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This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "SpongeBob's Big Birthday Blowout" from season twelve, which aired on July 12, 2019.

Original Version

  • [The episode starts with Patchy the Pirate struggling to start his boat on someone’s driveway.]”
  • Patchy: Oh, hi, kids! Patchy Pirate here on a glorious day. I'm going to deliver this here very special present to SpongeBob on his birthday. That is, if I can get this blasted boat to start. [turns the ignition with his key] And start! [chuckles]
  • [Patchy's boat wouldn't start and Potty comes out of the trunk.]
  • Potty: Maybe if you remembered to fill the tank with gas...
  • Patchy: Oh, Potty, you're full of gas! Get outta here!
  • Potty: [flies onto the hood] I see the problem! [bangs on the hood with the hammer]
  • [The hood sent Patchy flying backwards and smashing into the garage door via airbag.]
  • Patchy: [groaning] Walking is better than driving anyway. I've been meaning to work on me land legs. [pulls up his pants and reveals his wavy legs]
  • Potty: Squawk, squawk!
  • Patchy: [takes the present from the trunk and happily laughs] Now to see which way the wind is blowing. [sticks his finger in his mouth, holds out his hand with a sail on it and the with blows the other direction] This way! [the wind blows Patchy down the street] Whoa!
  • Potty: [follows Patchy while squawking] Hard to port!
  • [Meanwhile, at the brink of dawn, SpongeBob is sleeping in his bed. Gary is holding a birthday present for SpongeBob while sleeping. Moments later, the alarm clock goes off.]
  • SpongeBob's alarm clock: Wake up!
  • Gary: [meows "Happy Birthday"]
  • SpongeBob: What? Today? My birthday? Oh, Gary, you know I never pay attention to those sorts of things.
  • [SpongeBob hops out of his bed and streamers and confetti fly out. He blows the noise maker a couple times and laughs. He opens Gary's present, which reveals to be a jellyfish net made out of slime.]
  • SpongeBob: [gasps] Oh, wow, Gary! Did you make me this jellyfishing net yourself?
  • Gary: [gives SpongeBob a thumb's up with his slime] Meow!
  • [SpongeBob swings the slime jellyfish net around, but splashes slime all over his bedroom. Some slime flew out his window and landed in Squidward's coffee as he's getting the newspaper. Squidward sips some of his coffee, unaware of the slime being in it. SpongeBob swings the net until it is gone.]
  • SpongeBob: Best present ever! [hugs Gary and laughs]
  • [Gary happily licks SpongeBob. The scene scrolls over to Patrick's house, where everyone is planning a surprise party for SpongeBob. However, due to Patrick's idiocy and lack of concentration, everyone appears to be tired.]
  • Sandy: Aw, come on, Patrick. We've been up all night. For the one millionth time, [flips the board while she's explaining her plan] you're going to get SpongeBob out of his house with a sight-seeing tour so we can go in and decorate it for his surprise party. [leans in closer to Patrick's face] Okay?! Repeat it back to me.
  • Patrick: Gotcha. I'm gonna collect all the pretty eggs that I can see and repeat it back to me.
  • [Everyone groans angrily at Patrick's stupidity. Sandy facepalms in disgust just as she's about to give up. Suddenly, Patrick's alarm clock on his wrist rings.]
  • Patrick: Hmm? [looks at his clock] Oh, would you look at the time? It's almost time for me to take SpongeBob on that tour so you guys can decorate his house.
  • Mr. Krabs, Mrs. Puff, Old Man Walker, Bubble Bass, and Plankton: [surprised and confused] Huh?
  • Plankton: Huh. I guess even a broken moron can be right once a day. [hops into Patrick's pocket]
  • Patrick: Hey, what's the big idea?
  • Plankton: [pops out of Patrick's pocket] It's part of the plan, idiot! I jump from your shorts into SpongeBob's pocket to get his keys? Remember? [goes back in the pocket]
  • Patrick: Okay, well, don't mess with my stuff in there. [the scene changes to Patrick walking to SpongeBob's house while tapping his head] Get SpongeBob on the bus. Get SpongeBob on the bus. Get SpongeBob on the bus. [knocks on SpongeBob's front door]
  • SpongeBob: [answers the door] Hi, buddy.
  • Patrick: Uh...[drools a river of saliva]
  • [SpongeBob giggles happily and Patrick makes a creepy face while drooling. SpongeBob blows his noise maker and Patrick makes a even creepier face while drooling. Patrick drools out a saliva bubble from his mouth. The saliva bubble floats over to SpongeBob.]
  • SpongeBob: [gasps] You remembered my birthday! [ties a string on the saliva bubble to make a balloon before it pops in his face]
  • [Patrick makes an uglier face while continuously drooling a river of saliva. Just then, a fish tank bus pulls over to SpongeBob's house.]
  • SpongeBob: Oh, and you got me a sight-seeing bus tour as a present!
  • [Patrick turns around while drooling a river of saliva.]
  • Patrick: [wakes up from his stupidity] Huh? Oh, oh! And—and there's a secret I'm not supposed to tell you, which is...[strains himself until his eyes pop out and fire ignites in his skull; SpongeBob gives Patrick a glass of water to put out the fire and the eyeballs grow back; reducing back to his stupid behavior] Nope. I lost everything in the fire. Who are you? Who am I? Where are we?
  • SpongeBob: I have an idea, pal. How would you like to take a little sight-seeing tour with me?
  • Patrick: Wow. Thank you, kind stranger.
  • [SpongeBob closes the door and locks it with his keys. Plankton peaks out from Patrick's pocket and crawls to the other pocket. Plankton hops into SpongeBob's pants to get the keys and comes back out with them. SpongeBob and Patrick board the tour bus and drives away.]
  • Plankton: Hmm? [sees a mint on his back; he groans in disgust and pulls it off] Ow! [throws the mint away and chuckles] I've got his house key! [notices the Krusty Krab key] Hey! This is the key to the Krusty Krab! [giggles] The secret formula is— [gets stepped on by Mr. Krabs] Ow!
  • Mr. Krabs: [chuckles and grabs the keys] Nice work, Plankton, and nice try. [unlocks the door and lets Sandy, Bubble Bass, Plankton, and Mrs. Puff in; he then stops Old Man Walker] Hold on there, old timer. [carries him to the curb] We're gonna need you as a lookout.
  • Old Man Walker: What? Cook out?
  • Mr. Krabs: When you see SpongeBob approaching, give a holler. Can ya holler?
  • [Old Man Walker tries to holler, but it isn't loud enough.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Eh, not bad. [slaps Old Man Walker, but knocks his glasses off] You just keep practicing that, tiger. [heads into SpongeBob's house]
  • Old Man Walker: Huh? Tiger? There's a tiger? [waves his walker] Oh! [heads to sleep]
  • Sandy: [carries SpongeBob's TV out of the house] Come on! We need to make room inside for the party.
  • Plankton: [carries SpongeBob's armchair while Mr. Krabs sits on it; Plankton strains in pain] I could use a little help here!
  • Mr. Krabs: [holding a plant while sitting on the armchair] Sorry, my claws are full.
  • Bubble Bass: [carries SpongeBob's sofa and hook out with Mrs. Puff; Bubble Bass groans] Where do we put all this junk?
  • Sandy: Follow me. Just a little further.
  • [Meanwhile, Squidward is coming back from his early morning walk.]
  • Squidward: [humming to the music from his headphones before looking in the mirror] Ah, I sure worked up that sweat. [a tiny drop is shown on Squidward's nose; he opens the door and all of SpongeBob's stuff fall on him] What is SpongeBob's awful furniture doing in my house?
  • Sandy: [lassos Squidward by the nose and pulls him to SpongeBob's house] We're gussying up SpongeBob's house for his party, and something about you tells me you are quite the interior decorator.
  • Squidward: Hmm? [unties the rope off his nose] Of course! I didn't give myself all those awards for nothing!
  • [The scene shows all of the decorating trophies Squidward won for himself.]
  • Sandy: Yee-haw! SpongeBob's place is gonna look prettier than a country bride!
  • [The scene shows a cow waiting for her groom at a wedding in Texas. The scene then changes to the bus tour SpongeBob and Patrick are having.]
  • SpongeBob: Whoo-hoo! Oh, this is so exciting! I wonder where we're going?
  • Rube: We're going to Surface Land! [pulls the lever and shows the sign on the bus saying, "Surface Land"]
  • SpongeBob, Patrick, and the tourists: [exclaiming in amazement]
  • SpongeBob: Surface Land? [screams happily]
  • Patrick: [screams in fear]
  • Rube: [turns around to speak to the tourists] Hi, everybody, and welcome to Surface Land Tours! I'm your tour guide, Rube.
  • SpongeBob, Patrick, and the tourists: Hi, Rube!
  • Rube: Before we drive to the amazing Surface Land, I'm required to read you these tour bus rules. [takes out a long list of rules from his hat and reads] "Please sit in an upright position." [SpongeBob and Patrick sit upside down and gets into an upright position] "Absolutely no bad language!" [SpongeBob and Patrick say bad words as dolphin chirps are heard; they stop talking and cover their mouths] "No horseplay!" [SpongeBob and Patrick dance around in a horse suit and stop to sit back down] And no digging, no dancing, no tanning, no cooking, no fencing, no drowning, no molting, no running, no trespassing, no peeking, and no balloons!" [pops SpongeBob and Patrick with a needle when they appeared as balloons]
  • SpongeBob: Aww. Not even birthday balloons?
  • Rube: [gasps] Oh, my goodness! Is it your birthday?
  • SpongeBob: [his cheeks blow up and pop] Yes! [giggles]
  • Rube: Well, I would love for everyone to sing happy birthday to you! [puts a party hat on SpongeBob]
  • Tourist #1: Yes!
  • SpongeBob: Aww, really? That is so—
  • Rube: Not now, of course. Tour time is tight! [hops back into his driving seat] Whoa! [drives the bus back onto the road; then drives up a steep cliff, which makes every fall over] Okay, everybody, we're on Upseedaisy Street, and ready for lift off!
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: Lift off?
  • [Rube drives the bus upward to the sign that says "Dead End." SpongeBob and Patrick breath heavily in paper bags. The bus rockets up to the surface.]
  • Rube: Amazing!
  • SpongeBob: Oh, are we there yet?
  • Rube: Almost. But we need a little boast to the surface. [honks his horn]
  • [The bus descends downward until a submarine catches them.]
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: Yay!
  • French Narrator: One Little Boast to the Surface Later... [throws away the time card and drives the submarine up to the surface]
  • SpongeBob, Patrick, and the tourists: Ooh!
  • SpongeBob: Look, it's Sandy's friend, Frenchy! Oui, oui!
  • Rube: You can say that again, birthday boy. Oui, oui!
  • Patrick: [dances around while holding his pants] Can you guys please stop saying "wee wee?" [strains] Gotta go! Gotta go!
  • [Up on the surface, David Hasselhoff is kayaking on the water when the submarine knocks him over.]
