This article is a transcript of the Kamp Koral: SpongeBob's Under Years episode "The Ho! Ho! Horror!" from season 1, which aired on July 22, 2021.
- [Santa is on an inflatable on a pool at a tropical resort. He slurps his drink.]
- Santa: [sighs, reads travel magazine] Huh? Bikini Bottom? Second-happiest town in the sea? I don't remember ever delivering toys to a place called Bikini Bottom before. [gasps] Could I have missed the town? I haven't missed a town since 1921. And that was a ghost town. Nobody saw it. [tosses magazine and starts looking at a digital tracker] Hmm. It says here that all the kids are staying at the Kamp Koral summer camp. And they're all asleep. Oh, those poor toyless tots.
- [Santa puts on his signature outfit, along with a scuba helmet. He carries his bag and runs off. He jumps onto a reindeer.]
- Santa: Get read, kids, 'cause Santa Claus is coming to camp! High-ho, Bludolph! [Bludolph leaps into the sky] Away! Ha-hey! [dives into the water, laughing]
- [Santa arrives at Kamp Koral at nighttime, and hops off of Bludolph.]
- Santa: [sighs] [picks up sack, but accidentally hits the Kamp Koral sign] Oopsy. [fixes sign, picks sack up again, and runs off] Ho, ho, ho! Oops. [softly, tiptoeing] I mean, ho, ho, ho.
- [Santa takes out some presents from his bag, chuckles, and hides before he can deliver them once Patrick opens the cabin door.]
- Patrick: [jogging in place, holding root beer] Ugh! Stupid root beer! Now I have to pee. Thanks a lot! [chugs root beer, then rushes into the outhouse, sighing of relief]
- Santa: [chuckles]
- SpongeBob: [comes out of cabin before Santa can deliver presents, asleep] [snores, doing jellyfish net hand motions] Gotta catch those jellies. [falls down, snores] Gotta catch those jellies. [snores, still doing hand motions] Gotta catch those jellies. [yawns, goes back inside]
- Santa: [wiping off sweat] Ooh!
- Patrick: [returning from outhouse] [to root beer can] Now, don't do that again, root beer. I'm warning you. [drinks root beer, goes inside]
- Sandy: [snoring in her treedome, wakes up] Huh? [rubes eye] Mama?
- Santa: [takes off one of his hats and places it on treedome] [Sandy falls back asleep] Phew. [places log against cabin door] There. That ought to keep you inside. [chuckles as he delivers presents] Yeah. Nothing but roof. [rooster crows as dawn approaches] Oh, the sun's up. Better hide. [chuckles, hides behind tower]
- [Squidward opens the cabin door, holding his clarinet, and trips on the log. He falls to the ground, wipes his clothes, and picks up his clarinet. He inhales, then starts badly playing "Reveille," disturbing several wild animals, making them run away. Santa covers his ears, and loses his balance and falls down. He hides behind the tower again.]
- Santa: That was terrible. [crosses out Squidward's name on a list with a red pen] Well, I guess it's coal for Squidward. [chuckles, rubs hands together] I can't wait for them to open their presents.
- [All of the campers open their cabin doors, holding presents. They are visibly confused.]
- Camper: [to another] I don't get it.
- Elwood: [everyone is now gathered in one area] Santa? Who the heck is Santa?
- Girl camper: Who cares? My mother always says, never look the gift seahorse in the mouth.
- SpongeBob: [yelling, approaching] Wait! My mother always says never take gifts from strangers.
- Elwood: [gasps] My mother says that too!
- Campers: That's what my mom says.
- Santa: What? Santa's no stranger.
- Patrick: Apologies to your mothers, but I gotta know what it is!
- SpongeBob: [frantically waving] No, Patrick! Mother said never! And that means never.
- Patrick: I can't chance it, SpongeBob. There could be root beer in here!
- [Patrick tries to open up the present, but SpongeBob tries to stop him. SpongeBob eventually succeeds in taking the present, and Patrick holds his crotch.]
