Karen's Baby/transcript

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Karen's Baby" from season 12, which aired on August 10, 2019.

[The episode begins at the Chum Bucket. Karen is pacing back and forth, waiting for something to be delivered. As she paces, her monitor continuously sparks. Karen groans impatiently and numbers scroll on her screen. At that same moment, Plankton comes in.]
Plankton: Karen, I— [gets run over by Karen]
Karen: [gasps] Oh, sorry, Planky-Bear! [picks Plankton up] I'm just a little distracted waiting for our baby to be delivered.
Plankton: Oh, well, that makes sense. [beat] A baby?! I don't want a baby!
Karen: It's too late to stop it now. [shows the marketing website on her monitor] It's been nine months and the baby is no longer on back order. [shows the order button, which clicked into in stock, then scrolls up to show the out for delivery button]
Plankton: Can we ask for store credit instead? [gasps as he sees the stork drone outside]
[The stork drone flies over the Chum Bucket with Karen's baby. The drone rings the doorbell.]
Karen: My baby's here! [laughs]
Plankton: Not if I have anything to say about it.
[Plankton hops onto a computer and activates the Chum Bucket's hand. The hand closes the roof and goes to fight the drone. The drone holds out a laser and zaps the hand away, opening the roof in the process. The drone drops the bundle and Karen's happily catches it. Karen unwraps the bundle to reveal the baby, which happens to be a little calculator.]
Karen: [giggles and happily squeals] Oh, Planky-Poo, look how cute our baby is!
Plankton: Oh, please, that thing isn't even a graphing calculator. Weak.
Karen: Oh, come on. [holds out her baby] How can you look at our baby's itty wittle keyboard and say he's not the cutest? [gasps as an exclamation point shows on her screen] I have the perfect name for him. Well, don't you wanna know the name?
Plankton: Not really.
Karen: It's Chip. [shows the word "chip" on her screen, then shows an old computer chip] He's named after my grandfather.
[Chip starts to cry.]
Plankton: [groans] Great, here we go with the crying! Will you please hush that thing up?!
[Karen taps on Chip's buttons and Plankton groans angrily. Suddenly, Chip stops crying.]
Karen: There you go. All better.
Plankton: Wow, how did you do that so fast?
Karen: Simple, I just typed 4-4-4-5 in his cute little keyboard.
Plankton: I don't get it.
Karen: [turns Chip upside-down and the numbers show the word, "Shhh" on it.] Shhh.
Plankton: [groans and continues his work] At least it can't get more annoying.
SpongeBob: [giggles as he flies in with a present] Hello! [giggles and a background audience is heard cheering]
[Plankton groans angrily and stomps over to Karen and Chip.]
SpongeBob: [giggles] A little drone told me you two are new parents. So, I just had to bring over a little present for the baby. Hello, baby. [gently rubs Chip's face, making him giggle]
Karen: Oh, I think little Chip likes you.
Plankton: Obviously not the brightest diode in the box.
SpongeBob: Look, Chip, your uncle SpongeBob got you a little something. [opens the present and reveals a can of compressed air] It's a can of compressed air to keep your keys nice and clean, like this! [pushes button and the nozzle flies out, nearly hitting Plankton]
Plankton: Phew.
[The nozzle bounces on the wall and flies back at Plankton, knocking out his eye. SpongeBob giggles, pushes the button on the compressed air can and flies out of the Chum Bucket. The scene changes to Chip, who has appeared to have grown arms and legs, learning how to walk. He goes to walk, but falls down.]
Karen: Come on, walk to Mommy.
[Chip stands up and goes walking to his mother.]
Karen: That's it. You can do it.
[Chip nearly falls down, but continues to walk.]
Karen: You're walking, baby!
Plankton: [chuckles] You call that walking? This is walking. [walks around in place] This is how you do it. This is how it's done.
[Chip goes to walk over to Plankton. When suddenly, Chip's screen shows the word, "upgrade" on it.]
Karen: Ah! Mama's big boy is upgrading!
[Chip upgrades himself and grows out of his diaper and becomes a walking calculator. Chip happily runs over to Karen and hugs her.]
Karen: Aw.
[Plankton slips on some long sheet of paper.]
Plankton: Whoa, ah! [flies over to the trashcan filled with Chip's stinky diapers and groans] This stinks!
