: This just in: Bikini Bottom is saved!
  • [Everyone celebrates and hugs each other and the mayor goes in front of the Bikini Bottomites.]
  • Mayor: I should apologize for my flagrant abuses of power. Mistakes were made.
  • Plankton: [hugging Karen] Yeah, like your avalanche idea, for one.
  • [Plankton and Karen’s arguments overlap one another.]
  • Karen: [pushes Plankton away] Unbelievable, Sheldon! [unintelligible] … As soon as things don’t go perfect, you blame it on me!
  • Plankton: Yes, it's so wrong, but I wanted to finally get lucky with one evil scheme! [everyone gasps and Plankton stops himself] They all heard me say that, didn't they?
  • Mr. Krabs: I knew this was one of your schemes, you lousy… [dolphin chirping; everyone gasps]
  • Plankton: How dare you call me a… [dolphin chirping]
  • [Everyone gasps as Mr. Krabs and Plankton continue to curse each other out while dolphin chirps are heard, and the Mayor goes in between them to stop the fighting.]
  • Mayor: Stop it! Stop it! We have to work together now, to rebuild our home.
  • Mr. Krabs: Alright. [looks at SpongeBob] You know… [SpongeBob approaches Mr. Krabs] I was wrong about you, boy. I think you could be manager someday.
  • Patrick: Told you!
  • SpongeBob: [marching happily] I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready!
  • Mr. Krabs: At the same salary, of course.
  • [SpongeBob, Patrick, and Sandy squeal in happiness while giving each other two thumbs up.]
  • SpongeBob: We should celebrate! Let's have the concert![Bikini Bottomites gasp in excitement]
  • Pearl: We don't need some boy band to rock for us. We can do it ourselves! ♪ Yeah! ♪
  • Mr. Krabs: Pearlie, I had no idea you could sing...
  • Larry the Lobster: Yo, count me in!
  • Karen: Me too! I play a mean glockenspiel.
  • Patrick: [raises hand excitedly] Ooh, ooh, is mayonnaise an instrument?
  • SpongeBob: Squidward, you'll be on clarinet, of course.
  • Squidward: You want me to perform? [looks at the sky] Mama! My moment has come! [giggles]
  • Patrick: How about you, Sandy?
  • Sandy: Oh, I think it's time I push on from here. Find some place I'm a little more welcome.
  • Old Man Jenkins: Wait. The Bikini Bottom Way says, "All are welcome here."
  • [The singing slightly overlaps with the dialogue.]
  • Bikini Bottomites: ♪ I will always vow and pledge allegiance to this town that I hold dear... ♪
  • Old Man Jenkins: That should mean you, too.
  • Sandy: Appreciate that. But I'm not sure I can trust y'all again.
  • Bikini Bottomites: ♪ But all are welcome here… ♪
  • SpongeBob: They mean it, Sandy. Give us another chance.
  • Bikini Bottomites: ♪ Bikini Bottom blue, yes, I’ll stay true… ♪
  • SpongeBob: Please? This is your home…
  • Bikini Bottomites: ♪ The Bikini Bottom way… ♪
  • Patrick: It's where your team is…
  • Sandy: [pauses, then smiles] Well, someone get me a guitar! [everyone cheers]
  • SpongeBob: Everybody, places for the concert!
  • [Everyone disperses and leaves SpongeBob alone on stage. He marches forward, causing it to squeak, and he hovers one leg up to avoid further squeaking. He puts his foot down and it squeaks again, and the foley artist is seen from the background, smiling at SpongeBob.]
  • SpongeBob: Is this thing on? [taps on invisible microphone to test it] Ooh! [musical conductor hands him his ukulele] Thank you, Maestro. [to the audience] Are you ready to rock? [audience cheers] One, two, three, four! [plays ukulele and the audience claps along] ♪ Busy day, stopped a volcano, kept a town from frying ♪
  • [Bikini Bottomites start coming in, playing musical instruments.]
  • Sandy: [plays guitar] ♪ We found a way, everything gets better if you keep on trying! ♪
  • Squidward: [holding his clarinet] ♪ A sponge can be handy when you're cleaning up spills… ♪
  • Mr. Krabs: [plays banjo] ♪ Sometimes you need a hero with some management skills! ♪
  • SpongeBob: ♪ Hey there, that's me! Happy just to be here in the world renowned… ♪
  • [More Bikini Bottomites walk to the stage from the audience, also playing musical instruments.]
  • Bikini Bottomites: ♪ Bikini Bottom! ♪
  • SpongeBob: ♪ How I love this town! ♪
  • Bikini Bottomites: ♪ Bikini Bottom! ♪
  • SpongeBob: When the sun shines down… ♪
  • Everyone: ♪ On a beautiful Bikini Bottom day! ♪
  • [A loud crash is heard from above, and Patchy the Pirate suddenly rappels down the stage. The audience erupts in applause.]
  • Patchy: Ha-ha! I told you I'd be back! [sees SpongeBob] Ooh! And there you are!
  • SpongeBob: Three, four!
  • Everyone: ♪ In the world renowned, Bikini Bottom! How I love this town, Bikini Bottom! When the sun shines down, the sun shines down, the sun shines down, the sun shines down… ♪ [Larry the Lobster wheels Gary in on a skateboard] ♪ On a beautiful Bikini Bottom… ♪
  • Gary: Meow!
  • Everyone: ♪ … day! Bikini Bottom Day! ♪
  • [Everyone runs around the stage and plays their musical instruments in disarray, while SpongeBob is seen giving Patchy a hug in the background. Confetti then rains down on the stage and the audience goes into a standing ovation.]
  • Everyone: [dancing around the stage] ♪ Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SpongeBob SquarePants! Absorbent and yellow and porous is he, SpongeBob SquarePants! If nautical nonsense be something you wish; SpongeBob SquarePants! Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish; SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants, SpongeBob SquarePants, SpongeBob SquarePants, SpongeBob… SquarePants! ♪
  • [The entire cast takes a bow as the audience applauds, ending the musical.]
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