- Patrick: Stupid root beer! [runs off]
- Camper: Well, if we can't open them, we might as well burn 'em! [campers cheering and running off]
- Santa: [hands on head] What?
- [The campers all throw their presents into a campfire.]
- Campers: Whoa!
- Santa: No! [runs away from tower]
- Perch Perkins: [in tower] Huh? [screams, ducks]
- Santa: [stomping on burning presents, making campers scream]
- Camper: [pointing at Santa] Look, it's a...
- Perch Perkins: [on microphone] It's a giant bearded lady!
- Santa: Wait! I'm no lady. I'm Santa Claus! I'm your friend! [words echoing, foot on fire]
- Perch Perkins: [campers screaming and running away] Run for our lives!
- Santa: [goes into lake to extinguish foot, groans]
- [Cut to the campers at Mr. Krabs' cabin door, with SpongeBob knocking.]
- Campers: Mr. Krabs!
- Mr. Krabs: [opens door, rubs eyes] Okay, keep your shirts on.
- SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs! There's a red, giant, bearded lady with a fire-breathing boot attacking the camp!
- Mr. Krabs: [unamused] Oh, you don't say. Congratulations, you get to hoist the flag today. [drops flag onto SpongeBob] I haven't had my coffee. [shuts door]
- [The campers all look behind them, with SpongeBob lifting the flag on his face, to see Santa looking at them, and they all gasp.]
- Santa: [crouching, front of scuba helmet opens] I'm Santa. [breath coming from mouth] You know? Ho, ho, ho.
- Campers: [get hit with peppermint breath, coughing and gagging]
- Camper: [pointing, disgusted] Ew, peppermint breath!
- Larry: [on zip-line] Never fear, weaklings. [holds towel, swirling it and whipping it] The jocks will save you! [Craig and Mo follow behind on their own zip-lines]
- [The jocks all whip Santa's behind with their towels, making him spin around. Patrick has his own towel, and does a battle cry as he spins his towel around. He jumps off of SpongeBob and whips Santa's behind as well. Patrick falls to the ground as Santa is in pain.]
- Santa: Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. [falls down and crushes Patrick]
- [The campers all cheer and start wrapping vines around Santa, pinning him to the ground.]
- Santa: [as Patrick digs out of his suit] Oh, oh. Oh?
- Patrick: [popping out of Santa, gasps for breath] He doesn't have a belly! It's just a bowl full of jelly! [campers gasp and scream] I wish I had a [sits on Santa] bowl full of jelly.
- Santa: Please don't hurt me. [rolls out pictures of his elves from wallet] I have 10,000 elves to feed.
- Campers: [ooh and ah]
- Santa: See? Oh, this one's the baby.
- Camper: [puts duct tape over Santa's scuba helmet] Ha! [chuckles] That shut him up. [Santa angrily bounces him off]
- [Santa uses his finger to put Christmas lights on the cabins. The campers ooh and ah. Santa throws candy at the campers, which ends up in their mouths. They all start chewing on it. Squidward gets one as well.]
- Squidward: Huh? [spits out lollipop]
- Santa: [campers continue chewing] Aw.
- Squidward: Candy from strangers! Spit out those treats [runs away] and retreat!
- Campers: Huh? [spit out candy, run away screaming]
- Santa: Huh?
- [SpongeBob and Squidward pop out of a bush and go back in. Squidward rocks back and forth, sweating.]
- SpongeBob: [huddled up with other campers] Oh, how do we get rid of that jolly giant now, Mr. Tentacles??
- Squidward: [shouting] How should I know? Do I look like a jolly giant killer to you?
- Mrs. Puff: [appearing] You need a jolly giant to vanquish a jolly giant. [pushes campers aside] And that jolly giant is [points to herself] me! [inflates to a giant size] I'm not [flails arms] big enough!
- Camper: [holds out pump] Oh, no? [puts pump pipe into Mrs. Puff's mouth and inflates her]
- [The other campers each jump on the pump, inflating Mrs. Puff further. Cut back to Santa.]
- Santa: [sighs] You tried, Santa. [picks up presents and puts them in his sack] [Mrs. Puff continues inflating in the background] If the kids don't believe, they don't believe.
