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in: Episode transcripts, Season 9 transcripts

Changes: Squid Defense/transcript

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{{EpisodeTranscript}}
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{{EpisodeTr
  
  ⚫
{{L|''[episode starts with Squidward walking out of the bathroom holding a newspaper]''}}
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|title = Squid Defense
  
  ⚫
{{L|SpongeBob|Hiii... yah! ''[karate chops Squidward in the stomach]'' Squidward! Sorry, buddy, didn't see you. Are you okay?}}
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|titlecard = Squid Defense.png
  
  ⚫
{{L|Squidward|''[holding leg in pain; moans]'' What kind of unforeseen yet completely predictable stupidity have you ruined my day with this time?}}
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|seasonnumber = 9
  
  ⚫
{{L|SpongeBob|Oh. I'm just practicing my ''[chops with hand]'' karate chops. I'm going to have ''[takes off karate glove]'' an intense karate session with Sandy later. Sandy says you never know what creepy creeper could be creeping creepingly around any creepy corner.}}
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|episodenumber = 183b
  
  ⚫
{{L|Squidward|Paranoid much?}}
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|airdate = [[January 1]], [[2013]]}}
  
  ⚫
{{L|SpongeBob|''[spooked]'' Hiyah! ''[chops Squidward in the torso again]'' Sorry, Squidward! I thought you were one of those creepy creepers. You know, Squidward, you really should know how to protect yourself. Maybe you'd like to join us.}}
⚫
*''[episode starts with Squidward walking out of the bathroom holding a newspaper]''
  
  ⚫
{{L|Squidward|Well... no. I have more important things to do.}}
⚫
*'''SpongeBob: '''Hi...yah! ''[karate chops Squidward in the torso] ''Squidward! Sorry, buddy, didn't see you. Are you okay?
  
  ⚫
{{L|SpongeBob|Okey dokey, Squidward! Stop on by later if you change your mind about the karate.}}
⚫
*'''Squidward: '''''[holding leg in pain; moans] ''What kind of unforeseen yet completely predictable stupidity have you ruined my day with this time?
  
  ⚫
{{L|Squidward|''[pushes SpongeBob]'' I won't. ''[walks out of the Krusty Krab and scene changes to him walking in town with groceries. He then walks down a dark alley then turns around noticing something]'' Uh... hello? Is somebody there? ''[spots a large figure in the distance]'' Um... hello? It's considered rude not to answer! ''[the figure walks closer to him. He starts to act nervous]'' Hah... whatta ya got? Cotton in your earholes? ''[laughs nervously as the figure gets even closer to him]'' I gotta get outta here! ''[starts to run away, walks face-first into a low ladder, then falls on the ground and drops the groceries. Notices the figure staring at him, gets up and runs to SpongeBob's house]'' SpongeBob! ''[starts banging on his door as the scene changes over to SpongeBob and Gary]''}}
⚫
*'''SpongeBob: '''Oh. I'm just practicing my ''[chops with hand] ''karate chops. I'm going to have ''[takes off karate glove] ''an intense karate session with Sandy later. Sandy says you never know what creepy creeper could be creeping creepingly around any creepy corner.
  
  ⚫
{{L|SpongeBob|''[watching television with Gary and they both are laughing]'' Oh wait, I don't get it.}}
⚫
*'''Squidward: '''Paranoid much?
  
  ⚫
{{L|Squidward|SpongeBob! SpongeBob! Open up! ''[the door opens and he falls on his face]''}}
⚫
*'''SpongeBob: '''''[spooked] ''Hiyah! ''[chops Squidward in the torso again] ''Sorry Squidward! I thought you were one of those creepy creepers. You know Squidward, you really should know how to protect yourself. Maybe you like to join us.
  
  ⚫
{{L|SpongeBob|Squidward?}}
⚫
*'''Squidward:''' Well...no. I have more important things to do.
  
  ⚫
{{L|Squidward|Hurry, SpongeBob! ''[pushes SpongeBob inside and closes the door]''}}
⚫
*'''SpongeBob:''' Okey dokey Squidward! Stop on by later if you change your mind about the karate.
  
  ⚫
{{L|SpongeBob|Squidward? What's wrong?}}
⚫
*'''Squidward:''' ''[pushes SpongeBob]'' I won't. ''[walks out of the Krusty Krab and scene changes to him walking in town with groceries. He then walks down a dark alley then turns around notcing something]'' Uh...hello? Is somebody there? ''[spots a large figure in the distance]'' Um...hello? It's consired rude not to answer! ''[the figure walks closer to him. He starts to act nervous]'' Hah...whatta got? Cotton in your earholes? ''[laughs nervously as the figure gets even more closer to him]'' I gotta get outta here! ''[starts to run away then walks face-first into a low ladder then falls on the ground and drops the groceries. Notices the figure stare at him then he gets up and runs to SpongeBob's house]'' SPONGEBOB!!! ''[starts banging on his door as the scene changes over to SpongeBob and Gary]''
  
  ⚫
{{L|Squidward|You were rrrright!}}
⚫
*'''SpongeBob:''' ''[watching television with Gary and they both are laughing]'' Oh wait, I don't get it.
  
  ⚫
{{L|SpongeBob|I was? About what?}}
⚫
*'''Squidward:''' SpongeBob!  SpongeBob! Open up! ''[the door opens and he falls on his face]''
  
  ⚫
{{L|Squidward|About the danger that lurks around every corner! ''[Screams as a shadow roars at him]''}}
⚫
*'''SpongeBob:''' Squidward? 
  
  +
{{L|SpongeBob|Um, Squidward? ''[Gary is shown]'' It's just Gary.}}
⚫
*'''Squidward:''' Hurry SpongeBob! ''[pushes SpongeBob inside and closes the door]''
  
  ⚫
{{L|Gary|''[looking at the television]'' Meow meow meow meow meow!}}
⚫
*'''SpongeBob:''' Squidward? What's wrong?
  
