This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "My Pretty Seahorse" from season 3, which aired on July 12, 2002.
- French Narrator: Ah, springtime in Bikini Bottom. All sea creatures have an innate sense of the seasonal changes... [Patrick jumps out of his rock with a purple sweater on] ...like the starfish. A quick survey of his environment [scratches his back] and he knows that...
- Patrick: It's spring!
- French Narrator: The starfish then sheds his winter coat [Patrick takes his sweater off] and stores it away safe for winter. [Patrick buries the sweater in the sand]
- SpongeBob: [walks outside and smells the air] I'd better call the doctor, 'cause I've got spring fever! Good morning, little flowers. [sniffs them into his nose] Hello, Squidward, isn't it a lovely day?
- Squidward: Huh?
- SpongeBob: Did you say hello to the flowers yet?
- Squidward: [scoffs] Good morning, flowers. [flowers hiss at him like snakes. Squidward screams and runs inside]
- SpongeBob: Gosh, I didn't know Squidward had hay fever. I'll do him the kindness and plant him some hypoallergenic flowers. [SpongeBob digs a hole and puts the flower in it] You're on your way. I bet you're thirsty. [turns around and grabs his watering can. When he turns back around, the flower is half eaten. He plants a new flower. When he turns around and grabs the watering can, he sees the flower eaten again] Huh? [plants a new one] I'm not taking my eyes off you. [eyes stretch out staring at the flower]
- French Narrator: Three days later...
- [SpongeBob is still staring, but his eyes have shriveled up. He uses the watering can to rehydrate his eyes.]
- Patrick: [running by] Hey SpongeBob.
- SpongeBob: [turns around] Hi Patrick. [when SpongeBob turns back around, the flower is eaten again] How does this keep happening? [notices a seahorse eating the flower next to him] Hi. [horse neighs then gallops onto a rock] She's beautiful! Wow! [imagines riding the seahorse with a head full of wavy hair] What a magnificent seahorse. I shall tame her. Who knows what we can accomplish? [scene cuts to seahorse eating some flowers and SpongeBob looking at her from a distance writing in a book] Because of her mysterious behavior, I have decided to name her Mystery. Hmm, now that I think of it, she is very graceful and majestic... perhaps I should name her Grace, or Majesty... or Debbie. [seahorse neighs] She must have spotted my floral bookmark! [using a flower bookmark in his book. Mystery gallops over slowly] She's coming this way. That's it, girl... don't be afraid... I'm just a talking sponge, is all... [Mystery sniffs the bookmark and then eats it. Scene cuts to SpongeBob riding with Mystery, blowing a bubble heart, posting for Mystery, making stamp books, and walking out of a store laughing with hats. Scene cuts to nighttime in SpongeBob's bed where SpongeBob is sleeping on the floor and Mystery is in SpongeBob's bed] Gosh, Mystery, that was the greatest day of my life. Do you think we'll be friends forever? [Mystery is asleep] I'll take that as a yes!
- [It is now morning on the 3rd day as Squidward rides his bike. SpongeBob and Mystery gallop by him]
- Squidward: What the...?
- SpongeBob: Hey, Squidward! Still riding to work on the machine, I see.
- Squidward: Don't say anything, Squidward, remember your karma.
- [Suddenly, his bike's front wheel falls off and he gets thrown off, tumbles down a cliff, then explodes. He groans.]
- [SpongeBob arrives at the Krusty Krab and ties Mystery to a bike rack]
- SpongeBob: Whoa girl. Now you wait out here until I'm done with work. See you at the end of my shift.
- [SpongeBob walks into the Krusty Krab as Scooter and Wobbles walk by]
- Scooter: Hey, look! Mr. Krabs put in a kiddy ride.
- Wobbles: Why doncha try it out?
- [Scooter gets out a quarter]
- Scooter: I can't find the coin slot. Here it is! [Scooter finds the "coin slot," but Mystery bucks Scooter into the background and he explodes]
- Wobbles: [runs off; screams; still in Southern drawl] Help, kiddy ride on the loose!
