This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Jolly Lodgers" from season 12, which aired on March 7, 2020.
- [The episode begins with a view of Conch Street. Squidward is outside where his house has a tent over it. SpongeBob peeks out of his window and notices Squidward's house.]
- SpongeBob: Oh, boy, a circus! [comes out of his house with popcorn and balloons] Squidward! You didn't tell me the circus is in town. [gasps] And it's in your house!
- [SpongeBob gets excited and laughs.]
- Squidward: Oh, good grief. [pulls out a pin and pops SpongeBob's balloons] It's not a circus, you clown! It's an exterminator's fumigation-disinfestation tent. [breezes are heard in Squidward's house] Somebody's been feeding sea urchins in this neighborhood, and they invested my house.
- [SpongeBob is shown feeding sea urchins popcorn. It turns out SpongeBob was the one who was feeding sea urchins around Conch Street. SpongeBob nervously drops his popcorn and kicks the sea urchins away.]
- SpongeBob: [laughs] Ohh, uh, what's that up there?
- [Someone or something comes out of Squidward's house revealing Patrick.]
- Patrick: Squidward's circus is boring! And, and the cotton candy is stale. [pulls up a bag of cotton balls]
- [Patrick opens the bag of cotton balls and puts them in his mouth, then starts chewing on them until he swallows them. Squidward becomes angry at Patrick.]
- Squidward: It's not a circus and that's not cotton candy. D'oh! Never mind! [grabs his bag and starts leaving]
- SpongeBob: Squidward, are you going somewhere?
- Squidward: I'll be staying at a hotel for the next few days for peace and quiet.
- [Squidward enters the bus and the bus takes drives off.]
- SpongeBob: Goodbye!
- Patrick: Bye bye!
- SpongeBob: Seasons greetings!
- [The sea urchins are doing the conga out of Squidward's house to SpongeBob's and Patrick's houses. SpongeBob and Patrick join them to the direction where they're houses are at. Meanwhile, Squidward has arrived at the Hotel Halibut. Squidward rings the bell four times until the manager comes.]
- Boat salesperson: Yes?
- Squidward: Uh, are you the manager?
- Boat salesperson: No! I just play one on TV. [sprays his mouth]
- Squidward: I'd like a room.
- Boat salesperson: Well, lucky you! [looks at his book] We have one room left, but I just gave it away.
- Squidward: Well, how does that make me lucky?
- Boat salesperson: Because I just gave it to you! [He gives Squidward the keys to his room. Squidward grabs his big and leaves to his room.] Would you like a bell boy? [Squidward quickly comes back happily.]
- Squidward: Why, yes. Thank you.
- Boat salesperson: [hands him the bell] Here's your bell, boy. [rings the bell and laughs]
- [Squidward becomes annoyed at his joke. Once again, he grabs his bag and heads to his room. He opens the door.]
- Squidward: Well, now this is very nice indeed [begins the relax on his bed until he melts on the bed to the bathroom tub] Mmm... This is Heaven. [All of a sudden, SpongeBob enters Squidward's room, starts laughing, and exits out.] Hello? [peeks out] Anyone there? Hello? [Squidward shrugs it off and continues relaxing. He then drowns into the tub. Suddenly, Patrick comes from the other side to enter Squidward's room, starts laughing, and exits out.] Hello? Did someone just come in? [Both SpongeBob and Patrick enter Squidward's room until they bump into each other.]
- SpongeBob: Don't you just love playing Hotel: Slam and Run?
- Patrick: I enjoy it an... [puts his tooth back into his mouth] ...intellectual challenge.
- [SpongeBob and Patrick stands up, starts laughing, and both run out of Squidward's room. Squidward peeks from the bathroom with a robe on and a towel on his head.]
- Squidward: Alright, I know I heard something in here! Ohh... [rubs his eyes.] Maybe I'm just not relaxed enough.
- [Bubble transition to Squidward on his bed and smacking his lips. He then sits up and picks up the telephone. Cut to the hotel lobby, SpongeBob, who is now dressed as a hotel worker along with Patrick, answers the phone.]
- SpongeBob: [holding his nose] Room service.
- Squidward: Yes, hello. Do you have the blue plate special of the day?
- SpongeBob: Blue plate? Yes, we have that. [Patrick is seen painting the plates blue.] Sir, all our plates are blue. [giggles]
- Squidward: Then I'll have that.
- [SpongeBob hangs up the phone.]
- Boat salesperson: Oh, boys?
- SpongeBob and Patrick: Yes?
- Boat salesperson: Thanks for filling in the phone. You may take the order up to the room now. [hands them a treat] Here's your reward.
- [SpongeBob and Patrick make sea otter noises. Cut to Squidward's room, Squidward is reading a book until his door knocks.]
- SpongeBob: [offscreen] Room service.
- Squidward: Come in.
- [SpongeBob and Patrick come in to Squidward's room until they land onto Squidward's bed. Sponge Monger music starts playing.]
