Suds/transcript

Suds
General
Season №:	1
Episode №:	15b
U.S. viewers (millions):	2.89
Airdate:	January 17, 2000
Chronology
Previous	"Sleepy Time"
Next	"Valentine's Day"

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Suds" from season 1, which aired on January 17, 2000.

• SpongeBob: [He is asleep in bed and dreaming that he is standing on a giant Krabby Patty, then black storm clouds roll in and it starts to rain Krabby Patties. One falls into his hands] Ah! It's raining Krabby Patties! Yeah! [runs around eating patties. Dream ends. SpongeBob wakes up to see himself chewing on his pillow. He spits it out and his stomach growls] A quick midnight snack and then it's back to bed. [kicks the pillow on the ground and jumps on it. Sees Gary meowing in his sleep] Aww, sleep tight, my little angel. [tip-toes past Gary. He tries to get down the stairs without waking up Gary but goes down really fast making a xylophone sound. He walks to the fridge] Ah, here it is. [grabs a jar of seanut butter out of the fridge and walks to the counter where there is food and utensils lying on it] Nothing like a sea-nut butter and jellyfish jelly sandwich to help you get to sleep. [as soon as SpongeBob takes a bite of the sandwich, he falls asleep. Behind him, the fridge is open and cold air comes out of it. In the morning, his whole house is frozen. Even the man in the TV is shivering. The foghorn alarm clock breaks the ice. SpongeBob wakes up also shivering.] The fridge! [slides over and closes the fridge door, then sits down trying to get warm. He tries to stand up, but he slips and slides everywhere inside the house, and he breaks all the windows before stopping on his bed. He pulls the frozen covers over him, but the blanket breaks into pieces]
• Gary: [wearing a hat and ear muffs] Meow.
• SpongeBob: [slides into the bathroom] Oh, Gary, I don't feel like myself.
• Gary: Meow.
• SpongeBob: Don't be silly, Gary. I don't get colds. I get the suds.
• Gary: Meow?
• SpongeBob: No, Gary. If I had the suds, I'd have bubbles coming outta me. [He sneezes. Pink bubbles come out of him]
• Gary: Meow.
• SpongeBob: I can't get the suds, [sniffles] because then I'll have to miss work! [puts his underwear over his mouth and nose then sneezes. Pink bubbles come out again]
• Gary: Meow.
• SpongeBob: No, Gary. I like wearing my underwear like this. [turns around and has two bubbles representing his butt cheeks. Each one pops]
• Gary: Meow.
• SpongeBob: I'm not sick. I'm going to work. [at the Krusty Krab, SpongeBob is cooking when he sneezes loudly and he pulls entire hat over his head to muffle it. Mr. Krabs comes into the kitchen]
• Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, what's holding up those patties? [SpongeBob turns around looking pale]
• SpongeBob: [weakly, visibly shaking] Right away, sir.
• Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, what's wrong with you? You're paler than a baby sea horse. [Gary pops out of nowhere]
• Gary: Meow. [leaves]
• Mr. Krabs: The suds?
• SpongeBob: [holds up the Krabby Patty on a plate] Here's that patty you wanted, Mr. Krabs, sir. [sneezes loudly, causing the patty to splatter all over Mr. Krabs' face]
• Mr. Krabs: [wipes the patty off his face] Alright, SpongeBob, you're too sick to work.
• SpongeBob: No, Mr. Krabs, I'm okay, honest. [Mr. Krabs opens the front door]
• Mr. Krabs: No, now go home and get some rest. [SpongeBob walks off] Nothing personal, lad. I just can't have you sneezing all over my food! [customers overhear what Mr. Krabs just said and all spit out their food and panic]
• Fred: My leg!
• Mr. Krabs: No, wait! Wait! [All the customers scramble out of the Krusty Krab. Back at SpongeBob's house, SpongeBob is in his chair.]
• SpongeBob: Oh, Gary, I feel horrible. [sneezes. Gary hides in his shell with pink bubbles all over his shell. Gary has an angry expression when he shows his eyes] Oh, who am I kidding, Gary? I've got the suds, no doubt about it. [after he sneezes again, his right eye rolls down his face] I'd better take care of this before it gets out of hand. [picks up the phone and dials Sandy's number]
• Sandy: [running on her exercise wheel] Hello?
• SpongeBob: Sandy, I'm sick. [puts his eye back into place] Can you escort me to the doctor's?
• Sandy: Oh, sure, SpongeBob. I'll be there faster than a barefoot jackrabbit on a hot greasy griddle in the middle of August in...
• SpongeBob: Yeah, okay, Sandy, thanks. [sneezes pink bubbles through Sandy's phone. Later, as SpongeBob is getting dressed for the doctor, the doorbell rings] Coming. [opens the door]
• Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob. Going skiing?