- Mrs. Puff: I believe!
- Santa: [looks behind] Huh?
- Mrs. Puff: [pointing at Santa] I believe that you just crossed the line, weird beard. [growling, approaches Santa]
- Santa: Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas, my friend. There's no need for alarm. Ho, ho, ho!
- Mrs. Puff: Stay away from my campers! [slaps Santa in slow motion]
- Santa: [falls down and knocks over the lighthouse, gets up] Nobody cold cocks Kris Kringle!
- [Mrs. Puff screams and growls, running towards Santa, who is running towards her. The two start pushing each other, and Santa's foot crushes a cabin. Three campers are cheering Mrs. Puff on.]
- Camper: Sic her, Mrs. Puff! [all scream as they dodge a falling outhouse, which sets on fire]
- Perch Perkins: [from microphone, sweating] Oh, no! The bearded lady and Mrs. Puff are locked in mortal combat? Who will win? Is this the end of Kamp Koral? [Santa and Mrs. Puff, still fighting, knock over his tower] [screams and lands on the Santa hat on Sandy's treedome]
- [Perch screams again as he slips off of the Santa hat, pulling it off of the treedome.]
- Sandy: [wakes up, rubbing eye] Huh? [sees Santa fighting with Mrs. Puff] [pressed against glass] Tarnation! I oversleep one morning and now there's giants?
- [Santa and Mrs. Puff are now punching each other. Sandy appears outside, running with karate gear. She dodges a rock and a boat thrown in her direction.]
- Sandy: Don't worry, Mrs. Puff! [salutes] I'll give that giant jerk a giant smack! [jumps and climbs onto Santa, then is about to land a punch when she notices who it is] Huh? Santa? [Mrs. Puff punches Sandy, causing her to fall down in front of the other campers hiding in a bush] [groans] Huh?
- SpongeBob: Stay down, Sandy! This is the red giant's war zone! We're just living in it! [he and the other campers hide in the bush]
- Sandy: [angrily pulling SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward out of the bush] Everybody, [points to Santa fighting with Mrs. Puff] that's not a red giant!
- Campers: [unamused] Oh, yeah?
- Sandy: [gesturing to Santa] Well, it is. But it's also Santa Claus. I know him from back in Texas. He's my friend! Santa Claus is everybody's friend!
- Campers: Aww. [crashing is heard] [chanting] Mrs. Puff! Mrs. Puff! Mrs. Puff!
- Sandy: [gasps, growls angrily] [jumps onto Mrs. Puff] Mrs. Puff! Stop fighting Santa Claus! He's a giver of gifts! Not a monster!
- Mrs. Puff: Ugh!
- [Sandy slides off of Mrs. Puff, and sees an air pump attached to her. She opens it up, releasing air and blasting her all the way into Santa's present sack.]
- Mrs. Puff: [deflating] Oh! [yelps and falls down]
- Campers: Aw.
- Santa: [adjusting body]
- Squidward: [gets thrown a gift by Sandy] Ah!
- Campers: Huh?
- Sandy: [angry, dropping presents] Look! [pointing] You ballyhooing baboons! [holding present] These presents aren't dangerous! [opening present] It's candy and toys! You see! I told you--
- Patrick: [shushing Sandy] You had me at candy. [uses tongue to grab candy and eat it]
- [Cut to later that night, where all of the campers are opening gifts and talking to each other. Patrick gets a bowl of jelly, and SpongeBob gets a pineapple.]
- SpongeBob: Ooh!
- Mrs. Puff: Sorry again about the misunderstanding, Santa.
- Santa: [on Bludolph] Oh, I'm sorry too. You almost took my head off. Ho! Ho! Luckily, Sandy kept her head.
- Sandy: Aw. [looks at Mrs. Puff, chuckles] [laughs with Mrs. Puff]
- Santa: Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. [winks] Hi, ho, Bludolph! [Bludolph takes off into the sky] Away! Happy holidays to all on land or sea!
- Plankton: [as a splat on Santa's shoe] And to all a good night.