Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy II/transcript

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• [The exterior of SpongeBob's pineapple is shown.]
• French Narrator: Ah, [The scene pan-fades into the house.] Saturday morning in Bikini Bottom. [The living room is shown. SpongeBob is next to his chair at the table that normally holds the shellphone. He is sitting on a stool. On the table, there is a box of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy Bran Flakes and a Mermaid Man Bowl.] SpongeBob is watching his favorite Saturday morning show: [The scene pans into SpongeBob.] The Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. [It cuts to a medium shot of the cereal and bowl.] Enjoying a bowl of Mermaid Man [SpongeBob grabs the box and pours in the cereal. The breakfast biters fall out.] and Barnacle Boy Bran Cereal, [SpongeBob tosses the box away and grabs the breakfast biters.] and wearing the official Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy breakfast biters.
• TV Announcer: Mermaid Man... [SpongeBob smiles.] fleet [The TV is shown. Mermaid Man is hooked down.] and forceful! [The scene quickly pans into the TV, showing what is on it.] By the power of Neptune. Aided by his young ward... [nothing happens] Aided by his young ward... [Barnacle Boy comes dolling down with a rope attached to him and crashes] ...protecting the sea with feats of strength and agility. [both try to flex their muscles, but break their backs. They both look at each other.]
• Mermaid Man: To the chiropractor! Away!
• [A live action glove of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy come together and transition to the next scene, which features a spotlight of cardboard cutouts of the Sinister Slug, Atomic Flounder, and Jumbo Shrimp.]
• TV Announcer: Fighting a rogues gallery of villains [Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy jump into the scene. It then cuts to a close-up of the Sinister Slug cutout.] Like the Sinister Slug, [Barnacle Boy hits it and Pow-bubble with "PROP!" appears. It cuts to a medium shot of the Atomic Flounder cutout.] the Atomic Flounder... [Mermaid Man kicks it and a Pow-bubble with "CARDBOARD!" appears. It cuts to a wide shot of the cut out of the Jumbo Shrimp.] and the dreaded Jumbo Shrimp! [Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy punch it. A Pow-bubble with "LAME" appears. It cuts to a medium shot of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy with their rings.] Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy [It cuts to a close-up of the hands joining.] unite! [when the rings unite, sparks appear and then is starts to smoke up. The "Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy" title card appears. Johnny Elaine then appears on a watery background.]
• Johnny Elaine: Hey, kids, are you ready to hear the winner of this week's contest?
• [The scene cuts to SpongeBob. He grabs his TV.]
• SpongeBob: [While shaking his TV.] I'm ready! I'm ready!
• [The scene cuts to show a close up of the TV, which has a close up of Johnny Elaine.]
• Johnny Elaine: Our winner will receive a special secret collector's [Red question marks appear and fade next to Johnny Elaine's head.] item from The Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy! [a small card comes down] And the winner is... [It cuts to SpongeBob, who chatters his teeth. It then cuts back to Johnny Elaine, who is now wearing glasses.] SpringBoob SquirePin.
• [The scene cuts back to SpongeBob, who now has Gary next to him.]
• SpongeBob: Aw. I worked forever on those life-size Krabby Patty mannequins of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy.
• [The scene cuts back to back to the TV, where Johnny Elaine is in front of the Krabby Patty mannequins.]
• Johnny Elaine: ...for these life-size Krabby Patty mannequins of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy.
• [The scene cuts back to SpongeBob and Gary.]
• SpongeBob: Hey! SpringBoob SquirePin stole my idea!
• [The scene cuts back to the TV, where Johnny Elaine is in front of the watery background again.]
• Realistic Fish Head: [a phone drops and the fish on the other line talks quickly and indistinguishably.] What's that? Oh. It appears I've made a slight error in pronunciation. [It cuts to his full-body.] The real name of the winner is... [It cuts to SpongeBob and Gary.] SpongeBob SquarePants!
