"Poor Pirates" is a song written by Sara Bareilles. It appears as the Act II opener of the SpongeBob SquarePants musical. In this song, Patchy, who at the beginning of the show was escorted out of the theater by security guards, returns from his walk through Hell's Kitchen to lament the prejudiced stereotypes against pirates. He is soon joined by other pirates, including a baseball playing Pittsburgh Pirate, before he is once again booted out of the theater by the same security guards.
Lyrics[]
Patchy:Let me begin with a hearty ho-ho
And a tale that nobody tells well
I've not come all the way from En-C-I-N-O
To be treated like sewage that smells
I'm certainly not that surprised
For this story is older than time
Me peglegged piratin' brethren and I
Are society's slug-ridden slime
We've all been cast out as scallywag rogues
With fire in our beards and our eyes
There's a side to us pirates that nobody knows
And it's soft as a baby's backside
Some of us just want adventures
The open-sea wind in our earrings
Why are we constantly misunderstood?
Don't you know pirates have feelings?
Pirates:Poor pirates, P-O-O-ARR
Poor pirates, P-O-O-ARR
Poor pirates
Can't deny this simple truth
Poor pirates, P-O-O-ARR!
Patchy:People too (too, too, too)
Nice harmonies, mateys!
Think of how harrrd we have had it (so hard)
Out on ships there is not much to eat (not much to eat)
And dentists hate pirate insurance! (yo ho no)
Pirates:Which is why we've so many gold teeth
(We've too many gold teeth)
Patchy:Me laundry stays damp and me boots start to stink
And me fingernails filthy and dirty
Me internet loads unbelievably slow
Pirates:And me bedtime's around 7:30
Poor pirates, P-O-O-ARR
Poor pirates, P-O-O-ARR
Poor pirates
Can't deny this simple truth
We're poor pirates, P-O-O-ARR
Poor pirates, P-O-O-ARR
Poor pirates
Patchy:Have it so much worse than you
Pirate 1:We've got pirate parades, to which nobody comes
Pirate 2:Captain Kidd hosts a marathon, but nobody runs
Pirate 3:Long John Silver invented the bloomin' onion!
Pirate 4:But you think he gets credit for that? (NO!)
Pirate 5:Captain Bob Hook--no one knows his first name!
Pirate 6:And old Greenbeard's been driven completely insane
