Squid Defense/transcript

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Squid Defense
General
Season №:	9
Episode №:	183b
U.S. viewers (millions):	3.70
Airdate:	January 1, 2013
Chronology
Previous	"Eek, an Urchin!"
Next	"Jailbreak!"

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Squid Defense" from season 9, which aired on January 1, 2013.

• [episode starts with Squidward walking out of the bathroom holding a newspaper]
• SpongeBob: Hi...yah! [karate chops Squidward in the torso] Squidward! Sorry, buddy, didn't see you. Are you okay?
• Squidward: [holding leg in pain; moans] What kind of unforeseen yet completely predictable stupidity have you ruined my day with this time?
• SpongeBob: Oh. I'm just practicing my [chops with hand] karate chops. I'm going to have [takes off karate glove] an intense karate session with Sandy later. Sandy says you never know what creepy creeper could be creeping creepingly around any creepy corner.
• Squidward: Paranoid much?
• SpongeBob: [spooked] Hiyah! [chops Squidward in the torso again] Sorry Squidward! I thought you were one of those creepy creepers. You know Squidward, you really should know how to protect yourself. Maybe you like to join us.
• Squidward: Well...no. I have more important things to do.
• SpongeBob: Okey dokey Squidward! Stop on by later if you change your mind about the karate.
• Squidward: [pushes SpongeBob] I won't. [walks out of the Krusty Krab and scene changes to him walking in town with groceries. He then walks down a dark alley then turns around notcing something] Uh...hello? Is somebody there? [spots a large figure in the distance] Um...hello? It's consired rude not to answer! [the figure walks closer to him. He starts to act nervous] Hah...whatta got? Cotton in your earholes? [laughs nervously as the figure gets even more closer to him] I gotta get outta here! [starts to run away then walks face-first into a low ladder then falls on the ground and drops the groceries. Notices the figure stare at him then he gets up and runs to SpongeBob's house] SPONGEBOB!!! [starts banging on his door as the scene changes over to SpongeBob and Gary]
• SpongeBob: [watching television with Gary and they both are laughing] Oh wait, I don't get it.
• Squidward: SpongeBob!  SpongeBob! Open up! [the door opens and he falls on his face]
• SpongeBob: Squidward? 
• Squidward: Hurry SpongeBob! [pushes SpongeBob inside and closes the door]
• SpongeBob: Squidward? What's wrong?
• Squidward: You were rrrright!
• SpongeBob: I was? About what?
• Squidward: About the danger that lurks around every corner! [Screams as a shadow roars at him]
• SpongeBob: Um, Squidward? [Gary is shown] It's just Gary.
• Gary: [looking at the television] Meow meow meow meow meow!
• SpongeBob: Hey I should've named you "Scary" eh buddy?
• Gary: Meow merow merow merow! [crawls away]
• Squidward: SpongeBob, this is serious! I was just viciously attacked!
• SpongeBob: Gasp! No!
• Squidward: You gotta teach me SpongeBob! Teach me the way! The way of tarate.
• SpongeBob: Eh, don't you mean "karate?"
• Squidward: Um...sure. Whatever.
• [bubble transition to Squidward and SpongeBob who is in his karate gear]
• SpongeBob: [walking around Squidward] Hmm...hmm! Hmm...yes! You show potential young student! [grabs Squidward's arm] But with an rubbery arm and the doginess in this area [pokes Squidward's belly], you obiviously have our work cut out for us.
• Squidward: Can't we just get on with this SpongeBob?
• SpongeBob: See see ba ba!
• Squidward: Sigh...I mean can't get just get on with this "O' Great Sensi?"
• SpongeBob: Play close attention and you will recieve the totailty of my karate mastery! Handed down from Sensi Cheeks herself. Now watch! Watch and learn. [walks over to a piece of wood and karate chops it the force breaks him in half]
• Squidward: Uh huh. What else you got?
• SpongeBob: That's it.
• Squidward: That's it!? THAT'S the "totality" of your karate mastery?
• SpongeBob Half 1: Well, Squidward. I've only been studing a couple of years. But if total karate knowledge is what you seek...
• SpongeBob Half 2: ...then you should visit Sensi Cheeks!
• SpongeBob Half 1: Hey! I was just going to say that!
• SpongeBob Half 2: I know! [They both laugh]
• Squidward: Oh boy...
• [karate chop transition to Sandy's Treedome]
• Sandy: I don't know SpongeBob. [grabs Squidward's arm] With the rubbery arms and doeyness in this area [pokes Squidward's belly], we obviously-
• Squidward: -Alright already! We've been through this! Are you going to teach me how to get revenge on my attacker or what!?
• Sandy: Woah, oh, oh! Karate ain't for revenge. It's a delicate art that helps you protect yourself!
• Squidward: Yeah, fine.
• Sandy: Great! Now repeat after me: HIYAH!!! [karate chops]
