Lighthouse Louie/transcript

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Lighthouse Louie" from season 12, which aired on January 18, 2021.

[The episode starts the boating school, with SpongeBob doing a boating test.]
Mrs. Puff: [she reads off her clipboard] Now, SpongeBob, what is the proper procedure for making a right turn?
SpongeBob: [thinks] Hold on, I'll check the textbook. [gets the textbook] Ah, "Your Mirror and You." Hmm, proper seat belt hygiene? No. [he continues to look at the textbook as Mrs. Puff puts on a helmet]
Mrs. Puff: Assuming crash position.
[Mrs. Puff screams as the boat is about to hit a wall. SpongeBob turns the boat quick enough so it doesn't crash. The boat is still out of control, and the two continue screaming. He puts his tongue on the breaks and stops the boat before it hits the lighthouse.]
Mrs. Puff: [relieved] We didn't crash!
SpongeBob: [happy] Hooray!
[The boat inches slightly forward and hits the platform of the lighthouse, knocking it over. The two scream as everything in it falls out. SpongeBob comes out of the rubble but Mrs. Puff doesn't.]
SpongeBob: [worried and calls out] Mrs. Puff! Oh, there you are. [pulls Mrs. Puff out of the rubble but she ends up on him. He gets out from under her] I'll make it up to you, Mrs. Puff. I'll shine your shoes! [takes out his tongue and starts shining them with it] Dry your hair! [combs her hair and then becomes a hairdryer to dry her hairs, only for them to get crumpled. She gets angry] Oil your boat? [has a very worried expression as he's putting the oil. Some of it gets onto Mrs. Puff, to her dismay.]
Mrs. Puff: [as she's blocking out the oil] SpongeBob! Stop! Cease! Desist! [pants heavily and gets the oil off herself] Well, you could clean up all this junk. I've been tossing stuff in this old lighthouse for 20 years!
SpongeBob: [gets excited and hugs Mrs. Puff] I love cleaning!
Mrs. Puff: [pushes SpongeBob a little bit away from her] Uh-huh, glad to hear it. I'll be in my classroom. [goes into the boating school. She comes outside again to tell SpongeBob something] Oh, and if you need me... [her smile turns into a frown] ...don't. [shuts the door]
[Mrs. Puff is about to meditate and turns on the music. Quickly afterwards, the meditation music becomes rock music and Mrs. Puff starts rocking. Scene changes to SpongeBob in a bathing suit, diving into the pile of stuff. He makes his way through until he finally reaches the lighthouse. He makes a couple of dolphin noises after coming out and then takes out the stuff that got in his body. He takes off his bathing hat then chews it like gum and blows it so he can make several boxes out of it. He happily goes back to cleaning and eats the remainder of the stuff. After filling himself with stuff, he shoots everything into several boxes and then puts those boxes inside a small box.]
SpongeBob: [sighs in relief] That takes care of that. [leans to the side of the stairs, only to slip due to them being covered with dust. He rubs his finger on the dust, and it coughs on him] Yuck. This place needs a good scrub.
[Scene changes to SpongeBob with some cleaning supplies. He pours the water in the bucket on himself and absorbs it. He then puts his head on the floor and starts cleaning it. After cleaning the floor, he cleans the stairs in a short amount of time. He is now at the top of the stairs.]
SpongeBob: Ah, almost done. I just need to shine out that old lighthouse's lantern. [He hears some weird sounds, and gets terrified by them] The lighthouse is haunted! Just like my toaster.
[A toaster is seen swinging around SpongeBob's kitchen while making scary noises. The toast comes out of the toaster, in the shape of a ghost.]
SpongeBob: [opens the door, only for there to be nothing inside. After making a sigh of relief, a box falls down and starts moving, scaring him] That box is haunted! [He falls down the stairs and gets hurt several times as he's going down] These stairs are haunted! [SpongeBob lands on the small box, causing all the big boxes as well as all the stuff packed in them to spill all over the lighthouse again] This trash is haunted. [the box creeps towards him, and he panics while backing away]
Louie: [comes out of the box] Meow.