  +
{{L|SpongeBob|Hey, I should've named you "Scary," eh buddy?}}
⚫
*'''Squidward:''' You were rrrright!
  
  ⚫
{{L|Gary|''[laughs]'' Meow meow meow meow! ''[crawls away]''}}
⚫
*'''SpongeBob:''' I was? About what?
  
  +
{{L|Squidward|SpongeBob, this is serious! I was just viciously attacked!}}
⚫
*'''Squidward:''' About the danger that lurks around every corner! ''[Screams as a shadow roars at him]''
  
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*'''SpongeBob:''' Um, Squidward? ''[Gary is shown]'' It's just Gary.
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{{L|SpongeBob|''[gasps]'' No!}}
  ⚫
{{L|Squidward|You gotta teach me, SpongeBob! Teach me the way! The way of tarake.}}
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*'''Gary:''' ''[looking at the television]'' Meow meow meow meow meow!
  
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*'''SpongeBob:''' Hey I should've named you "Scary" eh buddy?
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{{L|SpongeBob|Eh, don't you mean "karate?"}}
  ⚫
{{L|Squidward|Um... sure. Whatever.}}
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*'''Gary:''' Meow merow merow merow! ''[crawls away]''
  
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*'''Squidward: '''SpongeBob, this is serious! I was just viciously attacked!
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{{L|''[bubble transition to Squidward and SpongeBob who is in his karate gear]''}}
  ⚫
{{L|SpongeBob|''[walking around Squidward]'' Hmm... hmm! Hmm... yes! You show potential young student! ''[grabs Squidward's arm]'' But with the rubbery arms and the doughiness in this area ''[pokes Squidward's belly]'' you obviously have our work cut out for us.}}
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*'''SpongeBob:''' Gasp! No!
  
  ⚫
{{L|Squidward|Can't we just get on with this SpongeBob?}}
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*'''Squidward:''' You gotta teach me SpongeBob! Teach me the way! The way of tarate.
  
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*'''SpongeBob: '''Eh, don't you mean "karate?"
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{{L|SpongeBob|See see ba ba!}}
  ⚫
{{L|Squidward|Sigh... I mean can't get just get on with this "O Great Sensei?"}}
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*'''Squidward:''' Um...sure. Whatever.
  
  ⚫
{{L|SpongeBob|Play close attention and you will receive the totality of my karate mastery! Handed down from Sensei Cheeks herself. Now watch! Watch and learn. ''[walks over to a piece of wood and karate chops it the force breaks him in half]''}}
−
*''[bubble transition to Squidward and SpongeBob who is in his karate gear]''
  
  ⚫
{{L|Squidward|Uh huh. What else you got?}}
⚫
*'''SpongeBob:''' ''[walking around Squidward]'' Hmm...hmm! Hmm...yes! You show potential young student! ''[grabs Squidward's arm]'' But with an rubbery arm and the doginess in this area ''[pokes Squidward's belly], ''you obiviously have our work cut out for us.
  
  +
{{L|SpongeBob|That's it.}}
⚫
*'''Squidward:''' Can't we just get on with this SpongeBob?
  
  ⚫
{{L|Squidward|That's it!? THAT'S the "totality" of your karate mastery?}}
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*'''SpongeBob:''' See see ba ba!
  
  ⚫
{{L|SpongeBob Half 1|Well, Squidward. I've only been studying a couple of years. But if total karate knowledge is what you seek...}}
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*'''Squidward:''' Sigh...I mean can't get just get on with this "O' Great Sensi?"
  
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{{L|SpongeBob Half 2|...then you should visit Sensei Cheeks.}}
⚫
*'''SpongeBob:''' Play close attention and you will recieve the totailty of my karate mastery! Handed down from Sensi Cheeks herself. Now watch! Watch and learn. ''[walks over to a piece of wood and karate chops it the force breaks him in half]''
  
  ⚫
{{L|SpongeBob Half 1|Hey! I was just going to say that!}}
⚫
*'''Squidward:''' Uh huh. What else you got?
  
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*'''SpongeBob:''' That's it.
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{{L|SpongeBob Half 2|I know! ''[They both laugh]''}}
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{{L|Squidward|Oh boy...}}
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*'''Squidward:''' That's it!? THAT'S the "totality" of your karate mastery?
  
  ⚫
{{L|''[karate chop transition to Sandy's Treedome]''}}
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*'''SpongeBob Half 1:''' Well, Squidward. I've only been studing a couple of years. But if total karate knowledge is what you seek...
  
  ⚫
{{L|Sandy|I don't know, SpongeBob. ''[grabs Squidward's arm]'' With the rubbery arms and doughiness in this area ''[pokes Squidward's belly]'', we obviously-}}
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*'''SpongeBob Half 2:''' ...then you should visit Sensi Cheeks!
  
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{{L|Squidward|-Alright already! We've been through this! Are you going to teach me how to get revenge on my attacker or what!?}}
⚫
*'''SpongeBob Half 1: '''Hey! I was just going to say that!
  
  ⚫
{{L|Sandy|Whoa, oh, oh! Karate ain't for revenge. It's a delicate art that helps you protect yourself!}}
−
*'''SpongeBob Half 2:''' I know! ''[They both laugh]''
  
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*'''Squidward:''' Oh boy...
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{{L|Squidward|Yeah, fine.}}
  ⚫
{{L|Sandy|Great! Now repeat after me: HIYAH!}}
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*''[karate chop transition to Sandy's Treedome]''
  
  ⚫
{{L|SpongeBob|HIYAH! ''[also karate chops]''}}
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*'''Sandy:''' I don't know SpongeBob. ''[grabs Squidward's arm]'' With the rubbery arms and doeyness in this area ''[pokes Squidward's belly], ''we obviously-
  
  ⚫
{{L|Squidward|Oh...whatever. Hiyah...}}
⚫
*'''Squidward:''' -Alright already! We've been through this! Are you going to teach me how to get revenge on my attacker or what!?
  
