This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "The Pink Purloiner" from season 4, which aired on February 19, 2007.
- SpongeBob: [A bus arrives at Jellyfish Fields.] You know, Patrick, the Jellyfish migration is my favorite time of year! For three whole days, jellyfish from around the globe gather on one spot to trade jelly secrets. [gasps as he sees a blue jellyfish.] Patrick, look! It's a blue-crested blaster! I've never seen one before! They're really rare. And a speckled squirter! A two fisted Jumper! And a gold-throated stinger!
- Gold Throated Singer: La, la, la, la, la, la, la!
- SpongeBob: Oh, this year's migration is gonna be a big one! [SpongeBob and Patrick are over-shadowed.]
- Patrick: Uhh, SpongeBob? [looks up and sees a bunch of colorful jellyfish above them.]
- SpongeBob: Wow. This looks like a job for Ol' Reliable! [opens his case to a metal net instead of one made of bamboo sticks. He catches many jellyfish while Patrick struggles to catch one. Scene cuts to the bus stop.]
- SpongeBob: Ah, that was the most beautiful day of jellyfishing ever.
- Patrick: Well, I didn't catch a thing with my dumb old net. [his net breaks.]
- SpongeBob: Lucky for me, I have Ol' Reliable! Carbon fiber handle, titanium alloy netting and form-fitting silicone grips. Yes, sir, Ol' Reliable is the best net in the world.
- Patrick: Wow! I would kill for a net like that! You know, something small like a carrot. But not spiders, they're icky. [shudders. Scene cuts to the bus dropping off Patrick and SpongeBob on their street.]
- SpongeBob: Good night, Patrick.
- Patrick: Good night, SpongeBob.
- SpongeBob: [in his bed] Ah, I love jellyfishing. [night breaks into day quickly and the foghorn alarm goes off.] Whoo! Time to get ready for day two of the jellyfish migration. And I'll start with my trusty jellyfishing net, Ol' Reliable. [realizes he doesn't have it]. Ol' Reliable? [gasps] It's gone! [runs out the door in his underwear.]
- Gary: Meow?
- SpongeBob: Oh, right. Pants.
- French Narrator: One pair of pants later...
- SpongeBob: Patrick, Ol' Reliable has been stolen! [both scream. Scene cuts to them stapling posters saying "STOLEN! OL' RELIABLE."]
- SpongeBob: Put one over there, Patrick.
- Patrick: I'm all done.
- SpongeBob: Maybe we should spread out a little. [newspaper ad of the "Bikini Bottom Gazette" reads "STOLEN: OL' RELIABLE" on the front page.]
- Johnny: Flash. The jellyfish migration enters its second day of fantastic jellyfishing. We now go live to our reporter on the scene.
- Perch Perkins: [in Jellyfish Fields.] This year's migration is the largest in a century! I feel truly sorry for the poor saps that will miss even one minute of this remarkable event. [SpongeBob takes Perch's microphone.]
- SpongeBob: Attention, Bikini Bottom, my jellyfishing net has been stolen. I am prepared to offer a large reward for its safe return. [Mr. Krabs sees this on TV at home and runs to Jellyfish Fields then appears on TV instantly.]
- Mr. Krabs: Reward? How much we talkin' about?
- SpongeBob: 12 dollars and... [counts the coins] ...38 cents.
- Mr. Krabs: I'm on the case. [takes SpongeBob's money and runs off screen while Perch takes back his microphone.]
- Perch Perkins: Guys, I know it's a slow news day, but come on. [The scene cuts to SpongeBob sitting in his chair by the phone when it rings. He picks it up.]
- SpongeBob: Oh! Hello? Hello?
- Patrick: SpongeBob, did you get your net back?
- SpongeBob: Oh, get off the line, Patrick. Someone might be trying to call about Ol' Reliable!
- Patrick: Oh, sorry. [hangs up. The phone rings again.] Did you get your net yet?
- SpongeBob: No, Patrick. Don't call unless you found my net. [hangs up. The phone rings again.]
- SpongeBob: Hello?!
- Patrick: SpongeBob, I found your net!
- SpongeBob: What?! Really, Patrick?
- Patrick: Uhh, oh, not really. I just got lonely.
