This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "The Curse of Bikini Bottom" from season 7, which aired on October 24, 2009.
- [The episode begins with SpongeBob and Patrick are lying down outside, all bored.]
- SpongeBob: [yawns] Oh, I'm bored.
- Patrick: Hmmm... Interesting. Me too. Let's go look for something to do in Old Man Squidward's shed!
- SpongeBob: Old Man Squidward's shed?!
- Patrick: [slowly] Yyyeeeeeep!
- [SpongeBob and Patrick both ran to Squidward's shed. The scene cuts to inside the shed.]
- SpongeBob and Patrick: [sneak inside] Ooohhh! [they spot Squidward's lawnmower and gasp] What's that?
- Patrick: What is it?
- SpongeBob: I don't know, Patrick.
- [Meanwhile, Squidward enters his backyard.]
- Squidward: [sighs] [singing] La-da-dee, la-da-dum, la-da-doo...la-da-dee, la-da-dum, la-da-doo.
- [As Squidward walks towards his shed, SpongeBob is pretending to drive Squidward's lawnmower and Patrick is imitating it. Squidward is about to open the door to his shed.]
- Patrick: [gasps] It's Old Man Squidward!
- SpongeBob: Hide!
- [Squidward enters his shed and turns on the light. He passes by SpongeBob and Patrick while searching through his gardening tools.]
- Squidward: La-da-dee, la-da-da-dum, la-da-doo...doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo. Hmmm? Where's my trowel?
- Patrick: [whispering] SpongeBob?
- SpongeBob: [whispering] Yes, Patrick?
- Patrick: Is this a trowel? [turns to reveal the trowel in his butt]
- SpongeBob: Yes, Patrick!
- Squidward: Oh, here it is.
- [Squidward reaches for the trowel but screams while seeing SpongeBob and Patrick, who scream in response and leap towards Squidward's lawnmower.]
- SpongeBob: Don't hurt us, Squidward!
- Patrick: We're bored!
- SpongeBob: We just wanted to play with your... [looks at lawnmower and points to it] ...whatever this thing is.
- Squidward: No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! You morons would probably... [pauses] You want to play with my lawnmower?
- SpongeBob and Patrick: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
- Squidward: Hmmm... [thinking]
- Dream SpongeBob: [mowing the lawn with Dream Patrick] Thanks for letting us mow your lawn, Squidward!
- [Dream SpongeBob and Dream Patrick fall into the lawnmower and get cut into pieces offscreen]
- Dream SpongeBob: Ahhh! My patty flipping hand! [He and Dream Patrick sob, and Squidward's thought bubble pops.]
- Squidward: [laughs maniacally to himself and starts the lawnmower] Knock yourselves out!
- [SpongeBob and Patrick are riding around Squidward's yard on the lawnmower while laughing. The lawnmower breaks through the gate and rides straight toward the cemetery. SpongeBob and Patrick continue to laugh.]
- Flying Dutchman: Excuse me, Davy, I've got my first blind date in 400 years, and I've got to look good. [picks a torn shirt] It's a little torn. Of course this was the shirt I was buried in. Ahhh, memories! [sniffs it] Bleah! [coughs] Okay, that one's a bit ripe. Stained. Too itchy! Hey, there she is! I've been saving this beauty for a special occasion! [puts on coat] Sssss! Looking good! [SpongeBob and Patrick are still riding the lawnmower. The cave ceiling shakes and dirt lands on the Dutchman's clothes. He gets furious] Who dares-- [gets hit by lawnmower, part of his beard is shaven] Who-- [gets hit by lawnmower again, more of his beard is cut] --disturb-- [gets hit a third time, more of his beard is cut] --The Flying-- [gets hit a fourth time; his beard is now gone] --Dutchman?! [feels his chin, reveals a mirror, and gasps, noticing his beard is gone] My beard! Hey! [gets hit by lawnmower and gets livid. He zaps the lawnmower and takes SpongeBob and Patrick off of it] Who dares disturb the Flying Dutchman?!
- SpongeBob: [stupidly] You're not the Flying Dutchman.
- Patrick: Yeah, the Flying Dutchman has a beard.
- Flying Dutchman: I don't look like the Flying Dutchman, because... [lividly enraged and shouting] You morons cut off my beard!
- SpongeBob: [realizing] Ooh! It makes you look a thousand years younger.
- Flying Dutchman: I don't want to look younger! I hate youth! I'll probably get pimples again.
- Patrick: Your beard will just grow back.
- Flying Dutchman: You know nothing about me facial hair. It'll take a thousand years for my beard to grow back! [SpongeBob and Patrick now look guilty]
- SpongeBob: [sympathizing] I'm sorry. But, we don't know what it's like to be ghosts.
- Flying Dutchman: Well, maybe it's time you've learned. Until my beard grows back, I'm going to turn you two fools into ghosts. Prepare to be ghostified! [echo]
- Patrick: Ghostified? That's not even a real word.
- Flying Dutchman: [zaps SpongeBob and Patrick, but they giggle] Okay, you're having too much fun. [finishes zapping them as they become ghosts]
- Patrick: [wiggles his ghostly tail] We're mermaids.
- Flying Dutchman: You're ghosts!
- SpongeBob and Patrick: Ooh!
- SpongeBob: [to Patrick] We're ghosts! [with Patrick] Yaayyy!
- Flying Dutchman: This isn't really working out the way I imagined.