  • Rube: Wave goodbye to Frenchy, everybody!
  • SpongeBob, Patrick, and the tourists: Goodbye, Frenchy!
  • French Narrator: Au revoir, my friends! [goes back into his submarine]
  • [Rube drives the bus off the submarine before it descends back into the ocean.]
  • David Hasselhoff: [groans] Ah! Tartar sauce!
  • [Rube drives the bus out of the ocean and heads over to the beach.]
  • Rube: Now remember, everyone, keep your arms and legs inside the bus at all times 'cause we are about to encounter a gaggle of nearly naked beach giraffes!
  • [Rube drives the bus around the beach. They drive by a local fisherman in a raincoat.]
  • SpongeBob, Patrick, and the tourists: Ooh! [snaps photos with their cameras]
  • [The fisherman catches what he assumed a fish. But it turns out he hooked his own boot. Rube drives by the fisherman as the tour goes on. Rube drives the bus past some party goers who are having a beach party. Everyone was dancing with the musical beat and are having quite a blast. Rube drives over a sleeping man who is sunbathing. SpongeBob and Patrick are deeply amazed at what they are seeing. SpongeBob screams loudly.]
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: Nearly naked beach giraffes!
  • [The beach goers continue to dance. SpongeBob and Patrick hover onto Rube in deep fear.]
  • Rube: Don't worry, everyone. The beach giraffes may look crazy, but they're actually peaceful creatures. Let's get a closer look.
  • [Rube drives the bus through the crowd without getting themselves stepped on. SpongeBob and Patrick continuously scream as Rube drives. Rube stops the bus in front of the stage. A man in a "Can-O Beans" costume appears on the stage.]
  • Can: Hey, kids, welcome to Beach Blanket Bean-go! [everyone cheers; opens his lid] And here's your host, Beanie McBeans!
  • Beanie McBeans: [pops out of the can and the crowd cheers wildly] Hey! What do you want?
  • Beach Goers: Beans!
  • Beanie McBeans: When do you want them?
  • Beach Goers: Beans!
  • Beanie McBeans: Ha, ha!
  • Beach Goers: Beans, beans, beans...!
  • Beanie McBeans: [cheers] Beans, beans, good for your heart! They make you strong, they make you smart! When I eat beans, I squeal! I eat beans with every meal! You do, too! You know you do! [everyone cheers] Beans, beans! [throws beans at everyone] Beans, beans, beans! [throws more beans at everyone and dances around]
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: Ooh!
  • Patrick: Oh, he's good.
  • Beanie McBeans: [to his first contestant] All right, you know the rules. First question: How many beans are in a 16 ounce can?
  • Contestant #1: Uh? Three million?
  • Beanie McBeans: Sorry! Wrong answer! [shoots bean slime from his cannon at his contestant]
  • [The audience gasps.]
  • Contestant #1: [short silence] Yeah!
  • [The audience cheers.]
  • Beanie McBeans: Better luck next time! And now it's time for our next contestant.
  • Contestant #2: [giggles] Hi!
  • Beanie McBeans: What is your favorite kind of bean?
  • Contestant #2: Um...strawberry beans?
  • Beanie McBeans: Is the correct answer! [shoots bean slime from his cannon at his contestant]
  • Contestant #2: Ooh! Yay!
  • [The audience cheers. Patrick starts to take a liking to beans and his mouth waters.]
  • Patrick: So many beans! [presses his face against the glass and whimpers]
  • SpongeBob: Uh-oh.
  • [Patrick could not resist and rushes over to the driver's seat.]
  • Rube: [gets pushed aside by Patrick] Whoa!
  • Patrick: Must have beans! [begins to drive wildly like a mad animal]
  • SpongeBob, Rube, and the tourists: Whoa! Uh-oh!
  • Patrick: Beans, beans, beans, beans, beans!
  • Beach Goers: Whoa! [feels Patrick running over their toes]
  • Rube: Stop! [screams]
  • [Patrick drives through the audience, skids over a man's back and flies over to the stage's microphone.]
  • Patrick: [jumps out of the bus] Wrong answer! [falls back in]
  • [Beanie McBeans fires bean slime from his cannon at the bus, which completely fills up with beans. Patrick goggles up all of the beans, but in doing so, drinks all of the water as well. Soon, everyone on the bus is drying up because of Patrick's arrogant actions. After eating the beans, Patrick sits down and is all dried up.]
  • SpongeBob: Patrick! You ate all the water!
  • Patrick: It's not my fault. The water got in the way!
  • Rube: Passengers, do not panic! We can get water right over there. [points to a beach shower and drives off the stage]
  • [Several beach goers are standing in line to clean the sand off. One man does some reflexes while cleaning himself. Then he picks up his beach toys and skips away. Then a woman takes a turn, only to clean the sand off her kickboard. SpongeBob, Patrick, Rube and the other tourists wait patiently in line.]
  • Female Beach Goer: [finishes cleaning the sand off her kickboard] Okay. Perfect! [picks up her towel and leaves]
  • [Then a tall man gets a turn at the beach shower. He cleans himself for a bit and leaves. Then it was SpongeBob, Patrick, Rube and the other tourists' turn. The shower fills the bus with water and everyone can breathe again.]
  • Rube: Ah! And we're back!
  • SpongeBob: Yeesh, I thought this was my birthday, not my deathday! [laughs as Patrick makes a scared look on his face] I'm sorry, Patrick. I was just kidding.
  • [Patrick screams as a big, white, fluffy dog approaches. Everyone on the bus panics upon seeing the dog for the first time.]
  • SpongeBob: Oh! What am I looking at?!
  • Rube: You're looking at an amazing creature that is just as afraid as you are of it.
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: [peeking out from SpongeBob's pants] I doubt it!
  • Rube: I'm telling ya, that is a blue feathered northwestern pie-dragon. So calm down, guys. It only eats pies. [sees the dog drinking the water from the bus] I was wrong! It's gonna eat us! Run!
  • [Everyone panics and Rube drives the bus to get as far away from the dog as he can.]
  • Dog Walker: [gets pulled by the dog] Whoa!
  • [Meanwhile, back at SpongeBob's house, Old Man Walker continues sleeping. But inside, things are going out of hand when everyone is making constant arguments about decorating the house. Sandy is not overly thrilled with their childish behavior because everyone is acting like spoiled and immature children.]
  • Mr. Krabs: I should be decorating! No one here knows diddly about SpongeBob! [continuously yells at everyone]
  • Squidward: I know more about SpongeBob than I care to! So I should decorate.
  • Mrs. Puff: [holds up a broken steering wheel] Have you ever taught him to drive?!
  • Plankton: [holds up a ray gun] Have you ever tried to annihilate him?!
  • [Everyone continues to bicker.]
  • Sandy: Now hold your horses! Seems like everyone has their own ideas about how to decorate for SpongeBob.
  • Mr. Krabs, Squidward, Mrs. Puff, Plankton, and Bubble Bass: [stop fighting] Surprise!
  • Sandy: Not now!
  • Mr. Krabs: Well, since SpongeBob works for me, I know he'd like [holds up Krabby Patty decorations] a Krusty Krab theme!
  • Plankton: Working for you means he's a masochist. So, a torture theme is the way to go. [squeezes his head with a squeeze wrench, but his eye pops out in the process] Ow!
  • [The doorbell rings and Squidward answers it. Mrs. Puff comes in with a boatmobile.]
  • Mrs. Puff: A driving theme is what SpongeBob would love. [opens the hood and reveals party food inside]
  • Squidward: [takes a chip and sniffs it] Hmm. Unleaded. [throws the chip away]
  • Bubble Bass: [leans in closer to Squidward's face] You're all lame! The theme has got to be Mermaid Man or nada. [dresses himself up as Mermaid Man, but loses the scallop bra and his pants rip, revealing a Dirty Bubble underwear]
  • Squidward: [removes the scallop bra from his face and holds up a picture of himself and his clarinet] I'm obviously his idol. A theme based on me is the only—
  • Sandy: Everybody hog-tie your lips and listen up! [stomps the floor really hard and sends Plankton flying upward before coming back down] Since we all know what SpongeBob likes best, how about each of us gets to decorate one section of the house? [sighs angrily and divides the living room into different sections with a red chalk]
  • Mr. Krabs, Squidward, Mrs. Puff, Plankton, and Bubble Bass: [calm down] Oh!
  • [Sandy draws onto Gary's shell while dividing the house. Gary wakes up and sees his shell drawn from the chalk. Gary meows in annoyance and slithers away, leaving a gap in the middle of the floor. The scene changes to Squidward decorating one section of the house with his paintings and Sandy decorates one section with things based on karate.]
  • Sandy: Hiya! [kicks the punching bag, which knocks Squidward over] Oh. Sorry, Squidward.
  • Squidward: [mumbles] Hmm. Sorry, Squidward...[slips on a puddle of black paint and bumps into Bubble Bass, ruining his Mermaid Man themed birthday cake]
  • Bubble Bass: [growls] Behold my super pit power! [grabs Squidward and places him under his armpit]
  • Squidward: No, no, no!
  • [Squidward gives into the armpit's stench and melts into a puddle. He slithers over to Mrs. Puff's boating themed section.]
  • Mrs. Puff: Ew! [pushes Squidward out with her stop sign] Will you kindly keep your Squidward puddle on your side of the line?!
  • Mr. Krabs: Ha! You tell him, sweetheart. [gently pats Mrs. Puff's back, but she puffs up] Whoa! [crashes on a Krusty Krab table] That hurt-erer.
  • Plankton: [laughs] Oh, yeah, looks like the Party Wars are just beginning. [eats some popcorn and laughs]
  • [Plankton jumps on the spike chair and gets pricked. Plankton screams in pain and flies onto Sandy's helmet.]
  • Sandy: Eew! [wipes Plankton off her helmet]
  • [Plankton flies onto Mr. Krabs' right eyestalk, which falls off. Mr. Krabs growls in anger, picks up his eyestalk and flings Plankton into a plate of gelatin.]
  • Mr. Krabs: [growls] You did that on purpose.
  • Sandy: Aw! Tell it to your Aunt Chovy!
  • Old Man Walker: [comes in between Sandy and Mr. Krabs] Well, I need to use the little boy's room.
  • Mrs. Puff: Oh, yes! What I need is you! [picks up Old Man Walker]
  • Old Man Walker: Oh, just—wait a minute, lady!
  • Mrs. Puff: [sets Old Man Walker down] Now my "Pedestrians Have The Right Of Way" display is perfect!
  • Old Man Walker: Is this the restroom?
  • Bubble Bass: Why do you get to use this elder? I saw him first! You'll make a great Mermaid Man. [puts a purple starfish on Old Man Walker's face and lifts him up]
  • Old Man Walker: There's only one thing I want to make.
  • [Meanwhile, back on the surface world, Rube drives the bus on a tree branch in the middle of a local park.]
  • Rube: Aren't these leafy things amazing?