- SpongeBob: Squidward? What a happy surprise.
- Patrick: SpongeBob, aren't you gonna introduce me?
- SpongeBob: Oh, it's Squidward, Patrick. Our next door neighbor and best friend.
- Patrick: [crosses his arms] Well, if you say so.
- [Squidward growls angrily and pushes SpongeBob and Patrick off of his bed.]
- Squidward: Get off me! What are you doing in this hotel?
- SpongeBob: [puts his his jellyfish hat along with Patrick] Huh, this hotel is hosting the annual Jellyfishing Convention.
- [We cut to out side where a sign reads "Welcome Jelly-Con."]
- Squidward: Jellyfishing Convention?
- SpongeBob: Yes, and my room is over there. [points to his room]
- [The camera scrolls over to the door that leads to SpongeBob's room.]
- Patrick: And that's my room in there!
- SpongeBob and Patrick: Squidward's in the middle! Squidward's in the middle! [They laugh as they hop off of Squidward's bed and start doing the conga.] Squidward's in the middle! Squidward's in the middle! Squidward's in the middle! [leaves and closes the door]
- [Squidward grabs a hammer and boards and starts hammering SpongeBob and Patrick's doors. Suddenly, he hears SpongeBob, Patrick, and the jellyfishing visitors start chanting the same thing.]
- SpongeBob, Patrick, and Jellyfishing Visitors: Squidward's in the middle! Squidward's in the middle! Squidward's in the middle! Squidward's in the middle!
- Squidward: You stay away from me! I don't wanna see either of you in any part of this hotel! [groans in sadness and leans against the door] I used to love the conga. [Bubble transition to the Hotel Spa.] [sighs] The Hotel Spa. [The massager massages Squidward as Squidward relaxes.] Mmm, this massage feels great. You have magic fingers.
- SpongeBob and Patrick: [with stick hands with gloves on them] Squidward! Magic fingers!
- Squidward: No! Stay away from me! [Squidward uses the table to escape SpongeBob and Patrick.]
- SpongeBob: [shrugs] Huh. [he and Patrick scratch themselves] Oh, we really do have magic fingers.
- [Transition to the hotel workout room where Squidward is stretching.]
- Squidward: Oh yes, I still got a dancer's body. One. Two. One. Two. Hmm?
- [SpongeBob and Patrick come to Squidward with a treadmill.]
- SpongeBob and Patrick: Squidward!
- Squidward: [jumps on a barbell] Stay away from me. [leaves with the barbell]
- SpongeBob: Heave!
- Patrick: Oh!
- SpongeBob: Heave!
- [Bubble transition to the hotel swimming pool. Squidward is hiding behind a plant and peeks through it to see if the cost is clear.]
- Squidward: No SpongeBob? [peeks under the floorboard] No Patrick? [sighs] Ah, peace and quiet...
- [Squidward takes off his glasses and heads towards the pool. He jumps on the diving board to jump in. But the pool starts bubbling and Squidward immediately runs back to the diving board. SpongeBob and Patrick pop out from the pool.]
- SpongeBob and Patrick: Squidward!
- Squidward: [jumps on the diving board] Leave! Me! Alone!
- SpongeBob: Heave!
- Patrick: Heave! [drowns back into the water]
- Squidward: [jumps into the hallway, then stands up] Finally. [As Squidward was about to be alone, he spots SpongeBob and Patrick in the distance. The camera zooms in on SpongeBob and Patrick. Squidward quickly runs away from SpongeBob and Patrick to the next hall.] ["Grass Skirt Chase" music starts playing.] [Squidward stops and notices SpongeBob and Patrick at the end.] [screaming] [Squidward then runs back, but bumps into SpongeBob and Patrick again. His eyes open wide.] [screaming] [He runs back, then bumps into SpongeBob and Patrick yet again. His eyes come out of his sockets.] [screaming] [Again, he runs and bumps into them again. His eyes comes out of his mouth. He then runs back, but instead of SpongeBob and Patrick, it was Mrs. Puff. Squidward forms into four heads as he sees her.] [screaming] [He runs back with SpongeBob and Patrick again. Squidward thought he saw Mrs. Puff, then runs back.] Huh... humph. That's better. [But it was SpongeBob and Patrick again.] [screaming] [backs up a bit to the door] Stay away from me! I'm warning you! I wanna be alone! [shivers]
- SpongeBob: [looks at Patrick] Ooh. Well, if you wanna be alone, don't go into the room behind you.
- Squidward: [looks at the door] Wait, are you two in there already?
- SpongeBob: No, silly. [he and Patrick pull out their jellyfishing Equipment] That's where the Jellyfishing Convention is!
- [The door behind Squidward opens. A Geek appears.]
- Geek: Welcome, Jelly Fisher. You must be a newbie. [Grabs and pulls him in.]
- Squidward: Huh? [stammers] [He tries to grip the floor with his tentacles and his teeth on the other door. But is pulled in.]