- [Bubble transition to Squidward watering his garden]
- SpongeBob and Patrick: [emerging from beneath and behind Squidward. Ghostly moaning voice] Ooooooooohhhhhhhhh! Squuiiidwaaarrrd! [Squidward looks behind him]
- SpongeBob: It's SpongeBob.
- Patrick: And Patrick! We're ghoooooooosts! [with SpongeBob] Ooohhhh!
- SpongeBob: We're going to haunt you! Foreeever! [with Patrick] Oooooohhh—! [Squidward sprays them with his hose. Normal voice] Well, that killed the mood. [SpongeBob and Patrick exit the scene]
- Squidward: I knew I shouldn't have lent them my lawnmower.
- [Bubble transition at night]
- SpongeBob: Good night, Patrick. Being a ghost can sure tire ya out!
- Patrick: Good night, ghost buddy!
- SpongeBob: [gets the key to his door, but it falls through his hand] That's odd. However shall I get in? [leans on door and falls through it] That's handy! [yawns] I am beat! Well, I don't have to take the stairs! [flies straight through the ceiling and into his bedroom, then lies down on his bed] Ah. [but falls through the bed, the floor, and ends up underground. Bubble transition to morning; SpongeBob exits his house with a very sleepy expression. He then goes to Patrick's house.]
- SpongeBob: [tired] Hey, Patrick. I didn't sleep so good last night.
- Patrick: [erratic] I didn't sleep at all. I can see through my eyelids. [closes his eyes and can see through his eyes; grabs SpongeBob] My eyelids!
- SpongeBob: [gasps] I'm late for work!
- Patrick: [whispers] My eyelids...
- [Bubble transition to the Krusty Krab]
- SpongeBob: Don't worry, Mr. Krabs, I'm here!
- Harold: [walks by, gets scared of SpongeBob, seeing him as a ghost, and runs out of The Krusty Krab. screams] Ahh! Mermaid!
- Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, you're late! Why are you bright green, and what happened to your legs?
- Squidward: He's a ghost, Mr. Krabs.
- Mr. Krabs: A ghost, eh? Can you still cook Krabby Patties?
- SpongeBob: Can do, Mr. Krabs!
- Mr. Krabs: Then get your Captain's Quarters in the kitchen!
- SpongeBob: Aye, aye, old living employeer! [flies through Mr. Krabs and into the kitchen, leaving Mr. Krabs covered in slime]
- Mr. Krabs: Ewww.
- SpongeBob: [goes through kitchen door] La la la la! [grabs the spatula, but it falls through his hand; picks it up, whistles, and breaks it, revealing its spirit; uses it to pick up a Krabby Patty, but it falls through; SpongeBob begins to struggle picking up the patty, but it burns, and disappears; SpongeBob begins to cry] I can't cook Krabby Patties! I don't wanna be a ghost anymore, Patrick!
- Patrick: I don't either. I can't eat anything! Food just goes right through me! [eats a Krabby Patty, but it falls through him]
- Squidward and Mr. Krabs: Bleah! / Yuck!
- Patrick: Maybe the weird hairless man will change us back?
- SpongeBob: Yeah! Let's go see the Flying Dutchman!
- [Bubble transition to the Flying Dutchman's cave, where he is rubbing his chin, which is where his beard used to be]
- Flying Dutchman: Well, at least I still have my personality.
- SpongeBob and Patrick: [begging] Change us back! / Change us back! / We don't like being ghosts! / I don't want to be a ghost! [Patrick] Change us back! / Change us back! Change us back! / We don't like to be a lie again!
- SpongeBob: Please, Mr. Dutchman, we can't take it! Constantly moaning and groaning!
- Patrick: Invisible to the world!
- SpongeBob: [starts to cry] Living without a soul!
- Patrick: [crying] It's miserable!
- SpongeBob: [sobs] How could anyone live like this?! [cut to Squidward sipping tea. He looks back. He continues]
- Flying Dutchman: Hmm, I guess you feel my pain. Well, I'll lift the curse from ya. [snaps fingers, but they are still ghosts]
- SpongeBob: Hey! We're still ghosts!
- Flying Dutchman: Yeah, yeah, yeah. The curse will wear off when my beard grows back.
- SpongeBob: But we want to be normal now!
- Flying Dutchman: Well, I want to be on my date now! But, you knuckleheads loused that up, too!
- SpongeBob: We're still ghosts, because you can't go on your date?
- Patrick: And you can't go on your date because you're ugly?
- Both: Makeover!
- [Bubble transition to SpongeBob untying the Dutchman's hair and wraps it around his head; Patrick shakes his head; Bubble transition to SpongeBob spreading jelly on the Dutchman's face. Patrick smashes a jellyfish hive and they land on the Dutchman's face; SpongeBob and Patrick shake their heads. Bubble transition; SpongeBob is now on the Flying Dutchman's face]
- Flying Dutchman: Thanks, fellas! I love the new beard. Well, I'm off on my date. Don't wait up. [he and Patrick laugh as the Dutchman leaves.]
- Patrick: I don't get it...
- French Narrator: Several months later...
- [SpongeBob and Patrick are back to normal and lying on the ground]
- SpongeBob: Well, here we are several months later. I wonder how the Flying Dutchman and his new girlfriend are doing.
- Flying Dutchman: [off-screen] I can't do it. [SpongeBob and Patrick then walk up to the Flying Dutchman, who's beard is restored.] [on-screen] She wants to marry me! I ain't the marrying type. [Then, all of a sudden, SpongeBob, Patrick, and the Flying Dutchman hear a mysterious screeching noise, and when the Flying Dutchman turns his head around he sees his date rising from the background.] Aaaahhh! [runs away]