This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Spongicus" from season 6, which aired on March 29, 2008.
- [Episode starts at the Krusty Krab, SpongeBob is washing the windows while singing.]
- SpongeBob: ♪Ooooooooo-oooooooohhh-woh-woooh, how much chum could a sea slug chug if a sea slug could chug...♪ [gasps, since he notices something outside, he then uses a pay phone to call Mr. Krabs in his office] Mr. Krabs, you gotta get out here! It's a code blue situation!
- Mr. Krabs: Please deposit 25 cents to continue this call.
- SpongeBob: Sure thing, Mr. K. [SpongeBob inserts a quarter into the pay phone] Mr. Krabs, you gotta get out here! It's a code blue situation!
- Mr. Krabs: Code blue?! [Mr. Krabs runs out of his office] What's the matter, boy?
- SpongeBob: I think Plankton wants to destroy our way of life!
- Mr. Krabs: Man alive! [Plankton has a wrecking ball near the Krusty Krab] He's taking us down!
- Plankton: [laughs] Get ready, Krabs, [pulls a lever] for the surprise of your life!
- Mr. Krabs: Brace yourself! [Mr. Krabs hides under a table, and SpongeBob hides under a barrel, the wrecking ball then misses the Krusty Krab] Huh? [the wrecking ball swings above and destroys the Chum Bucket] Plankton's destroying the Chum Bucket? Heh, heh, I guess he's finally given up on the restaurant business. Couldn't take the competition. [a bulldozer then drags a giant coliseum to where the Chum Bucket was] What is that? [a giant monitor appears on top of the coliseum, and Plankton appears on it]
- Plankton: Greetings, citizens of Bikini Bottom! Behold my imperial Chum Coliseum! [nobody is excited] I vow to introduce to this fair city culture, in the form of hand to hand grappling! [nobody is excited, once again] I intend to enrich your lives culturally, by exhibiting the moist spectacle of gladiators in mortal conflict! [no one is excited] My corporate underwriters told me to mention that it's free! [everyone is excited, and they run into the coliseum] Come on! Come all! Remember, kids love gladiators.
- Debbie: Wow! Real-life conflict, for free?
- Nathiel: Let the horror show begin! [everyone in the Krusty Krab runs to the coliseum]
- Plankton: [laughs evilly] Oh, Karen, even though you're just a frigid machine, your circuits must be welling up with emotion at my latest achievement.
- Karen: Oh, yes, my resistors are simply gushing from their copper foil traces.
- Plankton: This will prove to be my greatest evil scheme ever!
- Karen: That's what you said when you tried to boil Krabs in a giant bisque.
- Plankton: I can still feel the burns... which is why I removed all molten liquid from this maneuver. And it's why this time, I will be the one with all the customers. And Krabs will be the pathetic one, in an empty restaurant, stuck with a computer for a wife! [Karen shuts down] Uh, sorry, honey.
- SpongeBob: Wow, looks like Plankton finally has some customers!
- Mr. Krabs: I agree, it's very suspicious. And he may have lured a few of our fair-weather customers in with some cheap entertainment, but our loyal customers know quality when they taste it! So let's get in there and serve 'em up a burger they tell their grand-guppies about! [they walk into the Krusty Krab, and it's empty] Where's all me loyal customers?!
- Squidward: They've all taken their grand-guppies to see the guts and gore across the street.
- Mr. Krabs: That lower life form can slender my name, and desecrate me mother's grave...
- Mama Krabs: I'm right here!
- Mr. Krabs: ...but when he steals me customers, then I push back! Gentlemen, to the coliseum! [cuts to the coliseum where there is a sign that says "GLADIATOR FIGHT 2-DAY!," Mr. Krabs, SpongeBob, and Squidward sit down] This reeks of evil. And I'm going to sniff out the source. [Mr. Krabs sniffs, Plankton appears]
- Plankton: Welcome, one and all, to the first biannual big arena of annihilation! [everyone cheers]
- SpongeBob: Whoo!
- Plankton: Brought to you by yours truly. So without further ado, let the mauling begin! [Everyone cheers again]
- Scooter: All right!
- SpongeBob: Yay! [Plankton releases a lionfish into the ring, everyone cheers again] Whoo! Isn't this a boat load of fun, Squidward? I can't wait to see the poor sucker who has to go up against that beast!
- Squidward: You call this fun? This is just cheap, uncultured lay sport.
- Plankton: Now, release the opponent!
- SpongeBob: Yes! Go! [Plankton releases Patrick into the ring, everyone cheers again. SpongeBob is horrified once he notices] Patrick?! How could they?! This is horrible! [cries]
- Squidward: This is fabulous! [laughs]
- Plankton: Enough dilly-dallying. Send out the blood sausages! [two muscular fish put a necklace of sausages on Patrick]
- Patrick: All right! [Patrick is about to eat a sausage, when the lionfish growls at him, Plankton laughs]
- Plankton: That pink dimwit doesn't stand a chance with those sausages around his throat! As soon as the smell of sausage hits that ravenous lionfish's nostrils, he'll be all over Patrick like mold on a shower curtain!
