Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy/transcript

	"Cut! No, Mermaid Man, it's 'stolen Krabby Patties.'" This transcript is in need of repair. Please help Encyclopedia SpongeBobia by fixing this transcript. Please remove this message when finished.

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy" from season 1, which aired on August 21, 1999.

[The episode starts with young adult Mermaid Man flying through the water.]
TV Announcer: Mermaid Man: Fleet and forceful. With the ability to assemble and charge the creatures of the deep. [as he speaks, a hammerhead shark attempts to eat two schools of fish but to no luck]
Mermaid Man: [as a young adult] By the power of Neptune!
TV Announcer: [as he speaks, young adult Barnacle Boy joins Mermaid Man] Mermaid Man, with his young associate Barnacle Boy, fights for all creatures who live in the sea, against the forces of evil.
[As the TV Announcer speaks, Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy strike their rings they each hold on their right hands. They create a whirlpool aimed at Clam Head Candy Cad. A baby is crying at her highchair.]
Clam Head Candy Cad: [holds a baby's lollipop and spots the whirlpool] Oh no, the Raging Whirlpool! [the whirlpool catches him and the lollipop falls on the baby's tongue]
TV Announcer: Mermaid Man! Champion of the deep.
[Mermaid Man throws a water ball at the screen, revealing the production logo "MermaidMan & BarnacleBoy". The camera cuts away from the television screen.]
SpongeBob and Patrick: [both watching the TV, excitedly, with Patrick leaping] Yay!
SpongeBob: Champion of the deep! Woo!
Patrick: Yay-hay!
SpongeBob: [dressed up as Mermaid Man] Come on Barnacle Boy, there's evil afoot.
Patrick: [dressed up as Barnacle Boy] Leaping lampreys Mermaid Man, I'm right behind you!
[SpongeBob and Patrick come outside and sneak behind Squidward's house. They peek at Squidward, who is relaxing on a lounge chair wearing sunglasses.]
SpongeBob: Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy spotted their arch enemy, Reflecto, up to no good.
Squidward: [briefly tilts his sunglasses up to his forehead to peek at SpongeBob and Patrick, not shown, then tilts them back down to his eyes] SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: You know what this means. [pulls out a box of three donuts]
Patrick: Donuts.
SpongeBob and Patrick: Ooohh. [Both of them take one donut each and put them on their fingers like rings.]
SpongeBob: By the power of Neptune.
[Patrick bites into his donut]
SpongeBob and Patrick: [pointing donuts together] Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy, unite!
SpongeBob: Creatures of the deep, assemble! [both go into deep thinking] Think... harder... Barnacle Boy. [a jellyfish swims by] Here they come.
[A jellyfish comes at Squidward, only for him to blow it away.]
SpongeBob: Blast, Reflecto has become too powerful.
[SpongeBob and Patrick set up a tent over Squidward]
Squidward: [tilts his sunglasses up to his forehead again. He then realizes he is under the shade from the tent.] What the? [groans angrily]
SpongeBob: If Reflecto is cut off from sunlight, he becomes weak.
Patrick: Jumping jellyfish, Mermaid Man. He's destroying the shield!
[Cut to Squidward destroying the tent in a fury]
SpongeBob: [gasps] Quick, Barnacle Boy, back to the sea cave.
Patrick: Right, Mermaid Man.
[SpongeBob and Patrick run back to the Pineapple, closing the door behind them.]
Squidward: [holding two broken tent sticks] SpongeBob!
[SpongeBob and Patrick run to the door and knocks it hard. Squidward comes from behind and knocks at SpongeBob's house door.]
Squidward: SpongeBob, open up! [he continues knocking the door]
SpongeBob: Reflecto has found our secret lab.
Patrick: What would the real Mermaid Man do?
Squidward: [stops knocking] Why don't you ask him yourself?
SpongeBob: Elaborate, you vile fiend.
Squidward: He and Barnacle Boy live in the retirement home on the other side of town.
SpongeBob: Hmm, they must be working undercover.
Squidward: Yeah... now please leave me alone. [walks away]
SpongeBob and Patrick: [Patrick bites into the donut again] Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy, reunite!
[Bubble transition to Shady Shoals Retirement Home, where SpongeBob and Patrick approach the caretaker, who is reading the "School Drop Out Rate Soars" and "Global Ocean Warming" newspaper headlines.]
SpongeBob: Excuse me, I know Mermaid Man is working undercover on an important case, but do you think we can see him?
Shady Shoals Caretaker: Undercover? Yeah... well, I'll see if they can take time from their busy schedule to see you. [The manager directs SpongeBob and Patrick, who are giggling in excitement, into the next room and points out Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy, now very old, who are watching TV] There they are. Right over there.
[SpongeBob and Patrick gasp]
Shady Shoals Caretaker: [whispers] Try not to surprise them.
SpongeBob: Oh Patrick, can you believe it?
