Squirrel Jelly/transcript

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Squirrel Jelly" from season 11, which aired on November 18, 2018.

[The episode begins on a beautiful, summer day at Goo Lagoon. SpongeBob, Patrick, and Sandy are playing a basketball.]
SpongeBob and Patrick: Dribble, dribble, dribble, dribble, dribble—[both pause and stare at the ball]
Sandy: Hm?
SpongeBob and Patrick: [goes back to bouncing the ball] Dribble, dribble, [Patrick bounces the ball with his head] dribble, dribble, [then Patrick bounces the ball with his butt] dribble, dribble, dribble, dribble, dribble, dribble.
[Sandy groans impatiently and looks at her watch.]
SpongeBob and Patrick: Dribble, dribble, dribble, dribble, dribble, dribble.
[Patrick bounces the ball with his tongue.]
SpongeBob: Dribble, dribble, dribble, dribble.
[Sandy grows more impatient and scratches her helmet.]
SpongeBob and Patrick: [Patrick bounces the ball with his stomach] Dribble, dribble, dribble, dribble—
Sandy: It's been ten minutes! Ain't you gonna shoot?!
SpongeBob and Patrick: [long pause then resumes bouncing the ball] Dribble, dribble, dribble, dribble, [Sandy runs over to a boat, chews some barnacles off and makes a ball of her own] dribble, dribble, dribble, dribble, dribble, dribble—
[Sandy runs over SpongeBob and Patrick and shoots the barnacle basketball in the net.]
Sandy: Sorry, but you boys were slower than a Sunday afternoon. [throws the barnacle basketball at Patrick; the scene changes to Sandy having SpongeBob and Patrick compete in a little hot dog contest] On your mark, get set, eat!
[SpongeBob and Patrick pick up their hot dogs, give each other a toast of friendship, and slowly begin chewing on them.]
Sandy: Wow, you two are off like a herd of turtles. Watch this! [eats a hot dog]
[Sandy hops over to a hot dog stand, kicks it, holds her breath, catches the hot dogs with her helmet, puts helmet back on, and eats all of the hot dogs.]
Sandy: [burps] I win. [pulls her flower off her helmet]
[Sandy's bad breath exits her helmet and forms into a big hot dog. The hot dog-shaped fumes of Sandy's breath float past SpongeBob and Patrick. They smell it and their heads shrink.]
Sandy: Hot dang! I'm faster than green grass through a goose! Hm, these jumbo dogs are much too big for your baby heads. [grabs the hot dogs and smooshes them into small hot dogs] These dinky dogs should do ya. [stuffs the dinky dogs in SpongeBob and Patrick's mouths]
SpongeBob and Patrick: [muffled] Thank you.
Sandy: You're welcome! [blows airhorn]
[The scene changes to Sandy warming up for volley ball. She makes a good serve with the ball and hits Larry, Squidward, and Mr. Krabs really hard.]
Sandy: [bounces on the net] I win again! [hops over to Larry, Squidward, and Mr. Krabs] That's right! [grabs them and squeezes them real tight] I own all of y'all! Yee-haw!
SpongeBob: Sandy, don't you think you're playing a teensy-weensy bit rough? Just a smidge? Hm?
Sandy: Aww, I'm actually going a little easy on you guys, seein' as you're all so delicate. [lets them go and takes out a bucket of chum] Hey, who wants to play "dodge the chum?" [throws some chum at SpongeBob]
SpongeBob: No, I don't think I'm—[gets chum thrown in his face] Sandy is really stressing me out today. You want to go jellyfishing?
Patrick: [licks the chum off SpongeBob's face] No, I'd rather go jellyfishing.
SpongeBob: You sure you don't wanna go [takes out his jellyfishing net] jellyfishing?
Patrick: I said no. [takes out his net] I wanna go jellyfishing.
SpongeBob: [groans] Okay, we'll do what you want.
