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Encyclopedia SpongeBobia
Whelk Attack 094
"Spon... Spo... Spo...!"

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This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "SpongeBob's Super Bowl Party" from season 14, which aired on February 5, 2024.

  • [Zoom into SpongeBob's house. SpongeBob and Patrick are sitting on chairs watching TV. Patrick is wearing a football helmet.]
  • SpongeBob: Ooh, Patrick. Our Super Bowl party is gonna be the superest Super Bowl party for the superest Super Bowl ever!
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: [chanting] Super Bowl! Super Bowl! Super Bowl!
  • SpongeBob: Whoo. Huh, that felt good. Uh, so what is this Super Bowl thing?
  • Patrick: "Thing"? You mean "things"? [footage of the Super Bowl is shown on the TV] So many things. Every greatest thing ever invented. [live action TV appears] TV, snacks, [four TVs appear] more TV, guys with giant heads, [live action nachos appear] nachos, [players get slimed] slime and television! [garbles excitedly]
  • SpongeBob: OK, OK, buddy. Breathe, breathe.
  • Patrick: [takes deep breaths] You're not a real football fan?
  • SpongeBob: [nervously] Uh, no. But I am a real party fan!
  • [A whistle blows and slime falls down the screen. A clip from "Party Pooper Pants" plays. SpongeBob walks through the Barg N' Mart and sees a "Plan Your Own Party Kit" on sale.]
  • SpongeBob: Hey, what's that? "Plan your own party kit"? Hey, Lou. How much? For the plan your own party kit?
  • Lou: Oh, we're having a special on those. Uh, they're free. But you have to leave. Right now.
  • [Zoom to SpongeBob reading the kit in his living room.]
  • SpongeBob: According to the plan your own party kit, invitations are the first order of business.
  • Gary: Meow?
  • SpongeBob: "A short guest list consisting of only your closest acquaintances will set an intimate tone for the evening and provide soiree success." Well, you heard the man, Gary. Only our closest friends. [zoom to him unrolling a long list over his party decorations] 8:00 to 8:05, guests arrive. 8:05 to 8:15, opening remarks and general discussion. 8:15 to 8:27, craft corner, followed by name tag distribution. At 8:27 we begin the qualifying round for our cracker-eating slash tongue-twister contest. [meows] And as long as we stick to this schedule, our party is a guaranteed success! This is gonna be the coolest party ever! [zoom to him welcoming guests] Welcome, Mr. Krabs.
  • Mr. Krabs: Ahoy, SpongeBob.
  • SpongeBob: Please let Gary take your coat. Then allow me to offer you some hors d'oeuvres and a glass of punch.
  • Mr. Krabs: Don't mind if I do. [drops coat on Gary]
  • Gary: [meows, eyeholes stick through coat]
  • SpongeBob: [checking guest list] Two down, 175 to go. Gosh! I almost forgot! [puts name tags on Mr. Krabs and Patrick] These name tags eliminate the need for awkward introductions. [doorbell chimes, gasps] More guests! [runs away]
  • Patrick: [reads upside-down nametag] Kcir-tap si eman y-m-o 77 e... I don't get it.
  • SpongeBob: [welcoming Squidward] Squidward, you made it!
  • Squidward: My cable's out.
  • SpongeBob: [with cutters in pocket] Oh, uh, sorry to hear about that. [zoom to him walking into the party room] Attention, everyone! Attention, please! Now that we're all here, I officially declare the party switch to be in the "on" position.
  • [Silence.]
  • Guests: [unenthusiastically] Whoopee! Hooray! All right! OK.
  • [Slime transitions down the screen.]
  • Patrick: I cannot watch this game with someone who isn't a real fan. Real fans make or break the game. If you're not real, or, uh, uh, fan-y enough, our team will lose!
  • SpongeBob: [chuckles] Fanny!
  • Patrick: It's not a joke! Nobody is scarier than football fans after their team loses.
  • [Slime transition to a clip from "Sing a Song of Patrick." Angry Bikini Bottomites riot through town, scream, shout, and flip over a boat.]
  • Torch salesman: Torches! Get your torches! [the mob buys them]
  • Pitchfork vendor: Pitchforks? Can't be an angry mob without pitchforks! [the mob buys them
  • Cotton candy vendor: Cotton candy! Get your cotton candy! Can't throw a riot without cotton candy. [they pass him]
  • [A clip from "The Clash of Triton." Citizens yell and chase SpongeBob and Patrick away as Mr. Krabs looks on. Slime transition and a whistle blows.]
