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"Spon... Spo... Spo...!"
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This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "SpongeBob's Spookiest Scenes Countdown Special" from season 12, which aired on October 2, 2020.
- Patchy: Ahoy, you sinister scalawags. Ha-ha! Oop. Son of a hornswoggler, me power must have gone out. Well, heh, ooh, pretty spooky. And just in time to count down SpongeBob's spookiest scenes ever hosted by me, Patchy Pirate
- Potty: [squawks] Failure ahoy.
- Patchy: Potty, you mangy little... Anyway, in honor of Halloween, we're counting down SpongeBob scenes so scary they just might make you hit the poop deck. And it's all leading up to the number one spookiest scene ever. Oh, while I try to get the power back, check out this special spooky version of the best song ever.
- 🎵[wolf howls] [thunder crashes] Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SpongeBob ScarePants! Absorbent and yellow and porous is he? SpongeBob ScarePants! If nautical nonsense be something you wish, SpongeBob ScarePants! Drop on the deck and flop like a fish! SpongeBob ScarePants! SpongeBob ScarePants! SpongeBob ScarePants! SpongeBob ScarePants! SpongeBob-ScarePants! [distorted laughing]🎵[Squidward wakes up in a sweat]
- Patchy: Yo-ho-ho, you scary little sea dogs, if you think that was creepy, now it's time to start counting down the spookiest SpongeBob scenes ever. I can't wait to see what number one is
- Potty: Less talking and more working, Jack.
- Patchy: Just roll the countdown.
"20: A Monster From The Woods"
- Sandy: I have a plan. We'll run out the back door and into Puff's boat. Count of three. One, two, three!
- [The girls run from the door and scream. The old lady breaks through the front door and roars. The girls run out the back door and jump into the boatmobile.]
- Karen: Let's go!
- [Just then, SpongeBob jumps out and makes scary noises.]
- SpongeBob: Rawr! Hmm? [shrugs and skips to the cabin's front door]
- Sandy, Karen, Mrs. Puff, and Pearl: No, no! SpongeBob! Don't go in!
- SpongeBob: [sees the girls] Oh, hello.
- [The old lady grabs SpongeBob and drags him in the cabin. SpongeBob's screaming is heard from the inside. The girls scream in horror.]
- Sandy: Gal Pals, we have to save SpongeBob!
- Sandy, Karen, Mrs. Puff, and Pearl: [whimpering] Gal Pals.
- [The girls break through the front door to rescue SpongeBob. But, to their relief and surprise, the old lady turns out to be a sales lady giving SpongeBob pinecones on a stick.]
- SpongeBob: Wow! [the old lady gives SpongeBob a pinecone on a stick] Ooh, another pinecone on a stick! I love it.
"19: A Terrifying... Butterfly"
- SpongeBob and Patrick: We're back, Wormy! Wormy, Wormy? [holds up the jar with Wormy in it, who is now a butterfly]
- Patrick: Wormy? Where's Wormy? What's that thing?
- SpongeBob: He's gotta be in here. [he opens up the jar, causing Wormy to fly out] I think something bad happened to Wormy. [the best friend ribbon is still in the jar]
- Patrick: He left his "Best Friend" ribbon behind!
- [The butterfly flies onto SpongeBob's helmet. Cue a live-action close-up of a buzzing horsefly's face. SpongeBob and Patrick scream and run behind Sandy's table.]
- Patrick: What is that thing?! [the butterfly is on the tree]
- SpongeBob: I don't know, Patrick. But whatever it is...it must've eaten Wormy!
- Patchy: I'll tell you, Potty, watching me brave pal SpongeBob face that terrifying butterfly sure makes me wish the lights were back on. Potty? Oh, where is that pestery parrot? [Potty swoops in] Ahh!
- Potty: [squawks] Pipe down.
- Patchy: Potty, you scared me half to death. Luckily, that manly shriek is the perfect segue into our first "Frightenin' Lightin' Round." Let's take a look at Bikini Bottoms' shriek-iest screams.
- (from Ghoul Fools) SpongeBob: Patrick after you. Both: Ahh!