  ⚫
{{L|Sandy|"I promise to use karate only for protection and not for revenge."}}
⚫
*'''Sandy: '''Woah, oh, oh! Karate ain't for revenge. It's a delicate art that helps you protect yourself!
  
  ⚫
{{L|Squidward|"I promise to use karate only for protection and not for revenge." Or whatever...}}
−
*'''Squidward:''' Yeah, fine.
  
⚫
*'''Sandy:''' Great! Now repeat after me: HIYAH!!! ''[karate chops]''
  
⚫
*'''SpongeBob:''' HIYAH!!! ''[also karate chops]''
  
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*'''Squidward:''' Oh...whatever. Hiyah...
  
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*'''Sandy:''' "I promise not to use karate only for protection and not for revenge." 
  
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*'''Squidward:''' "I promise not to use karate only for protection and not for revenge." Or whatever...
  
 
*''[karate chop transition to SpongeBob, Sandy, and Squidward near a wooden board]''
  
*''[karate chop transition to SpongeBob, Sandy, and Squidward near a wooden board]''
−
*'''Sandy:''' Ok then! Let's get started with a little choppin'! Like so. HIYAH!!! ''[karate chops the board in half and SpongeBob as well'''']'''''
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{{L|Sandy|Okay then! Let's get started with a little choppin'! Like so. HIYAH! ''[karate chops the board in half, and SpongeBob as well]''}}
−
*'''SpongeBob:''' Woah!
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{{L|SpongeBob|Whoa!}}
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*'''Squidward:''' A board? I wasn't attacked by a piece of wood! I was assulted by a deranged lunatic!
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{{L|Squidward|A board? I wasn't attacked by a piece of wood! I was assaulted by a deranged lunatic!}}
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*'''Sandy:''' The only way to protect yourself is if you know the basics. Now give it a chop! 
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{{L|Sandy|The only way to protect yourself is if you know the basics. Now give it a chop!}}
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*'''Squidward:''' Sigh...whatever you say Sensi...
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{{L|Squidward|Sigh...whatever you say Sensei...}}
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*'''SpongeBob:''' This is a tough one Squidward. Don't feel bad if you can't do it.
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{{L|SpongeBob|This is a tough one Squidward. Don't feel bad if you can't do it.}}
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*'''Squidward:''' I'm sure I can break one little twig! Hiiii-YAH!!! ''[karate chops the board but it doesn't break. the force makes him shake and moves back on the treedome wall and he breaks apart on the ground]''.
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{{L|Squidward|I'm sure I can break one little twig! Hiiii-YAH! ''[karate chops the board but it doesn't break. the force makes him shake and moves back on the treedome wall and he breaks apart on the ground]''}}
−
*''[karate chop transition to Sandy]''
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{{L|''[karate chop transition to Sandy]''}}
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*'''Sandy:''' Arms up Squidward! Block! BLOCK! ''[Squidward gets hit back acrons thrown by SpongeBob]'' Block! BLOCK! 
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{{L|Sandy|Arms up Squidward! Block! Block! ''[Squidward gets hit by acorns thrown by SpongeBob]'' Block! Block!}}
−
*'''Squidward:''' Arg! This is stupid! The only thing this manic threw at me were his big, meaty fists! ''[raises his hands up but SpongeBob continues to throw acorns at him. Then he throws a acorn at SpongeBob]''
 +
{{L|Squidward|Arg! This is stupid! The only thing this maniac threw at me were his big, meaty fists! ''[raises his hands up but SpongeBob continues to throw acorns at him. Then he throws a acorn at SpongeBob]''}}
−
*'''SpongeBob:''' ''[blocks the acorn with his elbow]'' BLOCK!
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{{L|SpongeBob|''[blocks the acorn with his elbow]'' Block!}}
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*'''Sandy:'''''' '''Now that's how you do it!
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{{L|Sandy|Now that's how you do it!}}
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*'''Squidward:''' Dimwits luck! ''[gets hit by another acorn]''
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{{L|Squidward|Dimwits luck! ''[gets hit by another acorn]''}}
−
*''[karate chop transition to the tree of them near a sandbag]''
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{{L|''[karate chop transition to the tree of them near a sandbag]''}}