- SpongeBob: Oh, I'll never get my net back. I'll just have to accept that Ol' Reliable is gone forever. [looks out his window and notices Patrick running around with a jellyfish net.]
- SpongeBob: [sighs] Patrick's lucky. He gets to practice in the middle of the night with his jellyfish net. [gets in bed.] Funny thing is, Patrick's net disintegrated yesterday. [his eyes widen. Scene cuts to morning. Patrick walks up to SpongeBob's pineapple.]
- Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob, did you get Ol' Reliable back yet?
- SpongeBob: [sighs] No, not yet. Hey, Patrick, wouldn't it be the funniest thing if you had taken my jellyfish net? [Patrick laughs then stops.]
- Patrick: No. [SpongeBob laughs]
- SpongeBob: Yeah, that would be silly. Oh, that reminds me. I got you a present.
- Patrick: A present? What is it?
- SpongeBob: [pulls out a bear with a microphone in its hand.] It's a Confess-A-Bear. He's a special friend you tell all your secrets to.
- Patrick: Wow, thanks, SpongeBob!
- SpongeBob: I'll just leave you two alone to get acquainted.
- [He quickly dashes off to speak for the bear.]
- SpongeBob/Confess-A-Bear: Hi! My name is Confess-A-Bear! Tell me all your secrets.
- Patrick: Um, [sits on the ground] I did something recently I'm not very proud of. I didn't mean to do it. It just sort of happened.
- SpongeBob / Confess-A-Bear: Oh, maybe you should talk about it.
- Patrick: Well, it involves my best friend SpongeBob. I don't think he knows what happened, but it would really upset him if he found out.
- SpongeBob / Confess-A-Bear: Tell Confess-A-Bear!
- Patrick: I've said too much already.
- SpongeBob / Confess-a-Bear: Tell Confess-A-Bear now! Now!
- Patrick: [screams] I accidentally knocked SpongeBob's toothbrush in the toilet and then I put it back on the counter without washing it! Confess-A-Bear? [SpongeBob runs around in the background screaming and wiping his tongue off in disgust]. You're mad at me, aren't you, Confess-A-Bear? [scene cuts to SpongeBob walking up to Patrick's rock.]
- SpongeBob: Patrick, we need to talk.
- Patrick: Uh, don't come in! I'm not decent! The house is a mess! There's a radiation leak!
- SpongeBob: Hmmm... [walks down some stairs into Patrick's rock.] Patrick, where are you? Why are the lights off?
- Patrick: I'm in here. Be out in a second. [Patrick's shadow reveals himself holding a jellyfishing net.]
- SpongeBob: Ol' Reliable! Ah...ha.
- Patrick: [Standing with his hands behind his back.] Hello.
- SpongeBob: What's in your hand, Patrick?
- Patrick: [shows his left hand.] Nothing.
- SpongeBob: What's in your other hand?
- Patrick: [grows another arm through his chest.] Nothing in my other hand.
- SpongeBob: Well, I gotta go.
- Patrick: Okay, bye.
- SpongeBob: Patrick wouldn't steal Ol' Reliable. Would he? [imagines Patrick from earlier.]
- Patrick: I would kill for a net like that! [takes out a carrot, breaks it in half, and laughs maniacally.]
- SpongeBob: [screams.] Have I been best friends with a master thief? I must know for sure. [scene cuts to the next day.] Good morning, Patrick.
- Patrick: Good morning, SpongeBob.
- SpongeBob: What are you going to do today, buddy?
- Patrick: Eh, nothing.
- SpongeBob: [puts on his Krusty Krab hat.] Well, I'm off to work. See ya later, Patrick.
- Patrick: Bye. [SpongeBob walks off then sneaks into a bush in the background.]
- SpongeBob: Now, we'll just see what sort of nothing you're really up to, Sneaky McSneakyPants. [looks through binoculars.]
- French Narrator: Eight hours later...
- SpongeBob: [still looking through binoculars.] Oh, he is good. You never really know a guy until you stare at him for eight hours through high-powered binoculars. Hey, where'd he go? [Patrick is behind him.]
- Patrick: Hi, SpongeBob. What are you doing?
- SpongeBob: Uh, you... what the...? What are you doing?
- Patrick: Nothing. I just finished. [takes out his to-do list and crosses out 'Nothing.'] Oh, hey, look. You can see where I was just standing from here. Boy, if you wanted to, you could have spied on me all day from right here. [shudder.] Creepy, huh? Anyway, what are you doing with those binoculars?