Patrick: [holding onto SpongeBob while sweating] Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy in the flesh!
[Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy are watching a jar of tartar sauce on television while the TV audience laughs. A giggling SpongeBob and Patrick walk in front of the TV.]
Barnacle Boy: [pokes elbow at Mermaid Man] Hey who are those guys?
Mermaid Man: Uhh, are they here to fix the TV?
[SpongeBob and Patrick continue to giggle.]
Barnacle Boy: What do you want?
SpongeBob: Are you Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy?
Barnacle Boy: Well would uhhh...we used to be. But now we're retired.
[SpongeBob and Patrick gasp.]
SpongeBob: But you can't retire. There's evil afoot!
Mermaid Man: Wha? Wha...Evil! Evil! [runs to a coral pot and starts hanging on it] Barnacle Boy! Come quick, I got the evil!
SpongeBob: All I said was there's evil afoot.
Mermaid Man: Evil! E...E, E, Evil!
Barnacle Boy: Would you please stop saying that?
Mermaid Man: [hanging on a water fountain. Incidental 88, who is nearby, shakes his head in disapproval] Evil! Evil, evil, evil, evil, evil! [water squirts at him] Death raaaaay!
[The caretaker comes, grabs SpongeBob and Patrick, and throws them out of the retirement home.]
SpongeBob: Wow, Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy.
Patrick: It's too bad they're old.
SpongeBob: What do you mean, Patrick? Old people are the greatest. They're full of wisdom and experience. [A real-life captain gives a thumbs up and triumphant music plays] The world needs Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. Someone somewhere, is in trouble, and I won't rest until Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy are out of retirement. [fireworks appear]
Patrick: Ooh Pretty lights!
[Bubble transition to later at the Shady Shoals Rest Home cafeteria. Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy are being served oatmeal.]
Mermaid Man: To the meatloaf! [He and Barnacle Boy receive a slice of meatloaf into their bowls.] To the broccoli! [The two receive three broccoli spears into their bowls. Mermaid Man looks at the orange cafeteria worker.] Make sure you give extra broccoli to my young ward, the boy needs his vitamins.
Orange cafeteria worker: [gives an extra broccoli spear to Barnacle Boy's bowl] Here you go, son. Hehehehe.
Mermaid Man: To the table, away!
Barnacle Boy: Careful! D-Don't run!
[Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy take their seats. Just then, SpongeBob arrives.]
SpongeBob: Hey Mermaid Man. [approaches Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy's table]
Mermaid Man: Uh, he--here comes the TV repairman.
Barnacle Boy: What do you want from us?
SpongeBob: Hold on. Just let me look at ya.
Mermaid Man: Stay alert, Barnacle Boy. He...he's up to something.
Barnacle Boy: Will you cut...will you stop calling me "boy"?
SpongeBob: Do you remember the time the food supply in Atlantis was running low? So you invented a ray gun that make things grow six times their size to shoot at the kelp gardens. But then, [changes the shape of his head to look more rounded] the evil Man Ray swoops down and swipes the gun away and shoots all the algae! [mimes firing the gun] And he gloms onto the undersea dome! [jumps and lands mouth-first onto a table, where Incidental 88 is eating oatmeal, causing the container filled with juice to go airborne] And he starts sucking on the glass. [sucks on the table. Incidental 88 moves his oatmeal away from SpongeBob in disgust]
Barnacle Boy: What's your point, kid?
SpongeBob: You guys are the greatest heroes of all time, and I think you should come out of retirement.
Mermaid Man: Listen up you villains, I wanna eat my meatloaf. If you don't get out of here, then by the power invested in me, [gives the salute] I now pronounce you man and wife.
Shady Shoals Caretaker: [enters the cafeteria] What is going on in here?
Mermaid Man: [points to SpongeBob, who stops smiling] You may kiss the bride.
[The caretaker kicks SpongeBob out of the retirement home. SpongeBob rolls back home, where Patrick was waiting for him.]
Patrick: Did you re-unite our heroes?
SpongeBob: No, but I'm married.
[Bubble transition to back at the retirement home, where Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy are in rocking chairs.]
Mermaid Man: [moving vigorously on a rocking chair] Up, up, and away. Up, up, and away.
SpongeBob: [dressed up as a woman and speaking in a Southern accent] Oh mah. This purse is so big and heavy.
Patrick: [dressed up as a robber] Hold it right there ma'am. I'll be taking that. [grabs SpongeBob's purse]
SpongeBob: [screams as Barnacle Boy comes over to him] Hay-lp! Hay-lp! Hay-lp!
Patrick: It's working.
SpongeBob: Wha are you here to rescue little ol' me?
Barnacle Boy: [yells at SpongeBob, ruining his makeup] Pipe down! You could wake Mermaid Man and he's ornery when his nap is disturbed.
SpongeBob: [approaches Mermaid Man, who is sleeping with his eyes open] Ever alert, Mermaid Man has trained himself to sleep with his eyes open.
Barnacle Boy: Confound it, get away from him!
