Sb45 "Spon... Spo... Spo...!"

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This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Shell Games" from season twelve, which aired on March 7, 2020.
  • [The episode starts off with a turtle named Tony, who is sleeping until his alarm clock goes off. Tony then smashes it. He looks around all tired.]
  • Tony: Oh, man. What time is it? I think I overslept. [scratches his underarm] Aah! I was supposed to meet the girls at the beach! [lifts his bed up] I hope they stick around till I get there. Alright, time to crush it. [Tony turns on his record player and it starts playing music. He then goes to his barbell to lift some weights. He tries multiple times, but then he pretends to do pull ups. He then heads to the kitchen to find a can that has bacon, orange juice, eggs, and cereal.] Aah, breakfast in a can. [He opens the can and dumps food in his mouth, then bangs the can against his head. He then starts brushing his teeth. After he finishes brushing, he looks in the mirror with an ugly face, causing the mirror to crack.] Attribute! I can't let the girls see me like this. I gotta get cleaned up. [heads to the door and tries to open it] Aw, come on! What's the deal?! [Tony finally opens it and pops out of his shell, which it's actually Patrick's house.] Ooh, boy. How long was I out? [picks a piece off of Patrick's rock] Ew. Long enough for all this crud to get stuck on my shell. [Patrick's rock to be Tony's shell. It turns out this whole time Patrick's home was a shell in Conch Street. Tony then smells the dirt.] Oh, nasty! [shakes the dirt off and puts glasses] Let's get this show on the road.
  • [Tony starts to hum as he starts leaving Conch Street. Squidward looks out his window and notices Tony leaving. But he thinks that is Patrick's house.]
  • Squidward: Well, there goes the neighborhood. [runs back with a party hat and confetti] For the better! So long, you big pink loser! [laughs]
  • [Patrick starts stretching and yawning while Tony starts walking. He then brushes his teeth, but while he does that, he bumps into a rock which cuts his body, he hits a mailbox, and then his stomach bumps into Old Man Walker. After Patrick finishes brushing his teeth, he crawls on top of Tony's shell and pulls out a walnut.]
  • Patrick: Time for my pre-breakfast snack. Come on out, yummy treat. [pulls out a hammer] Smashy! Smashy! Smashy! Smashy! [Tony shakes Patrick off his shell and continues walking.] Hey! Where are you going, rock? I don't wanna move! I really live next to my best friend Squidward, and that little yellow guy!
  • [Patrick runs to Tony and takes him back to Conch Street.]
  • Tony: What the? Oh, you gotta be kidding me! How did I get back here?! [Patrick puts his walnut back on Tony's shell and brings a jackhammer with him. He uses it to open his walnut. Patrick then throws it away and pulls out a bomb. Tony notices Patrick on his shell.] Huh? Oh, what do you think your doing, you moss parasite? [throws the bomb away] Sheesh.
  • [The bomb accidentally goes into Squidward's house.]
  • Squidward: What the? [The bomb explodes.] Ow...
  • Patrick: Hi, rock. I'm trying to enjoy a snack.
  • Tony: Hey, the name is Tony, not rock. And I think it's time for you to vamoose.
  • Patrick: Huh? What's a vanmoose?
  • [Patrick imagines a moose of a van.]
  • Tony: [chuckles] Your a few pickles short of a jar, ain't ya, kid? I'll make it simple. [knocks on his shell] This is my shell. I live here, you don't, so beat it!
  • Patrick: Oh no! You can't fool me! This is my rock, and I'm not leaving! [pulls out glue and glues himself on Tony's shell]
  • [Tony tries to get Patrick off of him, but gives up.]
  • Tony: Alright, you daba dose. Stay up there if you want. I've got places to be.
  • [Tony leaves Conch Street again, with Patrick on top of him. Transition to the Mel's Man Salon.]
  • Patrick: Where are we going?
  • Tony: Mel's Man Salon. [Patrick gets hit in the head.] Best place in town to get a manly makeover.
  • [Patrick and Tony enters inside the salon. Reg is seen hitting a bag and two men are getting shaved and having a haircut. One fish is getting his nails a makeover until he smashes them. Patrick looks around and sees three guys getting a hair salon. One fish has a big screw through his head.]
  • Mel: Hey! [laughs] Tony, good to see you again! But you're late.
  • Tony: Oh, sorry, Mel. I overslept a little.
  • Mel: A little? Your appointment was thirty years ago.
  • Tony: Thirty years? Ohhh! Hey, I never was a morning person.
  • Mel: Ah, you're telling me, Tony, come on over. I got a chair already for you.
  • [Mel starts shaving Tony's chin. He gives him the mirror and Tony looks at himself.]
  • Tony: Mel, you still give the closest shave in Bikini Bottom. Could you do one thing for me though?
  • Mel: Ah, sure. Anything for you, Tony.
  • Tony: Take a little off the top... [points to his shell with Patrick on it] off my shell!
  • [Mel sprays Patrick, then combs him, and then shaves his head until Patrick's house grows back.]
  • Patrick: [laughs] That tickles!
  • Tony: Well, it was worth a try. [grabs Patrick's head and leaves] Come on, kid, time for our next stop.
  • [Patrick and Tony makes it to the Bikini Bottom Bath House.]
  • Patrick: No, I don't want a bath! I already had one this year! Ew!
  • Tony: Don't get your Bermuda shorts in a bunch, buddy. Just care for a sprits

{{L|[[They go in. Patrick hits his head]}}

  • Patrick: Ow
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