- Geek: [Holding a net] Jelly Fishing! Woo-hoo! [He follows Squidward. Patrick and SpongeBob do the same while cheering.]
- [Inside the 36th Annual Jelly-fisher Convention building, Squidward is dragged in to one of the Geek's friends. He is donned a pink uniform T-shirt, which gets stuck on his head. He grunts and strains until the shirt goes on and fits him. The friend squeezes him tight.]
- Geek: Welcome, newbie.
- Squidward: [Takes one look at the jellyfish] [screams] [And runs into another geek, who dons him a pink squid-shaped hat. He is squeezed tight.]
- Geek: Jelly hug.
- [Squidward yells and runs. He slips over a hat and lands sat up on a chair, where another geek is painting a portrait of him catching a geek.]
- Squidward: Hm? [anguished] Nooooo!
- Geeks: [Altogether while the horde surrounds him.] Jelly fishing! Jelly fishing! Jelly fishing!
- [Jellyfish transition. Squidward is sitting behind one of the stalls shaking with fear. Patrick is enjoying an ice-cream, while SpongeBob gasps as he suddenly spots Squidward.]
- SpongeBob and Patrick: [Over his face] Hi, Squidward!
- SpongeBob: Squidward, everyone loves you! Are you having the funnest fun fun fun time ever?
- Squidward: [Gets up quickly and grunts in anger.] I am not having fun. Everybody loves me so much, they won't let me [At their faces] leave!
- Geek: [Off screen] Hey, Squidward, [On screen, reveals himself from under a large squid-shaped hat.] we love you, man.
- Female geek: You belong with us now.
- [The Female geek goes in one of the rooms, followed by the male geek, who puts the large hat down and goes in another room. The camera closes in on the hat.]
- Squidward: [A lightbulb appears and shines above his head, knocking the cap off, implying he has an idea] Say, if I put that dumb thing on, I can sneak out of here without anybody knowing it's me. [He hides inside the oversized hat and pushes it.] [chuckles] Goodbye, jelly-smellies. I'm outta here, and back to peace and quiet in my room.
- [People are gathered outside the stage. The large hat cuts across the crowd and shoves everyone out of the way as it goes by. An incidental appears on stage, holding a microphone.]
- Incidental: Alright, jellyfishers, it's the moment you've all been waiting for! [Patrick and SpongeBob rise up in the crowd and clap and cheer with excitement.] Let the annual Jellyfish Mascot Hunt begin!
- [The crowd and cheer and hold their nets up high. Squidward stops while he tries to escape and starts sweating inside.]
- Squidward: Jellyfish Mascot Hunt? [He looks inside one of the windows. Everyone gives chase to him, causing him to yell and run away. He tries to escape through the door, but the mascot gets wedged for a brief moment before getting through, with the others following. Squidward runs as fast as he can, but soon notices a set of controls.] Huh? What's this? [The controls are revealed to be the Zapper] Zapper?! [He presses one of the buttons.]
- Geek: Whoop, whoop! [The mascot's tentacle zaps him] [screams] [And blows him to the back of the chasing pack, roasted.]
- Blue geek: Zap me! [Is zapped and burned.]
- Squidward: [laughs] Zapper.
- [While the clamoring and chasing continues, Squidward brakes to a halt and runs in the opposite direction with all zappers activated. It zaps and takes down people continuously.]
- Geeks: [In unison] Zap me! [they scream and get zapped.]
- [The mascot flips over and zaps two more geeks on the opposite side, followed by one more geek. It then spins mid-air and malfunctions. The electric conductors now touch the floor and unleash a powerful electric current.]
- Patrick and SpongeBob: [excitedly] Oh, boy! [The current zaps them both, and then everybody in the hallway, blowing them back. Squidward stops and runs...]
- Squidward: [laughs] [...to the Boat salesperson and zaps him, burning him to a crisp and getting blown back. He then picks up the phone.] Hello, pest control? I'm calling from the Hotel Halibut. We've got a horrible infestation of jellyfish... [annoyed] fanatics.
- Geeks: [Crawling while burned] More zaps. Zap me.
- Squidward: Send exterminators now!
- [Exterminators - Police vans on boats - arrive outside the hotel. Dramatic music plays as two more exterminators cover the building with a large blanket. One puts a hose into the pump and pumps it with toxic gas, forcing everyone to yell and evacuate. Meanwhile, Patrick is with SpongeBob enjoying an ice cream.]
- SpongeBob: I sure hope Squidward got out okay.
- Patrick: Squidward? [Shrugs] You must introduce me some day.
- SpongeBob: Hm?
- [The camera cuts to inside the hotel. The hallway is covered in gas, but all the doors are closed.]
- Squidward: [Singing] I've got peace and qui-et! [He is revealed to be inside a gassed bedroom wearing a protective mask, dancing] I've got peace and qui-et! Whoo. I've got peace and qui-et!