- (from Hall Monitor) SpongeBob: Ahh! Ahh!
- (from Giant Squidward) Squidward: Ahh!
- (from Ghoul Fools) [doorknob shrieks]
- (from Krabby Patty Creature Feature) SpongeBob: Yipe!
- (from Shanghaied) SpongeBob, Patrick: Ahh!
- (from I'm with Stupid) SpongeBob: Ahh! [runs through wall]
- (from Don't Look Now) SpongeBob, Patrick: Ahh-ahh-aah! Yaaah!
- (from Ghoul Fools) SpongeBob, Patrick: Yaaah![runs into door] Oh! Oof! [door swings open]
- Patchy: [laughs] That montage sure was a real scream, wasn't it Potty?
- Potty: [groans] That's the worst one yet.
- Patchy: Ah, who asked you, anyway? Let's keep countin' down.
"18: Lord Poltergeist"
- Lord Poltergeist: Who dares trespass upon me haunted houseboat? [Thunder clap is heard. Lord Poltergeist goes over to SpongeBob and Patrick]
- Patrick: We do!
- Lord Poltergeist: Ay. And what manner of beastie might you two be?
- Patrick: [opens Lord Poltergeist's mouth] Look at the attention to detail in his mouth. It's all rotten and slimy. [Poltergeist breathes into Patrick's face, singeing it] His bad breath is incredible! His hair is very authentic too. It's dirty. [sniffs] Eww. It reeks, and check out the workmanship on the jaw mechanism. [moves Poltergeist's jaw up and down] Remarkable-built quality! [Lets go of jaw] Obviously a puppet or a robot! Hey, we must be in one of those fancy pizza parlors, with those singing animated robots!
- Lord Poltergeist: Robots? Puppets? Pizza parlors?! [lights on fire]
- Patrick: Sing us a song, robot!
"17: Mutant Snails"
- Squidward: SpongeBob, I already told you. You're gonna be just-- [attempts to say “fine,” but hesitates and shouts almost hysterically. SpongeBob is now a fully breaded snail.]
- SpongeBob: Meow!
- Squidward: [screams]
- SpongeBob: Meow! Meow. [Squidward touches SpongeBob's left eye and it curls up]
- Squidward: [screams and runs back inside shutting the door]
- Squidward: SpongeBob? Oh, Neptune, what have I done? [picks up the snail plasma shot] It's all your fault. [throws it away] Okay, okay, okay, okay, get it together, Squidward.
- SpongeBob: Meow! [Squidward screams and puts boards on his door. Turns around and SpongeBob is at his window] Meow. Meow. [Squidward screams] Meow! [Squidward puts more boards on his window, but SpongeBob squeezes through the boards holes] Meow. Meow. [Squidward screams and runs into his closet]
- Potty: Let's watch it again.
- Patchy: No way. That clip almost scared me eye patch off.
- Potty: You just need some practice is all.
- Patchy: Yeah, Yeah, okay, let's practice watching some more scariness. [whimpers] Roll the clip.
"16: The Fisherman Robber"
- Fisherman: Everybody down on the floor!
- Angler fish: It's the Fisherman!
- [The creepy creatures scream and hide under the tables.]
- Two creatures: No, not the Fisherman!
- Fisherman: Now hand over the moola.
- [The creatures do exactly what the Fisherman says and drops money in his net. Squidabeth opens the cash register and the Fisherman takes the money. The Fisherman heads for the door until SpongeBob takes notice of him.]
- SpongeBob: Well, good evening, sir. Welcome to the Krusty Krab.
- Fisherman: Give me all your money!
- SpongeBob: Well, I'm always glad to help a fellow out with a loan. [takes his wallet out and goes to give money to the Fisherman]
- Fisherman: Loan? I don't want a loan. I'm the Fisherman! I'm robbing the place.
- SpongeBob: Well, that is downright unfriendly. I'm putting you under fry cook's arrest. [holds out his license and onion ring handcuffs]
- Fisherman: Oh.
"15: Stop Motion Thrill Ride"
- [the Flying Dutchman flies around SpongeBob and Patrick, laughing manically at them.]
