This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Hooky" from season 1, which aired on February 23, 2001.
- [The episode opens with three boats carrying fishermen fishing near Bikini Atoll.]
- French Narrator: Fishermen have quite an effect on our undersea friends.
- [Cut to the Krusty Krab.]
- Squidward: SpongeBob, have you finished swabbing the deck?
- SpongeBob: Almost. There's a nasty barnacle under table 9. [uses himself as a cleaning tool]
- Mr. Krabs: [bursts frightfully in through the front doors of the Krusty Krab] They're back! They're back, I tell ya! I saw it with me own eyes!
- [The customers look at Mr. Krabs like he's crazy but ignore his warnings. He yells at Fred.]
- Mr. Krabs: [yelling into Fred] The hooks! The hooks!
- Fred: How 'bout a mint?
- Mr. Krabs: [off-screen] The hooks! The hooks!
- Incidental 6: [standing next to Squidward, staring in Mr. Krabs' direction] Can you make that to go?
- Squidward: [gives Incidental 6 his food in a bag] You don't know how lucky you are.
- Mr. Krabs: The hooks! So there I was, mindin' my own business...
- Squidward: I'd love to hear another of your riveting sea tales, but, um... [puts a trash can on his head] I have to do my waste basket inspection. Uh-huh. Mm-hmm. Oh yeah. There's one.
- Mr. Krabs: Fine. Don't say I didn't warn ya.
- [SpongeBob pops up in front of Mr. Krabs with white soap suds, formed to make a beard and long goatee on his face, the bubbles then all pop and disappear off his smiling face.]
- SpongeBob: Warn him about what, Mr. Krabs?
- Mr. Krabs: The hooks, me bucko! They're back. Beware the hooks!
- SpongeBob: The hooks?
- Mr. Krabs: Aye! [shapes his arm like a hook as SpongeBob looks at his arm] The hooks. [the camera shows SpongeBob's frightened face with a reflection with Mr. Krabs' arm as a hook] They dangle down and draw ya close with their pleasin' shapes and their beguilin' colors. And just when ya think ya found the land of milk and honey, they grab ya by the britches... [grabs Scooter's pants and lifts high like he is giving him a wedgie. His drink decreases every time Mr. Krabs lifts his pants higher as he sips it until its completely gone] ...and haul ya way up high! Then higher, and higher, and higher, [opens a hatch on the roof and points at the surface] until you're hauled up to the surface, floppin' and gaspin' for breath! And then, they cook ya, and then, they eat ya, or worse...!
- SpongeBob: [gasps] What could be worse than that?!
- Mr. Krabs: Gift shops.
- [Immediately shows a gift shop and the inside of the gift shop where real life starfish, clams, and mussels are sold.]
- SpongeBob: [gasps and hides under a box] Don't let 'em get me, Mr. Krabs!
- Mr. Krabs: There, there, boy. They won't get ya. Not as long as you listen to ol' Mr. Krabs. Now get back to the kitchen! Time is money!
- SpongeBob: Aye, aye, Mr. Krabs! [goes in the kitchen with the box on him]
- [The scene changes to SpongeBob preparing Krabby Patties on the grill. Patrick pokes his head through one of the kitchen windows.]
- Patrick: Good morning, Krusty Krew!
- SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick.
- Patrick: Guess what? The carnival's in town. Come on, let's go.
- SpongeBob: I can't leave now. I'm working.
- Patrick: It's not leaving. You're just taking a break.
- [SpongeBob sneaks outside to Patrick, unseen. Bubble transition to SpongeBob and Patrick going to what would end up being the hooks. Patrick gallops backwards.]
- Patrick: We're goin' to the carnival, goin' to the carni... [trips and falls on face. He gallops forwards.] We're goin' to the carnival, goin' to the carnival! There it is, SpongeBob. [many hooks are dangling] The carnival is back in town! I'm gonna be first in line for everything!
- SpongeBob: Where is everybody?
- Patrick: I don't know. There was one kid here, earlier. [as Patrick is talking, a pair of kids' sneakers lie on the ground nearby]
- SpongeBob: Doesn't look like any carnival I ever... [bumps into a hook] Excuse me. [gasps as he sees the hook as the camera shows SpongeBob's frightened again with the optical reflection with a hook] Stop, Patrick! Don't touch it! This isn't the carnival, Patrick! Those are hooks! Mr. Krabs says they're really dangerous!
- Patrick: [sits on a hook] Hmmm... I sense no danger here. How can they be dangerous? [grabs a hook with cheese attached to it] They're covered with free cheese!
- SpongeBob: All I know is Mr. Krabs said-- Patrick, don't do that!
- [Patrick is putting the hook with the cheese in his mouth as he rubs the hook on the back of his throat before he pulls it out.]
- Patrick: Cheesy! No danger here. Go on, try it!
- [The hook where Patrick ate the cheese from is pulled up.]
- SpongeBob: [faces another hook with cheese attached to it] But, Mr. Krabs said...
- Patrick: SpongeBob, let me ask you somethin'.
- [The hook that SpongeBob is facing is pulled up. Patrick is shown with 9 hooks in his mouth and still has 1 in his hand. SpongeBob looks at him.]
- Patrick: [with 9 hooks in his mouth] Does this look dangerous?
- SpongeBob: [screams] Patrick, don't!
- Patrick: [has another hook with cheese attached to it] Lighten up, will ya?! Or do I have to eat all this cheese by myself-- [the hook pulls him up and he screams]
- SpongeBob: [gasps] Patrick! Help! [starts running in circles] Oh, Patrick, help! Oh, Patrick, come back! Oh, my best friend!