−
*'''SpongeBob:''' Come on Squiddy! Give it the ol' roundhouse! 
 +
{{L|SpongeBob|Come on, Squiddy! Give it the ol' roundhouse!}}
−
*'''Squidward:''' Alright...''[moves backwards]'' HIYAH!!! ''[kicks the sandbag but gets stuck to it and starts to get smacked over and over and is thrown in front of Sandy]'' This isn't working! ''[walks back toward the sandbag]'' My assultant was twice as tall! And shoulders were twenty times as broad! The burrows of his brow with the size as biceps!
 +
{{L|Squidward|Alright... ''[moves backwards]'' Hiyah! ''[kicks the sandbag but gets stuck to it and starts to get smacked over and over and is thrown in front of Sandy]'' This isn't working! ''[walks back toward the sandbag]'' My assailant was twice as tall! And shoulders were twenty times as broad! The burrows of his brow with the size as biceps!}}
−
*'''Sandy: '''Hmm...we're gotta make this more personal for you Squidward. So is to help you bring out your inner dragon! SpongeBob!
 +
{{L|Sandy|Hmm... we're gotta make this more personal for you Squidward. So is to help you bring out your inner dragon! SpongeBob!}}
−
*'''SpongeBob''': ''[jumps in wearing a ski mask]'' Hey! Grocery boy! It is me! A big, scary miscreant! Now hand over that sack of groceries before things get ugly!
 +
{{L|SpongeBob|''[jumps in wearing a ski mask]'' Hey! Grocery boy! It is me! A big, scary miscreant! Now hand over that sack of groceries before things get ugly!}}
−
*'''Squidward:''' Groceries? You'll have to pull my groceries from my cold, wet tentacles bucko! Take this! Hiyah! ''[tries to karate chop SpongeBob but his arm gets stuck to his helment]'' Huh? Think that's going to stop me!? You're not getting me without a fight! HIYAH! ''[tries to kick SpongeBob but his feet retract and get stuck to his helment as well. He starts moving around on the ground getting more and more tangled]'' Got you...right where...I want you! ''[moves around again becoming fully tangled]'' Vengence...is...mine!
 +
{{L|Squidward|Groceries? You'll have to pull my groceries from my cold, wet tentacles bucko! Take this! Hiyah! ''[tries to karate chop SpongeBob but his arm gets stuck to his helmet]'' Huh? Think that's going to stop me!? You're not getting me without a fight! HIYAH! ''[tries to kick SpongeBob but his feet retract and get stuck to his helmet as well. He starts moving around on the ground getting more and more tangled]'' Got you... right where...I want you! ''[moves around again becoming fully tangled]'' Vengeance... is... MINE!}}
−
*'''Sandy:''' Vengence? Squidward Tentacles, I told ya at the beginning that karate ain't for revenge! Sorry Squidward. As of now, I ain't your sensi no more! ''[walks off]''
 +
{{L|Sandy|Vengeance? Squidward Tentacles, I told ya at the beginning that karate ain't for revenge! Sorry Squidward. As of now, I ain't your sensei no more! ''[walks off]''}}
−
*'''Squidward:''' Sandy! Wait! ''[tries to move]'' I need you to teach...Sigh...this is pointless. I'll never be able to protect myself. I may as well start handing my groceries to criminals. Here! Please Mr. Criminal! Take my unprocessed kelp feed!
 +
{{L|Squidward|Sandy! Wait! ''[tries to move]'' I need you to teach... ''[Sighs]''... this is pointless. ''[struggles]'' I'll never be able to protect myself. ''[struggles]'' I may as well start handing my groceries to criminals. Here! Please Mr. Criminal! ''[struggles]'' Take my unprocessed kale cream.}}
−
*'''SpongeBob:''' Sandy! Wait! Please! Help him! He just want to keep his organic, blue algie safe.
 +
{{L|SpongeBob|Sandy! Wait! Please! Help him! He just want to keep his organic, blue algae safe.}}
−
*'''Sandy:''' He's going to use my teachings for revenge SpongeBob.
 +
{{L|Sandy|He's going to use my teachings for revenge, SpongeBob.}}
−
*'''Squidward:''' Please Sandy! I'll do anything! 
 +
{{L|Squidward|Please, Sandy! I'll do anything!}}
−
*'''Sandy:''' Oh really? Well Squidward, a wise sensi once told me: ''[takes out a mop]'' "One must first know the movements of everyday, to master ka-rah-tay!
 +
{{L|Sandy|Oh, really? Well, Squidward, a wise sensei once told me: ''[takes out a mop]'' "One must first know the movements of everyday, to master ka-rah-tay!}}
−
*''[karate chop transition to a short montage with Squidward first mopping in Sandy's house. He then tries to turn on a vaccum but doesn't turn on. He kicks it and it finally turns on and starts to clean up making the place spotless]''
 +
{{L|''[karate chop transition to a short montage with Squidward first mopping in Sandy's house. He then tries to turn on a vacuum but doesn't turn on. He kicks it and it finally turns on and starts to clean up making the place spotless]''}}
−
*'''Squidward:''' Phew! All finished!