  • SpongeBob: Ooh! My friend Sandy has one of these. They call them trees.
  • SpongeBob, Patrick, Rube, and the tourists: [fall off the tree] Whoa! [lands on the ground]
  • Rube: [resumes driving] I didn't know that. Wow! Look at the big brain on the birthday boy! [drives into a log]
  • Patrick: Nobody looks at my friend's brain without permission!
  • SpongeBob, Patrick, Rube, and the tourists: [the animals scatter out of the log] Whoa!
  • [Rube drives pass the same dog who is playing fetch with its owner.]
  • Dog Walker: Oh, who's a good dog? [throws a frisbee] Go get it! Go get it! Go get it, girl! Get it! Yeah! [laughs as the dog fetches the frisbee and brings it back] Good girl!
  • SpongeBob: What a birthday! Beach giraffes, pie-dragons, and beans! Oh, I can't wait to see what happens next!
  • [The frisbee hits the bus and Rube stops driving.]
  • Rube: Oh, my! It's a flying pie!
  • SpongeBob, Patrick, and the tourists: Ooh! [giggles]
  • [The dog comes running towards them.]
  • Patrick: And here comes the pie-dragon!
  • [Everyone on the bus screams in horror. But the dog picks up the frisbee and heads back to her owner. Everyone on the bus sighs in relief.]
  • Rube: That sure was a close one, eh, folks? Amazing!
  • Dog Walker: [throws the frisbee] Whoa! [laughs]
  • [The dog comes running back.]
  • SpongeBob: [yells] It's coming back!
  • [Rube turns the bus around and drives away from the dog. But the dog pursues them in fast speed.]
  • Rube: We're not pie! Why is it chasing us?! Why? Why?
  • [SpongeBob looks and sees Patrick is not in his seat. He looks around until he finds Patrick sticking his head out of the water while holding a frisbee in his mouth. Patrick is once again letting his own stupidity put the lives of everyone on the bus in danger. SpongeBob comes up and grabs the frisbee.]
  • SpongeBob: Patrick, let go of that pie! [pulls the frisbee out of Patrick's mouth and Patrick growls angrily like a real dog] Bad Patrick, bad! [throws the frisbee away] Yah!
  • [The dog runs off to retrieve the frisbee and everyone is saved.]
  • Patrick: Aww, I wanted flying pie.
  • SpongeBob: [giggles as he forgivingly rubs Patrick's head] Take this instead [holds up a whoopie cushion]
  • [SpongeBob gives Patrick the whoopie cushion and the both go back into the bus. Rube continues to drive the bus down the park.]
  • Rube: Okay. We'll stay on the path, where it's not so dangerous. And I think that this is the perfect time to sing "Happy Birthday" to our little square friend here! [pulls SpongeBob from his seat and blows his kazoo]
  • Patrick, Rube, and the tourists: ♪Happy birthday—♪
  • Charlie: Look out!
  • [All of a sudden, Patchy and Potty come out of nowhere in a recumbent bicycle. Everyone on the bus screams in horror and skids the bus out of harm's way.]
  • SpongeBob, Patrick, and the tourists: Road hog!
  • [Patchy and Potty continue pedaling down the path. Meanwhile, back at SpongeBob's house, everyone is lined up for the party.]
  • Party Guests: Oh, boy. Oh, man, I am starving. I haven't been to a party in 20 years.
  • [Larry comes by with a present.]
  • Larry: Yo, dude. [taps a creepy man's shoulder] Is this the line for SpongeBob's party?
  • Slappy: Oh, yes. Mmm... [turns around and shows an empty plate] I brought the birthday cake.
  • Larry: It's gone.
  • Slappy: Oh, no, it's still here. [points to his stomach and giggles creepily]
  • Larry: [a bit creeped out] Do me a favor, Slappy. When we're inside, stay away from me. [pushes the creepy man away]
  • [Back inside, everyone is getting themselves comfortable.]
  • Party Guests: Say, what a party! [instant chattering] They really dressed up the place. Yeah, there it is. Smells great.
  • Margaret SquarePants: Our boy sure has a lot of interesting friends. What kind of party food is that, dear?
  • Harold SquarePants: Uh, aquarium fish flakes.
  • Margaret SquarePants: Well, now it is a party!
  • [Harold opens the lid and shakes some fish flakes above. Harold and Margaret feed on the flakes.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Step right up to enter the Krusty Krab section of this party.
  • Old Man Walker: [comes in] What do I do to get in?
  • Mr. Krabs: Just consent to a pat down, old timer.
  • Old Man Walker: Oh, boy. Okay. [turns around]
  • Mr. Krabs: [chuckles greedily and steals money from Old Man Walker's wallet] Ooh! [puts the money in his pocket] Okay, you're good. [lets Old Man Walker in the Krusty Krab section]
  • Squidward: [tastes some of Bubble Bass's Mermaid Man themed birthday cake] Hmm. Lowbrow compared to highbrow. Say, aren't you a little old for this weenie wizard stuff?
  • Bubble Bass: [picks up a Man Ray action figure] I am casting a vanishing spell upon you. Begone!
  • Squidward: Begone! [chuckles but chokes on the cake] Water! [runs off]
  • Bubble Bass: Huh? Ooh! I have powers!
  • [Mrs. Puff comes by with a boating themed birthday cake for her section of the party. Just as she is about to put it down, the party guests rudely take her cake.]
  • Harold and Grubby Grouper: Ooh! Cake! [eat the cake]
  • Sandy: Please, everybody, don't eat the party food! [hits Harold and Grubby Grouper's heads and makes them cough up the now eaten cake; she rushes over and stops the football player from eating the chips, drinks and gelatin] We have to wait for SpongeBob! It's supposed to be a surprise!
  • Party Guests: Surprise!
  • Sandy: Not now!
  • Party Guests: Aww!
  • Evelyn Annette: [knocks over a lamp by accident] Sorry.
  • Sandy: [sets the lamp back up] Please be careful.
  • [Norma ignores Sandy's orders and knocks over the lamp again. The creepy man sits on the table where the party food are.]
  • Sandy: Hey, hey, hey! Don't sit on that table!
  • Slappy: Oh, I'm just having fun, and I brought cake. [eats the entire cake]
  • [The creepy man becomes so fat from eating the cake that he splits the table in half. He coughs up the cake. Sandy groans in disgust. Two kids come by and start eating the partially eaten cake, much to Sandy's disgust. The kids burp out a slob of the icing and stain Sandy's fluffy tail.]
  • Sandy: Aww! I just had my tail done! This makes me hotter than a billy goat in a pepper patch! [karate chops the table along with the partially eaten cake] Hiya! [breathes heavily and yells]
  • Slappy: Surprise.
  • Sandy: Not yet. [punches the creepy man and stomps over to another section of the party]
  • [The hat kid appears from under the table and slingshots a rock on Tom's buttocks.]
  • Tom: Hey! [the hat kid chuckles and Tom takes one of Squidward's paintings] How much for this one?
  • Squidward: Oh, no. That's a present for SpongeBob—ten bucks.
  • Tom: Here's some fun back at ya! [throws the painting, but the hat kid dodges] I love your work. [holds out money] Have you got anything heavier?
  • [Plankton is wearing a dark lord robe and grins evilly before pulling back his hood. He does his normal evil laughter as Sandals and Fred are being strapped in torture devices.]
  • Sandals: Ow, man. What the heck?
  • Plankton: It's a theme party. Get into it. Say it, Fred. [turns the dial to pull Fred's leg]
  • Fred: No.
  • Plankton: Say it! [turns the dial tighter]
  • Fred: [groans] My leg.
  • Grubby Grouper: [paints a target on the wall in Mrs. Puff's boating section] Party games!
  • [The football player bashes against the wall and everyone cheers.]
  • Sandy: Hey! Don't do that!
  • [Suddenly, the wall cracks and one section of SpongeBob's house is destroyed. Everyone gasps.]
  • Sandy: Uh-oh. I hope someone brings a wall as a present. [another wall cracks and falls over, destroying another section of SpongeBob's house] Make that two walls.
  • [The party guests didn't seem to care about the destruction they've caused and cheered. The hat kid sprayed whipped cream on the floor and runs off. Mrs. Puff comes by and slips on the whipped cream.]
  • Mrs. Puff: [slips on the whipped cream] Whoa, whoa, whoa! [spins around until Sandy catches her]
  • [The party guests cheer, thinking they were dancing.]
  • Sandy: Great idea, Puff! Some positive energy! Hey, everybody! [puts a record on the phonograph and plays music] Dance party! [puts on her cowboy hat] Yee-haw! [dances by Squidward and Bubble Bass] Come on, boys. Move those feet! Do-si-do!
  • [Squidward and Bubble Bass shrug their shoulders and reluctantly join in the fun. Sandals and Fred dance as well, despite being strapped to torture devices. Mr. Krabs dances with Pearl and some of her school friends. Karen dances with Plankton, but gets stepped on by several of the party guests. Karen gasps and moves Plankton over to a more safer area of SpongeBob's house.]
  • Sandy: SpongeBob better come home soon. I don't know how long I can keep these folks dancing. [Larry comes in and grabs Sandy so he can dance with her] Oh, you took me by surprise.
  • Party Guests: Surprise!
  • Sandy: Not now!
  • [Meanwhile, back on the surface world, Rube is driving the bus over some high wires in a suburban area.]
  • SpongeBob: Wow! In Surface Land, everywhere you go is full of surprises!
  • Patrick: Yeah, I'm surprised we haven't crashed yet.
  • [Rube drives the bus through the airport as one airplane begins to take off.]
  • SpongeBob, Patrick, and the tourists: Wow!
  • [Rube drives through the conveyer belt at a hardware store.]
  • Rube: As you can see, Surface Land is full of unexplained wonders!
  • [Rube drives over the roof of a moving red car. The car stops and Rube drives the bus over to what appears to be an office building. One employee enters through the spinning door. Rube drives the bus, but the spinning door spins them around.]
  • SpongeBob, Patrick, and the tourists: Whoa! [gets flung out of the spinning door and skids down the hallway]
  • SpongeBob: Best birthday ride ever! [the bus drives by some office desks] I've read about this place, Patrick. It's the Paperclip Jungle!
  • [Patrick looks around and sees officer employees minding their our business while doing paperwork. Patrick becomes frightened at everything he sees. One man drops a box of paperclips. Patrick screams and hides behind SpongeBob with a paperclip stuck on his head.]
  • Patrick: They're everywhere.
  • [Rube drives by some officer employees near a copy machine.]
  • Female Office Employee #1: Just let me copy it! [kicks the copy machine and paper flies out everywhere]
  • [Rube drives the bus into a conference room where some of the employees are having a private conversation with their job.]
  • Female Office Employee #2: My fault? How is it my fault?
  • SpongeBob: Ooh, what happens in here?
  • Patrick: Smells like flop sweat!
  • Rube: Shh! This is the secret hive of the Double-breasted Seer Suckers. Let's watch their strange rituals!