• [The scene cuts to the exterior of the pineapple.]
• SpongeBob: [While the house jumps around] Whahoo! [It cuts to SpongeBob.] Oh, I wonder when my [The scene pans out to show the Newsie Fish, holding a package.] prize will... [SpongeBob notices the fish.] get here... [SpongeBob takes the package.] My prize! [SpongeBob starts to cry and the Newsie fish holds out a tissue box. SpongeBob grabs the tissue and the Newsie fish runs away. SpongeBob kneels down and sets down the box. It tears open the box. He gasps.] Can it be? It is. [The scene changes angles to show the back of SpongeBob, from a distance.] The conch signal. [He turns around and holds up the conch signal.] From The Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. [He turns back around and then holds up conch signal again.] As seen on TV. [The scene cuts to a mid-shot of SpongeBob holding the conch signal close to himself.] I wonder if it still works.
• [SpongeBob runs to window and blows into it. The scene cuts to the exterior of Shady Shoals as the conch signal continues. It then cuts to Mermaid Man, who is sleeping and Barnacle Boy, sitting on their couch, inside. Mermaid Man wakes up.]
• Mermaid Man: The conch signal! [He and Barnacle Boy jump up.] To the Invisible Boatmobile!
• [Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy then jump back into their seats. The couch turns around and the run, reveals an underground passage way. The couch's back bends backwards, sending them down a slide.]
• Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy: [While they are sliding.] Ah! Ooh! Oh! Oh! Ah! Ah! Ooh!
• [The two then start falling downwards, upright because the slide corrected their position, into the Mermalair. Their butts start to catch fire. The two stop in mid-air, which puts out the fire.]
• Barnacle Boy: Uh, Mermaid Man?
• Mermaid Man: Yes, Barnacle Boy?
• Barnacle Boy: We're not in the Invisible Boatmobile, are we?
• Mermaid Man: Uh, Nope.
• [The two fall onto the ground and stand up. They walk around, holding out their hands to look for the Invisible Boatmobile.]

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• Mermaid Man: Boatmobile! Come out, come out, wherever you are.
• Barnacle Boy: It's gotta be here somewhere? [He hits the back of boat] Ow! Oh, Mermaid Man, [While the keys are heard] I think I...
• Mermaid Man: [Off-screen] Found it! [He turns on the boat and the back end burns Barnacle Boy.] C'mon, get a move on, son. [As Barnacle Boy walks to the front of the boat.] We don't have all day.
• [Barnacle Boy sits down.]
• Barnacle Boy: Ignition... [As he pushes a button] on.
• Mermaid Man: Throttle... [As he pulls a lever up] on.
• [The Invisible Boatmobile goes through a corridor. The exterior of Shady Shoals is shown. The ramp leading to the front goes up, and the Invisible Boatmoble flies out of it. It then goes around a corner. The scene cuts back to SpongeBob]
• SpongeBob: Hmm. [He goes back inside to Gary.] Maybe the conch signal doesn't work anymore.
• [Gary meows. An entire roaring, then a tire screeching, then a cat screeching are heard outside.]
• Mermaid Man: [Off-screen] Activate torpedo mode! Fire! [His head crashes through the wall, next to SpongeBob's door.] Mermaid Man...
• [Barnacle Boy's head crashes through the door, causing the wheel on the interior to fall off.]
• Barnacle Boy: ...and Bob-acle...
• [The door falls on the ground with Barnacle Boy's head still in it.]
• SpongeBob: I can't believe it, Gary. Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy in our home.
• [SpongeBob runs to the door and Gary meows. Mermaid Man dusts off Barnacle Boy.]
• SpongeBob: Excuse me, I'm...
• Mermaid Man: [points at SpongeBob] Oh, my Neptune! He's been horribly disfigured! Oh, blast us! We're too late!
• Barnacle Boy: Oh, please. He's not disfigured. He's-he's just that sponge kid again.