- SpongeBob: Oh! Hey!
- Flying Dutchman: All bilge rats on deck! We have company, and we want to show them a good time! [laughs as he flies through SpongeBob and Patrick]
- SpongeBob: [laughs] That tickled!
[Just then, several ghostly pirates appeared, laughing manically at SpongeBob and Patrick. Patrick is completely horrified while SpongeBob remains smiling, still thinking it's funny.]
- Flying Dutchman's Ghost Pirate: Hang on to your bloomers, SpongeBob! It's going to be a bumpy fright! [laughs]
- Patchy: Ooh, those scenes shivered all me timbers. Sure doesn't help that me power's still out. keep watching for more mutant Krabby Patties, creepy crawlies, and an old Krusty Krab friend. Plus, the number one spookiest SpongeBob scene ever. Welcome back me morbid little maties Patchy Pirate here counting down SpongeBob's spookiest scenes ever and still waiting for me no-good assistant to get the lights back on. It is so hard to find good help these days.
- Potty: [squawks] I took the job for the free sodas.
- Patchy: I knew I should have gotten a hamster. Well, at least we're on our way to finding out the number one spookiest SpongeBob scene ever. So let's keep counting down.
"14: Mutant Krabby Patties"
- Mr. Krabs: [eats the Secret Patty whole; he burps and feels sick] Well, that wasn't familiar. [burp]
- SpongeBob: You feeling okay? 'Cause there's sesame seeds growing out of your back.
- [Mr. Krabs groans as sesame seeds grow out of his back. His head mutates into a bun. His torso becomes a patty with lettuce. His claws grow out of the top bun. Two crab feet grow out of the bottom bun. Mr. Krabs has completely turned into a Krabby Patty zombie monster and he moans like a zombie.]
- SpongeBob: The new patties! They're making everyone change!
- Squidward: [mutates into a Krabby Patty zombie monster] Uh! Oh! [groans]
- SpongeBob: I gotta get out of here! Ah! Oh! Oh! Oh! Ah! [retreats into the kitchen]
- [The Krabby Patty zombies march out of the Krusty Krab and begin to wreak havoc across Bikini Bottom.]
- [Patrick is seen eating an ice cream cone as Krabby Patty zombies sneak up behind him.]
- Krabby Patty Zombies: Eat us!
- [Patrick eats one of the zombified hipster fish. The zombified hipster fish moans and leaves. Patrick then mutates into a Krabby Patty zombie.]
"13: Ghost Plankton"
- [Plankton floats into Squidward's bed and possesses it like a puppet. The bed turns green and the headboard turns into Plankton's head. Plankton's eye appears. Plankton shakes the bed and chuckles evilly as Squidward begins to wake up.]
- Squidward: [screams] Who's there? Ohh, is that you, SpongeBob? [gets up and gets drenched on by green ectoplasm]
- [Squidward removes his blindfold and becomes freaked out by the ectoplasm. Suddenly, the headboard forms into a giant mouth and makes an evil laugh. Squidward becomes so scared that his skin turned white. He tries to escape, but Plankton pulled him under the covers. Squidward releases himself from the covers and hides in the drawers.]
- Patchy: All that ghosting just made me realize I need to start working on me Halloween costume. What are you gonna be this year, Potty?
- Potty: Santa Claus.
- Patchy: Oh, that's an interesting idea.
- Potty: Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.
- Patchy: I don't know why I ever try to include you in anything. Anyway, check out our next Frightenin' Lightnin' Round, SpongeBob's most captivating costumes.
- SpongeBob: You're lookin' good.
- Mr. Krabs: [gasps]
- SpongeBob: The Kreepy Krab.
- SpongeBob, Patrick: We're ghosts.
- SpongeBob: Art thou feeling it now, Mr. Krabs?
- Plankton: Alakazam.
- SpongeBob: Oh, hooray!
- SpongeBob: (from Sandy's Rocket) [shouting]
- Plankton: Corporate casual.
- SpongeBob: Look, I'm Peggy the Pirate. ohh-ohh-ohh! Oof!