  • SpongeBob, Patrick, and the tourists: Ooh!
  • Female Office Employee #3: [comes in the conference room] He's coming!
  • [The office employees gasp and quickly put on their gorilla masks.]
  • SpongeBob, Patrick, Rube, and the tourists: Huh?
  • [One man in a gorilla mask, who is the boss, jumps in and pounds on his chest while making grunting noises like a real gorilla. The gorilla mask boss walks over to the front and pulls down a chart. He grunts to his employees that profits are decreasing dramatically and they all began to act crazy, wrecking everything in sight. The man with the dog comes in and joins in the chaos as well. The dog jumps onto the table and barks.]
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: The pie dragon!
  • Rube: This bunch of bananas is getting too crazy to comfort. We'd better split! [hops back into his driving seat]
  • [Rube backs the bus up against the fire alarm, which triggers the sprinkler system. Rube drives the bus out of the conference room just as the boss, the dog, the dog's owner, and employees get soaked. Two employees took notice of the commotion, but ignored it and continued to do their job.]
  • PA System: [voiceover] Lunch time!
  • Boss, the Dog, the Dog Walker, and Office Employees: [stop] Huh?
  • [The officer employees and their boss remove their masks and head out of the conference room in a very fast speed, nearly bumping into Rube's bus.]
  • Rube: Crash positions, everybody!
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: [jump off their seat and crash into the windshield] Crash positions! Check!
  • [The dog barks and stands on her hind legs before walking out. The officer employees and their boss all head for the spinning door. Rube follows the group and manages to drive the bus out of the building through the spinning door. Rube drives the bus over to a local fast food restaurant called the Trusty Slab, which is the reenactment version of the Krusty Krab back in Bikini Bottom. The office employees line up and enter the restaurant.]
  • SpongeBob: The Trusty Slab? Sounds familiar.
  • [Rube follows the office employees and enters the restaurant through the front door.]
  • Rube: Whew! Sorry for the detour, folks. Now back to de-tour.
  • [The chef flips a patty and rings the bell. Patrick's mouth begins to water at the sights of food in the Trusty Slab.]
  • Patrick: Ooh! [grabs a ketchup packet] They grow 'em big up here, SpongeBob! Oh, come here. [hugs the packet really tight and explodes ketchup everywhere; he laughs and licks the himself clean; he sees a spot on SpongeBob's nose and licks it too, which makes SpongeBob laugh]
  • Rube: Let's watch these hungry beach giraffes as they struggle to communicate.
  • [As they watch, a man, who appears to be a reenactment of Patrick Star, is at the cash register, struggling to decide what to eat. The cashier, who appears to be a reenactment of Squidward, is waiting impatiently.]
  • Patrick (live-action): No, no, wait! Uh, I'll have the, uh...
  • Mr. Manward: Sir, could you please order something? There are a lot of people waiting here. Some of us have lives.
  • Patrick (live-action): Oh, don't rush me! I almost had it! Uh...
  • Patrick: [laughs and spits out the ketchup packet] That guy's so dumb!
  • [Just then, a woman in an astronaut suit, who appears to be a reenactment of Sandy, walks up to the cash register and she's not very happy.]
  • Carol: Where in tarnation is my lunch?! The service here is slower than a three-legged dog in molasses!
  • [The other customers chatter in agreement. Just then, a man, who appears to be a reenactment of Mr. Krabs, hears the commotion and comes out of his office.]
  • Mr. Slabs: [gasps] Me customers! All right, all right, all right! What's the hold up here, Mr. Manward?
  • Mr. Manward: How should I know? Go ask your persnickety fry cook. Between him and this other idiot, we're not gonna make it through the lunch rush alive.
  • Mr. Slabs: Well, I'll just see about that! [takes Patrick's dollar and puts it in the cash register] You'll be having the number three with cheese!
  • Patrick (live-action): Aw, that's what I was gonna order. [Mr. Manward rolls his eyes in annoyance] I'll have the—the number cheese with cheese.
  • Mr. Manward: Don't you have somewhere else to be a nitwit?
  • Patrick (live-action): Not until 4:00.
  • [Mr. Manward facepalms in disgust as Mr. Slabs laughs, thinking it was a joke. He heads into the kitchen where the chef, who appears to be a reenactment of SpongeBob, is busying making food on the grill. Rube drives onto the little window between the kitchen and the cash register to get a closer look.]
  • Mr. Slabs: [comes in the kitchen] JimBob!
  • JimBob: Hi!
  • Mr. Slabs: Got a restaurant full of hungry customers out there! Where are the burgers?
  • JimBob: Ooh, Mr. Slabs, you know that I can't serve a Slabby Patty ♪until it's cooked just right!♪ [gently pinches Mr. Slabs' cheek] ♪Slabby Patty and it's cooked just right, Slabby Patty, day and night, what a nifty tasty sight! Slabby Patty and it's cooked just right—[continues singing]
  • SpongeBob: I love this guy! [laughs]
  • JimBob: [rapidly spins around and around] ♪Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo! Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo!♪
  • Mr. Slabs: Enough of that!
  • JimBob: Sorry, sir.
  • Mr. Slabs: Get those ship-shape burgers shipped out or you'll be doing soft shoe across the street at the Crumb Basket!
  • [The Crumb Basket, which is the reenactment version of the Chum Basket back in Bikini Bottom, appears on the screen for a split second.]
  • JimBob: Yes, Mr. Slabs. It won't happen again, Mr. Slabs. Sorry, Mr. Slabs.
  • Mr. Slabs: [grunts angrily] Hmm, that'll be the day...
  • JimBob: All right, troops, prepare to be deployed! [forms multiple arms with spatulas and makes karate yells]
  • [JimBob resumes his work and prepares the Slabby Patties in a fast speed.]
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: Ooh!
  • [JimBob rapidly flips several Slabby Patties in the air, which makes Patrick's mouth water.]
  • Patrick: Giant patties! [sighs and faints]
  • JimBob: [flips his spatula around and laughs] What fun!
  • SpongeBob: [his pupils form into spatulas] Ooh, I just gotta get a closer look at that glorious spatula! [hops out of the bus and rushes over to JimBob's spatula; he smothers it until JimBob grabs it and flips more Slabby Patties]
  • [JimBob makes three perfect patties. He makes a plate with one Slabby Patty and fries.]
  • JimBob: Oops, forgot the cheese! [grabs SpongeBob and places it on the Slabby Patty]
  • SpongeBob: Oh! Patrick! Patrick, help!
  • [JimBob places the top bun onto SpongeBob and goes to serve it.]
  • Patrick: [wakes up after hearing SpongeBob's cries for help] Huh? [leans against the window and sees JimBob serving the Slabby Patty with SpongeBob on it] Oh! I'm coming, buddy!
  • [Patrick takes a deep breath, climbs out of the bus, takes the Slabby Patty with SpongeBob on it, and jumps back into the bus before Mr. Manward takes the plate. Patrick rips a nearly melted SpongeBob off the Slabby Patty and sets him down.]
  • SpongeBob: [gasps] Never get out of the bus, Patrick. Never get out of the bus!
  • Patrick: Who's hungry?
  • [The tourists cheer happily.]
  • Rube: Amazing! Lunch time, everybody!
  • [SpongeBob, Patrick, Rube and the tourists gobble down the Slabby Patty. Mr. Manward serves the plate to Carol. Just as she was about to eat it, she sees that the sandwich doesn't have any meat in it.]
  • Carol: Where's the meat? Dagnabit! That's it! [gets up and grabs her helmet] I'm taking my business elsewhere!
  • [Suddenly, a masked man, who appears to be a reenactment of Plankton, comes in and points a ray gun in Carol's face.]
  • Mr. Charleston: You're not going anywhere, sister! Sit down! [Carol reluctantly does so] And everybody freeze! This is a robbery! [everyone raises their hands in the air; Mr. Slabs peaks out through the window] Slabs! [Mr. Slabs gasps] Show yourself!
  • Mr. Slabs: [comes out and hovers over the cash register, much to Mr. Manward's annoyance] You can only have me register over me cold lifeless shell!
  • Mr. Charleston: Nobody wants your stupid money.
  • Mr. Slabs: Huh?
  • Mr. Charleston: Hand over the Slabby Patty secret sauce recipe and nobody gets vaporized, see? [laughs as he activates the ray gun; SpongeBob, Patrick, Rube, and the tourists gasp in terror] You all have until the count of three. A-one, a-two...
  • Carol: [gets up from the table and karate chops Mr. Charleston to the floor] Ha! Karate chop! [Mr. Charleston groans] You're welcome!
  • [Mr. Slabs and Mr. Manward look at each other in amusement. Carol angrily storms out of the restaurant as Mr. Slabs laughs at Mr. Charleston's downfall.]
  • Patrick: Ha! She chopped him real good!
  • Mr. Slabs: Fear not, gentle customers. This is not a robber. [Mr. Manward sulks] This is my lame competition across the street, [removes Mr. Charleston's mask] Charleston! [laughs]
  • Mr. Charleston: What gave me away? My voice?
  • Mr. Slabs: No, your knit cap had one eye hole.
  • Mr. Charleston: Ugh! Foiled by a hand crocheted gift! Mark my words, Slabs, maybe not today but, oh, someday, that secret sauce recipe will be mine! [laughs just before Mr. Slabs pulls him back]
  • Mr. Slabs: Nice try, weirdo. [throws Mr. Charleston out into the garbage and heads back in the restaurant to resume business]
  • Mr. Charleston: [groans] Where am I?
  • [With the crisis over, Rube drives the bus and prepares to leave the restaurant.]
  • Rube: Well, feeding time is over. Hang on, everybody!
  • [Rube drives the bus under Patchy's legs, who had just entered the restaurant with Potty.]
  • Patchy: Eh, my Potty needs to use your potty.
  • Mr. Manward: Sorry. No.
  • Patchy: Sorry, Potty, you'll have to hold it. Come on! [walks into the restaurant and Potty follows]
  • Potty: [squawks] Easy for you to say!
  • Rube: [drives over Mr. Charleston's leg by accident] Oh, excuse me, sir. [drives over his other leg] Oh, pardon me!
  • [The scene changes to SpongeBob and Patrick with their stomachs full from the Slabby Patty.]
  • SpongeBob: Ooh, that was delicious. I love surface food! [belches]
  • [Charlie wipes his face with a napkin.]
  • Patrick: You missed a spot. [licks the food off Charlie's face]
  • Charlie: Ugh! Thanks.
  • Rube: Okay, everybody, the next point of interest is coming up in just a few short minutes, so just relax and enjoy the—[SpongeBob hops onto Rube's head]
  • SpongeBob: Stop the bus! [Rube frantically stops the bus, knocking Patrick and the tourists off their seats] Rube, what is that?! [points to a local fish store]
  • Rube: Oh, that's what they call a fish prison. And one thing is for sure, you don't ever want to end up in there.