  • SpongeBob: So, if our team loses, our fun, friendly football fan friends could unfold into an un-fun, fan-frenzy mob? And it would be all my fault?
  • Patrick: You took those words right out of my mouth. I'm hungry. Put 'em back.
  • SpongeBob: Dear Neptune! Patrick, you need to teach me everything you know by game time or this party is ruined. Make me a real fan, Patrick. For the team. [whistle and air horn sound, the clock ticks]
  • Patrick: [gasps] We better hurry. Loving football as much as I do could take years. Minutes, even! [whistle blows]
  • [A card appears on the TV: Game Day Costumes.]
  • Patrick: First, but not least, as a football super fan, you must wear a super realistic football costume. [whistle blows, footballs transition to Super Bowl footage on the TV] See these players? We must dress like them, to pretend to be them, so they know we love them, so they win!
  • SpongeBob: Ooh, I love playing dress-up! Remember my Kenny the Cat costume?
  • [Slime transition to a clip from "Kenny the Cat."]
  • SpongeBob: Let's paint our faces to look like Kenny! [hums cheerfully, paints Patrick's face] Perfect! We're the biggest Kenny the Cat fans ever!
  • Patrick: [looks in mirror] This is getting creepy.
  • SpongeBob: [does face paint] Hey, buddy. Check it out. [shows creepy face paint]
  • Patrick: Sweet Neptune! Hey, SpongeBob. I'm gonna go now. Your obsession with Kenny is getting weird.
  • SpongeBob: But you didn't see my new Kenny the Cat temporary tattoo! [pulls down his pants to show a Kenny tattoo]
  • Patrick: Oh, that's OK. See you, SpongeBob! [leaves]
  • SpongeBob: Well, I guess it's plain to see who the true Kenny the Cat fan is.
  • [Slime transition to Patrick in a trance.]
  • Patrick: [whistle blows] [whimpering] Oh, please. No nightmares.
  • SpongeBob: [in football helmet and jersey] OK. Well, how's this for a football costume?
  • Patrick: [as a cutout of Bill Fagerbakke] Not realistic enough.
  • SpongeBob: [screams]
  • [A card appears on the TV: Game Day Food.]
  • Patrick: Next, my young pupil, you need to make me... I... I mean, our guests, every good luck meal football fans eat before every game. For the guests.
  • SpongeBob: [chuckles] Sounds like the perfect job for my ol' lucky spatula. [sighs] I've missed her.
  • [Clips from "All That Glitters" play. SpongeBob hugs his spatula. He flips a patty, which transitions into the sun. He flips himself over at the beach and laughs. He uses his spatula to scratch his back. He plays ping pong with his spatula as a paddle. He uses his spatula to get his TV remote from under the couch. He fights a pirate and throws him off a cliff.]
  • Pirate: [screams]
  • SpongeBob: [kisses spatula, laughs, zoom to him flipping a Monster Krabby Patty]
  • SpongeBob: We can do this! At the count of three, we flip! Ready? One... two... three! [whimpers] Spat? [screams and wails nex to various people, zoom to an ambulance leaving]
  • Mr. Krabs: Well, we better get back to work.
  • SpongeBob: Work? How can I go back to work without... Without Spat?
  • Mr. Krabs: Use another spatula.
  • SpongeBob: What? There is only one spatula for me and that is Spat!
  • [The clip ends. A shot of SpongeBob's house is seen. SpongeBob looks in from the kitchen.]
  • SpongeBob: Order away! [bell dings]
  • Patrick: For our lucky breakfast, Krabby Patties. [live-action Krabby Patty is assembled from "Plankton"] The Patty energy will keep us up. Staying awake is very important.
  • SpongeBob: [gulps] What happens if we fall asleep?
  • Patrick: [is asleep, snoring]
  • SpongeBob: Guess I'll find out. Uh, Patrick? Patrick?
  • Patrick: [screams] We lose! Oh, that reminds me. We'll also need a lucky brunch. Today will be Krabby Dogs.
  • [A clip from "Krusty Dogs" plays. SpongeBob molds some Krabby Patty meat into a hat.]
  • SpongeBob: [Irish accent] Top of the morning to ya. [cackles hysterically]
  • [Three fish are seen around a table as another holds a Krusty Dog.]
  • Fish: Hey, what you got there, Frank?
  • Frank: It's new. Tastes just like a Krabby Patty but it's shaped like a wiener.
  • Fishes: That sounds very interesting. / Wow! / New shape!