- Sally: Rip his sausages off!
- Patrick: Ohh. Nice kitty. [notices sausages. He takes one off] Here, kitty. Want a sausage? A nice, delicious, tasty... sausage. [takes a bite out of the sausage, the lion snatches it from him, and growls at him] Spawn of a gefilte fish! [runs from the lionfish]
- SpongeBob: [Squidward is enjoying the show] I can't sit here and watch this! That's my best friend out there! [SpongeBob jumps into a chariot, dressed as a gladiator and goes towards Patrick] Patrick!
- Patrick: What? Oh! Oh, it's you! Hey, how's it going, buddy?
- SpongeBob: No time for chitchat, get in! [SpongeBob pulls Patrick inside the chariot] Hurry up, Nelly!
- Nat: Boo!
- Mama Krabs: Boring! [throws a tomato at the ground] I want to see some body parts!
- Mr. Krabs: Mom!
- Plankton: This is ridiculous! I order a simple brutal mauling for my denizens, and I get a circus act! Time for phase 2! [cuts to Plankton with a Chum Stick in hand, walking around the Coliseum] Chum on a stick! Get your fresh chum right here! Some chum for you, miss?
- Sadie: Well, all this waiting around for someone to get mauled is making me a bit hungry.
- Plankton: Here, take this one. It's fresh and warm, like my hospitality.
- Sadie: Why, thank you.
- Plankton: Just ten dollars, please.
- Sadie: Ten dollars?! Why would I pay ten dollars, when I can go across the street and get a Krabby Patty for one dollar?
- Mr. Krabs: Exactly!
- Plankton: You don't get this kind of entertainment with a Krabby Patty, do you?
- Sadie: No, I suppose not.
- Plankton: Ten dollars, or the fight's off!
- Sadie: Ah, fine! Whatever.
- Plankton: Here you are. I'm sure I've made a satisfied customer of you already.
- [Sadie takes it annoyed, eats it, and spits it out immediately.]
- Sadie: That was appalling! What was in that?!
- Plankton: Oh, just the usual ingredients. Some jellyfish squeezings, whale blubber, sea horse snout, and a sprinkle of anchor rust. [Sadie coughs and gags, then pukes in one of the rows of stadium seating]
- Sadie: [her lower lip is covered with a lot of spit] Oh, barnacles! That's foul! [everyone tries to leave, but Plankton locks all of the exits]
- Plankton: Now, I've been waiting for 20 years to have the amount of customers Krabs sees every day! And I won't let that be ruined because the show's "boring," or the food's "inedible." So sit down, enjoy the show, and buy some chum! [everyone walks back to their seat with a chum stick annoyed once again, scene cuts to SpongeBob and Patrick]
- SpongeBob: What do we do now, Patrick?
- Patrick: Don't worry, I'm already doing it. [Patrick is eating a sausage]
- SpongeBob: NO! [slaps the sausage out of his hands] Patrick, now is not the time for eating, now is the time to avoid being eaten by that giant... Huh? [the lion eats the sausage that SpongeBob slapped out of Patrick's hand, then resumes to chase them again] That's it, Patrick! He's not chasing us. He's chasing those tasty, tender, delicious, succulent sausages around your neck! [SpongeBob throws the sausages off of Patrick]
- Plankton: Chum on a stick! Get your chum! [notices sausages] What the? [sausages land on Plankton] Oh, great! Now how am I going to entertain the masses? [lion growls at him] Hey, watch where you're... [notices the lion, as it growls at him] Oh, dear! [screams, then the lion growls at him once again, Plankton runs out of a tiny door] Phew. Good thing I thought ahead with that escape door. Try and catch me now, you prissy feline! [laughs, then the lion busts a hole, allowing him to get out, Plankton screams, as it starts to chase him] No! Nice kitty! Want some chum? [he whimpers. Scene cuts to the Krusty Krab, where all of the customers are returned again]
- Mr. Krabs: You know, I'm not one to give out comments lightly. I've gotta hand it to you, boy, [referring to SpongeBob] if you didn't throw those sausages into the audience, we would have been dead meat!
- SpongeBob: My pleasure, Captain!
- Patrick: Yeah, thanks, buddy! You really saved my behind! No joke! [shows that there is a hole in his pants, revealing his butt from the fight]
- Mr. Krabs: I think that it's safe to say that no matter how diabolical Plankton's plans may be, he'll never have the loyalty of me good customers.
- Wobbles: One Krabby Patty, please.
- Mr. Krabs: But of course, my good customer. That'll be ten dollars.
- Wobbles: Ten dollars? What happened to one dollar?
- Mr. Krabs: Ahem, perhaps you'd like to speak to our financial expert. [the "financial expert" is revealed to be the lion that was chasing Plankton that is all chained up, Wobbles is scared, and gives Mr. Krabs ten dollars]
- Wobbles: [muttering] Stupid inflation.
- Mr. Krabs: Thanks for your business. [everyone laughs, they stop and walk away, the lion then growls, and the episode comes to an end]