SpongeBob: [still scared] Ahh! Ghost snail! [he cowers and cries a little]
Louie: [goes next to SpongeBob and soothes him] Meow.
SpongeBob: [becomes happy] Oh, you're no ghost. Just a cute little stray snail. How about I call you Louie? Lighthouse Louie! [giggles]
Louie: [accepting his name to be Louie] Meow, meow!
SpongeBob: [as he's putting down Louie] Now, Louie, you'll be good while uncle SpongeBob cleans. [attempts to pick up a box]
Louie: [goes to SpongeBob] Meow, meow. [SpongeBob trips on him. After he lands on the floor, he goes over him, while covering him with slime] Meow.
SpongeBob: [gets up and takes Louie outside the lighthouse] Louie, I'm afraid you'll have to play out here, little fella. For your own safety. [goes back inside and shuts the door, while sighing in relief. Several objects get thrown from inside the box, the thrower being Louie] What! Louie? [scene changes to him tying Louie onto the boat so he won't bother him] Well, that oughta keep you out of my hair!
Louie: [seen in the lighthouse, having already escaped] Meow, meow!
SpongeBob: Sorry, Louie, you have to stay outside. [attempts to throw Louie outside, but ends up getting thrown outside himself, with the part of the car Louie was tied to being thrown onto him as well] No silly little snail is a match for my superior sponge brain! [shows his brain, doing a small dance until the wind ends up knocking it down from its position] [scene changes to him bringing out a Krabby Patty in a Can, while giggling. He opens the can with his teeth and puts it on a plate] And the bait: one can-o-patty. [SpongeBob ties a rope onto a stick holding a box above the can-o-patty, and hides behind the stuff.]
Louie: [notices the Krabby Patty] Meow! [goes under the box and licks it several times]
SpongeBob: [pulls the string] Gotcha! [the box goes down and traps Louie. He opens the box, but the snail is gone] I don't gotcha. [realizes Louie put a bigger box on top of the small box. The snail pulls the string for the larger box, causing him to get trapped] You got me. [pulls up his nose to turn on his light, and tries to get out of the box, only to break his arms] Barnacles, that's heavy. Huh? [sees the Krabby Patty in a Can is still inside and uses his feet to grab it. He eats the small portion of it that was left, allowing him to become extremely strong, enough to get outside the box with ease. He realizes Louie isn't there] Huh, where'd Louie go? [his arms let out air and become weak again. He is now at the top of the lighthouse, calling out for Louie] Louie! Louie! Louie!
Louie: [on top of lantern] Meow.
SpongeBob: [relieved to finally see Louie] Louie! So this is where you've been hiding? [Louie shrieks at him, making him gulp and become scared] Nice snail, good Louie! [backs up] No, no... [screams]
[Louie jumps on him, and they go all over the top of the lighthouse. They hit the wall, and when they come off, SpongeBob accidentally flicks the button to turn on the lighthouse's lantern. It shines on a place called Protein Fiend, where it reflects SpongeBob and Louie fighting on one of its walls.]
Larry: [amazed by the reflection] Whoa, those dudes are huge! I wonder what they lift. [hits Bubble Bass slightly with his elbow]
Bubble Bass: [notices the reflection and drops his drink in fear] Those aren't dudes. They're giant monsters! [screaming] Everybody panic! [the three start panicking and run around in circles]
[Louie is biting SpongeBob, and their ruckus causes the lighthouse to start rocking. At the same time, Mrs. Puff is still listening and rocking to the rock music, unaware of what's going on outside. The lighthouse tips over and rolls out of the boating school. Larry, Bubble Bass, and the small fish are still panicking until they see that the reflection is gone.]
Larry: [happy] Those buff monsters have vanished! [hugs the other two] We're saved! [he and the other two hear some noise, and realize the lighthouse is coming their way]
Bubble Bass: We're doomed! [he gets out his drink and starts walking across the sidewalk away from the lighthouse, while the other two runoff in a different direction. The lighthouse runs over him, causing him to get submerged into the sidewalk with his posterior sticking out] My cheeks!
