"Insecurity Guards" is a SpongeBob SquarePants episode from season 12. In this episode, SpongeBob and Patrick volunteer as guards at the museum, while Squidward attempts to hang his painting unnoticed.
- SpongeBob SquarePants
- Patrick Star
- Squidward Tentacles
- Mrs. Puff (as a living painting)
- Eugene H. Krabs (cameo in painting)
- Gary the Snail (mentioned and likeness only)
- Seahorse (as a living painting)
- Jellyfish (cameo as a statue)
- King Neptune (cameo in paintings)
- Robber (green)
- Woolly mollusk (single appearance)
- Museum curator (single appearance)
- Art restorer (single appearance)
- Art critic (single appearance)
- Incidental 8
- Incidental 37A
- Incidental 67
- Incidental 69
- Incidental 49
- Incidental 45
- Incidental 48
- Incidental 41
- Incidental G13
- Incidental G2
- Incidental 168
- Incidental 92
- Incidental 87
- Incidental 114
- Incidental 73
- Incidental 64
- Incidental 151
- Incidental 104
- Incidental 163
- Incidental 118D
- Incidental BB3
- Incidental BB2
- Incidental BB10
- Incidental BB22
- Monty P. Moneybags (cameo)
- Starfish mummy (single appearance)
- Margie Star (mentioned)
- Herb Star (mentioned)
At the Bikini Bottom Museum of Everything, an art critic denies Squidward's painting from entering as an exhibit as it stinks. At the same time, Patrick catches the painting when it is thrown away by the art critic and later reveals to Squidward that he is the museum's security guard. This makes Squidward understand that since the security is awful, he can hang his painting in the museum with ease.
Patrick appoints SpongeBob to junior guard and gives him a tour of many of the exhibits of the museum as well as what rules he needs to enforce. While Patrick is giving SpongeBob the tour, Squidward goes inside the museum through a window to put his painting. He almost gets caught several times, but successfully puts the painting up.
Unfortunately, SpongeBob and Patrick see Squidward with the painting and think he is stealing it. They chase him through the museum and eventually catch him. The episode ends with Squidward's painting being put up on the museum, making Squidward happy (and somehow the Squidward in the painting as well), despite getting arrested by the police.
- Someone getting stampeded by a bunch of students followed by the museum curator telling them to get into a single-file line.
|( ‣ ) Production music|
|( • ) Original music|
|( ◦ ) SpongeBob music|
• Cream Pie - Sage Guyton, Jeremy Wakefield [Title card]
• Harpsichord Classical Bits 1 - Nicolas Carr, Barry Anthony [Opening at the Bikini Bottom Museum of Everything]
• Hot Steel and Slide Licks 14 - Jeremy Wakefield [Closeup of Squidward's painting]
• Harpsichord Classical Bits 1 - Nicolas Carr, Barry Anthony ["Maybe this museum is too lowbrow for this masterpiece."]
‣ Tales from the Swamp (c) - Ron Goodwin ["How dare you!"]
• How Dare You - Nicolas Carr ["Begone!"]
• Painful Hits - Nicolas Carr [Squidward falls down the stairs of the museum]
• Harpsichord Classical Bits 1 - Nicolas Carr, Barry Anthony ["It has no place in this museum's art collection."]
‣ Bad Slide - [ProjectSAM Symphobia Colours: Animator] [Art critic catapults Squidward's painting]
‣ Uh Oh Flutter-Eyed - [ProjectSAM Symphobia Colours: Animator] ["Won't anyone save my precious painting?!"]
• Lap Steel - Nicolas Carr [Squidward's painting lands in Patrick's butt]
• The Donut Dilema - Nicolas Carr [SpongeBob tells Squidward that Patrick is the new security guard of the museum]
‣ Voodoo Victim - Gilbert Vinter [Squidward thinks about sneaking his painting into the museum]
• The Donut Dilema - Nicolas Carr [SpongeBob and Patrick appear inside Squidward's head]
• Hot Steel and Slide Licks 5 - Jeremy Wakefield [Squidward leaves SpongeBob and Patrick]
‣ Happy Links 1-5 - Paul Fenoulhet ["The first exhibit on our tour is..."]
‣ Creepy Crawly - Ronald Hanmer [Green fumes around the employee locker room]
‣ Leap for Joy - Cedric Palmer [SpongeBob becomes Patrick's junior assistant]
‣ Handy Pandy - Cedric Palmer [Patrick starts explaining the rules of guarding to SpongeBob]
‣ Midget March - Cedric Palmer ["And the most important rule of all is... Don't let visitors steal stuff!"]
‣ Fraidy Cat - Fredric Bayco [Patrick prevents a robber from stealing a piece of art]
• Deelicious - Nicolas Carr ["Ooh, delicious."]
‣ Fraidy Cat - Fredric Bayco [Robber steals the piece of art and goes away]
‣ Happy Links 1-5 - Paul Fenoulhet [Patrick showing SpongeBob the history section of the museum]
‣ Flying Saucer - Donald Thorne [Patrick forbids a couple from taking photos with flash]
‣ Danse Comique - Kenny Graham [SpongeBob and Patrick see an extinct woolly mollusk in another room of the museum]
• Tension Bits - Nicolas Carr, Sage Guyton, Jeremy Wakefield ["Why! Won't! You! Work!"]