- Patchy: Oh, SpongeBob, I'm flattered that you would dress up like me. Maybe for Halloween I should dress up like you.
- Potty: [squawks] How tacky.
- Patchy: While I lock Potty in a tiny cage forever, let's keep counting down.
"12: Nosferatu And The Night Cook"
- Barry Blobfish: Hey, boss, can this little fella here take over my shift tonight?
- [The cooler opens and Barry's boss is revealed to be none other than Nosferatu.]
- SpongeBob: Nosferatu?
- [Nosferatu grabs SpongeBob and examines him. He takes out a straw and sucks him dry. He gives Barry a thumbs up.]
- Barry Blobfish: You got the job, kid. [puts his hat on SpongeBob's head]
- SpongeBob: Hooray!
"11: Swabbing The Ghost Ship"
- Flying Dutchman: So I want this ship to look good and scary!
- SpongeBob: You mean you want it to look good... and scary. Well, I think we can probably...
- Patrick: No, no, I think he means he wants it to look so good that it's scary.
- SpongeBob: Or maybe that by looking so scary you forget that it doesn't look good!
- Patrick: I don't get it.
- SpongeBob: Look, it's easy, it simply means that...
- Flying Dutchman: Never mind what it means! I just want it to look scary! That's it! You know, mold growing on the ceilings and bugs in the sink.
- SpongeBob: So, you don't want it to look good?
- Flying Dutchman: Get moving! [SpongeBob and Patrick are scared and start mopping]
- SpongeBob and Patrick: [singing, while sweeping with the mop and bucket] A sailor's life is a wonderful life / A wonderful life for sure!
- Patchy: Who in their right mind would want bugs in their sink?
- Potty: Mm, yeah, me.
- Patchy: Potty, you're just plain disgusting. Let's keep this countdown going.
"10: Squidward The Ghost"
- Squidward: Look what you've done to me! When I get my hands on you, I'll...
- SpongeBob: [sobs] Please, Mr. Squidward's ghost! [SpongeBob and Patrick are bowing before Squidward]Spare us your ghostly anger! [Patrick is kissing Squidward's feet and sobbing]
- Patrick: Oh, yes, Mr. Squidward's ghost! Please don't haunt us!
- SpongeBob: We'll do anything you want! Just have mercy on us! [Squidward then gets an idea and grins evilly]
- Squidward: Enough! Listen up, Squidward's ghost is feeling unusually generous today. He hath decided to spare ye a horrible fate. All ye must do is tend to my every whim and tickle my fancy on demand.
- SpongeBob: Does that include...
- Squidward: Quiet! Now, do as you're told! Lest ye incur the wrath of Squidward!
- Patrick: [whispers to SpongeBob] I think they make a cream for that now.
“9: SpongeBob gets worms”
- [SpongeBob knocks on Patrick's rock as the worms continue partying in his body. Patrick opens up.]
- Patrick: Hello?
- SpongeBob: You gotta help me!
- [The worms cover around SpongeBob's eyes and mouth to make a scary face.]
- Patrick: Ah! It's a monster with SpongeBob's voice!
- SpongeBob: No, no, Patrick, wait, don't close the—
- [Patrick shuts his rock.]
- SpongeBob: Aw! Hmm?
- [SpongeBob sees Squidward entering his house and attempts to walk over to him.]
- SpongeBob: Squidward! Squidward! Squidward! [his eyes and mouth are covered with worms] I need a hug!
- [Squidward screams, takes out a hose, and sprays SpongeBob with water. SpongeBob's body becomes filled with water. A worm swims inside SpongeBob.]
- Patchy: Blow me down, and lily me liver. Those clips have got me sea legs shaking for sure. Potty and I are gonna keep working on getting these lights back on, so stick around for deadly doodles, horrifying hash-slinging and the number one spookiest SpongeBob scene ever. Ahoy, me Halloween hearties, Patchy Pirate here. We're counting down SpongeBob's spookiest scenes ever, and we are this close to finding out the number one scariest scene. Ooh, I can almost smell it.
- Potty: Smells like an unwashed poop deck.
