This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Plankton Paranoia" from season 11, which aired on September 26, 2018.
- [The episode begins at the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs is marching around like a military drill sergeant while wearing a solider helmet.]
- Mr. Krabs: Now we all know what this day is.
- SpongeBob: Today is the day when Plankton tries to steal the Krabby Patty formula, sir! [continuously whacks Squidward with the mop while talking]
- Squidward: [angrily] Like he does every day. [takes the mop from the scared SpongeBob who realizes his error]
- Mr. Krabs: But this time, he's not going to catch me with me spatula down! [laughs] Ooh? [flips his spatula right side-up] SpongeBob, you're on guard duty, boy!
- SpongeBob: Yes, sir, Mr. Krabs! [hops in the mop wringer bucket and heads to the front door]
- Squidward: And I'll go undercover. [grabs a pillow and a blanket and goes to sleep as usual]
- [Mr. Krabs glares down at Squidward before hearing SpongeBob.]
- SpongeBob: Hup, two, three, four! Hup, two, three, four! ♪Krabby Patties are the best! They'll put hair on your chest!♪
- [A female customer looks into her dress and hair pops out.]
- Female customer: [gasps] Oh!
- French Narrator: Three hours later...
- [SpongeBob is very tired from patrolling the front door.]
- SpongeBob: [weakly] ♪Krabby Patties are the best... They'll put hairs...into your nest♪ [flops down to the floor]
- [Squidward wakes up from his "undercover" and gets whacked with the mop.]
- Squidward: Ow.
- Mr. Krabs: [picks SpongeBob up] Any sign of Plankton?
- SpongeBob: Uh, afraid not, Mr. Krabs.
- Squidward: Maybe he's on vacation.
- Mr. Krabs: Don't be silly! We always take our trips together, [his eyestalk enlarges at Squidward] to keep an eye on each other. What's taking that crook so long? [looks at his watch] Hm... Maybe the door is stuck. [oils the hinges on the door and sees a line of customers coming] Ah, for—these customers are blocking the way! [flips the road and sends the customers hurling into passing garbage truck; sighs] There we go. Nice, open path. [his path is nice and sparkly] Hm? Mm... Hey! Well, maybe he just needs a little incentive. [cuts to the Krusty Krab displaying the secret formula on a pillow; the sign blinkers the words "Secret Formula" with arrows pointing at it] There we go. [peaks over the cash register and looks at his watch; he slowly begins to worry] Maybe he doesn't want me formula anymore. [gasps as he sees the formula missing] He took the bait! We're going to red alert! [pushes the alarm button and the alarm goes off; the lights in the restaurant blink red and blue; then it covers itself with a protective shield and spins into the ground. Mr. Krabs peaks out of the ground through the telescope] Batten down the hatches! Furl the deck! Stop that greedy green goober!
- [The customers moan and groan from all the spinning. SpongeBob runs around with a pile of bricks. He trips over Nat Peterson and sends the bricks flying to the window. Squidward dodges the bricks.]
- Squidward: [sighs in relief but gets hit in the face with the brick] Ow.
- [SpongeBob bends the kitchen door down, wraps it up and stuffs it in his head.]
- Patrick: Doggone it! [shakes the bottle with the secret formula] Can I get some ketchup over here? Please?
- Mr. Krabs: [slides down the rail while SpongeBob walks the dazed Squidward.]False alarm.
- [The restaurant comes back out of the ground. The customers recover from the spinning and quickly run out due to motion sickness.]
- Whistle: [blowing] Closing time!
- [SpongeBob and Squidward remove their hats and prepare to go home. Mr. Krabs jumps in front of them, blocks the door and grabs his employees.]
- Mr. Krabs: And just where do you think you two are going?
- Squidward: [pulls himself free] It's customary to go home at closing time.
- SpongeBob: Aren't you going home, Mr. Krabs?
