This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Sharks vs. Pods" from season 9, which aired on May 4, 2016.
- [Opening to SpongeBob mopping at the Krusty Krab.]
- SpongeBob: La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
- SpongeBob: Hmm, maybe I could use a little music to make my work even more fun!
- [Puts his hand through his head and pulls out a coin from his pocket]
- SpongeBob: Wah! Ah ha! There you are.
- [Flings coin into jukebox, jukebox turns on and plays Kung Fu Rock. The sharks appear onscreen. Sharkface brushes his teeth. They notice the sign on the door.]
- Lonnie: Hey, boss. It says [reading sign] closed, feel free to slide money under the door.
- Sharkface: Thank you, Prof. Lonnie, here's a flash: I can read!
- Ronnie: Oh man, I really wanted to sink my teeth into something. [gnashes]
- Donnie: [looks through window and points] Hey, there's somebody in there.
- [all look through the window, they see SpongeBob mop]
- Sharkface: Look at that kid go!
- Lonnie: What power! What force!
- Donnie: What's for dinner?
- Sharkface: [covers Donnie's mouth with a clam.] Clam it Donnie, this kid is bad to the bone, we gotta get him to join our crew.
- SpongeBob: I just mopped the floor with you. [slaps mop, laughs and then throws mop in to bucket.]
- SpongeBob: Well, goodnight Krusty Krab. [walks out of Krusty Krab]
- Sharkface: Hey there, killer! My name is Sharkface, don't let the teeth intimidate ya. [shows teeth]
- SpongeBob: Hello Sharkface, my name is SpongeBob SquarePants.
- Sharkface: Well, hey there, SpongePants. You ain't a square as you look [He traces a shape of his square shape as he talks] You are one poppin' peripheral!
- SpongeBob: [Reads a dictionary to understand what poppin' peripheral means] I am? Oh, thank you, Mr. Sharkface. Who are your friends?
- Sharkface: Oh let me introduce you to my fellas here. [points to the other Sharks] Here's my main man, Lonnie!
- Lonnie: [snaps] Hey, yo. [flips out comb, combs hair]
- Sharkface: Keepin' it cooler than a sea cucumber is Ronnie.
- Ronnie: [snaps twice] Hey, hey, yo, [flips out brush, brushes hair]
- Sharkface: And that decked out righteous brother, is the one, the only, Donnie!
- Donnie: [snaps three times] Hey, hey, hey, yo, [flips out hairdryer, dries hair but blows his hair off and replaces his hair]
- SpongeBob: Wow.
- Sharkface: And we are... [all turn around and show their jackets with the Sharks on it]
- The Sharks: The Sharks!
- SpongeBob: Ooh, fancy stitching.
- Sharkface: Well, we've seen you doing your stuff inside there, and I have to say, you got skills Sponge-o.
- Lonnie: [spraying hair] Yeah, skills.
- Sharkface: We could use a fella like you in our crew, ever since we lost, Jonnie!
- Donnie: [snapping] Jonnie, no!
- Ronnie: [also snapping] Jonnie, no!
- Lonnie: [flopping] Jonnie! no! [all three] Jonnie no!
- Sharkface: Shut it.
- [all stop and jump back to the boat.]
- Sharkface: Hey look, we got a hole in our crew and we need somebody to fill it, how would you like to join the Sharks?
- SpongeBob: Do I get a jacket?
- Sharkface: Of course you do. [puts jacket on SpongeBob]
- SpongeBob: Yay! I mean, hey, new friends.
- Sharkface: Alright let's bail on this joint, cruise the neighborhood.
- [both go in Shark Lightning, and leave the Krusty Krab.]
- [red light goes on, they stop, and three girls are playing jump rope.]
- Evelyn: It's the Sharks! Ah! [the two girls holding the jump rope run in circles, running the rope around the other girl and the two run into each other and fall.]
- SpongeBob: [gasps] Are they okay?
- Sharkface: Aw, don't worry about them Bettys, it's a waste of time.
- SpongeBob: Yeah, but what if they're hurt?
- Sharkface: I told you not to worry, but you keep on worrying.
- Lonnie: Pull your chair, Sponge.
