This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Pet the Rock" from season 14, which aired on February 14, 2024.
- [The episode opens with a closeup of a direction sign to a pet park, then the camera pans down to SpongeBob walking Gary with Patrick.]
- SpongeBob: [holding a frisbee] I'm glad you can come to the pet park [tosses the frisbee to Patrick, to which he catches with his mouth] today, Patrick.
- Patrick: [speaking with the frisbee in his mouth until SpongeBob takes it out] Well thanks for inviting me! I can't wait to see Gary's new tricks!
- [Gary meows, then opens his mouth to reveal a stack of cards, to which he plays around with briefly before putting it back in.]
- SpongeBob: There's nothing more fun than bringing your pet to a pet park!
- Patrick: [coming to a sudden halt] SpongeBob! [his head forms into a lightbulb, then shatters. His head regenerates, and he babbles goofily] I got one of those head things!
- SpongeBob: A concussion?
- Patrick: Yeah. But also the other thing.
- SpongeBob: Oh, a thought!
- Patrick: Yeah! I think I'd like to have my own pet to bring to the pet park!
- SpongeBob: That's a great idea! We can stop [the camera pans out to them next to a pet store] at the pet store on the way!
- [The scene cuts to the two walking inside with various pets around them.]
- SpongeBob: Mm, do any of these pets pique you fancy?
- Patrick: No. [looks at a tank with jellyfish] Uh-uh. [looks at a cage with sea bunnies] Nope. [notices something off-screen] Oh! [dashes onto a cage with a Puffy Fluff swimming around and sits on a rock] That one! [removes his face off the glass, then bounces in place] I want that one, that's the pet for me! [chuckles goofily]
- [The shop owner arrives with a net, as if to fish the Puffy Fluff out of the tank. Bubble transition to SpongeBob walking Gary to the pet park. He shows Gary to a guard.]
- Guard: [removes sunglasses] Huh. Alright, go on through.
- [SpongeBob and Gary walk into the park, then Patrick walks to the entrance.]
- Guard: [stops Patrick with his hand while in a goofy position] Hold it right there! I'm gonna need to see some proof of pet.
- Patrick: Of course! [holds up his "pet," which is just a rock]
- Guard: [takes off his sunglasses] That's a rock.
- Patrick: Yeah! His name is Rolly!
- Guard: I don't see how this thing is a pet?
- Patrick: [tosses Rolly onto the guard's face] Oh, here! Take a closer look!
- [Rolly rolls off the guards face, and the guard falls down.]
- Guard: Oh, yes, [gives thumbs-up] he's adorable! Go right in! [face falls flat]
- Patrick: Thanks. [chuckles] Come on, Rolly! [clicks tongue and releases Rolly to the ground, which lands on the guard's back of his head, and as he [Patrick] walks into the park, Rolly leaves a trail behind.]
- [The scene cuts to various fish with their pets, Sandy riding her Alaskan Bull Worm, and Nosferatu with a couple of bat jellyfish flying around his head with Slappy present. An audience of three fish watch Gary's performance and applaud.]
- Incidental 54: Yep, that's my card!
- Patrick: [walks to an empty spot and lays down with Rolly on his belly, then tosses Rolly twice and spins with the rock] Rolly, Rolly, Rolly! [Rolly falls into his face, then he picks it up and chucks it as he laughs.]
- [The scene cuts to a rock collector walking with tools]
- Percival Rockhound: Oh, geode hunting is a [hits a rock with a hammer and chisel] cracking good time! [chuckles as the rock cracks open with jewels inside it] The perfect crystal quartz lattice! An exquisite specimen for my collection. [slams a suitcase into the ground and opens it with tons of jewels inside. He places the newly cracked rock on top of the jewels and attempts to close the suitcase, but it doesn't close. After a few attempts of trying to close it shut, he hears something]
- Patrick: [off-screen; chuckles] Rolly, you're the best rock ever!