Mermaid Man: [wakes up] Stop shoutin', I'm nappin'.
Barnacle Boy: [close up to his face] It's not me, you old coot!
Incidental 80: Yes?
Incidental 84: That's me.
Incidental 81: I'm over here.
[Cuts back to Mermaid Man, as he and Barnacle Boy start arguing with each other]
Barnacle Boy: Just listen to me once in a while instead of...
SpongeBob: [tugs on Mermaid Man pants] Excuse me, Mermaid Man.
Mermaid Man: Yeah what do you want?
Barnacle Boy: Du...this better be good.
SpongeBob: This'll cheer you up. We're almost done painting your invisible boatmobile. [The invisible boatmobile is shown almost completely covered in black paint and we also see Patrick smiling while holding a paintbrush with black paint on it.]
Barnacle Boy: [enraged] Gah! Gim--ul--it's sup--posed to be invisible! That's it! [to Mermaid Man] You! We gotta end our life of leisure. It's time to come out of retirement. There's evil afoot.
Mermaid Man: Evil! [panting] Where is it?
Barnacle Boy: There it is! [points at SpongeBob and Patrick] You know what this means? [opens up a box with their rings]
Mermaid Man: [looking delighted] Donuts!
Barnacle Boy: Doh brother.
[Barnacle Boy puts one of the rings on Mermaid Man and then they try to put both of the rings together, but they miss. Superhero sequence fails. Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy wave their arms around up and down to synchronize their positioning of their arms. So then they attempt to unite both of the rings together a second time. Both rings are successfully put together but the superhero sequence fails again.]
Barnacle Boy: Say the oath.
Mermaid Man: [in his young voice] Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy, unite! [unite sequence succeeds while their rings are united together] Throw a waterball at 'em!
SpongeBob and Patrick: Waterballs! [skipping] Waterballs! [Barnacle Boy throws a waterball at SpongeBob, but nothing happens]
Patrick: Hehehehehe.
Barnacle Boy: Mumbling morays. It's not working, Mermaid Man.
Mermaid Man: He-he's-he's absorbing it like some kind of evil sponge!
Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy: Dogpaddle away! [they swim around SpongeBob and Patrick]
Patrick: It's the Raging Whirlpool.
[SpongeBob and Patrick cheer as the whirlpool consumes them]
Mermaid Man: Them fiends! They're actually enjoying it.
SpongeBob and Patrick: [the whirlpool begins to stop, they are still excited] Do it again! Do it again! Do it again! Do it again!
Barnacle Boy: Now what, Mermaid Man? We need help!
Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy: Sea creatures, unite! [summons ultrasound waves]
[Ultrasound waves divert to various rooms in the retirement home. One of them hit an elderly fish.]
Unknown elderly fish: Uh, what? [walks outside]
[Various old fish are summoned from the retirement home, and they come outside slowly]
Barnacle Boy: Hmm, the creatures of the deep seem to have lost some of their luster.
Mermaid Man: Sea creatures, attack!
SpongeBob: Pinch me, I must be dreaming.
[Sea creatures, now carrying torches and pitchforks, pick up SpongeBob and Patrick]
SpongeBob: Mission accomplished, Patrick!
Patrick: Yeah, we did it!
[Sea creatures throw them out]
Mermaid Man: [happily] I did it! I feel five years younger. Oh it's good to be back!
Barnacle Boy: We did it, you ol' coot. [they shake hands]
Mermaid Man: Who are you? [Barnacle Boy becomes annoyed]
[Bubble transition to SpongeBob’s house. The TV plays the production logo for “The New Adventures of MermaidMan & BarnacleBoy”]
TV Announcer: The New Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy! [Shows Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy sitting at a table on opposite sides, a checkerboard in the middle with checker pieces] We join our heroes locked in a battle of wits. [Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy play checkers]
[Mermaid Man places a black checker on the board. A "Pow!" cartoon bubble appears. Barnacle Boy replies by placing a red checker on the board, shaking nearby checker pieces. A "Clack!" cartoon bubble appears. Mermaid Man sweats, then places a black checker to the end of the board. A "King Me!" cartoon bubble appears. Suddenly the phone rings.]
Mermaid Man: It's the Aquaphone! [holds the phone upside down] What is it, Chief? Uhh, hello? Hello? Hello? [hangs up the phone]
[A "Hang Up!" cartoon bubble appears.]
Mermaid Man: Oh! That phone is still broken. Uh, remind me to g-get that fixed. [sits down]
[A "Sit!" cartoon bubble appears.]
Barnacle Boy: Remind you of what?
Mermaid Man: Remind me of what? [The two resume playing checkers.]
TV Announcer: Will our heroes ever get their phone fixed? [TV shows a "Tune In Next Week" bumper] Tune in next week and find out.
SpongeBob: Wow! That was even better than the old show.
Patrick: It's all thanks to you.
[SpongeBob gives the thumbs up and winks. A "Wink!" cartoon bubble appears, ending the episode.]

Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy/transcript

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