- Mr. Krabs: [puts SpongeBob down and laughs] Oh, I'm not budging. Plankton is gonna try something. I don't know when. I don't know where.
- Squidward: Probably...here.
- Mr. Krabs: Well, yeah. But when he does, I'll be waiting for him. [cackles and rubs his claws in a greedy motion]
- [SpongeBob and Squidward exit the front door and quietly leave. Mr. Krabs turns off the light.]
- Mr. Krabs: I'll be waiting right here.
- French Narrator: The next morning...
- SpongeBob: [enters the restaurant] Morning! Hm? [takes his hat while Squidward takes his] I guess Mr. Krabs went home after all.
- Mr. Krabs: No, I'm still here... [reveals himself to be camouflaged to the floor] Waiting for that blasted Plankton!
- [SpongeBob and Squidward become startled with Mr. Krabs. Mr. Krabs gets up. His eyestalks shrink to look like chameleon eyes and rolls away. The scene changes to Squidward trying to take a customer's order.]
- Customer: Yeah, I'll take—
- Mr. Krabs: [opens the customer's mouth] Me patty formula?! Huh? I knew it! You in there, Plankton?! [shakes the bones out of the customer's body]
- SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, that's not Plankton!
- [The customer's whole skeleton falls out of the body. Mr. Krabs drops the customer's body.]
- Customer: [gets up and grabs his body, now angry] I will never set foot in this establishment again! [whacks Mr. Krabs with his skeleton foot for his actions] From now on, I'm using the drive-thru! [leaves]
- [Mr. Krabs gasps and sees Mrs. Puff walking out with a Krabby Patty. He fishes Mrs. Puff with the fishing hook.]
- Mr. Krabs: Aha! Trying to sneak a Krabby Patty to Plankton, eh? [takes the patty from Mrs. Puff]
- Mrs. Puff: But, Eugene, it's just a to-go order.
- Mr. Krabs: [mocking gibberish] Well, from now on, all patties are to be eaten on the premises! [sets Mrs. Puff down]
- Squidward: What are you gonna do now, ban pockets?
- Mr. Krabs: Capital idea, Mr. Squidward.
- [Mr. Krabs uses a reef blower to steal money from a customer's pockets. It even sucked up his clothes. Mr. Krabs puts a barrel onto the customer's body.]
- Mr. Krabs: There'll be a $50-a-barrel surcharge from now on! [sucks in more clothes and money with the reef blower and gives them more barrels; Old Man Walker is about to leave, but Mr. Krabs stops him] Whoa, hey, slow down there, Grandpa. Let me see here. [scans him with the scanner, removes his hat and reveals a stack of patties on his hat] Aha! Another one of Plankton's spies!
- Old Man Walker: [nervously] I just wanted some for later.
- Mr. Krabs: [violently stamps him with a "BANNED" stamper] You're banned! [kicks him out and sees a baby sucking on a Krabby Patty] Hm... So Plankton's recruiting baby burglars now! [removes the patty from the baby's mouth and the baby cries] Put a cork in it! [stuffs the baby's mouth with a cork and shoves both the baby and the mother in a barrel that says, "BANNED"] You're banned! [continues to violently stamp the customers with the "BANNED" stamper] You! You're banned! You're banned! Banned! [one customer's head gets a nasty bump from the stamper] Banned! [Tom's teeth say the word, "BANNED"; Mr. Krabs lifts his restaurant and bashes the customers away; he speaks through the Krusty Krab sign] You're all banned! [barricades the door while breathing heavily]
- SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, I don't think Plankton's coming.
- Mr. Krabs: Nonsense! [hears a knock at the door and gasps] See? It's that stinker Plankton now! What do you want?
- Sandy: [off-screen] Uh...A Krabby Patty?
- Mr. Krabs: [Suspicious]Why?
- Sandy: [off-screen] I'm hungry.
- SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, that's just Sandy.