- Donnie: Yeah, don't you trust us?
- SpongeBob: Well, I guess so.
- [they drive away]
- Food Vendor: Please, have whatever you want! Take it all! Take it all! [ throws fruit into Shark Lightning]
- SpongeBob: [pops out of fruit] That guy seemed really scared of us.
- Sharkface: That guy's looney.
- Ronnie: Hey, SpongePants, don't be such a maybe baby.
- SpongeBob: Wah! Who's a baby?
- [scene cuts to Howlin Marlin]
- Howlin Marlin Bouncer: Stop right there, y'all ain't allowed in here no more.
- Lonnie: Give us a break old man.
- Sharkface: We practically own the place!
- Howlin Marlin Bouncer: Not after what you did last time, you wrecked the joint! [ pulls out a sign] This is a shark free zone now.
- Donnie: What a bunch of hooie.
- Ronnie: Yeah, what are we gonna do Sharkface?
- Lonnie: The Sharks can't allow this. [all of them] Yeah, yeah.
- SpongeBob: Um, you know maybe we should let it slide, there are plenty of clubs in the sea.
- [zooms out to show there are no other places]
- Sharkface: Slow down, this is our spot. Sponge. Huh? [hears suction cup sounds, zoom into his lips.] The Pods.
- SpongeBob: The whats?
- [one of the Pods is seen putting his suction cups together as if they were snapping, then all Pods pop out of a streetlight]
- Lonnie: It's our rivals.
- The Sharks: The Pods!
- The Pods: Pods.
- The Sharks: Sharks.
- The Pods: Pods.
- The Sharks: Sharks!
- [both teams are walking towards each other with SpongeBob in the middle.]
- The Pods: Pods!
- The Sharks: Sharks!
- [SpongeBob is getting scared and shrivels up into a real sponge, but then the police arrive.]
- SpongeBob: The cops! [sighs in relief]
- Officer John: Hold it there laddies, break this nonsense up right now.
- Nancy O'Malley: Now you Pods clear out of here!
- Pod #1: Hey, we'll see you at the showdown, Sharks... [they put their suction cups together to make it sound like snapping again, but this time, all together.] ...unless you're a bunch of jellies. [laugh and drive their scooters.]
- Sharkface: We're gonna be there! And we're no jellies!
- Officer John: Not so fast there, boy'o. There won't be a showdown. You lads know that's our turf.
- Officer Nancy: Stay off our beat. This is your final warning. [they exit]
- Lonnie: Cops, [throws toothpick on the ground and steps on it] always breathin' down our necks.
- SpongeBob: Well I'm glad that's all cleared up.
- Sharkface: You're right Sponge, we got a showdown to get ready for.
- SpongeBob: Oh uh, didn't you hear, the nice officers said there won't be a showdown.
- Sharkface: Forget the cops, it's the Pods we need to take down, and we can do that because we got you on our side.
- SpongeBob: Uh, me? You know I'm not really the showdown type.
- Donnie: I thought he was one of us!
- Lonnie: Yeah, a Shark.
- SpongeBob: [falls down] I was just caught up in the moment, I just love making new friends.
- Sharkface: Do not shrimp out on us Sponge-o. The showdown is at the playground, tonight! so were gonna see you there, right?
- SpongeBob: Um, [gets off dust on his jacket and says nervously.] oh okay see you guys there. Bye.
- Sharkface: Don't disappoint us, Sponge. [The Sharks drive away in the Shark Lightning.]
- [bubble transitions to SpongeBob's pineapple, and he's packing things up and putting on a mustache.]
- SpongeBob: Showdown? I can't fight in a showdown! I'll have to go into the Witness Protection program, [goes through pictures of The Krusty Krab] I'll have to quit working at The Krusty Krab, I'll never flip a succulent Krabby Patty ever again. Oh what have I done? [notices a note next to Gary's food bowl and picks it up and reads it.] Hey yo Sponge-o, we were in your neck of the woods and decided to pickup your beloved pet Gary, if you wanna see him you better hightail your porous caboose over to the showdown, sincerely Sharkface and the other Sharks, Gary! No! [runs through the wall and out of his house, but runs back and breaks through the door.] I have to save Gary, I have to go to the showdown! I have to get ready to fight! [puts on shades]
- [Gets 100% lard patty oil and dips his head in it, and then has some hair, he uses his hair to hit a punching bag, and then spins around two spatulas and slices almost everything in the room.]
