This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy II" from season 1, which aired on March 3, 2001.
- [The exterior of SpongeBob's pineapple is shown.]
- French Narrator: Ah, [The scene pan-fades into the house.] Saturday morning in Bikini Bottom. [The living room is shown. SpongeBob is next to his chair at the table that normally holds the shellphone. He is sitting on a stool. On the table, there is a box of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy Bran Flakes and a Mermaid Man Bowl.] SpongeBob is watching his favorite Saturday morning show: [The scene pans into SpongeBob.] The Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. [It cuts to a medium shot of the cereal and bowl.] Enjoying a bowl of Mermaid Man [SpongeBob grabs the box and pours in the cereal. The breakfast biters fall out.] and Barnacle Boy Bran Cereal, [SpongeBob tosses the box away and grabs the breakfast biters.] and wearing the official Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy breakfast biters.
- TV Announcer: Mermaid Man... [SpongeBob smiles.] fleet [The TV is shown. Mermaid Man is hooked down.] and forceful! [The scene quickly pans into the TV, showing what is on it.] By the power of Neptune. Aided by his young ward... [nothing happens] Aided by his young ward... [Barnacle Boy comes dolling down with a rope attached to him and crashes] ...protecting the sea with feats of strength and agility. [both try to flex their muscles, but break their backs. They both look at each other.]
- Mermaid Man: To the chiropractor! Away!
- [A live action glove of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy come together and transition to the next scene, which features a spotlight of cardboard cutouts of the Sinister Slug, Atomic Flounder, and Jumbo Shrimp.]
- TV Announcer: Fighting a rogues gallery of villains [Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy jump into the scene. It then cuts to a close-up of the Sinister Slug cutout.] Like the Sinister Slug, [Barnacle Boy hits it and Pow-bubble with "PROP!" appears. It cuts to a medium shot of the Atomic Flounder cutout.] the Atomic Flounder... [Mermaid Man kicks it and a Pow-bubble with "CARDBOARD!" appears. It cuts to a wide shot of the cut out of the Jumbo Shrimp.] and the dreaded Jumbo Shrimp! [Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy punch it. A Pow-bubble with "LAME" appears. It cuts to a medium shot of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy with their rings.] Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy [It cuts to a close-up of the hands joining.] unite! [when the rings unite, sparks appear and then is starts to smoke up. The "Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy" title card appears. Johnny Elaine then appears on a watery background.]
- Johnny Elaine: Hey, kids, are you ready to hear the winner of this week's contest?
- [The scene cuts to SpongeBob. He grabs his TV.]
- SpongeBob: [While shaking his TV.] I'm ready! I'm ready!
- [The scene cuts to show a close up of the TV, which has a close up of Johnny Elaine.]
- Johnny Elaine: Our winner will receive a special secret collector's [Red question marks appear and fade next to Johnny Elaine's head.] item from The Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy! [a small card comes down] And the winner is... [It cuts to SpongeBob, who chatters his teeth. It then cuts back to Johnny Elaine, who is now wearing glasses.] SpringBoob SquirePin.
- [The scene cuts back to SpongeBob, who now has Gary next to him.]
- SpongeBob: Aw. I worked forever on those life-size Krabby Patty mannequins of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy.
- [The scene cuts back to back to the TV, where Johnny Elaine is in front of the Krabby Patty mannequins.]
- Johnny Elaine: ...for these life-size Krabby Patty mannequins of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy.
- [The scene cuts back to SpongeBob and Gary.]
- SpongeBob: Hey! SpringBoob SquirePin stole my idea!
- [The scene cuts back to the TV, where Johnny Elaine is in front of the watery background again.]
- Johnny Elaine: [a phone drops and the fish on the other line talks quickly and indistinguishably.] What's that? Oh. It appears I've made a slight error in pronunciation. [It cuts to his full-body.] The real name of the winner is... [It cuts to SpongeBob and Gary.] SpongeBob SquarePants!
- [The scene cuts to the exterior of the pineapple.]
- SpongeBob: [While the house jumps around] Whahoo! [It cuts to SpongeBob.] Oh, I wonder when my [The scene pans out to show the Newsie Fish, holding a package.] prize will... [SpongeBob notices the fish.] get here... [SpongeBob takes the package.] My prize! [SpongeBob starts to cry and the Newsie fish holds out a tissue box. SpongeBob grabs the tissue and the Newsie fish runs away. SpongeBob kneels down and sets down the box. It tears open the box. He gasps.] Can it be? It is. [The scene changes angles to show the back of SpongeBob, from a distance.] The conch signal. [He turns around and holds up the conch signal.] From The Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. [He turns back around and then holds up conch signal again.] As seen on TV. [The scene cuts to a mid-shot of SpongeBob holding the conch signal close to himself.] I wonder if it still works.