 +
{{L|Squidward|Phew! All finished!}}
−
*'''Sandy:''' Wow! It looks great!
 +
{{L|Sandy|Wow! It looks great!}}
−
*'''SpongeBob: '''''[to Squidward] ''Psst! You missed a spot!
 +
{{L|SpongeBob|[to Squidward] ''Psst! You missed a spot!}}
−
*''[Squidward growls and a karate transition to him with water hoses tied to him spraying the grass]''
 +
{{L|''[Squidward growls and a karate transition to him with water hoses tied to him spraying the grass]''}}
−
*'''Sandy:''' Alright! I reckon that yard is good and watered!
 +
{{L|Sandy|Alright! I reckon that yard is good and watered!}}
−
*'''SpongeBob:''' Psst! You missed a spot!
 +
{{L|SpongeBob|Psst! You missed a spot!}}
−
*''[Squidward mumbles angrily as a karate chop transition to him shoveling the ground]''
 +
{{L|''[Squidward mumbles angrily as a karate chop transition to him shoveling the ground]''}}
−
*'''Squidward:''' Phew! ''[grabs the bucket of acorns and pours them into the hole he dug up]''
 +
{{L|Squidward|Shut up! Phew! ''[grabs the bucket of acorns and pours them into the hole he dug up]''}}
−
*'''Sandy:''' Atta boy Squiddy! ''[On a beach chair next to SpongeBob]'' Be sure to twist that torso!
 +
{{L|Sandy|Atta boy Squiddy! ''[On a beach chair next to SpongeBob]'' Be sure to twist that torso!}}
−
*'''SpongeBob:''' Hey Sandy? ''[streatches]'' I don't remember this being a part of my training.
 +
{{L|SpongeBob|Hey Sandy? ''[stretches]'' I don't remember this being a part of my training.}}
−
*'''Sandy:''' It wasn't! But today is chore day! So I'd figured why not fry two fish in one skillet! ''[she and SpongeBob laugh]''
 +
{{L|Sandy|It wasn't! But today is chore day! So I'd figured why not fry two fish in one skillet! ''[she and SpongeBob laugh]''}}
−
*'''Squidward:''' That's it! I am outta here! This is a no good waste of my time! ''[rams his foot onto a bucket of acorns and they start to fly toward him. He blocks them all away]'' Hey! I'm doing it! I'm blocking the acorns!
 +
{{L|Squidward|That's it! I am outta here! This is a no good waste of my time! ''[rams his foot onto a bucket of acorns and they start to fly toward him. He blocks them all away]'' Hey! I'm doing it! I'm blocking the acorns!}}
−
*'''Sandy:''' Ye-HAAA!!! I told ya'll had to do is know the movements of everyday to master karate!
 +
{{L|Sandy|Ye-HAAA! I told y'all had to do is know the movements of everyday to master karate!}}
−
*'''Squidward:''' Hah hah! I can't believe I did it!
 +
{{L|Squidward|Hah hah! I can't believe I did it!}}
−
*'''SpongeBob:''' ''[holding a wooden board]'' YEAH YEAH! Now try this!
 +
{{L|SpongeBob|''[holding a wooden board]'' YEAH YEAH! Now try this!}}
−
*'''Squidward:''' Ok! Ok! Hee-YAH!!! ''[chops the wooden board and SpongeBob in half] ''Hah hah hah! Oh, I did it! ''[starts running then jumps]'' Hee-YAH!!! ''[kicks the Slug Buddy punching bag destroying it]'' I can protect my groceries now! Hee-YAH!!! ''[kicks SpongeBob toward the glass wall and breaks him apart. SpongeBob holds a thumbs up]'' I am a karate master! WOO HOO HOO! 
 +
{{L|Squidward|Okay! Okay! Hee-YAH! ''[chops the wooden board and SpongeBob in half] ''Hah hah hah! Oh, I did it! ''[starts running then jumps]'' Hee-YAH! ''[kicks the Slug Buddy punching bag destroying it]'' I can protect my groceries now! Hee-YAH! ''[kicks SpongeBob toward the glass wall and breaks him apart. SpongeBob holds a thumbs up]'' I am a karate master! WOO HOO HOO!}}
−
*'''Sandy:''' Well, I wouldn't go that far. But you have proven yourself worthy of...''[takes out a belt]''...the Belt of Basic Competance!
 +
{{L|Sandy|Well, I wouldn't go that far. But you have proven yourself worthy of... ''[takes out a belt]'' ...the Belt of Basic Competence!}}
−
*'''Squidward:''' Yeah yeah, that's great, thanks. But I have some business to attend to! ''[walks off'' ''and a karate chop transition to him walking down a dark alley]'' Heh heh heh...What's this? Do I find myself on this dark and scary street, yet again? We'll just see what happens! ''[walks down further into the alley]'' This time!
 +
{{L|Squidward|Yeah yeah, that's great, thanks. But I have some business to attend to! ''[walks off'' ''and a karate chop transition to him walking down a dark alley]'' Heh heh heh... What's this? Do I find myself on this dark and scary street, yet again? We'll just see what happens! ''[walks down further into the alley]'' This time!}}
−
*'''Man:''' Hey! You! ''[starts walking toward Squidward]''
 +
{{L|Man|Hey! You! ''[starts walking toward Squidward]''}}
−
*'''Squidward:''' Let me give him a taste! A mere morcial of what's in store! ''[karate chops] ''Hee-YAH! ''[kicks] ''HEE-YAH! ''[flips]'' Hiyah! That one was called Washing Sandy's Windows! ''[the man walks closer]'' Stay back or you're gonna get it! I am warning you! ''[the man continues to walk closer breathing heavily] ''Ok buddy, I warned ya! ''[near a trash can]'' I like to call this one Taking Out Sandy's Trash! Hee-YAH!!! ''[kicks the trash can toward the man]''
