"Insecurity Guards" is a SpongeBob SquarePants episode from season twelve. In this episode, SpongeBob and Patrick volunteer as guards at the museum, while Squidward attempts to hang his painting unnoticed.
- SpongeBob SquarePants
- Patrick Star
- Squidward Tentacles
- Mrs. Puff (as a living painting)
- Eugene H. Krabs (cameo in painting)
- Gary the Snail (mentioned and likeness only)
- Seahorse (as a living painting)
- Jellyfish (cameo as a statue)
- King Neptune (cameo in paintings)
- Lady officer
- Robber (green)
- Woolly mollusk (debut)
- Museum curator (debut)
- Thinking statue (debut)
- Art restorer (debut)
- Art critic (debut)
- Bikini Bottomites
- Monty P. Moneybags (cameo)
- Starfish mummy (debut)
- Margie Star (mentioned)
- Herb Star (mentioned)
The episode begins at the Bikini Bottom Museum of Everything. Squidward wants to have his painting in the museum. An art critic looks at his painting and says that it stinks. This gets Squidward angry. The art critic throws his painting and Patrick catches the painting. Squidward sees Patrick and SpongeBob. Patrick reveals that he is the security guard at the museum. Squidward understands that the guards are terrible and he has a chance to hang his terrible picture in the museum.
Meanwhile, SpongeBob and Patrick go into the warehouse, where Patrick appoints Bob as a junior guard and gives him a uniform. Later they go on a tour of the museum. Patrick says that you can’t touch anything and take pictures with a flash. They walk past exhibits from the lost city of Patlantis. Patrick sees a statue of a starfish holding a globe and thinks someone is stealing an exhibit. He breaks off the hand of the statue and the globe rolls out. After they leave from there and see the ancient mammoth. Then they go to the art gallery, where the old woman restores the picture, painting it, and Patrick accidentally erases the whole picture. The old woman is angry, freaking out, hangs a picture on the wall and jumps into it, as if through a window.
Squidward, who changed clothes and made his way to the museum with a picture, looks right out of this window. Suddenly he notices the guards and jumps under the picture with a seahorse. Sponge Bob and Patrick pin his tail to him and chase after another criminal stealing things and Squidward hangs the picture, but does not have time to remove the tentacles, as Patrick notices him. He and SpongeBob chase him down the corridors. They sit on a mammoth, but it goes too slowly. In the end, Squidward is caught by the police and taken away and his picture remained hanging in the museum, much to his joy.
|( ‣ ) Associated production music|
|( • ) Original music|
|( ◦ ) SpongeBob music|
‣ Harpsichord Classical Bits - Barry Anthony [Opening at the Bikini Bottom Museum of Everything/"I simply cannot express my true feelings about your work."/"Yes, I realize my artistic brilliance can be overwhelming."]
• Hot Steel and Slide Licks (f) - Jeremy Wakefield [Closeup of Squidward's painting]
‣ Harpsichord Classical Bits - Barry Anthony ["Maybe this museum is too lowbrow for this masterpiece."]
‣ Tales from the Swamp (c) - Ron Goodwin ["How dare you!"]
‣ Oh My Trill! - [ProjectSAM Symphobia Colours: Animator] ["Be gone!"]
‣ ? [Squidward falls down the stairs of the museum]
‣ Harpsichord Classical Bits - Barry Anthony ["It has no place in this museum's art collection."]
‣ Bad Slide - [ProjectSAM Symphobia Colours: Animator] [Art critic catapults Squidward's painting]
‣ Uh Oh Flutter-Eyed - [ProjectSAM Symphobia Colours: Animator] ["Won't anyone save my precious painting?"]
‣ Lap Steel - Nicolas Carr [Squidward's painting lands in Patrick's butt]
‣ The Donut Dilemma - Nicolas Carr [SpongeBob tells Squidward that Patrick is the new security guard of the museum]
‣ Voodoo Victim - Gilbert Vinter [Squidward thinks about sneaking his painting into the museum]
‣ The Donut Dilemma - Nicolas Carr [SpongeBob and Patrick appear out of Squidward's head]
• Hot Steel and Slide Licks (a) - Jeremy Wakefield [Squidward leaves SpongeBob and Patrick]
‣ Happy Links 1-5 - Paul Fenoulhet ["The first exhibit on our tour is..."]
‣ Creepy Crawly - Ronald Hanmer [Green fumes around the employee locker room]
‣ Leap for Joy - Cedric Palmer [SpongeBob becomes Patrick's junior assistant]
‣ Handy Pandy - Cedric Palmer [Patrick starts talking to SpongeBob about the rules of guarding]
‣ Midget March - Cedric Palmer ["And the most important rule of all is... Don't let visitors steal stuff!"]
‣ Fraidy Cat - Fredric Bayco [Patrick prevents a robber from stealing a piece of art/Robber takes the piece of art and goes away]
‣ Happy Links 1-5 - Paul Fenoulhet [Patrick showing SpongeBob the historic section of the museum]
‣ Flying Saucer - Donald Thorne [Patrick forbids a couple from taking photos with flash]
‣ Danse Comique - Kenny Graham [SpongeBob and Patrick see an extinct woolly mollusk in another room of the museum]
‣ Tension Bits - Nicolas Carr, Sage Guyton, Jeremy Wakefield ["Why! Won't! You! Work!"]
