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This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Plankton's Pet" from season nine, which aired on January 19, 2013.
  • [Episode starts at the Krusty Krab.]
  • SpongeBob: Order up! [holds a Krabby Patty]
  • Squidward: [takes the Krabby Patty to customer] Here. [drops Krabby Patty with plate on table]
  • Baby/Plankton: [pops up from bottom of the table] Goo!
  • Harold: [looks up from reading newspaper and sees baby across the table] Hey, there.
  • Baby/Plankton: [makes spitting noise with tongue] Num, num! [takes Krabby Patty]
  • Harold: Aw, does baby want a Krabby Patty, hmm?
  • Fish #2: Awww.
  • SpongeBob: [holding onto Squidward] Baby's first Krabby Patty. [sniffles]
  • [Baby walks out the door, holding the Krabby Patty. Security camera looks at baby. Alarms go off and Mr. Krabs is alerted in his office. Mr. Krabs looks through periscope in his office.]
  • Mr. Krabs: [sees Plankton controlling the baby from the inside] That diabolical fiend!
  • Plankton: [from inside the baby suit] I can't believe this is working! It's like taking candy from a baby — with a baby.
  • Mr. Krabs: [from his office door] Stop right there, you thievin' infant!
  • [Baby stops and turns head around. It makes mechanical squeaks, looks at Mr. Krabs and rotates its head back and continues towards the door. Mr. Krabs dives for the baby while screaming and body slams it. The baby then drops the Krabby Patty.]
  • SpongeBob: Yi-eeh! That's harsh.
  • Mr. Krabs: So you thought you could pull a fast one, eh? [holds baby up by the diaper] Now, come out of there, you little pest! [spanks the baby while grunting]
  • Fish #3: [gasps] What's he doing? You leave that poor baby alone! [points at Mr. Krabs and the baby]
  • Mr. Krabs: Okay. I guess we're gonna have to do this the hard way. [holds up his claw]
  • SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, no! Don't do it! [holds up his hand to stop Mr. Krabs]
  • [Mr. Krabs grunts and rips the baby in half. The head lands on the ground.]
  • Harold: [covers his mouth] Ooh! Oh... [faints]
  • Fish #3: Oh! [faints]
  • Mr. Krabs: Oh, calm down! It's just Plankton. [squeezes the baby's body and Plankton pops out] See?
  • Plankton: Uh... goo-goo?
  • Fish #1: How dare you! You toyed with our emotions! [pointing at Plankton and pokes him in the eye]
  • Plankton: Ow.
  • Mr. Krabs: Face it, Plankton. You're never gonna win. I'll always be one step... ahead. [holds up the baby head and puts it back on the body and chuckles, then takes the baby outside with Plankton in it.] Now, why don't you go back to where you came from, you little brat? [kicks the baby out]
  • [3 fish who were standing outside gasp.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Uh-oh.
  • Three Fish: You monster! How dare you! [yell at Mr. Krabs and beat him up with an umbrella, a purse, and a walker]
  • [Baby lands at the Chum Bucket and start to cry.]
  • Karen: Aww, diddums failed to get a Krabby Patty again? [picks up the baby and brings it inside]
  • Plankton: [still in the baby costume] Stop patronizing me! Why does every single plan fall apart? It's just a stupid sandwich! I tell you, it's wearing me down!
  • Karen: You need to stop obsessing over it. [lays baby down and changes his diaper] Relax. Get a hobby or something. [tosses dirty diaper with Plankton in it in the diaper bin]
  • Plankton: I hate to admit it, computer wife, but you're probably right. I need something to take my mind off that blasted secret formula for a while. [walks out of garbage bin from a door at the bottom of the can; walks over to window facing the Krusty Krab] But what?
  • Karen: I know. How about taking care of an inferior life-form?
  • Plankton: You mean a pet? That's a great idea! But how will I find a pet that fits my dynamic personality?
  • SpongeBob: [looking through the window] Plankton! [Plankton screams] I have the perfect solution to your problem.
  • Plankton: SpongeBob? How could you possibly help me?
  • SpongeBob: You should try the local animal shelter. That's where I found my Gary.
  • Plankton: Oh, yeah? Perhaps you're on to something there.
  • [Scene then cuts to the animal shelter.]