 +
{{L|Squidward|Let me give him a taste! A mere morsel of what's in store! ''[karate chops]'' Hee-YAH! ''[kicks]'' HEE-YAH! ''[flips]'' Hiyah! That one was called Washing Sandy's Windows! ''[the man walks closer]'' Stay back or you're gonna get it! I am warning you! ''[the man continues to walk closer breathing heavily]'' Okay buddy, I warned ya! ''[near a trash can]'' I like to call this one Taking Out Sandy's Trash! Hee-YAH! ''[kicks the trash can toward the man]''}}
−
*'''Man:''' What? ''[gets hit on the head by the trash can]'' OW!
 +
{{L|Man|What? ''[gets hit on the head by the trash can]'' OW!}}
−
*'''Squidward:''' Hah! Hah! How do you like them apples? YAH!!! ''[punches a crate at the man]''
 +
{{L|Squidward|Hah! Hah! How do you like them apples? YAH! ''[punches a crate at the man]''}}
−
*'''Man:''' Ow! OW! 
 +
{{L|Man|Ow! OW!}}
−
*'''Squidward:''' ''[holding two wooden planks]'' Hah! Feel my wrath! ''[throws them]'' How's your uncle!
 +
{{L|Squidward|''[holding two wooden planks]'' Hah! Feel my wrath! ''[throws them]'' How's your uncle!}}
−
*'''Man:''' ''[gets hit on the head by one of the planks]'' Ow! ''[the other hits him on the stomach]'' Ow!
 +
{{L|Man|''[gets hit on the head by one of the planks]'' Ow! ''[the other hits him on the stomach]'' Ow!}}
−
*'''Squidward:''' My finishing move! I give you Watering Sandy's Lawn! Hee-YAH!!! ''[spin kicks a dumpster at the man. Then pushes it off of him]''
 +
{{L|Squidward|My finishing move! I give you Watering Sandy's Lawn! Hee-YAH! ''[spin kicks a dumpster at the man. Then pushes it off of him]''}}
−
*'''Man:''' Oh...hey, man! Wha-wha-what was that for? ''[holding Squidward's groceries]'' I was trying to give you back your groceries you dropped!
 +
{{L|Man|Oh...hey, man! Wha-what was that for? ''[holding Squidward's groceries]'' I was just trying to give you back your groceries you dropped!}}
−
*'''Squidward: '''''[takes the groceries]'' Uh, oh. 
 +
{{L|Squidward|''[takes the groceries]'' Uh, oh.}} 
−
*'''SpongeBob:''' Sandy! I found him! He's over here! ''[holding the belt]'' You forgot your belt silly! ''[looks at the man]'' Gasp!
 +
{{L|SpongeBob|Sandy! I found him! He's over here! ''[holding the belt]'' You forgot your belt silly! ''[looks at the man and gasps]''}}
−
*'''Sandy:''' Gosh! What happened to you?
 +
{{L|Sandy|Gosh! What happened to you?}}
−
*'''SpongeBob:''' This guy's been: ka-rah-tayed!
 +
{{L|SpongeBob|This guy's been... ka-rah-tayed!}}
−
*'''Sandy:''' After all I'd said about never using karate for revenge.
 +
{{L|Sandy|After all I'd said about never using karate for revenge?}}
−
*'''SpongeBob:''' For shame, Squidward. For shame.
 +
{{L|SpongeBob|For shame, Squidward. For shame.}}
−
*'''Sandy:''' Looks like he's not worthy of this belt after all. ''[takes the belt]'' Thanks for dishonoring our trust in you Squidward ''[walks off with SpongeBob]''.
 +
{{L|Sandy|Looks like he's not worthy of this belt after all. ''[takes the belt]'' Thanks for dishonoring our trust in you Squidward. ''[walks off with SpongeBob]''.}}
−
*'''Squidward:''' Whatever! I'm still a karate master!
 +
{{L|Squidward|Whatever! I'm still a karate master!}}
−
*'''Officer John:''' Wow, really? You are? ''[walks Squidward to the policecar]''
 +
{{L|Officer John|Wow, really? You are? ''[walks Squidward to the police car]''}}
−
*'''Squidward:''' Yes I am!
 +
{{L|Squidward|Yes I am!}}
−
*'''Officer John:''' Hey watch your head. ''[Squidward gets into the policecar. Then he gets into it]'' Oh, I never guess it.
 +
{{L|Officer John|Hey watch your head. ''[Squidward gets into the police car. Then John gets into it]'' Oh, I never guess it.}}
−
*'''Squidward:''' And what does that suppose to mean?
 +
{{L|Squidward|And what is that suppose to mean?}}
−
*'''Officer John:''' Oh, uh nothing. Just with the rubbery arms and the doeyness in the mid-section...
 +
{{L|Officer John|Oh, uh nothing. Just with the rubbery arms and the doughiness in the midsection...}}
−
*'''Squidward:''' Ok already! I get it! ''[notices the hand cuffs on him]'' What? Wait a second! Am I under arrest?
 +
{{L|Squidward|Okay already! I get it! ''[notices the handcuffs on him]'' What? Wait a second. Am I under arrest?}}
−
*'''Officer John:'''''' '''You sure are! And you have the right to remain silent! ''[Squidward screams loudly]'' Or not silent...''[drives off]''.
 +
{{L|Officer John|You sure are! And you have the right to remain silent... ''[Squidward screams loudly]'' ...or not silent. ''[drives off, and the episode ends]''}}
−
[[Category:Transcripts]]
  