- Mr. Krabs: [peeks through the hole and sees Sandy waving innocently] I'm not falling for it. [sticks his eyestalk through the hole and looks at Sandy] That's the worst squirrel suit I've ever seen. [shakes a spray can and sprays the word "BANNED" on Sandy's suit; gibbers as he begins to lose his sanity]
- SpongeBob: [feeling a bit creeped out by Mr. Krabs' behavior; whispers to Squidward] Do you think Mr. Krabs is acting...strange?
- [Mr. Krabs climbs up the ceiling, snaps his claws, and his mouth foams while he gibbers.]
- Squidward: He seems fine to me.
- SpongeBob: [whispers] Maybe we should postpone our plans for tonight.
- Mr. Krabs: Plans?! Aha! You're both working for Plankton! Get out of me restaurant you tricky treacherous traitors! [violently stamps them with the "BANNED" stamper and sends them flying out of the restaurant]
- [The scene changes to the Krusty Krab chained and barricade. Mr. Krabs is hiding underneath the register boat while protecting the Krabby Patty formula. It appears that Mr. Krabs has completely lost his mind and is completely losing full sanity of himself.]
- Mr. Krabs: I know you're in here, Plankton. Where are you hiding?
- Plankton: [off-screen] I'm right here... [Mr. Krabs jumps out and sees the television on] at the Chum Bucket! Come on down and try our new Chum Nuggets.
- Mr. Krabs: Heh. [turns off the television] Whew. [sees Plankton's shadow and gasps; he hides behind a pole; he looks and sees that is was only a cup with two straws] Oh. [chuckles] Just a—just a cup.
- [Mr. Krabs hallucinates when he sees the cup transform into Plankton. Plankton laughs evilly and Mr. Krabs becomes scared. Everywhere he looks, he sees everything transform into various images of Plankton, laughing at Mr. Krabs. Mr. Krabs runs to escape, but no matter how he attempts to escape, all of the images of Plankton keep following him while laughing. Mr. Krabs crawls into a hole, which turns into Plankton's eyeball and reveals a red demonic version of Plankton holding the secret formula while laughing. Back in reality, Mr. Krabs is completely losing himself and screams. He runs to the bathroom and goes to wash his face at the sink.]
- Mr. Krabs: [washes his face] Get ahold of yourself. Get ahold of yourself. [turns off the faucet and sighs] I'm starting to see things. [laughs]
- [Mr. Krabs hallucinates as he is seeing his eyestalks transform into Plankton.He screams and gibbers. He runs up the pole with the formula and pops out from the ceiling. Just then, he notices something going on at the Chum Bucket.]
- Mr. Krabs: Huh? [pulls out a telescope and sees SpongeBob and Squidward entering the Chum Bucket] Those two are working for Plankton! [gasps as he sees Sandy, Mrs. Puff, Patrick, and Pearl enter the Chum Bucket]
- Pearl: [bumps into the door] Ow.
- Mr. Krabs: Me own daughter? [sheds a tear and sees Old Man Jenkins enter the Chum Bucket too] Oh, not Old Man Jenkins! [cries violently and goes back into the restaurant] Everyone really is out to get you. Aren't they, my little formula?
- [Suddenly, the doorbell rings. Mr. Krabs goes up to the door and peaks through the hole. He sees SpongeBob standing out there.]
- SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs? You have got to come with me to...[reads a note] the Chum Bucket for Plankton has kidnapped Squidward.
- Mr. Krabs: Oh, so that's Plankton's evil plan? He wants me formula as ransom! What do we do? What? What's that? [leans in the bottle closely as if it was talking to him] Oh, that's just brilliant! Hold on a minute. I'll go get the ransom. [goes into the kitchen] Oh, you want a Krabby Patty, do you? Well, I'll give you a Krabby Patty. [laughs maniacally as he stuffs a variety of dangerous objects into the patties and cooks them on the grill; he makes a whole plateful of Krabby Patties; he goes to grab them, but they spark; Mr. Krabs checks them to see if they'll ignite, but nothing happens; he grabs the plate and laughs evilly; he kicks open the door] Okay, let's go rescue Squidward. [laughs]
- [SpongeBob lifts the door up and appears to be flat. SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs walk over to the Chum Bucket. They enter the restaurant and see Squidward tied up to a chair and gagged. Plankton appears on Squidward's head.]