  • SpongeBob: Here it is. The Bikini Bottom Animal Shelter. [pets barking] Your perfect pet awaits. Now, if you just listen to your heart, you'll be able to pick out the right pet as soon as you see it. [barking continues]
  • Plankton: Hmm. Too big. [walks by worms and snails] Too sloppy.
  • Patrick: Duh... [sits in cage]
  • Plankton: [walks by Patrick] Too stupid.
  • Patrick: Hi, SpongeBob.
  • SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick. [stops] Oh! Oh! What about this one? [looks at a sentient rock with algae growing on top]
  • Plankton: Are you kidding me? Algae on a rock? I want a pet, not a plant. It's no use. [pet snarls] There's nothing for me here. [pet's tongue grabs Plankton and he screams]
  • SpongeBob: Oh, no! Plankton!
  • Plankton: You know, I can't say I'm surprised.
  • [Barking noises are heard coming from another animal, which turns out to be an amoeba. The amoeba growls and chomps the pet holding Plankton. The pet that was holding Plankton screams and lets go.]
  • Plankton: [while amoeba continues to bark] Hey there, little guy. [pet barks and jumps into Plankton's arms] Looks like we have a winner!
  • SpongeBob: Oh, so cute! Whatcha gonna call him? He looks like a "Spot" to me.
  • [Pet chomps SpongeBob's finger and growls.]
  • Plankton: That name provokes a violent reaction. Spot it is!
  • [Spot licks Plankton, then barks and pants. Scene cuts to the Chum Bucket.]
  • Plankton: Well, Spot, I'm your new owner, so shower me with love and affection. [Spot just sits quietly] Karen, it's not giving me unconditional love. I think it's defective.
  • Karen: You're gonna have to train him to do that.
  • Plankton: I train him? [sighs] I'll give it a shot. All right, Spot. Let's start with something easy. Stay. [picks up Spot and sits him down] Good boy. Now sit. [squishing noise of Spot sitting] Very good! Now roll over. [Spot barks] Excellent! Now shake. [Spot shakes his body, shaking the whole building] Wow! That's one mean shake you got there. I think we should burn off some of that extra energy. Would you like to go walkies? [holds up leash; Spot releases bubbles] I'll assume that's a yes. [put collar and leash on Spot] March! [Spot barks and begins walking as Plankton whistles; moments pass and Plankton starts getting tired and pants] Phew. We must've walked for miles. [notices he's only made it to the mailbox] I guess our legs are too short for walkies. How about a nice round of fetch? [brings back tennis ball and grunts] Fetch! [tennis ball lands on top of Spot and squishes him; Plankton screams] Oh no. What have I done? I'm a terrible pet owner! Terrible! Karen! We're gonna need another Spot! [Spot squishes himself back together and pops up from the ground, barking] Nice rebound, Spot! You know, I get squished a lot too. [sniffles and Spot licks him] I hope nobody saw that emotional outburst.
  • [Group of 3 fish standing near Plankton.]
  • Three Fish: Aww!
  • Plankton: Shoo!
  • [The three fish walk away. Scene then cuts back to the Chum Bucket, indoors.]
  • Plankton: Okay, Spot. Today, you'll learn how to be an attack pet to guard the Chum Bucket from intruders. Now, Spot, pretend I'm a burglar. [Plankton is seen wearing an animal costume] Attack! [Spot whimpers] You're not getting this? Come at me! Uh-oh... losing balance! [loses balance and falls over] A little help? [Spot jumps on Plankton and licks him] On second thought, what do I need a guard dog for? I can't even give chum away. What I really need is a retriever. [Plankton now showing Spot a picture of a Krabby Patty] This is your target. I want you to retrieve the Krabby Patty. Now, security is tight, so I've devised a pl-- [Spot walks away. Plankton flips to next page of plan with a picture of the Krusty Krab on it] Wait! Where are you going? You're not ready!
  • [Spot is seen sniffing around, then he opens the Chum Bucket door and leaves. He pops through Krusty Krab's front door, still sniffing around. He walks by Squidward at the cash register. SpongeBob walks out of the kitchen humming cheerfully. Spot goes into the kitchen.]
  • Fish #1: I'd like a large... [sees moving Krabby Patty on the ground] What was that?
  • Squidward: Didn't see it, don't care.
  • [Back at the Chum Bucket, Plankton is seen snoring and drooling. Spot drops Krabby Patty in front of Plankton and barks at him.]