[SpongeBob and Patrick skip and laugh as they head to Jellyfish Fields. Sandy stands on a pile of beaten up pedestrians including Pearl, Squidward, Larry, and Mr. Krabs.]
Sandy: The name is Sandy Cheeks and I can lick any critter on any beach!
[The scene changes to SpongeBob and Patrick happily chasing jellyfish in Jellyfish Fields.]
Patrick: Now this is fun!
SpongeBob: [mocks RP accent] Yes, quite the civilized sport, eh, what?
Patrick: [giggles, morphs into a horse and mocks RP accent] I say, No more rough-horsing. [laughs]
SpongeBob: [morphs into Sandy and talks in Southern accent] And no more you-know-who killing the casual vibe.
[Suddenly, Sandy pops out from the grass and startles SpongeBob and Patrick.]
Sandy: Hey, guys! [both SpongeBob and Patrick gibber in fear and Sandy takes out her net] Mind if I join you?
SpongeBob and Patrick: [weakly] Not at all.
Sandy: Great! I can't wait to kick some jelly booty! [snatches SpongeBob and Patrick in her net]
SpongeBob: Uh, the thing is, Sandy, in jellyfishing, we don't play to kick booty. We actually catch and release the little sea angels.
Sandy: Well, that sounds about as exciting as tap water soup. Oh, well. Your game, your rules. [lets them go]
[The scene changes to SpongeBob and Patrick holding up their nets for the jellyfish to fly in. One jellyfish flies in SpongeBob's net and he laughs. Then it flies into Patrick's net.]
Patrick: [laughs] He's in mine now!
[The jellyfish flies back in SpongeBob's net.]
SpongeBob: [laughs] Now he's in mine!
[The jellyfish flies back in Patrick's net and Patrick laughs. The jellyfish flies over to a bench where two other jellyfish are sitting on. It gives one jellyfish a high-five and lets it have a turn. The jellyfish flies into SpongeBob's net. Sandy is not too thrilled with this at all.]
Sandy: [flatly] Whoopee. [growls as she walks over and catches the jellyfish with her net] Whoo-hoo! [holds up a hunting plaque] You're gonna look good mounted on my wall!
SpongeBob: Uh-uh. Catch and release, Sandy.
[Sandy reluctantly lets the jellyfish go and it flies into SpongeBob's net. SpongeBob laughs and skips around with the jellyfish in his net.]
Sandy: Well, this is lamer than a paper sandwich.
[The scene changes to three jellyfish circling over tall grass. Sandy is hiding under the grass, spying on them.]
Sandy: Hey! [catches one jellyfish] Ooh! This one's fat as a tick! [catches the other two with her net] Ha, ha! Got you!
[SpongeBob and Patrick wander around in the grass and see no jellyfish at all.]
Patrick: Huh. The jelly-thingies were here a minute ago.
SpongeBob: It isn't let them to be so...coy.
[Sandy pops up from the grass and laughs. The jellyfish in her suit stings her from the inside.]
Sandy: [laughs] I guess they must've—[gets stung again] Gotten sick of the boring game! [gets stung again; she sees another jellyfish and follows it] Get in here, you slimy varmint!
[Patrick catches the jellyfish before Sandy could.]
Patrick: SpongeBob, look! How's it going, little guy?
Sandy: [growls] So that's how you wanna play it.
[Four jellyfish fly over Sandy and she lowers herself into the grass.]
Sandy: [pops out from the grass and opens her suit] Hi-ya! [catches the jellyfish with her suit] I'm catching and releasing—releasing from their freedom!
SpongeBob: [comes out from the grass and sees a jellyfish] Hey, widdle jewwy bewwy. Would you mind?
Sandy: [pops out from SpongeBob's body] Mine! [catches the jellyfish with her net, laughs, and blows her airhorn in SpongeBob's face]
SpongeBob: What? [sees one of his holes all flappy] Ugh.