• Mermaid Man: Oh, yeah. Good to see you, lad. Say, Barnacle Boy, we gotta find out where that conch signal came from.
• SpongeBob: Oh, that was me. I blew the conch signal, sir.
• Mermaid Man: Alright. Where's the danger, son? Bring it on. Bring it on!
• SpongeBob: Don't worry. There's no danger.
• Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy: No danger?
• Barnacle Boy: Look, there has to be danger. You blew the conch signal. When you blow the... where'd you get that thing anyway?
• SpongeBob: I won it in a contest.
• Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy: [Off-screen] Contest?
• Mermaid Man: They don't tell us anything anymore.
• Barnacle Boy: Look, Spongy, that ain't no toy.
• Mermaid Man: That's right. The conch signal is an awesome responsibility. We're duty-bound to help whenever it sounds.
• Barnacle Boy: But you only blow it when there's trouble, or there'll be trouble. You got that?
• SpongeBob: Yes, sirs!
• Mermaid Man: Good boy.
• [Mermaid Man pats SpongeBob on the head. He and Barnacle Boy leave. Mermaid Man turns back and he and SpongeBob point at each other and make a clicking noise.]

{{L|Barnacle Boy|Come on, come on, [Mermaid Man turns around.] come on. They're serving meatloaf today. }[Mermaid Man walks out the door.]}

• Mermaid Man: [As he and Barnacle Boy walk away, SpongeBob walks to the door.] Oh, goody.
• SpongeBob: Don't worry, Mermaid Man. You won't be hearing from me for just anything. Only for the big emergencies.
• [The bubble transition goes to the interior of Shady Shoals, where Barnacle Boy, who is wearing a swimsuit, bangs on the bathroom door.]
• Barnacle Boy: [While banging on bathroom door] Will you hurry up in there? And save me some hot wat...
• [The conch signal is heard. Mermaid Man, who is wearing a towel, kicks down the door, which lands on top of Barnacle Boy.]
• Mermaid Man: The conch signal! Come, young ward!
• [Mermaid Man runs away.]
• Barnacle Boy: [Crushed] Coming!
• [Mermaid Man jumps onto the couch. Barnacle Boy, holding his swimsuit, wobbles onto the chair. Because the two entered the couch too quickly, a spring goes back and springs them forward through the rug, down onto the slide. They slide down on their faces first, and Mermaid Man's towel flies off. The whirlpool transition shows a bird's eye-view of SpongeBob's living room. He is laying on the ground with his eyes shut and his tongue out. Gary is next to him. There is also a spot light on him. The tire squealing and the cat shrieking is heard. The angle changes. Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy run into the living room. Mermaid Man stands behind Gary and Barnacle Boy gives Mermaid Man a new towel. Gary crawls away.]
• Mermaid Man: Oh... youth! Cut down in its prime! [SpongeBob moans.] Oh, speak to me, son.
• [Mermaid Man picks SpongeBob up.]
• SpongeBob: Help... Can't... [He lifts a jar of mayo.] open mayonnaise.
• Barnacle Boy: What?! [The scene cuts to the front door of the pineapple. The door opens.] [While he is pushing Mermaid Man out the door.] I come down in my underwear to open a jar of mayonnaise?! [He stops and the two turn around.]
• SpongeBob: But...
• Barnacle Boy: But nothing! We can't go around socializing. We have to be prepared for, uh, emergencies.
• Mermaid Man: Barnacle Boy, think about it. Emergencies don't come around as often as they used to.
• Barnacle Boy: Alright, okay. You can blow the conch every once in a while. Just give us [He takes the jar of mayo.] something to do when we [while he struggles to open the jar of mayo.] show up.
• SpongeBob and Mermaid Man: [While jumping in the air.] Yay!
• [The bubble transition goes to the Shady Shoals' cafeteria, where Barnacle Boy is eating soup. The conch signal blows as he grabs a spoon full of soup. He blows on it and Mermaid Man grabs Barnacle Boy's arm, while running, which causes him to drop the spoon.]