Revision as of 23:26, 6 May 2020

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Squid Defense" from season 9, which aired on January 1, 2013.

  • [episode starts with Squidward walking out of the bathroom holding a newspaper]
  • SpongeBob: Hiii... yah! [karate chops Squidward in the stomach] Squidward! Sorry, buddy, didn't see you. Are you okay?
  • Squidward: [holding leg in pain; moans] What kind of unforeseen yet completely predictable stupidity have you ruined my day with this time?
  • SpongeBob: Oh. I'm just practicing my [chops with hand] karate chops. I'm going to have [takes off karate glove] an intense karate session with Sandy later. Sandy says you never know what creepy creeper could be creeping creepingly around any creepy corner.
  • Squidward: Paranoid much?
  • SpongeBob: [spooked] Hiyah! [chops Squidward in the torso again] Sorry, Squidward! I thought you were one of those creepy creepers. You know, Squidward, you really should know how to protect yourself. Maybe you'd like to join us.
  • Squidward: Well... no. I have more important things to do.
  • SpongeBob: Okey dokey, Squidward! Stop on by later if you change your mind about the karate.
  • Squidward: [pushes SpongeBob] I won't. [walks out of the Krusty Krab and scene changes to him walking in town with groceries. He then walks down a dark alley then turns around noticing something] Uh... hello? Is somebody there? [spots a large figure in the distance] Um... hello? It's considered rude not to answer! [the figure walks closer to him. He starts to act nervous] Hah... whatta ya got? Cotton in your earholes? [laughs nervously as the figure gets even closer to him] I gotta get outta here! [starts to run away, walks face-first into a low ladder, then falls on the ground and drops the groceries. Notices the figure staring at him, gets up and runs to SpongeBob's house] SpongeBob! [starts banging on his door as the scene changes over to SpongeBob and Gary]
  • SpongeBob: [watching television with Gary and they both are laughing] Oh wait, I don't get it.
  • Squidward: SpongeBob! SpongeBob! Open up! [the door opens and he falls on his face]
  • SpongeBob: Squidward?
  • Squidward: Hurry, SpongeBob! [pushes SpongeBob inside and closes the door]
  • SpongeBob: Squidward? What's wrong?
  • Squidward: You were rrrright!
  • SpongeBob: I was? About what?
  • Squidward: About the danger that lurks around every corner! [Screams as a shadow roars at him]
  • SpongeBob: Um, Squidward? [Gary is shown] It's just Gary.
  • Gary: [looking at the television] Meow meow meow meow meow!
  • SpongeBob: Hey, I should've named you "Scary," eh buddy?
  • Gary: [laughs] Meow meow meow meow! [crawls away]
  • Squidward: SpongeBob, this is serious! I was just viciously attacked!
  • SpongeBob: [gasps] No!
  • Squidward: You gotta teach me, SpongeBob! Teach me the way! The way of tarake.
  • SpongeBob: Eh, don't you mean "karate?"
  • Squidward: Um... sure. Whatever.
  • [bubble transition to Squidward and SpongeBob who is in his karate gear]
  • SpongeBob: [walking around Squidward] Hmm... hmm! Hmm... yes! You show potential young student! [grabs Squidward's arm] But with the rubbery arms and the doughiness in this area [pokes Squidward's belly] you obviously have our work cut out for us.
  • Squidward: Can't we just get on with this SpongeBob?
  • SpongeBob: See see ba ba!
  • Squidward: Sigh... I mean can't get just get on with this "O Great Sensei?"
  • SpongeBob: Play close attention and you will receive the totality of my karate mastery! Handed down from Sensei Cheeks herself. Now watch! Watch and learn. [walks over to a piece of wood and karate chops it the force breaks him in half]
  • Squidward: Uh huh. What else you got?
  • SpongeBob: That's it.
  • Squidward: That's it!? THAT'S the "totality" of your karate mastery?
  • SpongeBob Half 1: Well, Squidward. I've only been studying a couple of years. But if total karate knowledge is what you seek...
  • SpongeBob Half 2: ...then you should visit Sensei Cheeks.
  • SpongeBob Half 1: Hey! I was just going to say that!
  • SpongeBob Half 2: I know! [They both laugh]
  • Squidward: Oh boy...
  • [karate chop transition to Sandy's Treedome]
  • Sandy: I don't know, SpongeBob. [grabs Squidward's arm] With the rubbery arms and doughiness in this area [pokes Squidward's belly], we obviously-
  • Squidward: -Alright already! We've been through this! Are you going to teach me how to get revenge on my attacker or what!?
  • Sandy: Whoa, oh, oh! Karate ain't for revenge. It's a delicate art that helps you protect yourself!
  • Squidward: Yeah, fine.
  • Sandy: Great! Now repeat after me: HIYAH!
  • SpongeBob: HIYAH! [also karate chops]
  • Squidward: Oh...whatever. Hiyah...
  • Sandy: "I promise to use karate only for protection and not for revenge."
  • Squidward: "I promise to use karate only for protection and not for revenge." Or whatever...
  • [karate chop transition to SpongeBob, Sandy, and Squidward near a wooden board]
  • Sandy: Okay then! Let's get started with a little choppin'! Like so. HIYAH! [karate chops the board in half, and SpongeBob as well]
  • SpongeBob: Whoa!
  • Squidward: A board? I wasn't attacked by a piece of wood! I was assaulted by a deranged lunatic!
  • Sandy: The only way to protect yourself is if you know the basics. Now give it a chop!
  • Squidward: Sigh...whatever you say Sensei...
  • SpongeBob: This is a tough one Squidward. Don't feel bad if you can't do it.
  • Squidward: I'm sure I can break one little twig! Hiiii-YAH! [karate chops the board but it doesn't break. the force makes him shake and moves back on the treedome wall and he breaks apart on the ground]
  • [karate chop transition to Sandy]
  • Sandy: Arms up Squidward! Block! Block! [Squidward gets hit by acorns thrown by SpongeBob] Block! Block!
  • Squidward: Arg! This is stupid! The only thing this maniac threw at me were his big, meaty fists! [raises his hands up but SpongeBob continues to throw acorns at him. Then he throws a acorn at SpongeBob]
  • SpongeBob: [blocks the acorn with his elbow] Block!
  • Sandy: Now that's how you do it!
  • Squidward: Dimwits luck! [gets hit by another acorn]
  • [karate chop transition to the tree of them near a sandbag]
  • SpongeBob: Come on, Squiddy! Give it the ol' roundhouse!
  • Squidward: Alright... [moves backwards] Hiyah! [kicks the sandbag but gets stuck to it and starts to get smacked over and over and is thrown in front of Sandy] This isn't working! [walks back toward the sandbag] My assailant was twice as tall! And shoulders were twenty times as broad! The burrows of his brow with the size as biceps!