- SpongeBob: [yells and throws away the binoculars.] I don't have any binoculars, see?
- Patrick: You're acting weird.
- SpongeBob: I'm not acting weird! You're acting weird! [runs off panting.] You're... acting... weird!
- Patrick: Okay, bye! [later, SpongeBob knocks on Patrick's rock.] Hello! Who are you?
- SpongeBob: [wearing a mustache. British accent.] Greetings, young fellow! I am willing to pay top dollar for jellyfishing items with sentimental value, if you know what I mean.
- Patrick: Oh. No.
- SpongeBob: Word on the street is that you know where to get quality jellyfishing supplies hmm.
- Patrick: What street said that? Was it this one? [points at the street.] Mind your own business!
- SpongeBob: Oh Mr. Star, I know that you are in possession of a rare jellyfishing net. [shows a fake $1,000,000,000 bill that is colored on with crayon] I will pay one billion dollars for that net.
- Patrick: I don't know who you are, but you're not getting this jellyfishing net! [holds the jellyfishing case out.] I wouldn't sell it for a million dollars, not for a hundred dollars, I wouldn't even sell it for a dollar!
- SpongeBob: Oh, really?
- Patrick: You can't have it for any price.
- SpongeBob: And why not?
- Patrick: This means more to me than money. It's my friend SpongeBob's.
- SpongeBob: [rips off the mustache. Normal voice.] A-ha!
- Patrick: SpongeBob! Oh, thank goodness you're here. There was this scary guy with a mustache asking a lot of weird questions.
- SpongeBob: Patrick, [puts on the mustache.] I'm the scary mustache guy!
- Patrick: [screams] Why, SpongeBob, why?! Why would you wear such a scary mustache?
- SpongeBob: [rips off the mustache] Why did you steal my jellyfishing net?!
- Patrick: What?! I'm your best friend!
- SpongeBob: You were my best friend, you no-good jellyfish net thief!
- Patrick: How could you think that?
- SpongeBob: Because you said it! You said that it was your friend SpongeBob's!
- Patrick: [takes out the case] ...Gift.
- SpongeBob: [confused] What?
- Patrick: It's my friend SpongeBob's gift! [opens the case up to reveal a new jellyfishing net.] I made you a new net.
- SpongeBob: [reads inscription] For SpongeBob. You made me a new jellyfishing net? That is so thoughtful of you! Patrick? [a bunch of stuff is on the ground.]
- [Patrick puts the TV in the pile.]
- SpongeBob: What'cha doing, best friend?
- Patrick: I'm not your best friend. I'm a no-good jelly netting thief fish!
- SpongeBob: Where are you going?
- Patrick: I'm leaving Bikini Bottom while I still have my dignity.
- SpongeBob: Patrick, no! [bus stops in front of them.] So, this is it?
- Patrick: Barring the unforeseen hand of fate, I'm afraid it is.
- SpongeBob: [hands onto Patrick's left foot.] Patrick, don't go! I'm sorry I accused you! It's bad enough I lost my net. I don't want to lose my friend, too. Please forgive me.
- Incidental 41: [comes out] What's the holdup? Oh, it's you two. [shows SpongeBob his net.] Look, you left your net on the bus again.
- SpongeBob: Ol' Reliable? I left you on the bus?!
- Incidental 41: You do it every week. Now can we get going?
- SpongeBob: Patrick, I want you to take this to remember me by. [Hands Ol' Reliable to Patrick]
- Patrick: You're giving me Ol' Reliable? [cries loudly] I accept your apology!
- SpongeBob: Oh, come here, you big lug! [both hug and cry loudly]
- Passengers: Aww...
- Incidental 41: They do this all the time. I'm serious. I--ugh, never mind.
- Patrick: I'm staying in Bikini Bottom!
- Passengers: Hooray! [bus drives off]
- Patrick: You want to go jellyfishing? I just got a new net. [holds up Ol' Reliable.]
- SpongeBob: So did I. [holds up the one Patrick made for him.] My best friend made it for me.
- SpongeBob & Patrick: Whee!
- [Both laugh and run into Jellyfish Fields with their new nets, where the exotic jellyfish still are, episode ends.]