- Percival Rockhound: What the [pulls out binoculars] devil? [in his POV, he sees Patrick bounding Rolly around with his butt] By Jove! [the rock gets tossed into the sky] Such majesty! [eyes turn into a circled jeweled geode] It must have quite the geode inside! [laughs]
- [The scene cuts back to Patrick playing with Rolly, until Percival Rockhound appears.]
- Percival Rockhound: Tally ho, good [offers Patrick a handshake] chap!
- Patrick: [turns around and swings his rock, almost hitting Percival] Hello!
- Percival Rockhound: [grabs Patrick's hand with two of his and shakes it] Percival Rockhound. Amateur geode enthusiast.
- Patrick: You talk funny! [chuckles goofily, and holds his rock up] Huh? [puts his rock on his face] What's that, Rolly? Uh huh. [drops Rolly] Rolly says he wants to play with you! [swings the leash in circles] Here you go! [throws the leash at Percival while still holding the end part, causing Percival to get tangled by the leash] Have fun, [drags the leash which is still tangled around Percival] you two!
- [The scene cuts to Gary exerting cards from his hat, to which his audience applauds to.]
- SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick! Where's Rolly?
- Patrick: Oh, and he's playing with the funny mustache man over there!
- [The camera pans to Percival tangled with Rolly in his mouth, then he spits the rock out just for it to land on his belly.]
- Patrick: Aw, so cute! But that's enough play, Rolly! [yanks the leash, which causes Percival to spin around as he gets untangled] Yah! Ooh.
- [Rolly hits many pet owners as Patrick spins the leash around the park, and eventually he loses grip and Rolly dashes off-screen and explodes.]
- Patrick: Woah, Rolly! You wanna play with [the camera pans out to the pet owners injured all around the park] everyone today!
- [An on-fire plane falls to the ground behind the park and explodes. Rolly falls from the sky and lands in front of Patrick.]
- Patrick: Done already? [picks up Rolly] Oh, who's a good boy?
- SpongeBob: [chuckles nervously] Uh, Patrick, maybe we should leave.
- Patrick: Good idea, SpongeBob. Everyone here is sleeping anyway. Come on, Rolly! [he and SpongeBob walk off-screen]
- Percival Rockhound: [emerges from the ground] I will tear that rock asunder. [chuckles evilly]
- [Bubble transition to Patrick's house.]
- Patrick: What a fun day. [cut to the inside of Patrick's rock] Now it's time to do my favorite thing! [leaps to his sand couch] Nothing! [molds sand into a bowl of popcorn and chuckles, then eats some of it and turns on the television.]
- Announcer: [while the theme song is playing] It's the Sir Urchin and Snail Fail show!
- [Patrick laughs while jumping, and his velocity causes Rolly to bounce off the couch. The rock touches the lamp which causes it to tip over with Rolly on it, cause the rock to break various items and decorations. Patrick eventually notices the destruction of his house and calls SpongeBob on a sand phone. The scene cuts to Gary pulling out tied handkerchiefs out of one of SpongeBob's side pores with his teeth. The phone rings and SpongeBob answers it.]
- SpongeBob: SquarePants residence.
- Patrick: [his split-screen corner slides on-screen] Oh, SpongeBob, I don't think Rolly likes TV. He tore up the place.
- SpongeBob: Have you been feeding him? Pets get cranky if they don't get their food!
- Patrick: Oh yeah! [chuckles] Thanks, buddy!
- SpongeBob: Of course. [his split-screen corner slides off-screen]
- Patrick: Rolly! [slides a bowl next to Rolly] SpongeBob said you need lots of food! [the camera pans out and he now has a bag of cement] Good thing I had this big bag of cement mix on hand! [rips it open and pours all of the mix onto the bowl; reads an instruction on the back] Just add water. Hm. [pulls out a glass cup from his head and swishes it, then pours the water onto the mix, and walks away] Bone apple teeth, Rolly! [the scene cuts to a sand table, and Patrick falls onto a seat with a bib and a fork and knife] Now it's time for my lunch! [pours cement mix onto his plate and delves his mouth into the mix] I like it dry! Huh?