• SpongeBob: I'm sick, Patrick. I'm going to the doctor.
• Patrick: What? Oh, you can't go!
• SpongeBob: Why not, Patrick?
• Patrick: I know a guy who knows a guy who went to the doctor once, and the doctor's office is a horrible, horrible place!
• SpongeBob: [sits in his chair] It can't be as horrible as the suds. [sneezes]
• Patrick: Oh, it is, SpongeBob! Well, first, they make you sit in the waiting room.
• SpongeBob: Is that the horrible part, Patrick? [Gary appears beside the chair]
• Patrick: No, it gets worse. They make you read old magazines! [SpongeBob gasps. Patrick takes a piece of coral for a stethoscope] Then the doctor pulls out his stethoscope.
• SpongeBob: No!
• Patrick: Yes! It's a device so sinister, so icy cold when it touches your bare flesh, it... [takes the end of the piece of coral and puts it on SpongeBob's chest] Ssssss! [SpongeBob jumps and runs around]
• SpongeBob: No, no! No stethoscope, no doctor, no old magazines, no ssssss!! NO!!! [flips over on the floor] Patrick, I don't wanna go to the doctor!
• Patrick: Exactly! [SpongeBob sneezes. A pink bubble is in the place where Patrick's nose should be, then it pops]
• SpongeBob: You gotta help me get better, Patrick. Please? Would you like to be my doctor, Patrick?
• Patrick: What else are friends for? [later, SpongeBob is sitting on the table in his kitchen. Patrick is standing behind him. SpongeBob sneezes] It appears as though we'll have to plug up these holes. This oughta do the trick. [pushes a small cork in one of SpongeBob's holes. Then plugs up the rest of the holes with more corks] Voilà! [SpongeBob sneezes, but no bubble come out] Feel better?
• SpongeBob: I don't know. [he sneezes more and more, which after every sneeze he inflates]
• Patrick: Help, I'm shrinking! [SpongeBob breaks the table] No! Please don't hurt me!
• SpongeBob: No bubbles! Patrick, your treatment is working!
• Patrick: You think so?
• SpongeBob: Sure! At this rate, I'll be cured in NO time! In fact, I'm gonna call Sandy and tell her not to come! Thanks, Dr. Patrick!
• Patrick: And they said I'd never make anything out of myself.
• SpongeBob: [tries to press one button, but it pressed all because his fingers are too large] My fingers are too big for the buttons. [off-hook tone plays] Dr. Patrick, will you call Sandy for me? [gives Patrick the phone]
• Patrick: Sure, patient SpongeBob! [Patrick calls Sandy, who is about to head out for SpongeBob's place] Hello, Sandy?
• Sandy: Hiya, Patrick!
• Patrick: I'm calling on behalf of my patient, SpongeBob.
• Sandy: I'm on my way over to take him to the hospital.
• Patrick: Uhh, uhh, that will no longer be required! He is in my care as of today.
• Sandy: Well, I'm coming over to take a look. I'll be over there faster than a barefoot jackrabbit on a hot...
• Patrick: Oh, yeah, yeah, the rabbit. Don't bother, Sandy! [hangs up] Oh, SpongeBob, quick, Sandy's coming! Ah! We've got to make sure you're well, or she'll take you to the doctor! [runs into the kitchen with rubber gloves on and dips them into the sink of water] Don't touch me, I'm sterile! Scalpel, please. [takes some sea-nut butter and spreads it on SpongeBob's right foot. Then puts a piece of bread on each side and his shoe on it] Feeling better?
• SpongeBob: Uh-uh. [later, a string is attached to a door that Patrick closes. A tooth shoots out from the side]
• Patrick: Feeling better yet?
• SpongeBob: [missing a tooth] Not really.
• Patrick: [jumping on SpongeBob in a ballet outfit] How...about...now?
• SpongeBob: I don't...think so. [Patrick puts a big band-aid on SpongeBob's back]
• Patrick: Feeling better?
• SpongeBob: No. [Patrick rips the band-aid off while SpongeBob screams and puts it somewhere else on SpongeBob's back]
• Patrick: How about now?
• SpongeBob: Nope. [Patrick rips the band-aid off as SpongeBob screams again and puts it somewhere else on SpongeBob's back]
• Patrick: How about now?
• SpongeBob: Uh-uh. [Patrick rips the band-aid off as SpongeBob screams. Later, Sandy arrives outside SpongeBob's house]
• Sandy: Hello, SpongeBob?
• Patrick: [wears a black mask on his head] Uh-oh, it's Sandy. [SpongeBob is tied onto a medieval torture device. He sneezes and enlarges himself into a ball. Sandy knocks on the door] There's no one home.