• Mermaid Man: Danger!
• [At SpongeBob's house, in his bathroom, Mermaid Man fixes SpongeBob's sink and Barnacle boy unclogs SpongeBob's shower drain. SpongeBob is shown blowing the conch signal. It then cuts to the library, where Mermaid Man is on a ladder, holding a book, and Mermaid Man is holding Mermaid Man's butt, so that he doesn't fall. SpongeBob is shown blowing the conch signal. It cuts to the living room, where he is in a barber's chair, reading the newspaper, Mermaid Man is shining SpongeBob's shoes, and Barnacle Boy is giving him a head massage. It then cuts to SpongeBob, at night, on his house, using the conch signal. It then cuts to SpongeBob, in bed, next to a teddy bear. Mermaid Man is reading a book and Barnacle Boy is holding milk and plate of cookies. It cuts to SpongeBob blowing the conch signal three different times. On the last time, Barnacle Boy takes it out of SpongeBob's mouth.]
• Barnacle Boy: That's it! Gimme that! You're running us ragged.
• Mermaid Man: [While crawling on the walkway of SpongeBob's house.] Must... must answer clarion call!
• [Mermaid Man collapses.]
• Barnacle Boy: We're exhausted!
• SpongeBob: [While tearing up] I'm sorry, Barnacle Boy. I didn't mean it. I... just wanted to spend time with you. You're my heroes!
• [SpongeBob starts crying.]
• Barnacle Boy: [While SpongeBob is crying] It's too late for that, Mr. Contest Winner. I'm gonna destroy this thing with my... sulfur vision! [He tries to uses his sulfur vision to destroy the conch, but is unsuccessful. He tries again, but he still doesn't succeed.] I'll destroy it when I get back to the [Puts the conch in his pocket] , uh, Mermalair. Uh, and as for you...
• Mermaid Man: Barnacle Boy, [While getting up.] don't squash his enthusiasm. After all, he could be the hero of tomorrow. Or the villain. Besides, I remember another [He takes out a picture.] young [The image shows Barnacle Boy as a kid.] whipper-snapper, who wanted to be a super-hero.
• [Mermaid Man chuckles.]
• Barnacle Boy: You don't even remember breakfast, you old coot.
• [Mermaid Man walks up to SpongeBob, still crying]
• Mermaid Man: Maybe the conch signal is too much responsibility. [SpongeBob stops crying.] But how would you like to spend the rest of the afternoon on patrol?
• Barnacle Boy: What?
• Mermaid Man: [While he and SpongeBob are running to the Invisible Boatmobile] To the Invisible Boatmobile! [Barnacle Boy becomes angry]
• [The scene fades to later. Barnacle Boy is still angry]
• SpongeBob: Oh...
• SpongeBob and Mermaid Man: Jingle bells, Mermaid Man smells, [Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, and SpongeBob, who is now wearing a superhero outfit, is shown in the Invisible Boatmobile, which is driving down the street.] Barnacle Boy laid an egg, The Invisible Boatmobile, [The Invisible Boatmobile stops at a red light.] lost a wheel and...
• SpongeBob: Hey, [moves to the driver's seat] can I drive?
• Barnacle Boy: Drive? What do you know about driving the Invisible Boatmobile?
• SpongeBob: Tons! Like the windshield wipers are right here. [pushes a button]
• Barnacle Boy: Don't touch that button, that's the...! [Invisible Boatmobile folds into an origami swan] ...Origami button.
• Mermaid Man: [He and Barnacle Boy are scouting on top of a building] When you patrol in the city, you'll always have to be vigilante. On your toes. [Turn to the right side of the building] Constantly alert. Always expect the unexpected. [Turn back to the left of the building. SpongeBob is on the edge]
• SpongeBob: Hey! [scares Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy and they fall off the building. SpongeBob goes to the rooftop] I've got the doughnuts!