  • Sandy: Hmm... we're gotta make this more personal for you Squidward. So is to help you bring out your inner dragon! SpongeBob!
  • SpongeBob: [jumps in wearing a ski mask] Hey! Grocery boy! It is me! A big, scary miscreant! Now hand over that sack of groceries before things get ugly!
  • Squidward: Groceries? You'll have to pull my groceries from my cold, wet tentacles bucko! Take this! Hiyah! [tries to karate chop SpongeBob but his arm gets stuck to his helmet] Huh? Think that's going to stop me!? You're not getting me without a fight! HIYAH! [tries to kick SpongeBob but his feet retract and get stuck to his helmet as well. He starts moving around on the ground getting more and more tangled] Got you... right where...I want you! [moves around again becoming fully tangled] Vengeance... is... MINE!
  • Sandy: Vengeance? Squidward Tentacles, I told ya at the beginning that karate ain't for revenge! Sorry Squidward. As of now, I ain't your sensei no more! [walks off]
  • Squidward: Sandy! Wait! [tries to move] I need you to teach... [Sighs]... this is pointless. [struggles] I'll never be able to protect myself. [struggles] I may as well start handing my groceries to criminals. Here! Please Mr. Criminal! [struggles] Take my unprocessed kale cream.
  • SpongeBob: Sandy! Wait! Please! Help him! He just want to keep his organic, blue algae safe.
  • Sandy: He's going to use my teachings for revenge, SpongeBob.
  • Squidward: Please, Sandy! I'll do anything!
  • Sandy: Oh, really? Well, Squidward, a wise sensei once told me: [takes out a mop] "One must first know the movements of everyday, to master ka-rah-tay!
  • [karate chop transition to a short montage with Squidward first mopping in Sandy's house. He then tries to turn on a vacuum but doesn't turn on. He kicks it and it finally turns on and starts to clean up making the place spotless]
  • Squidward: Phew! All finished!
  • Sandy: Wow! It looks great!
  • SpongeBob: [to Squidward] Psst! You missed a spot!
  • [Squidward growls and a karate transition to him with water hoses tied to him spraying the grass]
  • Sandy: Alright! I reckon that yard is good and watered!
  • SpongeBob: Psst! You missed a spot!
  • [Squidward mumbles angrily as a karate chop transition to him shoveling the ground]
  • Squidward: Shut up! Phew! [grabs the bucket of acorns and pours them into the hole he dug up]
  • Sandy: Atta boy Squiddy! [On a beach chair next to SpongeBob] Be sure to twist that torso!
  • SpongeBob: Hey Sandy? [stretches] I don't remember this being a part of my training.
  • Sandy: It wasn't! But today is chore day! So I'd figured why not fry two fish in one skillet! [she and SpongeBob laugh]
  • Squidward: That's it! I am outta here! This is a no good waste of my time! [rams his foot onto a bucket of acorns and they start to fly toward him. He blocks them all away] Hey! I'm doing it! I'm blocking the acorns!
  • Sandy: Ye-HAAA! I told y'all had to do is know the movements of everyday to master karate!
  • Squidward: Hah hah! I can't believe I did it!
  • SpongeBob: [holding a wooden board] YEAH YEAH! Now try this!
  • Squidward: Okay! Okay! Hee-YAH! [chops the wooden board and SpongeBob in half] Hah hah hah! Oh, I did it! [starts running then jumps] Hee-YAH! [kicks the Slug Buddy punching bag destroying it] I can protect my groceries now! Hee-YAH! [kicks SpongeBob toward the glass wall and breaks him apart. SpongeBob holds a thumbs up] I am a karate master! WOO HOO HOO!
  • Sandy: Well, I wouldn't go that far. But you have proven yourself worthy of... [takes out a belt] ...the Belt of Basic Competence!
  • Squidward: Yeah yeah, that's great, thanks. But I have some business to attend to! [walks off and a karate chop transition to him walking down a dark alley] Heh heh heh... What's this? Do I find myself on this dark and scary street, yet again? We'll just see what happens! [walks down further into the alley] This time!
  • Man: Hey! You! [starts walking toward Squidward]
  • Squidward: Let me give him a taste! A mere morsel of what's in store! [karate chops] Hee-YAH! [kicks] HEE-YAH! [flips] Hiyah! That one was called Washing Sandy's Windows! [the man walks closer] Stay back or you're gonna get it! I am warning you! [the man continues to walk closer breathing heavily] Okay buddy, I warned ya! [near a trash can] I like to call this one Taking Out Sandy's Trash! Hee-YAH! [kicks the trash can toward the man]
  • Man: What? [gets hit on the head by the trash can] OW!
  • Squidward: Hah! Hah! How do you like them apples? YAH! [punches a crate at the man]
  • Man: Ow! OW!
  • Squidward: [holding two wooden planks] Hah! Feel my wrath! [throws them] How's your uncle!
  • Man: [gets hit on the head by one of the planks] Ow! [the other hits him on the stomach] Ow!
  • Squidward: My finishing move! I give you Watering Sandy's Lawn! Hee-YAH! [spin kicks a dumpster at the man. Then pushes it off of him]
  • Man: Oh...hey, man! Wha-what was that for? [holding Squidward's groceries] I was just trying to give you back your groceries you dropped!
  • Squidward: [takes the groceries] Uh, oh. 
  • SpongeBob: Sandy! I found him! He's over here! [holding the belt] You forgot your belt silly! [looks at the man and gasps]
  • Sandy: Gosh! What happened to you?
  • SpongeBob: This guy's been... ka-rah-tayed!
  • Sandy: After all I'd said about never using karate for revenge?
  • SpongeBob: For shame, Squidward. For shame.
  • Sandy: Looks like he's not worthy of this belt after all. [takes the belt] Thanks for dishonoring our trust in you Squidward. [walks off with SpongeBob].
  • Squidward: Whatever! I'm still a karate master!
  • Officer John: Wow, really? You are? [walks Squidward to the police car]
  • Squidward: Yes I am!
  • Officer John: Hey watch your head. [Squidward gets into the police car. Then John gets into it] Oh, I never guess it.
  • Squidward: And what is that suppose to mean?
  • Officer John: Oh, uh nothing. Just with the rubbery arms and the doughiness in the midsection...
  • Squidward: Okay already! I get it! [notices the handcuffs on him] What? Wait a second. Am I under arrest?
  • Officer John: You sure are! And you have the right to remain silent... [Squidward screams loudly] ...or not silent. [drives off, and the episode ends]
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