This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants possibility short "Squidward's Back," which aired on 2013.

  • Narrator: Isn't it about time Squidward got his own show? Probably not. But, if he did, the opening theme song might sound a little something like this...
  • Singer: Nosy neighbors. A Krabby boss. Squidward needed to leave this town.
  • Singer: [begins singing] So Squidward packed his clarinet and for days could not be found. His Krusty friends were so upset. What's that sound? That's nasal sound? Wait a minute turn around! Squidward's back! Squidward's back with his very own show and this time it's all about the squid! He's gonna teach an art class, take a bubble bath. Shake his Tentacles, take another bubble bath! Happy days at the Krusty Krab. Hey there Squid, you're looking totally fab. Squidward's back! Squidward's back! You thought that he was gone, but oh, no, Squidward's back! Squidward's got his own show. Save some room for a clarinet solo!
  • [Squidward plays a clarinet solo badly]
  • Squidward: It's all in the wrist.
  • Singer: Squidward's back!
  • Man: I heard that.
  • Singer: Squidward's back!
  • Woman: OMG.
  • Singer: Squidward's back!
  • Man: Pineapple.
  • Singer: Squidward's back!
  • Man: Yes that is.
  • Singer: Squidward's back!
  • People: Squidward! Squidward! Squidward! Squidward! Squidward! Squuuuiiidwaard!
  • Singer: Squidward's baaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!
  • [song ends]
  • Squidward: Okay, that's enough!
  • Narrator: "Squidward's Back" is not a real show. It is fake. Faker than fake. 100% fake. Do not try to look for it on TV, as it does not exist. Although if it did exist, it would be totally awesome.
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