- Mr. Krabs: [walks out] What's with all the ruckus? [gasps and points at Mystery as she stands innocently idle] A monster scaring away me customers!
- SpongeBob: That's not a monster, Mr. Krabs, it's a horse. She's my friend. Her name is Mystery.
- Mr. Krabs: You're a mystery, SpongeBob.
- SpongeBob: [laughs]
- Mr. Krabs: Get rid of it.
- SpongeBob: [stops laughing] Huh? Please Mr. Krabs, let her stay! She won't hurt nobody nohow!
- Mr. Krabs: It's either you or Mystery.
- SpongeBob: I knew I should've named her Debbie. [scene cuts to SpongeBob, sadly grilling up some patties in the kitchen]
- Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, thanks for finally getting rid of that horse!
- SpongeBob: [in a sad voice] You're welcome, Mr. Krabs.
- Mr. Krabs: Now, if we could just get rid of Squidward. [laughs then walks out]
- SpongeBob: Good one, sir. [takes his pair of sad eyes contacts off] Hah! It worked, girl. [opens the cabinet with Mystery inside it] I'll just keep you here until Patrick finishes that stable I asked him to build. [scene cuts to Patrick sitting down with a board on his forehead, doing absolutely nothing] Only eight more hours. [closes cupboards]
- French Narrator: Twelve seconds later...
- [Mystery peeks out of the cupboard]
- SpongeBob: No Mystery, you can't come out yet. If old man Krabs sees you, I'll lose my job. [gives her a tray with a patty on it] Wait a sec. I bet you're hungry. How 'bout some lunch? [Mystery eats the patty and neighs] Shhh! Girl, you got to be quiet or...
- Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! [SpongeBob closes the cabinet quickly as Mr. Krabs comes bursting in] What was that? Is that horse in here?!
- SpongeBob: No, Mr. Krabs. I was just doing my imitation of Mystery. Weesnaw.
- Mr. Krabs: Well, keep working on it! That was terrible! [walks out]
- SpongeBob: That was close. [gets a tray with three patties] From now on, no more hijinks. Order up! [puts the tray on the window. Mystery eats it. Squidward walks up to the window]
- Squidward: Huh? SpongeBob, where's my order?
- SpongeBob: Did you look under the tray?
- Squidward: Oh no, I didn't. Sorry. [looks under the tray then sighs] SpongeBob, could you just get my order?
- SpongeBob: They vanished. [starts trembling] Squidward, do you think the Krusty Krab is haunted? What if they come for me next? [bites his fingernails in fear] I gotta get out of here! [runs to the door but Squidward intervenes]
- Squidward: SpongeBob, there's no ghosts!
- SpongeBob: Oh.
- Squidward: [While Squidward talks, Mystery approaches a customer's Krabby Patty] In case you've forgotten, here's how things work. I order the food, [SpongeBob notices Mystery] you cook the food, then the customer gets the food. [SpongeBob's eyes move to the side of his face. Squidward is still talking] We do that for 40 years and then we die. Sounds like a pretty good deal to me, what do you say? [Mystery eats a Krabby Patty and she burps]
- SpongeBob: Yeah yeah yeah, I hear you Squidward. I'll be right back. [grabs Mystery and shoves her under a cupboard]
- Squidward: What's that?
- SpongeBob: Don't tell Mr. Krabs, I got it all under control! [closes the cupboard] Now then, you were saying?
- Squidward: Just get my order. [walks out]
- SpongeBob: You got it, Squidward. [chuckles] Ghosts. [Mystery eats SpongeBob's Krusty Krab work hat] Mystery, you ate my hat. [Mystery belches out a chewed spatula as SpongeBob gasps] Mystery, you ate my spatula. [approaches empty Krabby Patty boxes] You ate all the Krabby Patties! [approaches the half-eaten stove] You ate the stove! [approaches an empty wheelchair] You ate Old Man Jenkins!
- Old Man Jenkins: [from inside Mystery's belly] I don't want to be a burden.