  • [Just then, a young woman, who appears to be a reenactment of Pearl, comes by and finds the bus. She believes that the bus was just a random fish tank sitting in the street. SpongeBob, Patrick, Rube, and the tourists scream in fear.]
  • Pearl Slabs: Huh? [picks up the bus] Who left this aquarium out here? [carries it into the store as SpongeBob, Patrick, Rube, and the tourists continue screaming; a customer kindly holds the door open for her] Hi, nice to meet you! [chuckles as she enters the store with the bus]
  • [Meanwhile, Old Man Walker continues to sleep on the sidewalk as the sun sets. One side of SpongeBob's house falls down. Inside, all of the party guests are getting exhausted from all the dancing, including Sandy.]
  • Sandy: I feel like I've got three wheels down and my axles are dragging. [Bubble Bass falls on her] Where in tarnation is SpongeBob?
  • [Back on the surface world, SpongeBob, Patrick, Rube, and the tourists are still in the fish store.]
  • SpongeBob: No!
  • [Pearl places the bus on the top shelf of the store.]
  • Pearl Slabs: There! That's better!
  • [SpongeBob, Patrick, Rube and the tourists gasps.]
  • Rube: Okay, no need to panic, everyone. Just a slight delay! Heh. [drives the bus back and forth] Come on. [continues backing up and moving forward]
  • SpongeBob, Patrick, Rube, and the tourists: [seeing various fish swimming in tanks] Ooh!
  • SpongeBob: What kind of monster would want to keep fish folk in jail like this? They're so beautiful.
  • Patrick: Yeah! [sees a beautiful purple fish] Aww. [a heart forms around the purple fish] I want to kiss that one! [kiss the glass]
  • SpongeBob: Uh, [chuckles] I'm just gonna head back to my seat. [heads back to his seat]
  • Rube: [jiggling with the lever] Come on. Come on!
  • Patrick: Having trouble?
  • Rube: Yeah. It's amazing. I can't get this dang thing to budge.
  • Patrick: Uh, hey! I have a great idea! I'll be right back! [runs out of the bus]
  • Rube: Well, while we wait for the great idea, [grabs SpongeBob] let's all sing "Happy Birthday" to our fellow passenger!
  • Rube and the tourists: ♪Happy—♪
  • [Suddenly, the bus begins to move and it was pushed off the shelf by Patrick. The bus crashes down to the floor.]
  • Patrick: [removes to clothes pin from his nose and jumps down to the bus] Ho, ho! [falls on Rube's head and chuckles] I just knew that empty aquarium would break your fall!
  • Rube: That was a great idea, Patrick! Now we can get out of this scary place.
  • SpongeBob: [jumps on the steering wheel] Wait, Rube! We can't leave all these fish behind!
  • Patrick: Yeah! I'm in love!
  • [The purple fish looks down at Patrick.]
  • Rube: I understand how you feel, Birthday Bob, but what can we do about it?
  • [Patrick slides off Rube's head. The scene changes with Rube driving the bus on the sidewalk with all of the fish SpongeBob and Patrick freed from the fish store.]
  • SpongeBob: [rides on a blue clowfish] Ooh! [chuckles] Whee!
  • [Patrick giggles as the purple fish kisses him. SpongeBob swims over Rube while he drives.]
  • Rube: This is the most amazing thing I've ever done! [giggles]
  • [SpongeBob rides over Rube again.]
  • SpongeBob, Patrick, Rube and the tourists: To the beach!
  • [The scene changes to Rube driving the bus back to the beach.]
  • Rube: Okay, everyone, we are about to begin our final descent into Bikini Bottom. So this is your last chance to take snapshots before we submerge.
  • [SpongeBob, Patrick, and the tourists take pictures with their cameras as Rube drives the bus to the ocean. The man and his dog are playing fetch together, only this time, the man is the one who's fetching while the dog does the frisbee throwing. The dog throws the frisbee out. The man looks at his dog, but the dog tells him to go get it. The man chuckles and runs off to get the frisbee.]
  • Dog Walker: [panting while running] Dog! [gets the frisbee from the shore and carries it by the mouth] Yeah!
  • [Rube drives by Beanie McBeans throwing beans at his fans.]
  • Beanie McBeans: Beans! [throws a bucket of bean slime at some beach goers]
  • [The beach goers cheer as the bus drives closer to the shore.]
  • Patrick: I'm so hungry still.
  • SpongeBob: Did you see that?
  • David Hasselholf: [sees the French Narrator's submarine emerging from the ocean] Wow, it's a submarine! That's amazing!
  • Rube: [drives over David Hasselholf's toes] Whoops! Excuse me!
  • Potty: Brawk! I'm outta here! [flies away]
  • David Hasselholf: [turns around and sees Patchy on his bicycle behind him] Hey, you ran over my foot!
  • Patchy: Uh, I don't think so. I—
  • David Hasselholf: [pulls Patchy's hat down his face and picks up his lifeguard floating device] I've had it with the beach! I'm going to live in a volcano, where it's safe. [angrily storms off, limping]
  • [As Patchy struggles to pull his hat back off, SpongeBob looks at the surface world one last time while the bus begins to descend back into the ocean.]
  • SpongeBob: Good-bye, sweet Surface Land. I'll never forget you.
  • [Rube drives the bus onto the French Narrator's submarine and it slowly starts to descend down into the ocean. The fish from the fish store swim out of the bus, including the purple fish Patrick was smitten over.]
  • SpongeBob, Patrick, Rube and the tourists: Good-bye! Bye!
  • Patrick: Good-bye, my love! [kisses the glass]
  • [The purple fish gives Patrick a blow kiss good-bye. Back on the surface, Patchy pulls his head out of his hat as Potty comes flying by.]
  • Patchy: [sarcastically] Thanks for sticking up for me, Potty, ya big coward!
  • Potty: I moved like a cat!
  • Patchy: I hope that beach bozo didn't damage SpongeBob's gift! [pulls out a telescope] Now if I can only find a way to get out to— [sees Bikini Atoll up ahead] Ooh! That island! [puts his telescope away] Then I can drop the present over Bikini Bottom.
  • Potty: Maybe you could take a ride on that? [points to Beanie McBeans' cannon]
  • Patchy: Ooh! [his hat spins wildly as he laughs with joy; he gratefully hugs and kisses Potty, much to his parrot's disgust, and jumps into the cannon] All right, Potty, I'm ready! Fire!
  • Potty: [ignites the cannon] Bombs away!
  • [The cannon fires Patchy and sends him flying across through the air as Potty flies. Patchy and Potty land on Bikini Atoll. But upon landing, their feet are sticking out from the sand.]
  • Potty: Hooray! Yippee!
  • Patchy: We did it! Potty, we did it!
  • [Meanwhile, back in Bikini Bottom, it is nighttime. Rube pulls the bus over in front of a pile of rubble, which used to be SpongeBob's house.]
  • Rube: Well, that's the end of our tour, folks. I hope you all enjoyed yourselves. I sure as heck did!
  • [SpongeBob and Patrick exit the bus.]
  • SpongeBob: You were right, Rube, that was...
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: Amazing!
  • Rube: I'm just sorry we never had time to sing "Happy Birthday" to ya, SpongeBob.
  • SpongeBob: Well, how about now?
  • Rube: You got it, birthday boy! Let's sing "Happy Birthday," everyone! A-one and a-two...
  • Rube and the tourists: ♪Happy birthday—♪
  • [Rube accidentally pushes the lever and the bus drives out of sight.]
  • SpongeBob: Nice try! Maybe next year!
  • [Old Man Walker wakes up from his sleep, pulls out two empty bottles and sees SpongeBob and Patrick standing on the road.]
  • Old Man Walker: Oh, no! He's here! He's here! SpongeBob! SpongeBob is here!
  • SpongeBob: Well, of course I'm here. Great job with your walker! You walked really far.
  • Patrick: Maybe I should get one of these walking things. [puts on some glasses] How many miles to the gallon?
  • SpongeBob: Why don't we just let Old Man Walker get home, Patrick?
  • Old Man Walker: Home? No, I—
  • Patrick: Here, let me help. [places a tray with wheels on it under Old Man Walker's walker and pushes him down the street] Pow!
  • Old Man Walker: SpongeBob's here!
  • [Old Man Walker crashes into something and explodes. SpongeBob and Patrick wave good-bye.]
  • SpongeBob: [giggles] I hope I'm that spry when I'm his age. [heads to the front door with Patrick and digs into his pocket to get his keys] Huh. Must have forgotten to take my keys.
  • Patrick: It looks open.
  • [The front door falls over. SpongeBob and Patrick sees the entire house as well as the party completely destroyed and everyone is sound asleep.]
  • SpongeBob's friends, family, and party guests: [sleepily] Surprise... [goes back to sleep]
  • [It looked more like a slumber party than a surprise birthday party. But SpongeBob doesn't seem to care about that, even after they destroyed his house while waiting.]
  • SpongeBob: A surprise party? For me?
  • Patrick: Oh, yeah. I was gonna tell you. [holds out a bag of beans and throws some beans at SpongeBob] Surprise! [goes to sleep with everyone]
  • SpongeBob: Oh, thank you, everybody. You've made this the best birthday I ever had. My spongy heart is bursting with joy 'cause I know I have the love of my pet, Gary... [hugs his sleeping snail]
  • Gary: [sleepily] Meow.
  • SpongeBob: And my family... [kisses them as they sleep] and I have the love of my friends. [turns around and looks at the horizon] And I live in the bestest place in the whole wide world, Bikini Bottom, where nothing bad can ever happen, and there's nothing to ever, ever be scared of.
  • [Just then, a shadow looms over SpongeBob. SpongeBob screams in fright and an object falls onto him. The smoke clears and it turns out to be Patchy's birthday gift to SpongeBob. SpongeBob puts his face back on and looks at the present.]
  • SpongeBob: [reads the tag] "From your biggest fan." Hmm? I have a fan?
  • [SpongeBob opens the box and the present revealed to be none other than Patchy the Pirate, but just his head.]
  • Patchy: Ahh, surprise! [chuckles] It's Patchy the Pirate! Happy birthday, SpongeBob!
  • SpongeBob: Oh! [his body forms into an eye before blinking back to normal and shedding tears] Thank you, Patchy! [hugs Patchy]
  • [SpongeBob and Patchy burst into a heartily laughter.]
  • Patchy: Guess I didn't really think this head-in-a-box thing through all the way. I don't really know what to do now. [chuckles]
  • SpongeBob: Well, I still haven't gotten my birthday song.
  • Patchy: Ooh, you'll get it now! [starts singing] ♪Ooh, who's having a birthday under the sea?♪
  • SpongeBob: ♪Me, me, me, me!♪
  • [The song wakes everybody up and they join in the celebration.]
  • Patchy: ♪With presents and cake and caller ID♪
  • SpongeBob's friends, family, and party guests: ♪SpongeBob SquarePants♪
  • Patchy: ♪Would you like to send him a nice birthday wish?♪
  • SpongeBob's friends, family, and party guests: ♪Yes, we would!♪
  • [The scene changes to Bikini Atoll. Patchy's body lies in the sand and it turns out that Patchy switched heads with Potty.]
