The book begins on one morning, SpongeBob decides to make his very own newspaper with Patrick. After explaining what a newspaper is to Patrick, the two start going around town. For his article, SpongeBob interviews Gary while Patrick takes pictures of rocks. But when they publish the newspaper, nobody is interested in buying the newspaper. Squidward tells the two that if they want a newspaper that will sell hard, they'll have to be writers focused on gossip. Now, SpongeBob and Patrick stalk their friends to see if they have any embarrassing secrets. They use Mr. Krabs kissing money and tucking them in, Sandy hanging her clothes, Plankton singing a love song to Karen, and Squidward playing his clarinet in the bathtub as juicy stories for their newspaper. However, the friends are infuriated with this and order them to stop. After the criticizing from the Bikini Bottomites, they turned the newspapers into hats, as the book ends.
An animated e-book version of this story was released, featuring interactive versions of the same illustrations.
SpongeBob mentions this book's title in "The Krabby Kronicle" when he says "Stop the presses, it's Patrick!"