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This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "The Krusty Bucket" from season twelve, which aired on August 10, 2019.
  • [The episode begins at Mr. Krabs' anchor house early in the morning. A clam crows like a rooster. Mr. Krabs is getting himself prepared for a new day.]
  • Mr. Krabs: [yawns and takes off his robe] Oh, yeah. [climbs into his bathtub to shower] There we go. [turns the faucet and begins to bath in the shower]
  • [Inside the medicine cabinet, Plankton squeezes out of the toothpaste tube.]
  • Plankton: Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee! [talks through walkie-talkie] Fluoride to Desktop, I'm in a position to raise no suspicion, over.
  • Karen: [through walkie-talkie] Cut the poetry, Wordsworth. Did you get Krabs' hair sample yet?
  • Plankton: Keep your pants on, woman! I'm gonna steal his hairs right out of his razor. [chuckles as he grabs a razor and goes to take some hair]
  • [Suddenly, Mr. Krabs opens the cabinet door.]
  • Mr. Krabs: I'll just grab the razor here...[grabs Plankton]
  • Plankton: Wait! No! [gets dragged against Mr. Krabs' face with his teeth] Auugh!
  • [Plankton spits out a hairball of Mr. Krabs' hair.]
  • Plankton: [coughs] Ehhh! [rubs the hair off his tongue]
  • [Mr. Krabs holds Plankton up to the shower head and fills his mouth up with water.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Now for the rest of it. [uses Plankton to shave his back hair]
  • [The scene changes to Karen reading a book while she's waiting for Plankton. Plankton comes in.]
  • Karen: Well, if it isn't my thieving husband. So did you bring me the— [sees Plankton's mouth full of hair; she picks it up and removes the hair from Plankton's mouth] Hair? [takes a sample of hair and throws the rest away] I only needed one.
  • [The scene changes to Plankton leaning on the glass of his machine.]
  • Plankton: Hee-hee-hee! You married a genius, Karen. Using the DNA of Krabs' hair and my own DNA from my antennae— [his antennae gets snipped off by Karen] Ouch! [his antennae is placed in the machine] I will create a combo-clone of me and Krabs to finally steal the secret formula! [pulls up the lever and cackles]
  • [The machine turns itself on and fuses the hair sample and antennae sample together. The cloning machine turns on and creates a single being with Krabs' and Plankton's DNA together. The being turns into a blob and the machine turns off.]
  • Plankton: Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Behold PlanKrab!
  • [The machine opens the door and the being steps out.]
  • PlanKrab: Heh-heh-heh.
  • [The smoke clears to reveal the being. It appears to be a clone with Mr. Krabs' body and Plankton's head.]
  • PlanKrab: Arr-arr-arr-arr-arr!
  • Karen: How is this a good thing?
  • Plankton: Wake up, Karen! The Plankton side will know everything the Krabs side knows! It'll be easier than taking candy from a baby.
  • Karen: Mm, and we know how successful that was. [turns on the screen to show Plankton trying to steal a lollipop from a baby, but ends up getting sucked on]
  • Plankton: This is different! Isn't it, PlanKrab, my pretty? Now, here's my plan.
  • PlanKrab: Don't waste your breath, Plankteron. I already mapped out the perfect plot to swipe that formuler-ererer!
  • [PlanKrab gives Plankton a high-five before leaving for the Krusty Krab.]
  • Plankton: Great! See you soon, P.K.! [sighs] I love that guy. Well, half of him anyway. [laughs until he coughs] Still got a hair in there.
  • [The scene changes to Plankton waiting for PlanKrab at the Krusty Krab.]
  • Plankton: Where is PlanKrab with the secret formula? It's been over three minutes already! [gets stepped on by Colonel Carper]
  • [PlanKrab walks to the door and notices Plankton on the ground. He picks Plankton up.]
  • Plankton: All right, Two-Face, what's the big idea? What have you been doing all this time?!
  • PlanKrab: Oh, nothing much-erer. Just stealin' the formuler-erer… [shows Plankton the Krabby Patty formula]
  • Plankton: Uh-whaaa? [his eyebrow falls off in surprise]
  • PlanKrab: Taking over this restaurant-erer…
  • SpongeBob and Squidward: [both happy and wearing new hats] Hooray for PlanKrab! He's the best boss ever!
  • PlanKrab: And kicking Krabs out on his booty-erererer! [points to Mr. Krabs looking through the window in depression]
  • Plankton: B-b-but how?!
  • PlanKrab: All it took, me hearty, was a hearty handshake. The world's persuasive handshake, that is! [holds his hand out] It's me latest creation. Put her there-erer, matey.