• Sandy: Patrick, you open this door. [Patrick is rolling SpongeBob away] Patrick, sometimes I just don't understand you. [SpongeBob sneezes] Hey! [walks over to Patrick's house] Okay, Patrick, where's SpongeBob?
• Patrick: Uhh, uhh, he's not here at the moment. Please leave a message after the beep. Beep.
• Sandy: Okay, now tell me, [shows two rocks] since when do you have two houses?
• Patrick: Since I ran out of space to put my stuff.
• Sandy: Uh-huh. Yeah. Since when does your house have feet? [SpongeBob's feet are sticking out of the other rock]
• Patrick: This is my mobile home. [SpongeBob sneezes the rock off]
• SpongeBob: Hiya, Sandy.
• Patrick: [holding SpongeBob's hand] Hmmm, the dirt therapy seems to be working just fine.
• Sandy: Patrick, SpongeBob has to see a REAL doctor.
• Patrick: No, he doesn't! I'm taking good care of him! Show her, SpongeBob! Say 'ahh'.
• SpongeBob: Ahh... [a green substance-like gas spreads outs all over killing the plants, clams, and everything in its path]
• Sandy: See? He's even worse than I thought.
• Patrick: [wearing a clothespin on his nose] What do you mean? He's fine. [Sandy snatches the clothespin off of his nose]
• SpongeBob: I'm okay, Sandy, really. [sneezes again, enlarging himself more]
• Sandy: I'm taking you to the doctor RIGHT NOW! [rolls SpongeBob away]
• Patrick: Hey, that's my patient! [runs over and pushes SpongeBob the opposite way] You can't take him to the doctor's!
• Sandy: [rolling SpongeBob the other way again] Don't be silly, Patrick!
• Patrick: [carrying SpongeBob the other way] He's mine! [Sandy is log rolling SpongeBob the opposite way]
• Sandy: SpongeBob, you'll be better soon. [Patrick is using a wheelbarrow for SpongeBob]
• Patrick: I'll save you! [Sandy is using SpongeBob as a basketball]
• SpongeBob: I'm better, guys! Really! [both push SpongeBob until he squeezes through them into the air]
• Sandy: Now look what you've done, Patrick!
• Patrick: What I've done? Everything was fine until YOU showed up!
• Sandy: You should be arrested for impersonating the doctor!
• Patrick: Hey! I'm a GREAT doctor! Right, SpongeBob? [SpongeBob comes down and rolls away]
• SpongeBob: Guys!
• Sandy: Huh?
• Patrick: SpongeBob?
• SpongeBob: I can't stop! [screams while he rolls down a hill] Help me! [Mr. Krabs is cleaning some dimes]
• Mr. Krabs: Shiny dimes.
• SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs!
• Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob? [runs out the front doors] Stop, SpongeBob! Stooooooop! [SpongeBob stops in front of restaurant. Mr. Krabs sighs in relief. Then SpongeBob sneezes so hard, all the corks fly out of him, and huge cloud of pink bubbles blows up and destroys the Krusty Krab, much to Mr. Krabs' anger. Later at the hospital]
• Purple Doctorfish: Well, Mr. SquarePants, it seems you have the suds. Are you ready for your treatment?
• SpongeBob: [sniffles and shakes his head] You're not going to make me read old magazines, are you?
• Purple Doctorfish: No, silly! You get the sponge treatment! Oh, Hans! [a real hand comes through the door and takes SpongeBob out of the room. The it shows the hand cleaning SpongeBob with soap]
• SpongeBob: Whoo! Yeah! Whoo! [Hans is using real SpongeBob to rub a man (played by Tom Kenny)'s back in the shower] That tickles! [Hans uses real SpongeBob to scrub a man's feet. SpongeBob sniffs] I can smell again! [Then the real SpongeBob being used to wash a plate, a car and the floor] Whoo! Yeah! Yeah-eah! Whoo! Yeah! [SpongeBob being rinsed off in the sink and put back in the doctor's room. Then SpongeBob turns back into his normal, yellow color] I feel as good as new! I LOVE the doctor!
• Hans: Here's your lollipop. (hands SpongeBob a big lollipop. Then Sandy winks at SpongeBob)
• Patrick: A lollipop? [takes a bubble wand and blows a bubble] Hey Doc! I’ve got the suds, too!
• Purple Doctorfish: [sarcastically] Oh yes, Dr. Patrick! We have a special treatment for you! [A chuckling Patrick gets taken away by Hans]
• Patrick: [He's being washed in the sink with soap] Hey! Hey, wait! [used on a cactus] Wha-ouch! That hurts! [being used to scrub a toilet] Wait, uh, this doesn't seem right!