Sandy: [jumps back into her suit] Yeah! [chuckles] Easier than slipping down a mudslide! [gets zapped by the jellyfish in her suit] Okay, okay! I know. Catch and release. [unzips her suit, releases the jellyfish, and zips it back] Isn't there anything more to this game?
SpongeBob: What more can anyone want?
Patrick: Yeah, it's perfect!
Sandy: I have an idea how we can [squeezes SpongeBob and Patrick really tight] kick things up a notch!
SpongeBob: Hey, Sandy, I really don't think we need to kick anything up any notches.
Sandy: [lets them go and holds up a can of Frankenstein fish food] Ha! Frankenstein Fish Food! Ooh, this should be fun! [holds up a gun and shoots the can of Frankenstein fish food in the air]
[The can explodes and releases green food in the shape of Frankenstein's head. The jellyfish fly over and eat the food. Suddenly, the food causes the jellyfish to buff up and become stronger. Then then extend razor-sharp blades.]
Sandy: Ha, ha! That's what I'm talking about! They're no longer jellyfish. Now they're jelly-buzz saws!
[The jelly-buzz saws fly down and begin attacking SpongeBob and Patrick. One of them flies into SpongeBob's net and flies away with SpongeBob. One slides Patrick's net in half with its blades.]
Patrick: Hey! You're supposed to fly into there!
[The jelly-buzz saws slice Patrick's head open and they fly into his head. They pops out his eyeballs and begin stinging him on the inside. Patrick now glows in a light-blue transparent.]
Patrick: [screams in agony] I'm a walking glow stick! [screams as the jelly-buzz saws chase after him]
SpongeBob: Whoa, Nelly, little jelly! [trips over a rock and flips around and around before crashing into a cactus] Ow. [now covered in prickles] Such a soothing pastime.
[Just then, A shadow lurks into SpongeBob, which reveals Sandy, who is now in a superhero suit, flies over SpongeBob with her rocket boots. One jellyfish is pulling Patrick by the trousers. Patrick is screaming in fear before Sandy scares them off of him. She takes out a box and activates a little cage.]
Patrick: Thank you, Super Sandy! [the cage expands and sends Patrick flying]
Sandy: Welcome to the jellyfish rodeo! [pushes button on her glove and catches a jelly-buzz saw with her net] Aha! [spins it around] Gotcha, varmint!
[SpongeBob and Patrick scream in horror as they watch Sandy torturing the jellyfish in front of them. Sandy tosses the jelly-buzz saw in her cage.]
SpongeBob: Hey, that is not how we do it! [gets stung and beaten up by the jelly-buzz saw] Carry on.
Sandy: Hands off that jellyfish, SpongeBob! He's mine! Oh, you are so mine!
SpongeBob: [gets strangled and beaten up by the jelly-buzz saw] No...problem. [the jelly-buzz saw lets go of him] Oy.
[The jelly-buzz saw flies away and Sandy zooms past SpongeBob and Patrick. Sandy catches up to the jelly-buzz saw and catches it with a catcher's mitt.]
Sandy: You're out! [takes the jelly-buzz saw and throws it into her cage] Hit the showers! Hm? [jellyfish fly over her] Time for spring cleaning! [activates the vacuum on her suit and sucks up most of the jellyfish; she then drops them into the cage from her suit] Into the dustbin of history!
[Just then, numerous of angry jellyfish loom over Sandy. She lays two black marks on her helmet and gives out a warcry. She then starts flying around and catch jellyfish with her net, without showing signs of any mercy. SpongeBob and Patrick watch in fear and get zapped by the incoming jellyfish. Sandy zooms past them and carelessly begins destroying Jellyfish Fields with her rocket boots. She continues to catch almost all of the jellyfish in the fit of insanity and completely sets all of Jellyfish Fields on fire. She stuffs all of the jellyfish in her cage.]