- Patchy: Yeah, I think that's just your breath Potty.
- Potty: [squawks] I quit.
- Patchy: Come back here, ya big baby.
"8: The Haunted House"
- Patrick: So lame. [Sees plate of eyeballs and picks up one] Nice attention to detail, though. [Puts eyeball back]
- [SpongeBob notices the eyeballs blink, to which he runs away]
- Patrick: Even the spiders are fake! I wish something would... pop out of a closet. Like a big, hairy hand. [Door opens and a big, hairy hand comes out and takes SpongeBob to attack him] That would be scary. [SpongeBob screams from far away] But this place is too low budget for that. [Hand returns SpongeBob] Would be cool, though, wouldn't it?
- SpongeBob: [shaking] Yeah, that'd be [gulps] neato...
"7: The Skeleton Army"
- Mr. Krabs: Am I really going to defile this grave for money? Of course I am. [digs and hits something] Jackpot! [opens up the coffin] Ooh. It's beautiful. Come to papa. [takes head off with the hat on] Hey, come on, Smitty, let go! [takes his head off] Rest in pieces, Smitty. [jumps out of the hole] I got the million dollar hat. [lightning and thunder booms. Smitty stands up from his grave with his head in one hand]
- Smitty: Hey, man, that's my hat. Give it back.
- Mr. Krabs: What? No way.
- Smitty: I guess I'm gonna have to take it from you.
- Mr. Krabs: Yeah, right. You and what army?
- Smitty: [eerie moaning] Only the army of the living dead.
- Patchy: Oh, boy, an army of the living dead, just what I want to be watching while I'm alone in the dark.
- Potty: [squawks]
- Patchy: Potty, You're back! And just in time for our last Frightenin' Lightnin' Round. "SpongeBob's Creepiest Close-ups" Whoa-oh-oh-oh. [walks closer to the camera]
- SpongeBob: Is there something wrong with me?
- Fish: [screams and runs off]
- Sandy: SpongeBob, you look awful!
- [woman screams at Squidward's eye bags]
- [woman screams at Squidward's nose]
- Mr. Krabs: A half-eaten Krabby Patty.
- SpongeBob: Ew.
- [Patrick rips a band-add off his armpit]
- Patrick: Can you scratch my back?
- Potty: Now I feel sick.
- Patchy: For once, Potty, I agree with ya. On with the countdown we're almost at number one!
"6: Gary's Horrifying Pal"
- SpongeBob: Gary! [to Gary, which he didn’t believe that Gary was getting eaten] You put Fluffy down right now! Bad boy, Gary! [Puffy Fluffy Monster looks at SpongeBob] Bad! Bad! Bad boy! Bad! Bad Gary! Bad! [Puffy Fluffy Monster puts down Gary gently on the floor] I have told and told you and told you and told you and told you and... Oh, hello. Are you a friend of Fluffy? [Puffy Fluffy Monster bites SpongeBob with one of his four long tongues] What's goin' on? Okay, now this is starting to hurt.
"5: SpongeBob's Insulting Costume"
- Flying Dutchman: Let me tell you about scary, kid. There's all kinds of scary things in the world. Spiders are scary, uhh, I'm scary. You... you're not scary. Okay, let's get this over with. [flies back to the partygoers to steal their souls and evilly laughs in their faces which makes everyone scream in terror, one fish even shaking his head begging for mercy]
- Sandy: SpongeBob!
- Flying Dutchman: First, I gotta get rid of this stupid costume. [takes off SpongeBob's ghost costume... then flies out screaming in terror.]
"4: SpongeBob Squidward Fusion"
- Sandy: Well, here goes nothing. [transports to Bikini Bottom Elementary]
- Mable: All right, children. Today's Timmy's birthday. You know what that means. Ready, Timmy? [opens present. SpongeBob and Squidward rise up from the box, still mutated together. Mable screams as SpongeBob and Squidward get transported again]
- Doctor: Congratulations, Mrs. Smith. You gave birth to a healthy baby boy.
- Mrs. Smith: May I see my baby?