  • [Mr. Krabs writes "Krusty Dogs" on the menu.]
  • SpongeBob: My Krusty Dog, handwritten on the menu. Oh, pinch me, Squidward.
  • Squidward: Pinch yourself, you ninny.
  • [The clip ends.]
  • Patrick: For lucky lunch, Krusty Krab Pizza!
  • [Clips from "Pizza Delivery" plays.]
  • SpongeBob: [singing] ♪ The Krusty Krab Pizza, is the pizza ab-so-lu-tiv-al-y! [beatboxing] P-P-P-P-pizza, do-do-chun-chun-chi-chi pizza, do do ba ba ba da, do do do do pizza, do do do do pizza, do do do do do do, [husky voice] Krusty Krab-yeah-yeah-yeah, yeah-yeah-yeah, pizza, is the pizza, yeah for you and, [high-pitched] me ♪
  • [The clip ends.]
  • Patrick: Lucky "lessert."
  • SpongeBob: "Lessert"? What's "lessert"?
  • Patrick: [sighs grumpily] "Lessert" is the meal between lunch and dessert. Keep up, buddy. [SpongeBob enters the kitchen again] Today's lessert... Nature Patties!
  • [A shot of the Nature Patties is shown.]
  • SpongeBob: Um... Remember what happened the last time I made those?
  • [A whistle blows. A clip from "Food Con Castaways" plays.]
  • Mr. Krabs: [eating Nature Patty] I think mine is mostly stones.
  • SpongeBob: Out here we call them "forest tomatoes."
  • Mr. Krabs: Get him!
  • SpongeBob: [runs away screaming, hides]
  • [The clip ends.]
  • Patrick: [aggressively] We need that to win!
  • SpongeBob: Aah! Nature Patties, coming right up!
  • Patrick: We'll also need lucky dessert. Frozen Krabby Patties!
  • [Clip from "Goodbye, Krabby Patty?"]
  • Perch: It has been revealed that frozen Krabby Patties are made with sand.
  • Fish: [vomits out sand]
  • [End of clip.]
  • Patrick: On a Chum Sundae.
  • [Clip from "Something Smells."
  • SpongeBob: [puts peanut plant in sundae] A little texture never hurt. There we go. This sundae is gonna taste great! Aren't you gonna help me, Gary? Gary? Oh, well. More for me! [chomps]
  • [A shot of the Heavenly Paradise from "Patrick's Coupon" with chum, a patty, and a box of Frozen Krabby Patties sticking out of it is seen. A distant scream is heard.]
  • Patrick: Lucky supper. [gasps, SpongeBob is next to him]
  • SpongeBob: Supper? Patrick, it's only 3:00 PM.
  • Patrick: Ba-ba-ba-ba. Football fans are in time zones all over the world.
  • SpongeBob: Uh, so?
  • Patrick: So it's dinner o'clock somewhere, baby!
  • SpongeBob: OK. But what's all that other food you have there? [points to table of various snacks, horn sounds]
  • Patrick: These? I brought appetizers. I'm not an animal.
  • [A whistle blows. The clock is shown.]
  • Patrick: It's yelling time! [whistle blows, TV footage is shown] Quick! Yell at the TV! Now!
  • SpongeBob: Why are we yelling?
  • Patrick: Those little guys in the TV need to hear that us real fans know what's happening and... and love it. So we yell at them. Follow my lead. Good play! Dutch clown! Pick up the spear!
  • SpongeBob: I'm not sure that's what those are called.
  • Patrick: Less thinking, more yelling.
  • SpongeBob: OK. Here goes nothing. Oski-wow-wow!
  • Patrick: Whoop the dog!
  • SpongeBob: Outside, inside, outside!
  • Patrick: Clean your room! Listen to your mother!
  • SpongeBob: Double-reverse triple-forward!
  • Patrick: Take the trash out
  • SpongeBob: Left field!
  • [A whistle blows. A "Many Plays Later" card shows up on the TV.]
  • French Narrator: Many plays later...
  • Patrick: [exhales contentedly] Feels good, doesn't it?
  • SpongeBob: Are we done? I'm... [coughs] ...losing my voice.
  • Patrick: [cackles] No. There's hours more. Now, before we get back to yelling, let's teach you the rules of football.
  • SpongeBob: Oh, boy. I love rules! If it's anything like learning the rules of the road, I'll be a pro in no time.
  • [Clip from "Boating School."]
  • SpongeBob: Hi, Mrs. Puff! Today is the day I'm gonna pass my boating exam.