- Plankton: [giggles evilly] Surprised, Krabs?
- Mr. Krabs: Not at all, Sheldon. I knew you were up to something.
- Plankton: Oh, yeah? How about now? [pulls out a remote and pushes the button]
- [The lights turn on and all of Mr. Krabs' friends and family jump out.]
- Everyone: Surprise!
- [Mr. Krabs screams in surprise. He then becomes confused.]
- Plankton: Oh, come, Krabs. It's the anniversary of the first time I tried to steal your Krabby Patty formula!
- SpongeBob: [places a cake on top of Plankton] So, we threw you a surprise party.
- Mr. Krabs: [teary-eyed] You mean you weren't working for Plankton?!
- SpongeBob: Of course not, Mr. Krabs.
- Mr. Krabs: [sheds a tear] Oh, I shouldn't have suspected you, SpongeBob! Whew. Won't need these anymore. [laughs]
- [Mr. Krabs sets the plateful of Krabby Patties down and hugs SpongeBob. All of his friends and family members forgive Mr. Krabs for his actions.]
- Patrick: Oh, boy, Krabby Patties! [grabs the plate]
- Sandy: Yee-haw!
- [Mr. Krabs sees them go to eat the tainted patties and screams. He knows what's gonna happen if they take a bite out of them. So, he rushes over to protect them all. Mrs. Puff goes to eat the patty.]
- Mr. Krabs: No! Don't eat the patties! [snatches the patty from Mrs. Puff] Gotcha. [two jellyfish come out from the patty and sting his eyestalks]
- [Mr. Krabs grabs the patty from Patrick who bites his hand. A foothold trap clamps down on his eyestalks. He screams in pain. He grabs the patty from Sandy, Squidward, and Old Man Jenkins.]
- Mr. Krabs: Whew. [his destructive patties ignite and squirt tartar sauce on him] Ah, tartar sauce!
- [The patties spin Mr. Krabs around and launch him into the air. The patties explode into a fireworks display, showing images of Mr. Krabs himself in pain. Everyone gazes at the spectacular fireworks display as if Mr. Krabs is putting on a show for them. Mr. Krabs comes back down and crashes onto the floor, completely burned.]
- Mr. Krabs: [dizzy] Yay. [crumbles to ashes]
- [It appears that Mr. Krabs got what he deserved for being a paranoid jerk, banning everyone from the restaurant, causing physical harm, and for letting his insane behavior put his own business in jeopardy. The scene changes to the aftermath of the anniversary party. Everyone exits the Chum Bucket and wave good-bye. But Squidward, on the other hand, is still tied to the chair as he hops along.]
- Squidward: A little help here!
- [SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs leave the Chum Bucket. Mr. Krabs is now wrapped in bandages and is wearing a cast on his right arm.]
- SpongeBob: Did you enjoy the surprise party, Mr. Krabs?
- Mr. Krabs: Eh, I'll tell you in a second. [turns SpongeBob around to see the Chum Bucket]
- [Meanwhile, inside, Plankton chews through the cake and pops out the top.]
- Plankton: [spits some cake out] Huh? [sees the formula] Ooh, that fool Krabs left the Krabby Patty formula behind! [knocks over the bottle, opens it and pulls the paper out; he sees a stick of dynamite flaring up in the bottle] Mommy.
- [The dynamite explodes and destroys the Chum Bucket.]
- SpongeBob: Ooh.
- Mr. Krabs: Yes, boy-o. I enjoyed it very much. [laughs as the debris of the Chum Bucket fall from above]