Sandy: Whammer, bammer, in the slammer! Whoo-hoo! I'm the queen of Jellyfish Fields! How does that feel, losers? [crazily blows her airhorn]
[SpongeBob and Patrick are completely charred from Sandy's reckless competing.]
Patrick: [hoarsely] I don't like it. [his head is lit on fire and his face disintegrates a bit]
SpongeBob: I can't see or hear you, for my face has been cauterized. [his arms disintegrates]
Sandy: Ah, you guys are just out of shape. Come on, [knocks over Patrick] best two out of three.
SpongeBob: [opens his right eye] But you've got all the jellyfish.
Patrick: And there's no more field.
Sandy: [gasps] Oh? [turns around and sees the destructive mess she made all over Jellyfish Fields; she giggles sheepishly] Did I do that?
SpongeBob: [his body crumbles] Yes.
Patrick: [turns and sees his buttocks burned] You did this, too.
Sandy: I guess I can be overly competitive at times.
Larry: [comes by on crutches and in bandages] Gee, you think?! Ow! Ow! Gah! [leaves]
Sandy: You guys'll be all right. [picks SpongeBob up and turns him and Patrick around] if you just walk it off.
[SpongeBob and Patrick pick up their nets and begin to walk home, feeling devastated that their peaceful day of jellyfishing has been ruined.]
SpongeBob: Don't forget to release 'em.
Sandy: Oh? Hm? [gasps when she sees her cage open and the jellyfish gone] Yeah! That problem is solved. Now to my other problem. [begins flying away home, starting to feel remorseful about ruining SpongeBob and Patrick's day with her competitive side] Ah, I've got some deep-dish thinking to do about my aggressive ways.
[But just as Sandy leaves the destroyed Jellyfish Fields, the angry jellyfish she captured in her cage form into one giant angry jellyfish monster. The scene changes to Sandy's treedome, where Sandy did some redecorating and begins meditating in order to calm her aggressiveness. Her treedome has a flowing river, a stone pagoda, two bridges, some new trees, a windchime, a birdhouse, and a gong.]
Sandy: [meditating] Om. Om. Om. [grabs a rake with her foot and forms a yin-yang sign in the soil; then she grabs the gong and rings it] Om. [plays a panflute, makes a rainbow, and rings the gong] Om. Turns out, I'm the best at relaxing, too. [blows her airhorn]
Airhorn: Om.
[Meanwhile, outside Sandy's treedome, SpongeBob and Patrick are running and screaming their heads off. They run over to the front door of Sandy's treedome and frantically knock on it.]
SpongeBob and Patrick: Oh, Sandy, help! It's horrible! [screaming and yelling while knocking on the door]
[They turn around and see the giant angry jellyfish monster flying over to them. SpongeBob and Patrick scream.]
SpongeBob and Patrick: Oh, Sandy, help! It's—[enter through the front door, closes it, and scream] Oh.
[Both SpongeBob and Patrick look in awe as they see Sandy's treedome redecorated. The giant jellyfish monster roars and bangs outside the treedome. SpongeBob and Patrick cower in fear.]
Sandy: Ah, brother SpongeBob. Brother Patrick. I bow to your good natures. What can I do for you?
SpongeBob: You can clobber that giant jellyfish monster thing!
[The giant jellyfish monster bangs hard on the treedome, making a crack.]
Patrick: Yeah, smash it up good!
Sandy: Oh, I couldn't do that. I'm non-violent now. [gently pets a butterfly on her finger] I wouldn't hurt a fly-fish.
[The giant jellyfish monster lifts the treedome up and fills it with water. SpongeBob saves Sandy's life by putting his helmet onto her. The giant jellyfish monster enters the treedome begins zapping SpongeBob and Patrick with its stingers. Then it looms over to Sandy and prepares to attack her.]
Sandy: How about some soothing music, jellyfish? [begins playing a flute, but gets zapped by the giant jellyfish monster; she grabs some sand and forms it into a sitar] A soothing sitar always brings me peace.