  • Mrs. Puff: We'll see about that, SpongeBob. First we must...
  • SpongeBob: First I must pass the oral exam. I am confident in my abilities to successfully succeed.
  • Mrs. Puff: I know. OK. Number one. What is the front of the boat?
  • SpongeBob: The bow.
  • Mrs. Puff: What is the back?
  • SpongeBob: Stern.
  • Mrs. Puff: Number three. Right is...
  • SpongeBob: Starboard. Port. Skipper. Deck. Cabin. Galley. Keel. 1924.
  • Mrs. Puff: You've passed the oral test. What a surprise. [zoom to her getting into the boat] Now it's time to, once again, take the driving portion of the exam. OK, SpongeBob. [SpongeBob stands still outside the boat] Get in the boat.
  • SpongeBob: Oh, in this boat? Right here? Is it time already?
  • Mrs. Puff: Get in the boat, SpongeBob!
  • SpongeBob: Oh, yeah. Absolutely.
  • Mrs. Puff: All you have to do is get on the track.
  • [SpongeBob looks on in horror as his vision zooms out.]
  • Mrs. Puff: OK, SpongeBob. What's the first thing you do?
  • SpongeBob: 1924?
  • Mrs. Puff: No, no. First thing is to start the boat.
  • SpongeBob: [starts boat, sputters]
  • Mrs. Puff: SpongeBob, SpongeBob, relax. It's only the boat.
  • SpongeBob: The boat?
  • Mrs. Puff: OK. Now, what do you do next?
  • SpongeBob: Floor it?
  • Mrs. Puff: Yes. No! No, don't floor it.
  • SpongeBob: OK. Floor it! [steps on the gas]
  • Mrs. Puff: No, no!
  • SpongeBob: Floor it! Floor it!
  • Mrs. Puff: No, no!
  • SpongeBob: Floor it! [crashes into lighthouse]
  • Mrs. Puff: [inflates, deep voice] Oh, SpongeBob. Why?
  • [End of clip.]
  • Patrick: Football... [clears throat] ...or as the French call it, [pupils cross] "la sock-air", begins with a wealthy, sophisticated and tailored pinstripe suit throwing all his money into the air.
  • SpongeBob: How generous.
  • Patrick: Tres, tres. They never even get their quarter back.
  • SpongeBob: Huh? Who gets it then?
  • Patrick: The quarterback! They deserve it. Have you seen these guys?
  • SpongeBob: Ooh, the quarterback, eh? Boy, I'd sure love to be one of those.
  • Patrick: On our big, bad Bikini Bottom rag-tag-flag football league team?
  • SpongeBob: Wow! I can see the headline now. [imagines newspaper headline] "SB to be the BB's best QB in the BBBBRTFFL."
  • Patrick: Larry's the quarterback.
  • [Clip from "MuscleBob BuffPants."]
  • Announcer: Welcome to the Goo Lagoon, Anchor Toss Competition. Up next, Larry the Lobster.
  • [Larry throws his anchor. The measuring fish screams and runs away, but it follows him.]
  • Measuring fish: [muffled] 210 yards!
  • SpongeBob: Oh, barnacles. Well, what else can I do?
  • Patrick: Do you like kicking?
  • SpongeBob: [in karate gear] Yes!
  • Patrick: Too bad. That's my job.
  • [Clip from "Band Geeks."]
  • Patrick: Kicking? I wanna do some kicking! [kicks Sandy, grunts]
  • Sandy: Why you... [attacks him, they fight outside]
  • Patrick: [screams]
  • [Everyone looks at the doors.]
  • Patrick: Whoever's the owner of the white sedan, you left your lights on. [head is shoved in a trumpet, sits on seat and lets out a long note]
  • [End of clip.]
  • SpongeBob: Fine. I'll just run.
  • Patrick: I don't know. These guys are pretty fast.
  • SpongeBob: Ha. No way they can move faster than these ol' sponge legs.
  • [Clip from "Employee of the Month."]
  • SpongeBob and Squidward: [grunting, panting, and running]
  • Mr. Krabs: Ah, warms me wallet to see me employees coming in so early.
  • SpongeBob and Squidward: [grunting, panting, and running]
  • Mr. Krabs: Boys, you're early!
  • SpongeBob and Squidward: [grunting, panting, and running]
  • Mr. Krabs: Wait! Oof! [gets shoved out of the way]
  • [End of clip.]
  • Patrick: Can those little spongy legs outrun Sandy?
  • [Clip from "Texas."]