- Doctor: Of course. [baby appears as SpongeBob & Squidward mutated into one body again. Mrs. Smith screams as they are transported again]
- Patchy: Can you imagine being stuck to me forever, Potty?
- Potty: No, you stink.
- Patchy: How dare you? That's just me piratey essence. Well, mateys, we're almost there! The top three scariest scenes in SpongeBob history!
"3: The Hash Slinging Slasher"
- SpongeBob: [screams to the point where his eyelashes grow and start wiggling]
- SpongeBob and Squidward: The Hash-Slinging Slasher! [the guy walks in the door and up to the counter, SpongeBob and Squidward hold each other in terror]
- Squidward: [screams]
- SpongeBob: He's going to flip me! Get away! Get away!
- Squidward: SpongeBob, no matter what I've said, I've always sort of liked you!
- SpongeBob: Squidward, I used your clarinet to unclog my toilet!
- Squidward: Huh? [the guy reaches the counter, revealing himself to be just a regular, nerdy guy as he steps into the light]
- SpongeBob: Get away! Get away! Get out of here! You're not welcome here!
- Richard: Can I have a job application? I brought my own spatula. [holds up spatula, his sleeve rolls down his arm to show he has his hand] I called here earlier, but I hung up 'cause I was nervous.
- SpongeBob: Do you have references?
"2: The Dutchman Ghosts Squidward"
- Squidward: There's no such thing as ghosts. No such thing.
- Flying Dutchman: No such thing as ghosts? No such thing as ghosts?! You don't believe in ghosts?! [floor turns into liquid. Another ghost pops up and eats Squidward sending him into a light that spits him back into his house. A giant SpongeBob is sitting there breathing in and out really hard]
- Squidward: SpongeBob? [SpongeBob's eyes twist around his head and spiders crawl out and reveal the Flying Dutchman. Flying Dutchman does a trick to think that he is pulling his finger off]
- Flying Dutchman: Ooh, scary!
- Squidward: No! No! That's impossible! [runs out of his house] Ghosts! Ghosts!
- Patchy: Strike me sails! We made it to the number one clip! Ooh, this is such an honor! Where do I begin? Oh, I'd like to thank my mom and my dad for always believing in me and...
- Potty: [squawks] Magic.
- Patchy: Oh, yeah. Sorry, Potty, You're right. This isn't about me, it's about the number one spookiest SpongeBob scene ever! And here it is.
"1: DoodleBob's Revenge"
- SpongeBob: [snoring] DoodleBob's arm grabs the pencil, and starts to re-draw himself. He wakes up] Oh, hey, Magic Pencil. What are you doing up? Drawing yourself a glass of water? [laughs] [DoodleBob pops up in his bed; SpongeBob screams in shock] DoodleBob! [chuckles nervously] No hard feelings, right? [DoodleBob draws two angry eyebrows on his face then He jumps on SpongeBob's bed holding the pencil threateningly which SpongeBob screams in Terror immediately] What do you think you're doing, doodle?!
- DoodleBob: You Doodle! Me SpongeBob! [SpongeBob screams and jumps out of the way as DoodleBob erases his pillow, then part of SpongeBob's house whilst chasing him downstairs. DoodleBob erases a door and the back of SpongeBob's pants, revealing his butt] Huh? [erases his butt]
- SpongeBob: [screams] Be careful with that thing! Who knows what will happen? [DoodleBob erases his nose] I nose. [DoodleBob erases some parts of his face and body]
- Patchy: What a great countdown this was, o, and so spooky with the gosh darn power out. Thank goodness I got me trusty lantern with me! [lantern goes out] No, no, no, lantern, not you too! Ohh. Hey, Potty, get me a candle!
- Potty: [hands Patchy a stick of dynamite] Here you go!
- Patchy: Thank you. Anyway, as I was saying, I.. ooh, what's that sme.. Potty! [roof blows off of house] Well I hope you're happy Potty, now I can see the moon from my couch.
- Potty: Pretty sweet, eh?
- Patchy: I don't want to see the moon from my couch!
- Potty: Ha, ha, ha!
- Patchy: You know, actually, it is kind of nice, pretty breeze coming in.