• SpongeBob & Mermaid Man: ...and Barnacle Boy laid an egg. Hey-hey!
• Mermaid Man: Oh, that fellow over there used to be the Atomic Flounder. I know that he doesn't look like much, but he could go back to crime... [snaps fingers] ...just like that. [he and Barnacle Boy laugh]
• Atomic Flounder: [SpongeBob pins the Atomic Flounder on the ground] Help! Help! Help somebody here.
• SpongeBob: You're under arrest, Atomic Flounder.
• Mermaid Man: Stop, kid. Stop! Let him go.
• SpongeBob: But you said he could snap... [snaps fingers] ...just like that.
• Atomic Flounder: What?! Get off of me! [pushes SpongeBob away] If I weren't retired, I'd, I'd... [roars, sending out a blast of atomic energy at Barnacle Boy's face. Barnacle Boy's head glows red from radiation, soon blowing up to form a miniature mushroom cloud, leaving his head charred] ...do that. [leaves] Out of my way, punk!
• [At The Diner]
• SpongeBob: I can't believe it: I rode in the Invisible Boatmobile, met a villain, and learned to treat third-degree burns, all in one day. So, what are we going to do tomorrow.
• Barnacle Boy: Uh, uh, say, kid, why don't you take this nickel and go up there and see if our theme song in on the jukebox?
• SpongeBob: Okay. [goes to the jukebox]
• Mermaid Man: You know, for a pain in the neck, he's a pretty nice kid.
• Barnacle Boy: Let's ditch him.
• Mermaid Man: I'm right behind you.
• SpongeBob: [looking through the selection of songs] It doesn't seem to be here.
• Barnacle Boy: Oh, it's there, all right.
• Mermaid Man: Keep looking. Diligence. Diligence.
• SpongeBob: Aye, aye, sir. [looks again]
• Barnacle Boy: Dagnabbit.
• Mermaid Man: What's the matter?
• Barnacle Boy: Where did we park the Invisible Boatmobile?
• SpongeBob: Aw, that's the 15th time I've looked. [deep voice] But I can't let my heroes down. [looks again]
• Mermaid Man: Boatmobile, where are you? [tries to find it] Barnacle Boy, I found it. [turns engine on and Barnacle Boy gets burned again]
• Dirty Bubble: [laughs] Still getting burned on that tail pipe, huh, Barnacle Boy? [laughs]
• Barnacle Boy: It's the Dirty Bubble!
• Mermaid Man: In all his dirty roundness!
• Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy: Oh, no!
• SpongeBob: [runs outside] I found it and it's the special dance mix!
• Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy: [trapped inside the Dirty Bubble] Help! Help! Help!
• SpongeBob: Holy Krabby Patties! Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy's arch nemesis: The Dirty Bubble! I can't believe it!
• Dirty Bubble: [laughs] You cannot save them, Sponge of Mystery! They are trapped by my awesome surface tension! [laughs]
• SpongeBob: You don't understand! You're my most favorite super villain. Can I get your autograph? [gets out a notepad and a sharp pencil as the point on the pencil glints]
• Dirty Bubble: Oh, no! [Runs away as SpongeBob walks to him while pointing the pencil at him] Oh, no, you fool, stay back! The point. Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Watch the point now! [The Dirty Bubble screams when SpongeBob pops the Dirty Bubble with the pencil]
• Mermaid Man: Aha! You saved us, son.
• Barnacle Boy: Yeah, you're a hero.
• SpongeBob: I am?
• Mermaid Man: Are you up for another ride in the Invisible Boatmobile?
• SpongeBob: Oh...
• SpongeBob & Mermaid Man: Jingle bells, Mermaid Man smells, Barnacle Boy laid an egg...
• All 3: The Dirty Bubble popped And Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy and SpongeBob got away! Hooray!
• Barnacle Boy: Watch Out! [Short Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy stinger plays]