  • Plankton: An evil handshake. That's hands down the dumbest thing I ever— [puts his hand on PlanKrab's hand] Huh? [feels tiny hands giving his hand nice, gentle massages and spa treatments] Oh. Ooh. Heh-heh, yeah. Oh, ooh, ahh, ahh. Yeah, yeah. Ahh! Yeah. Ohh-ho-ho! [lets go of PlanKrab's hand] Oh, your handshake is exquisite! I'd believe anything you say.
  • PlanKrab: [turns Plankton around] Then believe this, swabby. [steals Plankton's deed to the Chum Bucket] I'll also be commandeer-ering the Chum Bucket from now on.
  • Plankton: Ahh—ahh. Sounds great to me, P.K.
  • PlanKrab: And I'm afraid your services are no longer required-ererered! [throws Plankton in the air]
  • Plankton: Gosh, I still can't get over this handshake. [gets booted out of the Krusty Krab and is sent flying in Mr. Krabs' coffee mug] I'm over it now.
  • Mr. Krabs: [gasps upon seeing Plankton in his mug] Plankton! [sets Plankton down] Some creepy one-eyed crab took me restaurant! [sobs really hard]
  • Plankton: Wait a minute. I think he took mine too! [sobs alongside Mr. Krabs]
  • Mr. Krabs: I-I-I don't know what happened. But that was some handshake of his, huh? I mean...hoo—hoo!
  • Plankton: Snap out of the handshake! It's a trick, Krabs! [slaps Mr. Krabs in the face] A dirty, beautiful trick!
  • [Suddenly, a truck with a crane comes by. It implants something on the top of the Krusty Krab. The cover pulls itself up and reveals to be the Chum Bucket. Only this time, it says Krusty Bucket in place of the word, "Chum." The sign opens to reveal the word, "The Krusty Bucket." Plankton and Mr. Krabs scream in terror upon what they're seeing. The scene changes to Mr. Krabs and Plankton eavesdropping on the Krusty Bucket to see what PlanKrab is doing.]
  • Nat Peterson: [eats a patty] Say, this Krabby Patty tastes even better than usual. What's in it, SpongeBob?
  • SpongeBob: Well, it's the same old patty, except now each one has a pinch of chum added.
  • Plankton: A pinch of ch-ch-ch-chum?
  • PlanKrab: [gives SpongeBob the soothing handshake] Good work, me boy-o.
  • SpongeBob: [heavily breathes] Wow! [faints]
  • Mr. Krabs: Me boy-o?
  • [Mr. Krabs and Plankton both sob a rainfall of tears. Storm clouds roll by and rains on both the depressed Mr. Krabs and Plankton.]
  • Plankton: [sighs] There's only one way to get our restaurants back, Eugene.
  • Mr. Krabs: [gasps] You don't mean...
  • Mr. Krabs and Plankton: We gotta work together...!
  • [The rain floods on both Mr. Krabs and Plankton.]
  • Plankton: [coughs] Hair.
  • [The scene changes to PlanKrab taking out the trash. He locks the back door and goes to get rid of some of the trash bags. But little did he know, Mr. Krabs and Plankton are hiding in the garbage can between the brick walls. They're planning on to stage a surprise attack on PlanKrab. They both chuckle and give each other a high-five.]
  • PlanKrab: [comes to the garbage can in between the brick walls] Hey, what the...
  • [A brawl is heard from between the brick walls. The fighting stops. Mr. Krabs and Plankton come out with the key, but they both end up collapsing to the ground. PlanKrab comes out unscathed and takes the key. Mr. Krabs and Plankton growl angrily. The scene goes back to the Krusty Krab.]
  • Mr. Krabs: He may have taken our restaurants, but we'll take his customers!
  • [Fred sees signs that says the Krusty Bucket is closed and are pointing to something else in another direction. Fred walks over to Mr. Krabs and Plankton's stand, buys a patty, and leaves. Mr. Krabs and Plankton chuckle, thinking they've won.]
  • PlanKrab: [holding a drive-thru sign but points it to Plankton and Mr. Krabs] This way! Drive-thru! Literally.
  • [Mr. Krabs and Plankton get run over by a passing truck. PlanKrab then heads back into the Krusty Krab.]
  • Plankton: All right, all right! I can't go any lower, Eugene! Please make it stop!
  • Mr. Krabs: [picks Plankton up] It looks like there's only one way out of this one, Sheldon.
  • Plankton: Oh, no! You don't mean...
  • Mr. Krabs: Yeah. I'm afraid so.
  • [The scene changes to Mr. Krabs and Plankton sitting in PlanKrab's office. SpongeBob is acting as a moving fan for PlanKrab.]
  • PlanKrab: That'll be all for now, Spongematey.
  • SpongeBob: Oh, could I just have one more handshake, Captain?
