Tea at the Treedome/transcript

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Tea at the Treedome" from season one, which aired on May 1, 1999.

SpongeBob: [Stands in Jellyfish Fields. A blue jellyfish floats by SpongeBob. SpongeBob creeps from behind a bush and stares at the jellyfish through a telescope. Cuts to his view with the telescope] Wow, four stingers. [Puts away the telescope and puts on his glasses. Cuts to the jellyfish, where SpongeBob floats over it with his net. Cuts to the jellyfish alone, where SpongeBob's foot stretches out from off-screen and then the rest of his body appears. He attempts to grab the jellyfish in his net, but he catches himself in the net, then the jellyfish flies away. In the background, a young girl's voice is heard struggling. SpongeBob looks down a cliff and sees the land creature trying to fight a giant clam attempting. SpongeBob gasps.] Where have I seen this before? [takes out his Field Guide book and skims through the pages] Here it is. [cut to picture of a squirrel] Land squirrel. [He closes the book] That little squirrel is in trouble. [cuts to the squirrel, who is pushing the clam into the ground]
Sandy Cheeks: Take that, you sorry old clam! Y'all need to learn some manners! [she walks away] You're about as ugly as homemade soup.
SpongeBob: Hooray, land squirrel! [cuts back to the land squirrel, who is oblivious to the clam resurfacing and jumping right at her. Cuts to SpongeBob, who is shocked, his glasses shoot up] Look out! [scene cuts to the clam with Sandy trying to escape the clam] Hold on, little squirrel! [He does a karate yell in front of the clam, then does the same while bouncing to different sides. He jumps high in the air, and lands on top of the clam; he poses on top of the giant clam.] You have fought well, giant clam. Prepare to be vanquished! Hai! [tries to pry open the clam; he stops] Hey, I'm actually doing it. [SpongeBob continues, Sandy finishes prying the clam open from inside it and SpongeBob goes flying into a sea plant.] Your shell is mine!
[SpongeBob pulls up his pants and starts to charge at the clam. He jumps into the clam's mouth and starts to strangle its tongue. SpongeBob sees that Sandy has already escaped and the clam swallows him now.]
Sandy: Hold on there, little square dude! [She then gets SpongeBob out and kicks the clam around some more and finally kicks it across the sea. The clam whimpers. Sandy leans down to see if SpongeBob is okay.]
SpongeBob: Hey, you like karate too. [SpongeBob does some karate poses, then he stops and falls flat on his head] So, what's your name?
Sandy: Sandy. [makes athletic moves] So what do y'all call yourself?
SpongeBob: [runs up a big rock] I'm SpongeBob! [jumps down, SpongeBob soon lands on one of his corners]
Sandy: Well, SpongeBob, take a gander at this. [she walks next to a huge rock and slaps it with her hand, making a gong sound effect which precedes the rock breaking into pieces]
SpongeBob: Oh. [Sandy grins and blinks] Oh yeah? Watch this [He prepares to do a karate move, but all he does is make an armpit fart noise. Sandy walks on-screen giggling]
Sandy: I like you, SpongeBob. Why, we could be tighter than bark on a tree. Hi-yah![Karate chops SpongeBob’s head.]
SpongeBob: Uh, I like you too, Sandy. Hi-yah! [Karate chops her helmet, but realizes it hurts.] Ow. Say, what is that thing on your head?
Sandy: Why, that's my air helmet.
SpongeBob: May I try it on?
Sandy: Heck no. I need it to breathe. I gotta have my air.
SpongeBob: Me too. I love air. Air is good.
Sandy: No kidding?
SpongeBob: Why, "air" is my middle name. The more air, the better. Can't get enough of that air.
Sandy: Shee-oot. How about comin' over tomorrow for tea and cookies then? [shows a map leading to Sandy's house] Don't be late.
SpongeBob: Okay, see you tomorrow. [runs to Patrick's house. Patrick is sun tanning on his rock] Patrick! Patrick! Patrick, Patrick, Patrick! What's air?
Patrick: Huh?
SpongeBob: I just met this girl. She wears a hat full of... air.
Patrick: Do you mean she puts on "airs"?
SpongeBob: I guess so.
Patrick: That's just fancy talk. If you wanna be fancy, hold your pinky up like this. The higher you hold it, the fancier you are.
SpongeBob: [holds his pinky up] How's that?
Patrick: Higher.
SpongeBob: Like that?
Patrick: Now that's fancy. They should call you SpongeBob FancyPants. [cuts to Sandy's treedome] Remember: When in doubt, pinky out. You can do it, SpongeBob. I'll be watching. [Opens the door as SpongeBob walks in with his pinky raised high and flowers in his right hand.]
SpongeBob: Thanks, pal. [rings the doorbell with a bouquet in his hand]
Sandy: Hello?
SpongeBob: Hi-ya, Sandy. It’s me, SpongeBob.
Sandy: Hold on a sec, I'll let you in.
SpongeBob: [whistles then all the water goes down the drain. SpongeBob bangs on the door] Sandy! Sandy! Open up! Sandy! Sandy! [Sandy opens the door and SpongeBob jiggles on the ground] Sandy, something's gone terribly wrong. There's no water in... [looks around] ...here.
Sandy: ‘Course there's no water. Nuttin' but air.
SpongeBob: [waves his hand around and smells the air] No water?
Sandy: That ain't a problem, is it? Hi-yah!
SpongeBob: Problem? [laughing] Hi-yah! That's how I like my air! [takes a deep breath as Sandy walks off. As soon as she leaves, he lets it all out, and gets black circles around his eyes] With no water.