  • SpongeBob: Ah. We did it! We got her.
  • Patrick: Krusty Krab, here we come! Do you think that old slowpoke Texan is gonna...
  • Sandy: [runs, panting]
  • Patrick: [screams] Run!
  • SpongeBob: Run faster, Patrick!
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: [scream]
  • [They run behind some coral, which Sandy smashes through, twirling a lasso. She grabs Patrick.]
  • Patrick: [gets pulled back] SpongeBob! [explosion]
  • SpongeBob: [screams]
  • [Sandy twirls her lasso in the shape of SpongeBob.]
  • Sandy: You've been messing with the bull! Now here come the horns! [strains]
  • SpongeBob: Sandy! No!

Howdy, y'all! Well, at least I didn't give up and I always kept my spirits high. Ha! That's it! I'll be a cheerleader! Who's got more spirit than me? Pearl. [whistle blows] Give me a K-R-U... [thud] Whoa! Give me an S-T-Y. [thud] Whoa! Krusty Krab! [thud] Whoa! Krusty Krab! [thud] Whoa! Krusty Krab! [thud] That's what I call talent! [thud] Thank you! My leg! [groaning] OK. Well, if there's still room for me on the team, then I'd love to be a, uh... Um... [whistle blows] Pipe down! Yelling time! Hit the kick! Come on! [Patrick] Come on! Down that, spoof ball! [SpongeBob] Walking taco! Interception! Throw it, catch it, run it! [sighs] Oh, I love football. Quick, Patrick. What else is there to football? Teach me! Ooh. So much time, so little to learn. Uh... Oh! Remember this... The team with the ball is offensive. [whistle blows] [all beeping] [snarls and barks] Step aside and let my precious Fifi pass, or I will be offended. [all beeping] Oh! [gasps] Those naughty boys! What do they do that's so offensive? They cross the line. [whistle blows] [SpongeBob] What? That's not their line. How dare they! [Patrick] It's OK. They always hug it out. [SpongeBob] Aw. Gee, they sure hug each other pretty hard. That's 'cause they love each other pretty hard. Like us. You're the best bad influence ever. You too! [both] Aw! Oh, come here you big lug. [sobbing] Aw! They do this all the time! I'm serious, I... [groans] Never mind. [whistle blows] Aw, the little sweetie-kins. So then, who wins? Whoever points the most. Points? Where? To the sky or the catcher guy. Or the end zone. Or the camera. Anywhere. If you're really good at football, you point a lot. Oh, boy. I hope our team points all over the place. When they point on the TV, we have to point back! That's why every football fan has one of these. Point, point, point! [both] Point, point, point! I'm really getting the point. [cackles] [deflated sound] Point, point, point! [alarm rings] [cries out] Yelling time! Yeah! We are down to the wire, SpongeBob. You need to make sure you're fan-y enough by kick-off. Time to run through some super best Super Bowl superstitions. Rapid fire. Fire away! Knock on woods. Ow! Ow! Ow! Find a stupid broken mirror. Oh, yeah? I thought we settled this the last time. Rescue a poor little penny. What in blue blazes is that boy up to? [gasps] Stare into the eyes of your good luck snail. [strains] [both straining] [meows] [horn sounds] [whistling sound] [steam hissing] [narrator] Many superstitions later..., [soothing music plays] Hey, uh, Patrick, why are we here? Before every Super Bowl, we must cry over the loss of all the teams that couldn't make it. What happened to them? The offseason. No! [sobs] Where's that? No one knows! [SpongeBob wails] I bet they were so good. [both sob] [both wail] [record scratches] Enough about them losers. Yeah. There's no crying in football. We got a game to watch, buddy. And now, my young pimple, it is time to test what you've learned. Ready? I'm ready! OK. We'll start with a tough one. Who's gonna win? Our team! Whoo! But how? Pointing and hugging. Oh, what's the meal between lessert and second linner? Huh, le appetizers! Correct! Is that what I'm eating right now? Uh, yes. [chomping] Um... [burps] What's between this and my next food coma? Watching the big game that we have to stay awake for. [horn sounds] [screeching] [SpongeBob] Patrick? [snoring] Uh, Patrick? Patrick, wake up, please! We have to be awake! [snoring] [doorbell chimes] Oh, boy! Our fellow fans have arrived. [cheering] [SpongeBob] Wake up! Come on, buddy, for the team! Wake up, Patrick! Please wake up! For team! [doorbell chiming] [cries out] Yelling and pointing time! [whistle blows]

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