[The scene changes to Karen taking Chip to the arcade on a stroller.]
Karen: Let's see if we can find some friends for Mama's special little boy. [enters the arcade] You need to interface with someone fun. Try that video game over there. It doesn't look too dangerous.
[Chip hops out of the stroller, opens the video game's door, and enters the game. Chip appears on the video game's screen and jumps onto the submarine. Chip begins to play the game and goes to collect coins. Karen slowly starts to become worried about Chip's safety. Chip then starts to zap various stuff with the submarine's laser.]
Karen: Careful, Chip.
[Chip continues to zap the video game items.]
Karen: Uh, those monsters are too big. Come out of that game right now!
[Chip ignores his mother's warnings and starts to become more violent in the video game.]
Karen: Chip, get out of there!
[Karen knocks on the game's door, but it wouldn't budge open. She grabs the machine and shakes Chip out. Suddenly, the word, "error" appears on Chip's screen and Chip upgrades himself into a teenage video game console with a red cap.]
Karen: [laughs] So you think you can do whatever you want because you're a teenager now? [as she's talking, Chip just rolls his eyes and yawns] You just wait until I tell your father.
[Chip makes a loud screeching sound on his screen, indicating that he said a curse word in front of his own mother.]
Karen: What did you just say to me?! [groans angrily as she grabs Chip by the button ears and takes him home]
[The scene changes back to the Chum Bucket. Plankton is still working until Karen comes in with Chip.]
Karen: I told Chip that game was too dangerous, and do you know what he said to me? [makes the same loud screeching noise as red scribbles appear on the screen]
Plankton: And?
Karen: [angrily growls and spins her monitor around] Just talk to your son! I need to cool my circuits. [leaves]
Plankton: [slides himself over to talk to Chip] Ooh, uh, hey, buddy. Heh, what you doing?
Chip: [depressed] Eh…
Plankton: Yeah, I hear you. So, uh, what happened at the arcade?
[Chip mimics every detail of what happened at the arcade. He shows that he was having a fun time playing in one of the videogames by making gun noises. Then he inhales and exhales himself, saying that his mother sucked him out. And then he shows various symbols on his screen with a dolphin sound heard in the background, saying that he said a curse word in front of his mother.]
Plankton: What? Your mother stopped your game, even though you were crushing it? Your mother clearly doesn't get you, man. But I have the perfect solution to your problem. Run away.
Chip: Huh?
Plankton: Yes, I said run away. Take off, see the world. You do you.
[Chip was confused about what Plankton said. But after seeing an image of himself running away, he was happy about it.]
Plankton: Eh, now get out of here, you little scamp.
[Chip gets up and leaves the Chum Bucket. Plankton goes back to his work right when Karen comes back in.]
Karen: So, how was your talk with Chip?
Plankton: Oh, it went great. He's a good boy.
Karen: Yeah, he wh— [notices Chip is missing] Where—where is he?
Plankton: Oh, he ran away.
Karen: What?! Why would my baby run away?
Plankton: Because I told him to. Duh.
[Karen screams in an uncontrollable rage. Her hands gather up green electricity and form into a green rolling pin and a green frying pan. Plankton screams in terror as Karen goes to hurt him. Karen throws the green rolling pin at Plankton, which turns into an electric trident and pins him to the wall.]
Plankton: Karen, baby, let's be reasonable here!
Karen: [picks up the trident holding Plankton] You find our son and bring him home this instant or don't bother coming home! [her green frying pan turns into a spiked glove]
Plankton: [screams as Karen flings him out of the Chum Bucket] I'm going! I'm going!
[The scene changes to Plankton driving in a tank while searching for Chip.]
Plankton: Chip! Chip! Where are you, boy? Come to Daddy! Ugh, what am I saying? Chip! Chip!
[Little did Plankton know, Chip is sitting by himself in a dark alley near a garbage can. Just then, a strange looking machine comes out.]
Weird machine: Psst, hey, kid, you lost?
Chip: [shrugs] Meh.
Weird machine: Running away from home, huh? Cool! Why don't you come hang with me and my buddies? [grabs Chip and pushes him over to meet his friends] Oh, don't be scared. In here. Check it out, guys. I found us a new friend.
[Three other weird machines come out and all look at Chip. They all give him a friendly greeting.]