- [SpongeBob runs to window and blows into it. The scene cuts to the exterior of Shady Shoals as the conch signal continues. It then cuts to Mermaid Man, who is sleeping and Barnacle Boy, sitting on their couch, inside. Mermaid Man wakes up.]
- Mermaid Man: The conch signal! [He and Barnacle Boy jump up.] To the Invisible Boatmobile!
- [Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy then jump back into their seats. The couch turns around and the run, reveals an underground passage way. The couch's back bends backwards, sending them down a slide.]
- Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy: [While they are sliding.] Ah! Ooh! Oh! Oh! Ah! Ah! Ooh!
- [The two then start falling downwards, upright because the slide corrected their position, into the Mermalair. Their butts start to catch fire. The two stop in mid-air, which puts out the fire.]
- Barnacle Boy: Uh, Mermaid Man?
- Mermaid Man: Yes, Barnacle Boy?
- Barnacle Boy: We're not in the Invisible Boatmobile, are we?
- Mermaid Man: Uh, Nope.
- [The two fall onto the ground and stand up. They walk around, holding out their hands to look for the Invisible Boatmobile.]
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- Mermaid Man: Boatmobile! Come out, come out, wherever you are.
- Barnacle Boy: It's gotta be here somewhere? [He hits the back of boat] Ow! Oh, Mermaid Man, [While the keys are heard] I think I...
- Mermaid Man: [Off-screen] Found it! [He turns on the boat and the back end burns Barnacle Boy.] C'mon, get a move on, son. [As Barnacle Boy walks to the front of the boat.] We don't have all day.
- [Barnacle Boy sits down.]
- Barnacle Boy: Ignition... [As he pushes a button] on.
- Mermaid Man: Throttle... [As he pulls a lever up] on.
- [The Invisible Boatmobile goes through a corridor. The exterior of Shady Shoals is shown. The ramp leading to the front goes up, and the Invisible Boatmoble flies out of it. It then goes around a corner. The scene cuts back to SpongeBob]
- SpongeBob: Hmm. [He goes back inside to Gary.] Maybe the conch signal doesn't work anymore.
- [Gary meows. An entire roaring, then a tire screeching, then a cat screeching are heard outside.]
- Mermaid Man: [Off-screen] Activate torpedo mode! Fire! [His head crashes through the wall, next to SpongeBob's door.] Mermaid Man...
- [Barnacle Boy's head crashes through the door, causing the wheel on the interior to fall off.]
- Barnacle Boy: ...and Bob-acle...
- [The door falls on the ground with Barnacle Boy's head still in it.]
- SpongeBob: I can't believe it, Gary. Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy in our home.
- [SpongeBob runs to the door and Gary meows. Mermaid Man dusts off Barnacle Boy.]
- SpongeBob: Excuse me, I'm...
- Mermaid Man: [points at SpongeBob] Oh, my Neptune! He's been horribly disfigured! Oh, blast us! We're too late!
- Barnacle Boy: Oh, please. He's not disfigured. He's-he's just that sponge kid again.
- Mermaid Man: Oh, yeah. Good to see you, lad. Say, Barnacle Boy, we gotta find out where that conch signal came from.
- SpongeBob: Oh, that was me. I blew the conch signal, sir.
- Mermaid Man: Alright. Where's the danger, son? Bring it on. Bring it on!
- SpongeBob: Don't worry. There's no danger.
- Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy: No danger?
- Barnacle Boy: Look, there has to be danger. You blew the conch signal. When you blow the... where'd you get that thing anyway?
- SpongeBob: I won it in a contest.
- Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy: [Off-screen] Contest?
- Mermaid Man: They don't tell us anything anymore.
- Barnacle Boy: Look, Spongy, that ain't no toy.
- Mermaid Man: That's right. The conch signal is an awesome responsibility. We're duty-bound to help whenever it sounds.
- Barnacle Boy: But you only blow it when there's trouble, or there'll be trouble. You got that?
- SpongeBob: Yes, sirs!
- Mermaid Man: Good boy.
- [Mermaid Man pats SpongeBob on the head. He and Barnacle Boy leave. Mermaid Man turns back and he and SpongeBob point at each other and make a clicking noise.]
{{L|Barnacle Boy|Come on, come on, [Mermaid Man turns around.] come on. They're serving meatloaf today. }[Mermaid Man walks out the door.]}