• SpongeBob: HIYAH!!! [also karate chops]
• Squidward: Oh...whatever. Hiyah...
• Sandy: "I promise not to use karate only for protection and not for revenge." 
• Squidward: "I promise not to use karate only for protection and not for revenge." Or whatever...
• [karate chop transition to SpongeBob, Sandy, and Squidward near a wooden board]
• Sandy: Ok then! Let's get started with a little choppin'! Like so. HIYAH!!! [karate chops the board in half and SpongeBob as well']
• SpongeBob: Woah!
• Squidward: A board? I wasn't attacked by a piece of wood! I was assulted by a deranged lunatic!
• Sandy: The only way to protect yourself is if you know the basics. Now give it a chop! 
• Squidward: Sigh...whatever you say Sensi...
• SpongeBob: This is a tough one Squidward. Don't feel bad if you can't do it.
• Squidward: I'm sure I can break one little twig! Hiiii-YAH!!! [karate chops the board but it doesn't break. the force makes him shake and moves back on the treedome wall and he breaks apart on the ground].
• [karate chop transition to Sandy]
• Sandy: Arms up Squidward! Block! BLOCK! [Squidward gets hit back acrons thrown by SpongeBob] Block! BLOCK! 
• Squidward: Arg! This is stupid! The only thing this manic threw at me were his big, meaty fists! [raises his hands up but SpongeBob continues to throw acorns at him. Then he throws a acorn at SpongeBob]
• SpongeBob: [blocks the acorn with his elbow] BLOCK!
• 'Sandy:' Now that's how you do it!
• Squidward: Dimwits luck! [gets hit by another acorn]
• [karate chop transition to the tree of them near a sandbag]
• SpongeBob: Come on Squiddy! Give it the ol' roundhouse! 
• Squidward: Alright...[moves backwards] HIYAH!!! [kicks the sandbag but gets stuck to it and starts to get smacked over and over and is thrown in front of Sandy] This isn't working! [walks back toward the sandbag] My assultant was twice as tall! And shoulders were twenty times as broad! The burrows of his brow with the size as biceps!
• Sandy: Hmm...we're gotta make this more personal for you Squidward. So is to help you bring out your inner dragon! SpongeBob!
• SpongeBob: [jumps in wearing a ski mask] Hey! Grocery boy! It is me! A big, scary miscreant! Now hand over that sack of groceries before things get ugly!
• Squidward: Groceries? You'll have to pull my groceries from my cold, wet tentacles bucko! Take this! Hiyah! [tries to karate chop SpongeBob but his arm gets stuck to his helment] Huh? Think that's going to stop me!? You're not getting me without a fight! HIYAH! [tries to kick SpongeBob but his feet retract and get stuck to his helment as well. He starts moving around on the ground getting more and more tangled] Got you...right where...I want you! [moves around again becoming fully tangled] Vengence...is...mine!
• Sandy: Vengence? Squidward Tentacles, I told ya at the beginning that karate ain't for revenge! Sorry Squidward. As of now, I ain't your sensi no more! [walks off]
• Squidward: Sandy! Wait! [tries to move] I need you to teach...Sigh...this is pointless. I'll never be able to protect myself. I may as well start handing my groceries to criminals. Here! Please Mr. Criminal! Take my unprocessed kelp feed!
• SpongeBob: Sandy! Wait! Please! Help him! He just want to keep his organic, blue algie safe.
• Sandy: He's going to use my teachings for revenge SpongeBob.
• Squidward: Please Sandy! I'll do anything! 
• Sandy: Oh really? Well Squidward, a wise sensi once told me: [takes out a mop] "One must first know the movements of everyday, to master ka-rah-tay!
• [karate chop transition to a short montage with Squidward first mopping in Sandy's house. He then tries to turn on a vaccum but doesn't turn on. He kicks it and it finally turns on and starts to clean up making the place spotless]
• Squidward: Phew! All finished!
• Sandy: Wow! It looks great!
• SpongeBob: [to Squidward] Psst! You missed a spot!
• [Squidward growls and a karate transition to him with water hoses tied to him spraying the grass]
• Sandy: Alright! I reckon that yard is good and watered!
• SpongeBob: Psst! You missed a spot!
• [Squidward mumbles angrily as a karate chop transition to him shoveling the ground]
• Squidward: Phew! [grabs the bucket of acorns and pours them into the hole he dug up]
• Sandy: Atta boy Squiddy! [On a beach chair next to SpongeBob] Be sure to twist that torso!
• SpongeBob: Hey Sandy? [streatches] I don't remember this being a part of my training.
• Sandy: It wasn't! But today is chore day! So I'd figured why not fry two fish in one skillet! [she and SpongeBob laugh]
• Squidward: That's it! I am outta here! This is a no good waste of my time! [rams his foot onto a bucket of acorns and they start to fly toward him. He blocks them all away] Hey! I'm doing it!