- [Rolly appears next to Patrick much bigger.]
- Patrick: Woah! Rolly, you got big! [punches a hole in the wall and grabs a telephone from it] SpongeBob?
- [The scene cuts to SpongeBob's house with Gary still pulling handkerchiefs from SpongeBob's pores]
- SpongeBob: Yes?
- Patrick: [from the phone] I fed Rolly, and he got big! [SpongeBob blinks twice] Is he dying?
- SpongeBob: No, you silly! He probably needs a walk to go potty! But make sure he wears his leash!
- Patrick: Okay! [the scene cuts to Patrick's house] Time for a walk, Rolly! [jumps off of his rock] The world is your toilet!
- [The rock closes and Percival Rockhound hops on the weather vane and pulls out his binoculars.]
- Percival Rockhound: My word, how rotund his rock has grown. I must pilfer that plump pebble.
- [Bubble transition to Patrick dragging Rolly across a sidewalk, injuring Old Man Walker and another incidental's foot. Percival Rockhound pops up from a trash can ready to steal Rolly, but the rock hits the trash can and lands on him, which also picking up trash. Patrick smells Rolly's trash scent as a horse whinny is heard.]
- Patrick: Oh! What stinks?! [the camera pans out to reveal a trash-covered Rolly] Oh, it's you, Rolly! [a foghorn is heard as more fumes from Rolly are released] Hmm. [pokes his forehead] What am I supposed to do? [grabs a banana that was on Rolly and presses on it like it's a phone. It briefly rings and the caller picks up] Hi, SpongeBob!
- [The scene cuts to SpongeBob on a covered object with a white mat on it.]
- SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick! [Gary bites on the mat and pulls it away, revealing nothing under it]
- Gary: Ma-meow!
- [The scene cuts back to Patrick, and he takes a whiff at Rolly]
- Patrick: Rolly smells like garbage water. Is he mad at me?
- SpongeBob: Da-ha, of course not! [Gary passes a fire hoop through SpongeBob twice] You can take him to a pet groomer to freshen him up!
- Patrick: [with the banana in between his head; he takes it out] Oh! [looks to his left] "Conveniently Placed Rock Groomer." Oh there's one right here! Thanks, SpongeBob! [presses the banana and eats it]
- [Patrick enters the shop with Rolly but the latter's size causes it to not enter the shop. Patrick pulls the leash with all his might and Rolly breaks through. He takes a seat in the waiting room.]
- Percival Rockhound: [off-screen] Good day, sir! [walks from a room with two tied-up employees] I'm the rock groomer! May I take that [climbs on Patrick] ample, [grabs hold of the rock] glorious, collectable rock from you? [Patrick yanks him away from the rock] Woah!
- Patrick: Rolly needs a [drops Percival Rockhound] bath! [pushes Rolly with all his might until the rock rolls over Percival and rolls over to the grooming room and onto the table]
- Percival Rockhound: At last, the glimmering contents of your sturdy aspects shall be [pulls out hammer and chisel] mine! [tries to chisel the rock but it rolls a bit to the right then starts rolling over. Percival tries to run away, and the scene cuts to the outside where crash and destruction can be heard]
- [The scene cuts back to Patrick at the waiting room reading a book, and Rolly rolls over to him.]
- Patrick: Oh! Finished already? Wow! Rolly, you're beautiful! I gotta tell [pulls a lamp from his pants] SpongeBob! [pulls the lamp lever and the phone dial can be heard; puts the lamp beside his ear and phone numbers can be heard being pressed]
- [The scene cuts to Gary performing the "cutting in half" magic trick on SpongeBob.]