Weird machine: I know, right? It is cool here. There's just one thing. If you wanna be part of us, we're gonna need your parts.
[Chip turns and sees a machine about to be taken apart.]
Machine #1: Uh-oh. [his monitor is unscrewed]
[One of the machines takes the spare part and puts it on another machine, making it into an arm. The machine giggles happily. Chip beeps in terrible fright and goes to run away.]
Weird machine: [grabs Chip] Oh, come on, kid, don't be like that. We've all done it.
[Chip runs off to escape.]
Weird machine: Get him!
[Chip screams in horror as he tries to escape. One machine takes out a huge magnet and uses it to drag Chip back. Chip tries to fight off the magnetic pull, but ends up getting dragged backwards. He gets stuck onto the magnet and the machines prepare to tear Chip apart. Chip struggles to break free and then lets out a loud screeching sound as a call for help. Meanwhile, Plankton is still driving around, looking for Chip.]
Plankton: Chip! Your mother's gonna kill me if I can't find you. [hears the screeching sound] Huh? [his antennas act up and point in the other direction] That's him! He's in trouble! Don't worry, son! Daddy is coming! [drives the tank around and goes in the direction Chip's call for help is coming from; plows through the wall near the dark alley] Get away from my son! [one machine chops the tank into pieces] Get away from me!
[The machines chase Plankton around.]
Chip: Father! [breaks free from the magnet] Leave my father alone!
Plankton: [Overhearing Chip and touched] Your first word was "father." Wait until I rub this in Karen's face. [chuckles as he continues to run]
[Chip hops onto an old ice cream machine and hacks into it, making it his own tank. He then shoots ice cream at the machines, breaking several of them into pieces. He shoots ice cream onto the ground, making one of them slip and break apart.]
Weird machine: No! The delicious horror! [gets sprayed by Chip's ice cream machine] Ah!
[The scene changes back to the Chum Bucket. Plankton and Chip are telling Karen what happened in downtown Bikini Bottom.]
Plankton: Oh, you should've seen it, Karen. Chip was all like, "Stay away from my daddy, who is the most brilliant, handsome genius in the world."
Karen: [rolls her eyes in disgust] Oh, brother.
Plankton: [hops onto Chip's monitor, making him drop his ice cream] Aw, we have got the best kid ever!
[Suddenly, Chip starts going through another upgrade. As Chip upgrades, Plankton loses his balance and falls in the ice cream on the floor. Chip upgrades himself into a young adult computer with a backpack.]
Karen: Oh! [giggles] Aw.
Plankton: [pulls himself out of the ice cream] Come on, son, let your old man buy you a quart of oil. [hops onto Chip's screen] Whoo-hoo! [giggles] Yes!
Chip: [removes Plankton from his screen] Sorry, Dad, I'd love to, but I'm leaving for college. [sets Plankton down on Karen's hand]
Plankton: [gets teary-eyed] I went to college. [sobs alongside with Karen as a waterfall appears on her screen]
[Chip exits the Chum Bucket, climbs onto a bus parked to the curb, waves good-bye to his family, and drives off to college.]
French narrator: Eight semesters later...
[The scene changes to the First Nautical Bank. Chip, now a full grown adult, is working as an ATM there. Just then, Mr. Krabs comes in. But little does anyone know that Plankton and Karen are secretly spying on Chip at his first day of his job.]
Plankton: [chuckles before Karen flicks him] Ouch! Watch it, Karen! We don't want Chip to know we're spying on his first day of work.
[Mr. Krabs inserts his credit card and types in the numbers 1234.]
Chip: [scans Mr. Krabs' credit card numbers] Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.
[Mr. Krabs giggles excitedly and money comes out of Chip's money slot. Mr. Krabs goes to get it, but Chip pulls the money back in. Mr. Krabs does it again, but the money gets pulled back in again. He does it a couple of time, but Chip still wouldn't give Mr. Krabs the money.]
Mr. Krabs: Hey, what? [groans while shaking Chip]
[Mr. Krabs bangs on Chip's monitor and goes to grab the money. But discovers that Chip pulled the money back in.]
Mr. Krabs: Hey! [tries to grab the money, but fails when Chip pulls them back] Hey! Give me my money! [sobs]
Plankton: [laughs while Karen smiles with a heart on her screen] That's my boy!