  • Potty: [squawks] ♪Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish♪
  • [The screen changes into the background used for the SpongeBob SquarePants theme song, only it's birthday themed.]
  • SpongeBob's friends, family, and party guests: ♪SpongeBob SquarePants, SpongeBob SquarePants♪
  • [A montage of celebrities wishing SpongeBob a happy birthday, including several guest stars of the episode, is shown.]
  • David Hasselholf: Happy birthday, dude.
  • Kel Mitchell: Happy birthday, SpongeBob!
  • JoJo Siwa: [shouting to the ocean] SpongeBob, happy birthday!
  • Tiffany Haddish: Happy birthday, SpongeBob!
  • Thomas F. Wilson: Happy birthday, SpongeBob!
  • Sigourney Weaver: SpongeBob, it's your birthday. Congratulations.
  • Heidi Klum: Happy, happy birthday, SpongeBob!
  • Kal Penn: Happy birthday, SpongeBob!

On other prints, John Goodman is after Kal.

  • John Goodman: Happy 20th, SpongeBob! [makes a thumbs up]

On US prints, Lana Condor takes John's place.

  • Lana Condor: Happy birthday, Spongebob! [prepares to blow him a kiss]
  • Jason Sudeikis: Happy birthday!
  • RuPaul: Happy birthday, SpongeBob!
  • Vernon Davis: Happy birthday, buddy!
  • Rob Gronkowski: Happy birthday, my friend!
  • Allan K. Washington, Danny Skinner, Ethan Slater, and Lilli Cooper: Happy birthday, SpongeBob! Happy birthday!
  • Gilbert Gottfried: Happy birthday, SpongeBob! [blows a noisemaker]
  • [We cut back to the episode.]
  • SpongeBob's friends, family, and party guests: ♪SpongeBob SquarePants!♪
  • SpongeBob: ♪Happy birthday to me! SpongeBob SquarePants!♪
  • [Everybody cheers as the song ends.]
  • Patrick: By the way, SpongeBob, how old are you?
  • SpongeBob: Well, as of today, I am—
  • [The screen turns fuzzy just as SpongeBob was about to reveal his current age. SpongeBob plays the last notes of the song. The screen turns black and a message that reads, "Thank you, Steve Hillenburg" is shown, ending the episode.]

Cut Version

  • [The episode starts with Patchy the Pirate struggling to start his boat.]
  • Patchy: Oh, hi, kids! Patchy Pirate here on a glorious day. I'm going to deliver this here very special present to SpongeBob on his birthday. That is, if I can get this blasted boat to start. [turns the ignition with his key] And start! [chuckles]
  • [Patchy's boat wouldn't start and Potty comes out of the trunk.]
  • Potty: Maybe if you remembered to fill the tank with gas...
  • Patchy: Oh, Potty, you're full of gas! Get outta here!
  • Potty: [flies onto the hood] I see the problem! [bangs on the hood with the hammer]
  • [The hood sent Patchy flying backwards and smashing into the garage door.]
  • Patchy: [groaning] Walking is better than driving anyway. I've been meaning to work on me land legs. [pulls up his pants and reveals his wavy legs]
  • Potty: Squawk, squawk!
  • Patchy: [takes the present from the trunk and happily laughs] Now to see which way the wind is blowing. [sticks his finger in his mouth, holds out his hand with a sail on it and the with blows the other direction] This way! [the wind blows Patchy down the street] Whoa!
  • Potty: [follows Patchy while squawking] Hard to port!
  • [Meanwhile, at the brink of dawn, SpongeBob is sleeping in his bed. Gary is holding a birthday present for SpongeBob while sleeping. Moments later, the alarm clock goes off.]
  • SpongeBob's alarm clock: Wake up!
  • Gary: [meows "Happy Birthday"]
  • SpongeBob: What? Today? My birthday? Oh, Gary, you know I never pay attention to those sorts of things.
  • [SpongeBob hops out of his bed and streamers and confetti fly out. He blows the noise maker a couple times and laughs. He opens Gary's present, which reveals to be a jellyfish net made out of slime.]
  • SpongeBob: [gasps] Oh, wow, Gary! Did you make me this jellyfishing net yourself?
  • Gary: [gives SpongeBob a thumb's up with his slime] Meow!
  • [SpongeBob swings the slime jellyfish net around, but splashes slime all over his bedroom. SpongeBob swings the net until it is gone.]
  • SpongeBob: Best present ever! [hugs Gary and laughs]
  • Patrick: [knocks on SpongeBob's front door]
  • SpongeBob: [answers the door] Hi, buddy.
  • Patrick: Uh...[drools a river of saliva]
  • [SpongeBob giggles happily and Patrick makes a creepy face while drooling. SpongeBob blows his noise maker and Patrick makes a even creepier face while drooling. Patrick drools out a saliva bubble from his mouth. The saliva bubble floats over to SpongeBob.]
  • SpongeBob: [gasps] You remembered my birthday! [ties a string on the saliva bubble to make a balloon before it pops in his face]
  • [Patrick makes an uglier face while continuously drooling a river of saliva. Just then, a fish tank bus pulls over to SpongeBob's house.]
  • SpongeBob: Oh, and you got me a sight-seeing bus tour as a present!
  • [Patrick turns around while drooling a river of saliva.]
  • Patrick: [wakes up from his stupidity] Huh? Oh, oh! No, SpongeBob. I got you a sightseeing tour as a present.
  • [SpongeBob closes the door while he and Patrick board the tour bus and drives away.]
  • SpongeBob: Whoo-hoo! Oh, this is so exciting! I wonder where we're going?
  • Rube: We're going to Surface Land! [pulls the lever and shows the sign on the bus saying, "Surface Land"]
  • SpongeBob, Patrick, and the tourists: [exclaiming in amazement]
  • SpongeBob: Surface Land? [screams happily]
  • Patrick: [screams in fear]
  • Rube: [turns around to speak to the tourists] Hi, everybody, and welcome to Surface Land Tours! I'm your tour guide, Rube.
  • SpongeBob, Patrick, and the tourists: Hi, Rube!
  • Rube: Before we drive to the amazing Surface Land, I'm required to read you these tour bus rules. [takes out a long list of rules from his hat and reads] "Please sit in an upright position." [SpongeBob and Patrick sit upside down and gets into an upright position] "Absolutely no bad language!" [SpongeBob and Patrick say bad words as dolphin chirps are heard; they stop talking and cover their mouths] "No horseplay!" [SpongeBob and Patrick dance around in a horse suit and stop to sit back down] And no digging, no dancing, no tanning, no cooking, no fencing, no drowning, no molting, no running, no trespassing, no peeking, and no balloons!" [pops SpongeBob and Patrick with a needle when they appeared as balloons]
  • SpongeBob: Aww. Not even birthday balloons?
  • Rube: [gasps] Oh, my goodness! Is it your birthday?
  • SpongeBob: [his cheeks blow up and pop] Yes! [giggles]
  • Rube: Well, I would love for everyone to sing happy birthday to you! [puts a party hat on SpongeBob]
  • Tourist #1: Yes!
  • SpongeBob: Aww, really? That is so—
  • Rube: Not now, of course. Tour time is tight! [hops back into his driving seat] Whoa! [drives the bus back onto the road; then drives up a steep cliff, which makes every fall over] Okay, everybody, we're on Upseedaisy Street, and ready for lift off!
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: Lift off?
  • [Rube drives the bus upward to the sign that says "Dead End." SpongeBob and Patrick breath heavily in paper bags. The bus rockets up to the surface.]
  • Rube: Amazing!
  • SpongeBob: Oh, are we there yet?
  • Rube: Almost. But we need a little boast to the surface. [honks his horn]
  • [The bus descends downward until a submarine catches them.]
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: Yay!
  • [Up on the surface, David Hasselhoff is kayaking on the water when the submarine knocks him over.]
  • [Rube drives the bus off the submarine before it descends back into the ocean.]
  • David Hasselhoff: [groans] Ah! Tartar sauce!
  • [Rube drives the bus out of the ocean and heads over to the beach.]
  • Rube: Now remember, everyone, keep your arms and legs inside the bus at all times 'cause we are about to encounter a gaggle of nearly naked beach giraffes!
  • [Rube drives the bus around the beach. They drive by a local fisherman in a raincoat.]
  • SpongeBob, Patrick, and the tourists: Ooh! [snaps photos with their cameras]
  • [The fisherman catches what he assumed a fish. But it turns out he hooked his own boot. Rube drives by the fisherman as the tour goes on. Rube drives the bus past some party goers who are having a beach party. Everyone was dancing with the musical beat and are having quite a blast. Rube drives over a sleeping man who is sunbathing. SpongeBob and Patrick are deeply amazed at what they are seeing. SpongeBob screams loudly.]
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: Nearly naked beach giraffes!
  • [The beach goers continue to dance. SpongeBob and Patrick hover onto Rube in deep fear.]
  • Rube: Don't worry, everyone. The beach giraffes may look crazy, but they're actually peaceful creatures. Let's get a closer look.
  • [Rube drives the bus through the crowd without getting themselves stepped on. SpongeBob and Patrick continuously scream as Rube drives. Rube stops the bus in front of the stage. A man in a "Can-O Beans" costume appears on the stage.]
  • Can: Hey, kids, welcome to Beach Blanket Bean-go! [everyone cheers; opens his lid] And here's your host, Beanie McBeans!
  • Beanie McBeans: [pops out of the can and the crowd cheers wildly] Hey! What do you want?
  • Beach Goers: Beans!
  • Beanie McBeans: When do you want them?
  • Beach Goers: Beans!
  • Beanie McBeans: Ha, ha!
  • Beach Goers: Beans, beans, beans...!
  • Beanie McBeans: [cheers] Beans, beans, good for your heart! They make you strong, they make you smart! When I eat beans, I squeal! I eat beans with every meal! You do, too! You know you do! [everyone cheers] Beans, beans! [throws beans at everyone] Beans, beans, beans! [throws more beans at everyone and dances around]
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: Ooh!
  • Patrick: Oh, he's good.
  • Beanie McBeans: [to his first contestant] All right, you know the rules. First question: How many beans are in a 16 ounce can?
  • Contestant: Uh? Three million?
  • Beanie McBeans: Sorry! Wrong answer! [shoots bean slime from his cannon at his contestant]
  • [The audience gasps.]
  • Contestant: [short silence] Yeah!
  • [The audience cheers. Patrick starts to take a liking to beans and his mouth waters.]
  • Patrick: So many beans! [presses his face against the glass and whimpers]
  • SpongeBob: Uh-oh.
  • [Patrick could not resist and rushes over to the driver's seat.]
  • Rube: [gets pushed aside by Patrick] Whoa!