  • Plankton: Holy plot twist! It's a Krabby Patty! It's... a miracle! [heavenly choir singing] Karen, look at what Spot brought home!
  • Karen: That's wonderful! Spot deserves a reward.
  • Plankton: He can have anything he wants, up to half my kingdom – uh, laboratory.
  • Karen: I think he wants your Krabby Patty.
  • [Spot pants and chomps the entire Krabby Patty.]
  • Plankton: [screaming] No! No! You've been a very bad amoeba! Bad amoeba! I'm afraid you'll have to be punished! You need a time out. I'm just gonna tie you up out here until you learn to behave! [ties Spot to mailbox] Shouldn't take more than five minutes. [Spot whimpers] Aww... no, no, I must be strong! [Spot whimpers as Plankton goes back into the Chum Bucket] I can't do it! [opens the door] Spot, I'm sorry! I — [sees the collar on the ground] Spot! He's gone! [crying] Where is he? Spot! Come back! [sobbing] Spot! Come back! Spot! Come back! I've got to find him!
  • [Group of 3 fish is back.]
  • Three Fish: Awww!
  • Plankton: Don't any of you have jobs? [searches for Spot] Spot! Spot! Where are you, Spot? [sobs at the Krusty Krab dumpster]
  • SpongeBob: [walks out of the Krusty Krab, holding a garbage bag] Why, Plankton, what's wrong? [dumps trash]
  • Plankton: I lost Spot.
  • SpongeBob: That's terrible! Gary lost me once. [shivers] I was cold, alone, starving. It was the worst eight minutes of my life. Come on, Plankton, let's find your pet. [picks up Plankton and tucks him under his arm]
  • [Plankton is now looking out from being tucked in SpongeBob's pants while they look for Spot in downtown Bikini Bottom.]
  • SpongeBob: Lost pet! Anyone seen this lost pet? [holds up sign that reads "Have you seen this amoeba?" with a green speck on it] Lost pet emergency! Be on the lookout for a lost pet! Pardon me, sir. [stops man in suit] Have you seen this amoeba?
  • Fish #2: You mean that little speck?
  • SpongeBob: No. That little speck. [points to another speck on the sign]
  • Fish #2: Is this him? [holds up shoe]
  • Plankton: No, that's a piece of gum.
  • Fish #2: Gum? [pulls gum off] I've been looking everywhere for this! [puts it in mouth and chews it] If I was lookin' for a lost pet, I'd try the animal shelter.
  • Plankton: Of course!
  • SpongeBob and Plankton: The shelter!
  • [Both SpongeBob and Plankton head to the animal shelter.]
  • SpongeBob: I think it's closed for the night. [opens the door and it clanks] Ooh, it's dark in here. I'll find a light switch. Aha! [flips a switch and metal clanks are heard] Nope, that's not it. [flips another switch] Aha! Found the lights.
  • Plankton: Uh, SpongeBob? What was the first switch for?
  • SpongeBob: I don't know. I think it unlocks the pens?
  • Plankton: I thought so. Because now the animals are loose! [animals growl]  SpongeBob?
  • SpongeBob: Run for it?
  • Plankton: Yep.
  • [SpongeBob picks up Plankton and runs away. Animals growl and chase them.]
  • SpongeBob: I think we lost 'em.
  • Plankton: SpongeBob, before we're torn to shreds, I'd like to thank you for helping me look for Spot.
  • SpongeBob: Aw, it was nothing. Hey, speaking of Spot. Did you always have a double pupil?
  • Plankton: A double what? [pulls a speck off of his eye] Spot! [dramatic music plays] Thank entropy you're safe! You were hiding on my optical cornea the whole time! You sneaky little amoeba, you. [Spot barks and licks Plankton; Plankton laughs]
  • SpongeBob: Aw, I'm glad you found Spot. [animals growl] Unfortunately, the animals found us too.
  • Plankton: Good-bye, Spot. I guess this is the end of the road for us. [Spot growls, barks, and jumps out of Plankton's arms] Spot, no!
  • [Spot barks at the other animals, who laugh at him. Spot snarls and grows to a much larger size and he growls loudly at the other animals. They all run away back into their cages and the cages close. Spot growls and shrinks back to his original size, then he jumps back into Plankton's arms.]
  • SpongeBob: Wow, Spot! You saved us!
  • Plankton: I taught him everything he knows! [Spot barks and licks Plankton]
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