‣ Five Dramatic Bridges B - Kurt Rehfeld [Woolly mollusk comes to life and blows SpongeBob and Patrick into another room of the museum]
‣ Big Show Theme - Robert Sharples ["And here we see the ancient junk of the great empire of..."]
‣ Class.Finale 04 C Maj 1 - Marcin Pospieszalski ["...Patlantis!"]
‣ Fanfares 18 C Maj - Marcin Pospieszalski ["...Patlantis!"]
‣ Big Bad Giant - Paddy Kingsland [Sculpture of Patrick holding the Earth on his back]
‣ Dramatic Cue (c) - Ronald Hanmer [The stone Earth rolls and breaks an stone ancient temple]
• Hot Steel and Slide Licks (m) - Jeremy Wakefield [Sculpture of Patrick pulls the curtains]
‣ Hot Steel and Slide Licks - Jeremy Wakefield [Sculpture of Patrick's arm falls off and hits Patrick on his head]
‣ Unknown Track 98 - Mummy's tomb is shown
‣ Bridge 3 - Wilfred Burns ["Uh, no, Patrick, it's not your mother..."]
‣ Eight Comical Cuts - Ronald Hanmer [Patrick locks the children in the mummy's tomb]
• Hot Steel and Slide Licks (I) - Jeremy Wakefield ["I think this is yours."]
‣ Eight Comical Cuts - Ronald Hanmer [Children run out of mummy's tomb]
‣ Lambs in Clover - Jack Strachey [SpongeBob and Patrick wash a painting away completely]
‣ Duologue - Derrick Mason [Squidward sneaks into the museum with his painting]
‣ Silly Shenanigans - Nicolas Carr, Barry Anthony ["Ooh! I didn't know they had pin the tail on the sea-donkey!"/SpongeBob and Patrick reappear and pin the donkey tails on Squidward's butt]
• Hot Steel and Slide Licks (f) - Jeremy Wakefield [Painted seahorse brays like a donkie]
‣ Bubble Poppin' Boys - Nicolas Carr, Barry Anthony [Robber runs by with a statue]
‣ Humorous Conversation - Nicolas Carr, Barry Anthony [Squidward hangs up his painting in the museum]
‣ Grass Skirt Chase - Sage Guyton, Jeremy Wakefield [SpongeBob and Patrick chase Squidward through the museum]
‣ Bathroom Nirvana - Nicolas Carr [Squidward hiding into a painting]
‣ Grass Skirt Chase - Sage Guyton, Jeremy Wakefield [Squidward crashes into the mummy's tomb]
‣ Even More Comical Cuts 1-5 - Ronald Hanmer [Mummified Squidward inside the tomb]
‣ Clownfish Capers - Sage Guyton, Jeremy Wakefield [SpongeBob and Patrick chase Squidward again through the museum]
‣ Rodeo Rascals - Barry Anthony [SpongeBob and Patrick ride on the woolly mollusk]
‣ Five More Comical Cuts - Ronald Hanmer [Children run over Squidward]
• Hot Steel and Slide Licks (a) - Jeremy Wakefield [SpongeBob and Patrick land on Squidward]
‣ Rip Tide - Nicolas Carr, Sage Guyton, Jeremy Wakefield [Ending]
- This episode premiered in the U.K. and Ireland on June 7, 2019.
- Monty P. Moneybags makes a cameo in this episode, marking his first appearance since his debut in the season 2 episode "Artist Unknown."
- In the Patrick-themed part of the museum, there is a Starfishman statue connected to the ceiling.
- This is the third episode in which SpongeBob and Patrick are inside Squidward body, although in this episode they are only inside his head. The first instance was "Squidtastic Voyage" and the second was "Snooze You Lose."
- King Neptune's crown from The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie is in the museum.
- This and "Sandy's Nutty Nieces" are the least-viewed episodes in the series, with 936,000 U.S. viewers.
- It would be illegal for the officer to arrest Squidward for being creeped out.
- The thinking statue is a reference to the sculpture, The Thinker made by French artist, Auguste Rodin.
- One painting with Mr. Krabs and the Krabby Patty is a reference to The Creation of Adam painting made by Italian artist, Michelangelo.
- One painting with Mrs. Puff is a reference to the Mona Lisa painting made by Italian artist, Leonardo Da Vinci.
- One painting references the Crossing the Delaware painting by Emanuel Leutze.
- One of the statues is a reference of Michelangelo's Statue of David.
- When Monty P. Moneybags is seen from far away, he is his correct orange color, but when SpongeBob and Patrick pass by him up close, he is incorrectly colored light turquoise.
- In the credits, Tom Kenny was not credited for the art critic.
- On the first few airings, the order this episode and its sister episode, "Sandy's Nutty Nieces," aired in was switched, so this episode played first. This error has been fixed as of July 2, 2019.