‣ Five Dramatic Bridges B - Kurt Rehfeld [Woolly mollusk blows SpongeBob and Patrick into another room of the museum]
‣ Big Show Theme - Robert Sharples ["And here we see the ancient junk of the great empire of..."]
• Classic Opera Finish Interrupted - Nicolas Carr ["...Patlantis!"]
‣ Big Bad Giant - Paddy Kingsland [Sculpture of Patrick holding the Earth on his back]
‣ Dramatic Cue (C) - Ronald Hanmer [Replica of Earth rolls and breaks another sculpture]
• Hot Steel and Slide Licks 17 - Jeremy Wakefield [Sculpture of Patrick pulls the curtains]
• Hot Steel and Slide Licks 1 - Jeremy Wakefield [Sculpture of Patrick's arm falls off and hits Patrick on his head]
• Genie in the Bottle - Nicolas Carr [Mummy's tomb is shown]
‣ Bridge 3 - Wilfred Burns ["Uh, no, Patrick, it's not your mother..."]
‣ Eight Comical Cuts - Ronald Hanmer [Patrick locks the children in the mummy's tomb/"Will those kids be okay in there?"]
• Hot Steel and Slide Licks 32 - Jeremy Wakefield ["I think this is yours."]
‣ Eight Comical Cuts - Ronald Hanmer [Children run out of mummy's tomb]
‣ Lambs in Clover - Jack Strachey [SpongeBob and Patrick wash a painting away completely]
‣ Duologue - Derrick Mason [Squidward sneaks into the museum with his painting]
• Goofy Conversation Continued - Nicolas Carr, Barry Anthony ["Ooh! I didn't know they had pin the tail on the sea-donkey!"]
• Hot Steel and Slide Licks 14 - Jeremy Wakefield [Painted seahorse brays like a donkey]
• The Sharks - Nicolas Carr, Barry Anthony [Robber runs by with a statue]
• Humorous Conversation - Nicolas Carr, Barry Anthony [Squidward hangs up his painting in the museum]
• Grass Skirt Chase - Sage Guyton, Jeremy Wakefield [SpongeBob and Patrick chase Squidward through the museum]
• Bathroom Nirvana - Nicolas Carr [Squidward hiding into a painting]
• Grass Skirt Chase - Sage Guyton, Jeremy Wakefield [Squidward crashes into the mummy's tomb]
‣ Even More Comical Cuts 1-5 - Ronald Hanmer [Mummified Squidward inside the tomb]
• Clownfish Capers - Sage Guyton, Jeremy Wakefield [SpongeBob and Patrick resume chasing Squidward]
• Rodeo Rascals - Barry Anthony [SpongeBob and Patrick ride on the woolly mollusk]
‣ Five More Comical Cuts - Ronald Hanmer [Children run over Squidward]
• Hot Steel and Slide Licks 5 - Jeremy Wakefield [SpongeBob and Patrick land on Squidward]
• Rip Tide - Nicolas Carr, Sage Guyton, Jeremy Wakefield [Ending]
- This episode is available on the SpongeBob SquarePants Vol. 19 and The Complete Twelfth Season DVDs.
- A clip from "Squid's on a Bus" was seen in a promo for this episode.
- The title is a pun on "security guards."
- The title card background is similar to those of "Lame and Fortune" and "Plankton Retires," but in different colors.
- Monty P. Moneybags makes a cameo in this episode, marking his first appearance since his debut in the season 2 episode "Artist Unknown."
- In the Patrick-themed part of the museum (termed "the great empire of Pat-Lantis"), there is a Starfishman statue connected to the ceiling.
- King Neptune's crown from The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie is seen in the museum as one of the things that the robber stole.
- This is the third episode where SpongeBob and Patrick go inside Squidward's body, although in this episode, they only go inside of his head. The first was "Squidtastic Voyage," and the second was "Snooze You Lose."
- This is the sixth episode where Squidward gets arrested. The first was "Good Ol' Whatshisname," the second was "Professor Squidward," the third was "The Monster Who Came to Bikini Bottom," the fourth was "Squid Defense," and the fifth was "Patrick! The Game."
- The thinking statue alludes to the sculpture, The Thinker made by French artist, Auguste Rodin.
- One painting with Mr. Krabs and the Krabby Patty is a reference to The Creation of Adam painting made by Italian artist, Michelangelo.
- One painting with Mrs. Puff is a reference to the Mona Lisa painting made by Italian artist, Leonardo Da Vinci.
- One painting references the Crossing the Delaware painting by Emanuel Leutze.
- One painting alludes to The Birth of Venus.
- One of the statues is a reference to Michelangelo's Statue of David.
- In one frame, the art critic's eyes disappear.
- When Patrick shows SpongeBob the employee locker room, Patrick's mouth is outlined red for a frame.
- When Monty P. Moneybags is seen from far away, he is his correct orange color, but when SpongeBob and Patrick pass by him up close, he is mistakenly colored light turquoise.
- When Patrick and SpongeBob get spit out by the woolly mollusk, Patrick's normal pants can be seen on him instead of his security guard uniform.
- In the closing credits to this episode, Tom Kenny, who played the art critic, is uncredited.