- Squidward: [customers yelling for complaints] Folks, we have a minor situation going on in the kitchen.
- Thaddeus: Where's our food?
- Fred: I'm so hungry!
- Tina: This is my only lunch hour!
- Tom: Where's Old Man Jenkins?
- Squidward: Take it easy, the food's no good here, anyway.
- Mr. Krabs: Squidward, what's goin' on in here?
- Squidward: Why don't you go ask CowBob RanchPants and his faithful companion Sir Eats-A-Lot?
- Mr. Krabs: [runs into the kitchen] SpongeBob! What's the meaning of all these nicknames?! [his eyes bulge in shock] David H. Jones! [SpongeBob is by Mystery's side, who has eaten too much]
- SpongeBob: Mystery got a bellyache from eating Krabby Patties, so I made her a bi-carbonate of soda.
- [Mystery belches out Old Man Jenkins]
- Old Man Jenkins: What did I miss?
- [Mr. Krabs eyes stand stiff, his eyes looking similar to sewing pins. After a blank stare, he takes out his eyes, blows on them, rubs them, and puts them back on]
- Mr. Krabs: So, my eyes are correct! You still have that horse even after I ordered you to get rid of it! Well now, I'm going to get rid of it once and for all!
- SpongeBob: No, Mr. Krabs, please don't make me give up Mystery! I know you think she's just a horse, but she's more than that, I tell you. She listens to me. She understands everything I say and I understand her! She's my best friend.
- [Mystery licks SpongeBob's cheek. Squidward sobs because of a bowl of onions near him]
- Squidward: Hey who left this bowl of onions here?!
- Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, your story has touched me heart. Believe it or not, I know what it's like to give up a best friend.
- SpongeBob: [sniffles] You do?
- Mr. Krabs: I was 5 years old and me father gave me a dollar. I loved that dollar. Loved it like a brother. Me and that dollar went everywhere together.
- SpongeBob: What happened to the dollar, Mr. Krabs?
- Mr. Krabs: [sniffles] And one day at the beach, it was so hot and I was so thirsty! I spent it on a soda! [sobbing] My best friend! [crying]
- [Squidward sobs some more because of the onions again]
- Squidward: What? Would you get out of here?
- Mr. Krabs: The point is, son, sometimes, you have to set things free even though it's hard. [points to Mystery] Look at her. She misses the great outdoors, the wide-open spaces, the rolling green pastures. The kitchen is no place for a live horse. [two customers spit out their patties]
- SpongeBob: Alright, Mr. Krabs, I understand.
- Nat Peterson: [sobbing because of the bowl of onions Squidward is holding under his nose] Hey!
- SpongeBob: Okay, girl, you're free to go. [takes Mystery outside and takes Mystery's leash off] I can't keep you anymore. [cries] I know it's hard for you to understand, but Mr. Krabs is right, you belong in the wild. [Mystery gallops away] Well, what are you waiting for?! Can't you see I don't want you anymore?! [now begins crying harder by a huge shot, as Patrick walks up with the board on his head] Just get out of here you stupid, dumb animal! [resumes crying intensely, Patrick walks away as Mr. Krabs walks up to SpongeBob.] Well, she's gone, and I'll never see her again.
- Mr. Krabs: It's okay, son. You did the proper thing. She's free now and we have no right to separate that wild animal from its natural habitat.
- Squidward: Hey, Mr. Krabs! Looks like old Mystery had an after-dinner salad! [vault of money opens to show dollar bills that have been eaten and a bunch of money is missing]
- Mr. Krabs: [yells] Get that horse! [he and SpongeBob run after Mystery]
- SpongeBob: Mystery! Yoo-hoo!
- Mr. Krabs: Mystery! Come back!
- SpongeBob: Mystery! Uh, weesnaw!
- Both: Mystery, come back here!
- [The scene cuts to Patrick, who still has the board attached to his head, trying to enter a hat shop, but the board keeps bumping on the sides of the entrance repeatedly as the screen fades to black, ending the episode.]