- SpongeBob: [with the shellphone] Hi again!
- [Gary starts slicing the box SpongeBob is in.]
- Patrick: SpongeBob! [the scene cuts back to him] Rolly looks prettier than a...[takes a peek at Rolly] a really pretty thing! You gotta see him!
- SpongeBob: Well, you should bring him down to the Bikini Bottom Pet Show! Gary and I are here now!
- [Gary successfully saws through the box and the camera pans out to an audience cheering.]
- Patrick: Gre-ha-ha-at! I'll see you there. [throws the lamp away]
- [A glass being shattered is heard, and the camera pans to Percival Rockhound brutally injured.]
- Patrick: Lady, you need a bath.
- [Percival falls down. Bubble transition to the Oyster Stadium, where the pet show is being held. Various pet owners are shown next to Patrick, and Sandy is shown in the background riding her Alaskan Bull Worm.]
- Sandy: Yeee-haw!
- Mayor: Contestant 24?
- Patrick: Huh? [looks around, then realizes] Oh! [pushes Rolly, then jumps on it belly-first and chuckles as Rolly rolls to a stand. He then claps and barks like a dolphin and falls over eventually] His name is Rolly! Isn't he pretty?
- Mayor: What does it do?
- Patrick: I'll show you! [lifts Rolly but he loses his strength and the rock bounces off of him off-screen, to which Patrick follows]
- [The scene cuts to Patrick lifting Rolly over a hurdle, then cuts to Patrick holding out a birthday care with a lit candle. He blows the fire next to a ring, which catches on fire, then throws Rolly at the ring, but the ring falls over and the fire tracks to a bush plant. The scene cuts to Patrick putting Rolly down a slide, but after rolling down the slide, the rock rolls over some participants and their pets.]
- SpongeBob: Whoo! Go, Patrick, go! Whoo! [Rolly runs him and Gary over, the former gets up] Whoo! Go, Patrick, go!
- [The scene cuts to Rolly rolling over Incidental 69, two worms, and Incidental 82, then rolls in a circle and back to the stand.]
- Patrick: Ta-da!
- Incidental 16: [somewhat nervous] Well, it seems like every other contestant has been... eliminated!
- Third judge: I suppose you win... [Incidental 16 puts a first-place ribbon on Rolly] by default.
- Patrick: We.... [a close-up of the ribbon is shown, then the camera pans to him holding Rolly with a firework background] did it! Rolly, you're the best rock- [gets hit by a suitcase]
- [Percival Rockhound runs to the stand to hold Rolly.]
- Percival Rockhound: Ever! [as he cackles, he hops over Patrick and takes his suitcase] Finally! Your crystalline cache is all mine! [jumps and hits Rolly with his suitcase]
- [As Rolly cracks open, light is seen inside the cracks.]
- Patrick: Rolly! Oh no!
- [The camera pans out and as the rock cracks open, the light bursts out of it.]
- Percival Rockhound: Ooh! [dashes to the cracked open rock and takes a peek inside of it]
- [Suddenly, a giant dinosaur comes out of the rock, revealing that he was an egg the whole time.]
- Percival Rockhound: Oh, go-good show, old chap...
- [The dinosaur chomps Percival, swings his head around and opens his mouth.]
- Percival Rockhound: Oh, fiddlesticks! [gets eaten by Rolly]
- Patrick: Rolly! I love your new look! [Rolly bends down, and he hugs Rolly's nose]
- SpongeBob: [comes out of a hole with Gary; tears up] Aw! So, Rolly was an egg all along! [Gary meows]
- [Rolly eats and swallows Patrick.]
- Incidental 16: Wow! Now, that's what I call a pet! [throws a first-place ribbon up to Rolly's nose]
- [Rolly roars as the Bikini Bottom Pet Show banner falls until he belches, and the camera pans to Rolly's stomach.]
- Patrick: [from inside Rolly's stomach] Yay!