Sandy: [cartwheeling] Well, alright. I made Texas tea and cookies. Well, come on in! Hi-yah! [SpongeBob is walking an inch forward and it makes weak squeaking sounds with every step] That's not in. In. [SpongeBob walks another inch and there is more squeaking. Sandy runs, gets SpongeBob, takes his hand, and runs off] You're a funny little dude. Come on, I'll give you the grand tour. [fades to the blazing sun and pan down where Sandy and SpongeBob are standing] So this is my own private little air bubble. This air is the driest... [SpongeBob gasps] ...purest... [SpongeBob gasps again] ...most airiest air in the whole sea. Oh, over there's my birdbath. [Cuts to the birdbath, where a red robin is splashing and chirping] And that's my oak tree. [SpongeBob seems enticed by the water in the birdbath. He tries to sneak away, but stays until Sandy lets her guard down] It provides me with extra air. This dome is made of the finest polyurethane, that's a fancy word for plastic. Ain't that just the bee's knees? [SpongeBob nods] Tell you what, weren't easy getting here neither. First, I... [SpongeBob finally escapes and wallows in the birdbath, absorbing all the water. He then jumps back to his original spot, and the bird is quite angry. SpongeBob gets back before Sandy notices] ...that's my treadmill. That's how I stay in tip-top shape. Well, come on. Let’s have that tea now. [Does in-air karate moves and moves off-screen. SpongeBob gasps. He hears some knocking from outside. It's Patrick, pointing at his pinky]
Patrick: Pinky. Pinky.
SpongeBob: [blinks, weakly holds up his pinky, and gasps again. Fade to him sitting at a picnic bench. He now has little wrinkles around his eyes and his mouth is all puckered up. He holds up his bouquet] I brought you some flowers.
Sandy: [walks over] For me? How sweet. [Sandy grabs the flowers, but SpongeBob refuses to let go. She finally pries them loose and part of SpongeBob's pinky falls off. He closes his hand] You okay?
SpongeBob: [the black circles around his eyes are gone. His voice is now hoarse] Yes, I'm okay.
Sandy: You know, you're the first sea critter to ever visit.
SpongeBob: I can’t imagine why.
Sandy: Can I get you anything?
SpongeBob: Water would be nice.
Sandy: I'm gonna to put these in a vase.
SpongeBob: Take your time. [Sandy goes in her tree and closes the door off-screen. SpongeBob hears it, he then gasps and stumbles toward the door and struggles to open it] I gotta get out of here! [screams and then thinks]
Sandy: [in SpongeBob's head] I like you, SpongeBob. We could be tighter than bark on a tree.
[SpongeBob struggles even more]
Patrick: [in SpongeBob's head] When in doubt, pinky out.
SpongeBob: [lifts his pinky up. He then gets confidence and victorious music plays.] I don't need water! Water's for quitters! I don't need it! I don't need it! I don't need it! I don't need it, I don't need it... [he then sits down, loses confidence again and the music stops]
Sandy: Why, these flowers are just beautiful! [sniffs] They'll last much, much longer in a vase full of ice cold water. [puts the vase down. SpongeBob is totally enticed by the water. Sandy sits down across from him] So tell me about yourself. [Sandy puts her hands under head feeling fascinated about SpongeBob sharing himself] It must be fascinating bein' a sea critter. [SpongeBob watches a drop of water drop down the side of the glass] SpongeBob? [a timer goes off] Oh, there's the cookies. [walks back into the tree] Be right back.
SpongeBob: [thinking] I don't need it, I don't need it, I definitely don't need it. [close-up of SpongeBob's face. He's really shriveled now] I don't need it. [close-up of vase, then another one of SpongeBob's face] I don't need it. [close-up of vase] I don't need it. [close-up of SpongeBob's face] I don't need it. [long pause, finally yelling ] I need it! [He shoots up into the air, bounces off the ceiling and holds the vase.]
Patrick: No, SpongeBob! No, no, no, stop! Pinky! Pinky!
SpongeBob: [holds up his pinky and starts guzzling down the whole vase of water] I'm a quitter! [screams and runs around]
Patrick: [enters into the dome and slams the door shut] You can't leave now. You'll blow it.
SpongeBob: [hanging on the door] Air is not good, Patrick. Air is not good.
Patrick: [grabs SpongeBob off the door] You're just being shy. [carries SpongeBob to the picnic table] Don't worry, buddy. You're doi'’ fine. [starts getting weak] I won't let you blow... this. [drops SpongeBob and crawls on the floor, panting. He coughs and sputters, then stands up] What kind of place is this?! [runs toward the door and tries to open it] There's no water in here!
SpongeBob: [joins in on the door-opening struggle] I tried to tell you!
Patrick: We've gotta get out of here!
SpongeBob: You're... doing it... wrong...
Patrick: Wait, no! We've got... to get... out. [The two pass out.]
[fades to the sun]
Sandy: [walks out of the tree with tea and cookies] Come and get it! Y'all gonna like this...
[She screams and drops her tray. On the grass is a live-action sponge and starfish. Cuts to SpongeBob and Patrick leaning against a ladder with two goldfish helmets on. Sandy, on top of the ladder, uses a hose to fill those helmets with water.]
Sandy: There, that oughta do it! If y'all needed water, you shoulda asked. [Sandy carries over a tray with three tea glasses. Everyone takes one] I propose a toast, to new friends. [She drinks it. SpongeBob and Patrick lift their drinks up and they clink the glasses on the helmets, causing them to spill] Hold on a second. [She places a tea bag in each helmet, allowing the two to drink the tea water] I hope you like your tea strong. Drink up. [Patrick nudges SpongeBob and they both put their pinkies up. They sip the tea.]
All: Ahhh...
[Screen cuts to black.]

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