  • Patrick: Must have beans! [begins to drive wildly like a mad animal]
  • SpongeBob, Rube, and the tourists: Whoa! Uh-oh!
  • Patrick: Beans, beans, beans, beans, beans!
  • Beach Goers: Whoa! [feels Patrick running over their toes]
  • Rube: Stop! [screams]
  • [Patrick drives through the audience, skids over a man's back and flies over to the stage's microphone.]
  • Patrick: [jumps out of the bus] Wrong answer! [falls back in]
  • [Beanie McBeans fires bean slime from his cannon at the bus, which completely fills up with beans. Patrick goggles up all of the beans, but in doing so, drinks all of the water as well. Soon, everyone on the bus is drying up because of Patrick's arrogant actions. After eating the beans, Patrick sits down and is all dried up.]
  • SpongeBob: Patrick! You ate all the water!
  • Patrick: It's not my fault. The water got in the way!
  • Rube: Passengers, do not panic! We can get water right over there. [points to a beach shower and drives off the stage]
  • [Several beach goers are standing in line to clean the sand off. One man does some reflexes while cleaning himself. Then he picks up his beach toys and skips away. Then a woman takes a turn, only to clean the sand off her kickboard. SpongeBob, Patrick, Rube and the other tourists wait patiently in line.]
  • Female Beach Goer: [finishes cleaning the sand off her kickboard] Okay. Perfect! [picks up her towel and leaves]
  • [Then a tall man gets a turn at the beach shower. He cleans himself for a bit and leaves. Then it was SpongeBob, Patrick, Rube and the other tourists' turn. The shower fills the bus with water and everyone can breathe again.]
  • Rube: Ah! And we're back!
  • SpongeBob: Yeesh, I thought this was my birthday, not my deathday! [laughs as Patrick makes a scared look on his face] I'm sorry, Patrick. I was just kidding.
  • [Patrick screams as a big, white, fluffy dog approaches. Everyone on the bus panics upon seeing the dog for the first time.]
  • SpongeBob: Oh! What am I looking at?!
  • Rube: You're looking at an amazing creature that is just as afraid as you are of it.
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: [peeking out from SpongeBob's pants] I doubt it!
  • Rube: I'm telling ya, that is a blue feathered northwestern pie-dragon. So calm down, guys. It only eats pies. [sees the dog drinking the water from the bus] I was wrong! It's gonna eat us! Run!
  • [Everyone panics and Rube drives the bus to get as far away from the dog as he can.]
  • Dog Walker: [gets pulled by the dog] Whoa!
  • [Rube is driving the bus over some high wires in a suburban area.]
  • SpongeBob: Wow! In Surface Land, everywhere you go is full of surprises!
  • Patrick: Yeah, I'm surprised we haven't crashed yet.
  • [Rube drives the bus through the airport as one airplane begins to take off.]
  • SpongeBob, Patrick, and the tourists: Wow!
  • [Rube drives through the conveyer belt at a hardware store.]
  • Rube: Hey, is everybody hungry? Let's stop for a birthday lunch!
  • [Rube drives the bus over to a local fast food restaurant called the Trusty Slab, which is the reenactment version of the Krusty Krab back in Bikini Bottom. The office employees line up and enter the restaurant.]
  • SpongeBob: The Trusty Slab? Sounds familiar.
  • [Rube enters the restaurant through the front door.]
  • Rube: This is a example of typical feeding station for surface folk.
  • [The chef flips a patty and rings the bell.]
  • Rube: Let's watch these hungry beach giraffes as they struggle to communicate.
  • [As they watch, a man, who appears to be a reenactment of Patrick Star, is at the cash register, struggling to decide what to eat. The cashier, who appears to be a reenactment of Squidward, is waiting impatiently.]
  • Patrick (live-action): No, no, wait! Uh, I'll have the, uh...
  • Mr. Manward: Sir, could you please order something? There are a lot of people waiting here. Some of us have lives.
  • Patrick (live-action): Oh, don't rush me! I almost had it! Uh...
  • Patrick: [laughs and spits out the ketchup packet] That guy's so dumb!
  • [Just then, a woman in an astronaut suit, who appears to be a reenactment of Sandy, walks up to the cash register and she's not very happy.]
  • Carol: Where in tarnation is my lunch?! The service here is slower than a three-legged dog in molasses!
  • [The other customers chatter in agreement. Just then, a man, who appears to be a reenactment of Mr. Krabs, hears the commotion and comes out of his office.]
  • Mr. Slabs: [gasps] Me customers! All right, all right, all right! What's the hold up here, Mr. Manward?
  • Mr. Manward: How should I know? Go ask your persnickety fry cook. Between him and this other idiot, we're not gonna make it through the lunch rush alive.
  • Mr. Slabs: Well, I'll just see about that! [takes Patrick's dollar and puts it in the cash register] You'll be having the number three with cheese!
  • Patrick (live-action): Aw, that's what I was gonna order. [Mr. Manward rolls his eyes in annoyance] I'll have the—the number cheese with cheese.
  • Mr. Manward: Don't you have somewhere else to be a nitwit?
  • Patrick (live-action): Not until 4:00.
  • [Mr. Manward facepalms in disgust as Mr. Slabs laughs, thinking it was a joke. He heads into the kitchen where the chef, who appears to be a reenactment of SpongeBob, is busying making food on the grill. Rube drives onto the little window between the kitchen and the cash register to get a closer look.]
  • Mr. Slabs: [comes in the kitchen] JimBob!
  • JimBob: Hi!
  • Mr. Slabs: Got a restaurant full of hungry customers out there! Where are the burgers?
  • JimBob: Ooh, Mr. Slabs, you know that I can't serve a Slabby Patty ♪until it's cooked just right!♪ [gently pinches Mr. Slabs' cheek] ♪Slabby Patty and it's cooked just right, Slabby Patty, day and night, what a nifty tasty sight! Slabby Patty and it's cooked just right—[continues singing]
  • SpongeBob: I love this guy! [laughs]
  • JimBob: [rapidly spins around and around] ♪Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo! Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo!♪
  • Mr. Slabs: Enough of that!
  • JimBob: Sorry, sir.
  • Mr. Slabs: Get those ship-shape burgers shipped out or you'll be doing soft shoe across the street at the Crumb Basket!
  • [The Crumb Basket, which is the reenactment version of the Chum Basket back in Bikini Bottom, appears on the screen for a split second.]
  • JimBob: Yes, Mr. Slabs. It won't happen again, Mr. Slabs. Sorry, Mr. Slabs.
  • Mr. Slabs: [grunts angrily] Hmm, that'll be the day...
  • JimBob: All right, troops, prepare to be deployed! [forms multiple arms with spatulas and makes karate yells]
  • [JimBob resumes his work and prepares the Slabby Patties in a fast speed.]
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: Ooh!
  • [JimBob rapidly flips several Slabby Patties in the air, which makes Patrick's mouth water.]
  • Patrick: Giant patties! [sighs and faints]
  • JimBob: [flips his spatula around and laughs] What fun!
  • SpongeBob: [his pupils form into spatulas] Ooh, I just gotta get a closer look at that glorious spatula! [hops out of the bus and rushes over to JimBob's spatula; he smothers it until JimBob grabs it and flips more Slabby Patties]
  • [JimBob makes three perfect patties. He makes a plate with one Slabby Patty and fries.]
  • JimBob: Oops, forgot the cheese! [grabs SpongeBob and places it on the Slabby Patty]
  • SpongeBob: Oh! Patrick! Patrick, help!
  • [JimBob places the top bun onto SpongeBob and goes to serve it.]
  • Patrick: [wakes up after hearing SpongeBob's cries for help] Huh? [leans against the window and sees JimBob serving the Slabby Patty with SpongeBob on it] Oh! I'm coming, buddy!
  • [Patrick takes a deep breath, climbs out of the bus, takes the Slabby Patty with SpongeBob on it, and jumps back into the bus before Mr. Manward takes the plate. Patrick rips a nearly melted SpongeBob off the Slabby Patty and sets him down.]
  • SpongeBob: [gasps] Never get out of the bus, Patrick. Never get out of the bus!
  • Patrick: Who's hungry?
  • [The tourists cheer happily.]
  • Rube: Amazing! Lunch time, everybody!
  • [SpongeBob, Patrick, Rube and the tourists gobble down the Slabby Patty. Mr. Manward serves the plate to Carol. Just as she was about to eat it, she sees that the sandwich doesn't have any meat in it.]
  • Carol: Where's the meat? Dagnabit! That's it! [gets up and grabs her helmet] I'm taking my business elsewhere!
  • [Suddenly, a masked man, who appears to be a reenactment of Plankton, comes in and points a ray gun in Carol's face.]
  • Mr. Charleston: You're not going anywhere, sister! Sit down! [Carol reluctantly does so] And everybody freeze! This is a robbery! [everyone raises their hands in the air; Mr. Slabs peaks out through the window] Slabs! [Mr. Slabs gasps] Show yourself!
  • Mr. Slabs: [comes out and hovers over the cash register, much to Mr. Manward's annoyance] You can only have me register over me cold lifeless shell!
  • Mr. Charleston: Nobody wants your stupid money.
  • Mr. Slabs: Huh?
  • Mr. Charleston: Hand over the Slabby Patty secret sauce recipe and nobody gets vaporized, see? [laughs as he activates the ray gun; SpongeBob, Patrick, Rube, and the tourists gasp in terror] You all have until the count of three. A-one, a-two...
  • Carol: [gets up from the table and karate chops Mr. Charleston to the floor] Ha! Karate chop! [Mr. Charleston groans] You're welcome!
  • [Mr. Slabs and Mr. Manward look at each other in amusement. Carol angrily storms out of the restaurant as Mr. Slabs laughs at Mr. Charleston's downfall.]
  • Patrick: Ha! She chopped him real good!
  • Mr. Slabs: Fear not, gentle customers. This is not a robber. [Mr. Manward sulks] This is my lame competition across the street, [removes Mr. Charleston's mask] Charleston! [laughs]
  • Mr. Charleston: What gave me away? My voice?
  • Mr. Slabs: No, your knit cap had one eye hole.
  • Mr. Charleston: Ugh! Foiled by a hand crocheted gift! Mark my words, Slabs, maybe not today but, oh, someday, that secret sauce recipe will be mine! [laughs just before Mr. Slabs pulls him back]
  • Mr. Slabs: Nice try, weirdo. [throws Mr. Charleston out into the garbage and heads back in the restaurant to resume business]
  • Mr. Charleston: [groans] Where am I?
  • [With the crisis over, Rube drives the bus and prepares to leave the restaurant.]
  • Rube: Well, feeding time is over. Hang on, everybody!
  • [Rube drives the bus under Patchy's legs, who had just entered the restaurant with Potty.]
  • Patchy: Eh, my Potty needs to use your potty.
  • Mr. Manward: Sorry. No.
  • Patchy: Sorry, Potty, you'll have to hold it. Come on! [walks into the restaurant and Potty follows]
  • Potty: [squawks] Easy for you to say!