- SpongeBob: I'm ready!
- [bubble transitions to the playground where the Pods are now, then the Sharks arrive, and the Pods are snapping and the Sharks start snapping too, all three Pods turn around except for one.]
- SpongeBob: I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready! Back up Pods, don't make me hurt you!
- [The Pod who didn't turn around turns out to be Squidward.]
- Squidward: SpongeBob, what are you doing here?
- SpongeBob: Squidward?! Oh no, I accidentally joined this bad boy gang and I'm supposed to fight in the showdown so I get to save Gary, and I don't wanna go into the Witness Protection program, but I can't fight cause you're my friend.
- Squidward: What are you talking about, jellyfish for brains? We are a troupe. [goes into a pose along with the other Pods.]
- SpongeBob: A troupe? What do you mean?
- Squidward: A dance troupe, you numb-skull! This is a dance showdown. No one is going to fight.
- SpongeBob: [drops his spatulas and shades.] But what about those girls that screamed and fainted?
- Lonnie: Oh that, that's just our fans, they scream and faint all the time. [points to the back where the fans are.]
- Fans: We love you!
- SpongeBob: What about the fruit vendor? He just gave you his fruit and ran away!
- Donnie: That guy's a health nut, he's always worried we don't eat enough fruits.
- Food Vendor: It keeps you regular! [throws an apple into Donnie's mouth.]
- SpongeBob: But what about the club? The bouncer said you destroyed the place.
- Sharkface: That was a total accident, that's how we lost Jonnie. [shows Jonnie dancing.] Jonnie thought he could do a quadruple pirouette, he lost control and he fell down, [shows Jonnie falling down and scratching up the floor with his teeth.] he scratched up the floor pretty bad, he won't be able to dance in days, maybe even a week!
- Lonnie, Ronnie, & Donnie: Jonnie! Noooooo!
- Squidward: Oh brother.
- SpongeBob: But, you Sharks kidnapped Gary.
- Sharkface: We would never do such a thing.
- Lonnie: Yeah, we were just giving him a ride, Gary's our DJ.
- Gary: Meow.
- SpongeBob: Yay! I'm not a criminal by association.
- Squidward: Will you stop yapping already?
- SpongeBob: You're right Squidward, Gary, lay down some tunes!
- Gary: Meow. [picks up CD and puts it in the player.]
- [It's the Sharks turn to dance first and then after the Pods dance and after both teams dance the Cops arrive.]
- SpongeBob: Oh no! It's the coppers!
- Officer John: We told you to stay off our turf lads!
- SpongeBob: I'm so sorry officer, we were just dancing.
- Nancy O'Malley: You call that dancing, move aside boy'os, this here is our beat.
- [Gary start playing bongos and the officers rip their clothes off and are in grass skirts, and start dancing, but internal affairs arrive.]
- Officer John: [while spinning around torches.] Oh no, it's internal affairs!
- Internal Affairs Agent #1: We're shutting you dirty dancing cops down.
- Internal Affairs Agent #2: It's time to pop it,[puts on hat.] and lock it.
- [Gary plays Hip Hop and Internal Affairs start dancing, and then they end.]
- Sharkface: It's all over, nobody can defeat, Internal Affairs.
- SpongeBob: Ooh, leave it to the sponge. Hey yo. [Kung Fu Rock starts playing and SpongeBob dances with his own style as SpongeBob jumps into a slide and jumps over the Sharks and they start walking forward and snap.]
- Mr. Krabs: And the winner is... SpongeBob SquarePants and the Sharks! [they take the trophy and start cheering.]
- Ronnie: For Jonnie!
- Patrick: We saved the rec center!
- Squidward: What rec center?
- SpongeBob: Now everybody's a winner.
- All of Them: [all of them go into a freeze frame kind of pose with them jumping up and they yell.] Yay!
- Squidward: I didn't win anything.
- [The screen fades into black on Squidward, and then the episode ends.]