[Sandy begins playing music on her sand sitar. The giant jellyfish monster starts to calm down and it seems to be working at first. But it wasn't powerful enough to soothe the savage beast. The giant jellyfish monster crushes Sandy with its fist, stretches her up, zaps her and plays rock music on her like a rock star. Then it throws her next to SpongeBob and Patrick, who are hiding behind her tree. SpongeBob picks Sandy up and straightens her out.]
Sandy: [groans and pulls herself together] The gongs! They always calm me down.
[The giant jellyfish monster continues zapping everything all over the place. SpongeBob and Patrick run over to the gongs and ring them really hard.]
Sandy: [meditating] Om.
SpongeBob and Patrick: [joins in meditating] Om.
[The giant jellyfish monster holds its ears shut in anger, buffs up and roars. It grabs the gongs and slams them into SpongeBob, Patrick, and Sandy. Sandy's attempts to calm the giant jellyfish monster are now in vain. The savage beast destroys nearly everything in her treedome and crushes SpongeBob and Patrick with its fists. Sandy, realizing that SpongeBob and Patrick are literally in danger, gets really mad.]
Sandy: [growls] Okay, that does it. I was a pacifist, but now I'm gonna pass my fist through your face! [floats up above her tree] As destroyer and transformer, I transform to destroy you. [begins to glow in a bright light while meditating]
[The giant jellyfish monster takes out six machetes and growls.]
Sandy: Put up your dukes and fight me like a squirrel!
[The giant jellyfish monster throws the machetes down to the ground. SpongeBob and Patrick frantically dodge the incoming machetes to avoid getting hurt. Sandy and the giant jellyfish monster throw punches and kicks at each other. But the beast was much more stronger and powerful than Sandy can imagine. The monster punches Sandy and sends her flying into the glass of her treedome.]
SpongeBob: Sandy, catch! [throws a bag up to Sandy]
Sandy: [catches the bag] The universe gave us a terrible weapon made up of the darkest dark matter just for this occasion. [takes out a bucket of chum] Ever played "dodge the chum?"
[The chum bubbles. The giant jellyfish gasps, grabs both SpongeBob and Patrick and zaps them.]
Sandy: Hey, get your slimy mitts off my pals! [starts throwing chum at the giant jellyfish monster] Hiya! Ya!
[The giant jellyfish monster retaliates by using SpongeBob and Patrick as shields. SpongeBob and Patrick get splattered by chum. Patrick eats the chum from his face. The giant jellyfish monster roars and blows a raspberry at Sandy.]
Sandy: [dodges the giant jellyfish monster's electricity] Whoa! [growls] Hiya! [throws more blobs of chum at the giant jellyfish monster, but it sucks up the chum] Nothing! That's it! [flies into the giant jellyfish monster's body]
[The giant jellyfish monster, thinking that it didn't hurt. But, much its surprise, Sandy begins attacking it from the inside and starts glowing while getting bigger.]
SpongeBob: Oh…
Patrick: Pretty.
[The giant jellyfish monster explodes and reduces itself into many harmless, little jellyfish. The jellyfish lower SpongeBob and Patrick down, gently. Patrick releases some jellyfish from his pants. Sandy floats herself down in a calm and gentle feeling.]
SpongeBob: Who are my good little jellies? You are.
Patrick: [pulls out a wallet and gives a jellyfish a dollar] Here you go. Buy yourself something nice.
[SpongeBob giggles happily now that the jellyfish are calmed down.]
Sandy: Well, let's get these little jellies back to their home.
[The scene changes to a newly restored Jellyfish Fields.]
Sandy: [laughs as she gently strokes a jellyfish] They really are sweet. [gets zapped and growls angrily] I'm gonna destroy you! [growls as she chases after the jellyfish]
SpongeBob: That's our Sandy.
Patrick: Yeah. Hm? Which one's Sandy? [laughs]

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Squirrel Jelly/transcript

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