[Bikini Bottom News plays, showing Perch Perkins having an interview with Fred about the lighthouse.]
Perch Perkins: Can you please tell our viewers the cause of this destruction?
Fred: [frightened] It was a lighthouse. It rolled through town, destroying everything in its path! [pants] A lighthouse! [goes on his knees and starts crying]
Perchy Perkins: [shocked] My goodness. Were you or your legs injured by this insane lighthouse?
Fred: [sad and kicks a rock] No.
[The lighthouse is now rolling towards the Krusty Krab.]
Mr. Krabs: [shrieks as he watches the lighthouse on TV rolling towards his restaurant] That blasted lighthouse is gonna demolish me Krusty Krab! [speaks to his customers] Attention loyal customers!
Paco: Run for our lives?
Mr. Krabs: No, throw your bodies in front of that lighthouse, and protect me restaurant! [some rumbling occurs]
[All the customers run out of the Krusty Krab, while Louie is still attempting to bite SpongeBob as they're on the lighthouse.]
SpongeBob: [realizes they're heading for the Krusty Krab] No, not the Krusty Krab!
Mr. Krabs: [comes out of the restaurant, brave] Stay away from me restaurant, you dirty... er... lighthouse! [the lighthouse continues rolling his way. He hides in his shell, now scared]
SpongeBob: [having trouble speaking] Must... stop... lighthouse. [jumps and turns around, causing his shoes to burn when he lands and the lighthouse to stop before it crashes into the Krusty Krab]
Mr. Krabs: [comes out of his shell] Ha-ha, and don't come back! [laughs some more as the lighthouse is moving away]
[Louie smashes onto SpongeBob, causing the lighthouse to turn back around and crash into the Krusty Krab as Mr. Krabs is going inside it.]
Mr. Krabs: [comes out of the rubble, severely damaged] Oh, you came back. [his arms and eyes fall out of his body]
[The lighthouse rolls towards the boating school and hits a rock causing it to fly into the air. It lands on a boat, which drives onto the original placement of the lighthouse before the boat gets destroyed by it. At the same time, Mrs. Puff continues to listen to her rock music, still unaware of what's going on in her surroundings. All the boxes of stuff land on the floor in towers, all organized. Meanwhile, a scared SpongeBob is on the lighthouse's lantern, and gets off of it to search for Louie.]
SpongeBob: [worried] Louie? Where's Louie? [he hears some meowing, and when he opens the lantern's door, he realizes Louie gave birth to several baby snails] Aw, Louie, you weren't trying to stop me from cleaning! [pats one of the baby snails] You were just protecting your cute little babies. [the baby snails meow in unison] I guess I should call you Louise instead! [laughs]
[SpongeBob brings Mrs. Puff inside the lighthouse.]
Mrs. Puff: [shocked and amazed] You actually did a good job, SpongeBob! You deserve a gold star! [puts a star on his forehead]
SpongeBob: [excited] Ohh, a gold star! I have a present for you, too, Mrs. Puff. [gives her a box with Louie and her baby snails] These little cuties were hiding in your lighthouse.
Mrs. Puff: [in awe, chuckles] Aren't you adorable?
SpongeBob: [blushes] Oh, Mrs. Puff, you're pretty cute, too!
[Mrs. Puff frowns at this statement. The two go outside the lighthouse towards the entrance at the school, where SpongeBob leaves the school.]
SpongeBob: [happy] See you next week, Mrs. Puff!
Mrs. Puff: [relieved] Amazing. For once, SpongeBob didn't create a huge disaster! [hears the angry mob]
Mr. Krabs: [angry along with the others in the mob] Puff! Your blasted lighthouse destroyed the whole town! [becomes sad] And me restaurant!
Mrs. Puff: [shocked] My lighthouse?!
The entire mob: What are you going to do about it?!
Mrs. Puff: [puts on her headphones, turns on her radio, and starts rocking again] Talk to the fin! [The snails come out of the box, and rock with her as well.]