  • PlanKrab: [chuckles] Sure as yer born. [gives SpongeBob the soothing handshake]
  • SpongeBob: Ooh…. [melts and slithers back into the kitchen]
  • PlanKrab: So you two scallywags want to work for me, eh?
  • Mr. Krabs and Plankton: I wanna be the manager! [both growl angrily]
  • PlanKrab: Well, you're both in luck. It just so happens I'm looking for two new manager-erers…
  • Mr. Krabs: Ahh!
  • Plankton: Yeah!
  • [The scene changes into the Krusty Krab restrooms. PlanKrab gives Mr. Krabs and Plankton working hats and toilet brushes.]
  • PlanKrab: To manage me toilets! [chuckles and leaves]
  • Mr. Krabs: [removes the hat] Well, here's another fine mess you've gotten us into.
  • Plankton: [whimpers and coughs] Hair.
  • [The scene changes to Mr. Krabs and Plankton scrubbing the toilets with toilet brushes.]
  • Plankton: The humiliation in here stinks!
  • Mr. Krabs: This is all your fault, Plankton. I'm gonna keel haul yer face at lunchtime!
  • Plankton: Why wait? Let's take a coffee break! [throws a coffee maker onto Mr. Krabs] Pow!
  • [Mr. Krabs' eyes pour out of the coffee maker. Mr. Krabs grabs Plankton and pushes him against a fast-moving toilet paper roll. Plankton pushes Mr. Krabs into the toilet and gives him a swirly flush.]
  • Plankton: [laughs] Swirly!
  • [Mr. Krabs pulls himself out of the toilet and is all twisted. Mr. Krabs and Plankton then gets into a massive brawl. One customer, Administrator Flotsam, is hearing the commotion from the other side.]
  • Administrator Flotsam: Hey, I'm trying to read! [Mr. Krabs and Plankton plows through the curtain] Ahh! Hey! [gets caught up in the brawl]
  • [Outside, PlanKrab is giving Squidward the soothing handshake. Squidward happily faints into his register boat.]
  • Administrator Flotsam: [runs out of the restroom] Two guys...fighting...toilet paper everywhere! [runs away]
  • PlanKrab: [gets angry and pulls up his sleeve] Oh, yeah? [kicks the restroom door open and enters] Who's defiling me rester-ereroom?!
  • [The doors fall down and sees Plankton and Mr. Krabs fighting on the toilet.]
  • Plankton: He did it!
  • Mr. Krabs: He did it!
  • Mr. Krabs and Plankton: No, he did it! No, he did it! No, he did it! [continuously bickering]
  • [PlanKrab gets so confused at what he's getting at. When all of a sudden, he splits his heads into half. One head is Green PlanKrab and the other head is Red PlanKrab.]
  • Green PlanKrab: Get off of him, Plankton!
  • Red PlanKrab: It was obviously Krabs' fault!
  • Green PlanKrab: Why are you siding with Plankton?!
  • Red PlanKrab: Why are you siding with Krabs?!
  • Plankton: They're arguing!
  • Mr. Krabs: And splitting up!
  • Green PlanKrab: Stop hitting myself! [hits Red PlanKrab]
  • Red PlanKrab: Ow! [hits Green PlanKrab] Stop hitting myself! I'm sick of you! [bashes into each other's heads]
  • Green PlanKrab: What in Neptune's name is wrong with meself?!
  • [The two heads keep on fighting and going on each other's throats with their arguing.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Jeez, is that what we sound like?
  • Plankton: I hope not, 'cause that's pathetic.
  • Green PlanKrab and Red PlanKrab: [continuously hitting each other] I can't stop hitting myself, because I'm torn!
  • [Green PlanKrab and Red PlanKrab split into two separate beings. They both growl angrily each other until Mr. Krabs and Plankton breaks them up while blowing whistles.]
  • Mr. Krabs: All right, you clones, I want a clean fight. No rough stuff. Go back to your corners when the bell rings and come out fighting.
  • Plankton: But first, you gotta shake hands.
  • Green PlanKrab: Well, fine.
  • [Green PlanKrab and Red PlanKrab give each a handshake. And, at the same time, they end up getting the same massage and spa treatment that the original PlanKrab gave out earlier. Green PlanKrab chuckles warmly.]
  • Red PlanKrab: Wow, this is a great handshake.
  • [Green PlanKrab and Red PlanKrab both melt into puddles on the floor, leaving nothing but their severed hands.]
  • Plankton: Splitting? So soon?
  • [Mr. Krabs and Plankton laughs heartily.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Oh, you. [laughs]
  • Plankton: [coughs] Hair.
  • Mr. Krabs: Here, me bucko. Let me get that for ya. [steps on Plankton to cough out a hairball]
  • Hairball: [chuckles] Freedom!
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