  • Rube: [drives over Mr. Charleston's leg by accident] Oh, excuse me, sir. [drives over his other leg] Oh, pardon me!
  • [The scene changes to SpongeBob and Patrick with their stomachs full from the Slabby Patty.]
  • SpongeBob: Ooh, that was delicious. I love surface food! [belches]
  • [Charlie wipes his face with a napkin.]
  • Patrick: You missed a spot. [licks the food off Charlie's face]
  • Charlie: Ugh! Thanks.
  • Rube: Okay, everybody, the next point of interest is coming up in just a few short minutes, so just relax and enjoy the—[SpongeBob hops onto Rube's head]
  • SpongeBob: Stop the bus! [Rube frantically stops the bus, knocking Patrick and the tourists off their seats] Rube, what is that?! [points to a local fish store]
  • Rube: Oh, that's what they call a fish prison. And one thing is for sure, you don't ever want to end up in there.
  • [Just then, a young woman, who appears to be a reenactment of Pearl, comes by and finds the bus. She believes that the bus was just a random fish tank sitting in the street. SpongeBob, Patrick, Rube, and the tourists scream in fear.]
  • Pearl Slabs: Huh? [picks up the bus] Who left this aquarium out here? [carries it into the store as SpongeBob, Patrick, Rube, and the tourists continue screaming; a customer kindly holds the door open for her] Hi, nice to meet you! [chuckles as she enters the store with the bus]
  • [Meanwhile, Old Man Walker continues to sleep on the sidewalk as the sun sets. One side of SpongeBob's house falls down. Inside, all of the party guests are getting exhausted from all the dancing, including Sandy.]
  • Sandy: I feel like I've got three wheels down and my axles are dragging. [Bubble Bass falls on her] Where in tarnation is SpongeBob?
  • [Back on the surface world, SpongeBob, Patrick, Rube, and the tourists are still in the fish store.]
  • SpongeBob: No!
  • [Pearl places the bus on the top shelf of the store.]
  • Pearl Slabs: There! That's better!
  • [SpongeBob, Patrick, Rube and the tourists gasps.]
  • Rube: Okay, no need to panic, everyone. Just a slight delay! Heh. [drives the bus back and forth] Come on. [continues backing up and moving forward]
  • SpongeBob, Patrick, Rube, and the tourists: [seeing various fish swimming in tanks] Ooh!
  • SpongeBob: What kind of monster would want to keep fish folk in jail like this? They're so beautiful.
  • Patrick: Yeah! [sees a beautiful purple fish] Aww. [a heart forms around the purple fish] I want to kiss that one! [kiss the glass]
  • SpongeBob: Uh, [chuckles] I'm just gonna head back to my seat. [heads back to his seat]
  • Rube: [jiggling with the lever] Come on. Come on!
  • Patrick: Having trouble?
  • Rube: Yeah. It's amazing. I can't get this dang thing to budge.
  • Patrick: Uh, hey! I have a great idea! I'll be right back! [runs out of the bus]
  • Rube: Well, while we wait for the great idea, [grabs SpongeBob] let's all sing "Happy Birthday" to our fellow passenger!
  • Rube and the tourists: ♪Happy—♪
  • [Suddenly, the bus begins to move and it was pushed off the shelf by Patrick. The bus crashes down to the floor.]
  • Patrick: [removes to clothes pin from his nose and jumps down to the bus] Ho, ho! [falls on Rube's head and chuckles] I just knew that empty aquarium would break your fall!
  • Rube: That was a great idea, Patrick! Now we can get out of this scary place.
  • SpongeBob: [jumps on the steering wheel] Wait, Rube! We can't leave all these fish behind!
  • Patrick: Yeah! I'm in love!
  • [The purple fish looks down at Patrick.]
  • Rube: I understand how you feel, Birthday Bob, but what can we do about it?
  • [Patrick slides off Rube's head. The scene changes with Rube driving the bus on the sidewalk with all of the fish SpongeBob and Patrick freed from the fish store.]
  • SpongeBob: [rides on a blue clowfish] Ooh! [chuckles] Whee!
  • [Patrick giggles as the purple fish kisses him. SpongeBob swims over Rube while he drives.]
  • Rube: This is the most amazing thing I've ever done! [giggles]
  • [SpongeBob rides over Rube again.]
  • SpongeBob, Patrick, Rube and the tourists: To the beach!
  • [The scene changes to Rube driving the bus back to the beach.]
  • Rube: Okay, everyone, we are about to begin our final descent into Bikini Bottom. So this is your last chance to take snapshots before we submerge.
  • [SpongeBob, Patrick, and the tourists take pictures with their cameras as Rube drives the bus to the ocean. The man and his dog are playing fetch together, only this time, the man is the one who's fetching while the dog does the frisbee throwing. The dog throws the frisbee out. The man looks at his dog, but the dog tells him to go get it. The man chuckles and runs off to get the frisbee.]
  • Dog Walker: [panting while running] Dog! [gets the frisbee from the shore and carries it by the mouth] Yeah!
  • [Rube drives by Beanie McBeans throwing beans at his fans.]
  • Beanie McBeans: Beans! [throws a bucket of bean slime at some beach goers]
  • [The beach goers cheer as the bus drives closer to the shore.]
  • Patrick: I'm so hungry still.
  • SpongeBob: Did you see that?
  • David Hasselholf: [sees the French Narrator's submarine emerging from the ocean] Wow, it's a submarine! That's amazing!
  • Rube: [drives over David Hasselholf's toes] Whoops! Excuse me!
  • Potty: Brawk! I'm outta here! [flies away]
  • David Hasselholf: [turns around and sees Patchy on his bicycle behind him] Hey, you ran over my foot!
  • Patchy: Uh, I don't think so. I—
  • David Hasselholf: [pulls Patchy's hat down his face and picks up his lifeguard floating device] I've had it with the beach! I'm going to live in a volcano, where it's safe. [angrily storms off, limping]
  • [As Patchy struggles to pull his hat back off, SpongeBob looks at the surface world one last time while the bus begins to descend back into the ocean.]
  • SpongeBob: Good-bye, sweet Surface Land. I'll never forget you.
  • [Rube drives the bus onto the French Narrator's submarine and it slowly starts to descend down into the ocean. The fish from the fish store swim out of the bus, including the purple fish Patrick was smitten over.]
  • SpongeBob, Patrick, Rube and the tourists: Good-bye! Bye!
  • Patrick: Good-bye, my love! [kisses the glass]
  • [The purple fish gives Patrick a blow kiss good-bye. Back on the surface, Patchy pulls his head out of his hat as Potty comes flying by.]
  • Patchy: [sarcastically] Thanks for sticking up for me, Potty, ya big coward!
  • Potty: I moved like a cat!
  • Patchy: I hope that beach bozo didn't damage SpongeBob's gift! [pulls out a telescope] Now if I can only find a way to get out to— [sees Bikini Atoll up ahead] Ooh! That island! [puts his telescope away] Then I can drop the present over Bikini Bottom.
  • Potty: Maybe you could take a ride on that? [points to Beanie McBeans' cannon]
  • Patchy: Ooh! [his hat spins wildly as he laughs with joy; he gratefully hugs and kisses Potty, much to his parrot's disgust, and jumps into the cannon] All right, Potty, I'm ready! Fire!
  • Potty: [ignites the cannon] Bombs away!
  • [The cannon fires Patchy and sends him flying across through the air as Potty flies. Patchy and Potty land on Bikini Atoll. But upon landing, their feet are sticking out from the sand.]
  • Potty: Hooray! Yippee!
  • Patchy: We did it! Potty, we did it!
  • [Meanwhile, back in Bikini Bottom, it is nighttime. Rube pulls the bus over in front of a pile of rubble, which used to be SpongeBob's house.]
  • Rube: Well, that's the end of our tour, folks. I hope you all enjoyed yourselves. I sure as heck did!
  • [SpongeBob and Patrick exit the bus.]
  • SpongeBob: You were right, Rube, that was...
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: Amazing!
  • Rube: I'm just sorry we never had time to sing "Happy Birthday" to ya, SpongeBob.
  • SpongeBob: Well, how about now?
  • Rube: You got it, birthday boy! Let's sing "Happy Birthday," everyone! A-one and a-two...
  • Rube and the tourists: ♪Happy birthday—♪
  • [Rube accidentally pushes the lever and the bus drives out of sight.]
  • SpongeBob: Nice try! Maybe next year! My birthday in Surface Land sure was fun. But nothing beats Bikini Bottom! Where nothing bad can ever happen, and there's nothing to ever, ever be scared of.
  • [Just then, a shadow looms over SpongeBob.]
  • Patrick: Look out!
  • [SpongeBob screams in fright and an object falls onto him. The smoke clears and it turns out to be Patchy's birthday gift to SpongeBob. SpongeBob puts his face back on and looks at the present.]
  • SpongeBob: [reads the tag] "From your biggest fan." Hmm? I have a fan?
  • [SpongeBob opens the box and the present revealed to be none other than Patchy the Pirate, but just his head.]
  • Patchy: Ahh, surprise! [chuckles] It's Patchy the Pirate! Happy birthday, SpongeBob!
  • SpongeBob: Oh! [his body forms into an eye before blinking back to normal and shedding tears] Thank you, Patchy! [hugs Patchy]
  • [SpongeBob and Patchy burst into a heartily laughter.]
  • Patchy: Guess I didn't really think this head-in-a-box thing through all the way. I don't really know what to do now. [chuckles]
  • SpongeBob: Well, I still haven't gotten my birthday song.
  • Patchy: Ooh, you'll get it now! [starts singing] ♪Ooh, who's having a birthday under the sea?♪
  • SpongeBob: ♪Me, me, me, me!♪
  • [The song wakes everybody up and they join in the celebration.]
  • Patchy: ♪With presents and cake and caller ID♪
  • SpongeBob's friends, family, and party guests: ♪SpongeBob SquarePants♪
  • Patchy: ♪Would you like to send him a nice birthday wish?♪
  • SpongeBob's friends, family, and party guests: ♪Yes, we would!♪
  • [The scene changes to Bikini Atoll. Patchy's body lies in the sand and it turns out that Patchy switched heads with Potty.]
  • Potty: [squawks] ♪Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish♪
  • [The screen changes into the background used for the SpongeBob SquarePants theme song, only it's birthday themed.]
  • SpongeBob's friends, family, and party guests: ♪SpongeBob SquarePants, SpongeBob SquarePants, SpongeBob SquarePants!♪
  • SpongeBob: ♪Happy birthday to me! SpongeBob SquarePants!♪
  • [Everybody cheers as the song ends.]
  • Patrick: By the way, SpongeBob, how old are you?
  • SpongeBob: Well, as of today, I am—
  • [The screen turns fuzzy just as SpongeBob was about to reveal his current age. SpongeBob plays the last notes of the song. The screen turns black and a message that reads, "Thank you, Steve Hillenburg" is shown, ending the episode.]
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