- [Patrick floats down laughing while SpongeBob is still running in circles and SpongeBob runs into him as he hits the ground]
- SpongeBob: Patrick, you're alive!
- Patrick: Am I ever! You should try it.
- SpongeBob: But...what about the surface, and your britches, and the gift shops?
- Patrick: Ya just jump off before you go up too high.
- SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs said I shouldn't get near those things.
- Patrick: Did he say you shouldn't climb on top of 'em and ride 'em like a horsey? [jumps and sits on a fish-like attachment on the hook and rocks back and forth on it]
- SpongeBob: Well, no.
- Patrick: Wheeee!
- SpongeBob: I guess he didn't!
- [SpongeBob jumps on the attachment with Patrick and both start laughing.]
- Patrick: Hi-ho, Silverfish... away!
- [The hook of the fish-like attachment pulls them up. We see a fisherman reeling in his fishing rod. We see SpongeBob and Patrick laughing out of enjoyment. The camera alternates between the fisherman and his partner to SpongeBob and Patrick still laughing. After a few cuts, SpongeBob and Patrick are about to jump off the hook.]
- SpongeBob: Ready?
- Patrick: Ready!
- SpongeBob and Patrick: Geronimo! [they jump off and float back down]
- Patrick: Whoopie!
- SpongeBob: Whoo-hoo! Whoopie! This is more fun than double overtime at the Krusty Krab!
- [On the surface, the fishermen are having a smoke break, visibly disappointed at having lost their catch. One of them facepalms because of the miss. Bubble transition back to the Krusty Krab, where customers are muttering angrily. Incidental 2 is complaining with Incidental 40 about his food.]
- Incidental 2: P.U.! [points at his Krabby Patty] You call this food?!
- Incidental 40: My sandwich tastes like a fried boot.
- Incidental 36: [starts holding up his Krabby Patty shaped like a fried boot] My sandwich is a fried boot!
- Fred: Hurry it up, will ya?!
- [Multiple customers join at the counter to complain at Squidward working behind the kitchen window.]
- Fred: We're hungry over here, look at us! My kids haven't eaten and I'll die!
- [Fred angrily pokes his head into the kitchen window. Other fish start to join. Multiple customers muttering angrily... all talking at once; Squidward frantically flipping burnt patties as the customers complain.]
- Fred: [at Squidward] That's not how you're supposed to flip it! I've seen how he does it, that's wrong!
- Fish #1: Can't you see, we're hungry?!
- Fish #2: Come on!
- Female Fish: I want a nice good meal!
- Squidward: [defensive] Why do you wanna eat this stuff anyway?!
- Mr. Krabs: Mr. Squidward! [peeks in through the kitchen door] What the halibut's goin' on in here?!
- Squidward: It's a feeding frenzy sir, and SpongeBob's not back from his break!
- [Mr. Krabs laughs.]
- Squidward: What?
- Mr. Krabs: I thought ya said SpongeBob was takin' a break. No one's taken a break at the Krusty Krab since the Chum Famine of '59. [laughs] Now, what were you sayin'?
- Squidward: He took a break.
- Mr. Krabs: [stares in shocked silence, as his arms and nose fall off. He then angrily storms out the front door] Alright, SpongeBob LazyPants! I'll find ya! This nose can smell laziness for up to 10,000 leagues. [uses his nose to smell] Aha! I'll give ya a break you'll not soon forget!
- Squidward: But Mr. Krabs, I still need help!
- [All the angry customers pick up Squidward like they are a mob. Bubble transition to Mr. Krabs' smelling to find SpongeBob.]
- Mr. Krabs: They should be right here.
- [SpongeBob and Patrick float down as they are laughing.]
- Patrick: Again?
- SpongeBob: Again!
- Mr. Krabs: The hooks! No, no, no!
- SpongeBob and Patrick: [pulling on a hook] 1, 2, 3...
- Mr. Krabs: Wait! Wait!
- SpongeBob and Patrick: ...Blast Off! [the hook pulls them up as Mr. Krabs slams hard into a rock]
- Mr. Krabs: Boys! I wasn't quick enough! They're gone! [sadly sobs] If I can only hold them in me arms again, I'd...I'd...
- [SpongeBob and Patrick float back down while laughing.]
- Mr. Krabs: ... [angrily] I'd throttle 'em! What did I tell ya about those hooks, boy?!
- SpongeBob: I... I... I...
- Patrick: I'll tell ya about the hooks. You ride 'em up, and up, and up, then you gently float down.
- Mr. Krabs: And do ya know what happens when ya don't float back down?
- SpongeBob: Gift shop?
- Mr. Krabs: Worse! Ya end up vacuum-packed, in a can of tuna! [scene cuts to a can of tuna] With nothin' to look forward to but the smell of mayonnaise! [scene cuts to a jar of mayonnaise while a female screams in the background, causing SpongeBob to freak out]
- SpongeBob and Patrick: We're sorry, Mr. Krabs!
- Mr. Krabs: I want you boys to promise me, you'll never go on those hooks again.
- SpongeBob and Patrick: [raise hands] We promise, Mr. Krabs.
- Mr. Krabs: I need a sailor's promise! Repeat after me: Yo-ho, yo-ho, near the hooks I'll never go.
- SpongeBob and Patrick: Yo-ho, yo-ho, near the hooks we'll never go.
- [A hook pokes Mr. Krabs in the butt.]
- Mr. Krabs: [leaps up, holding his injured rear] Yowie! Mother of pearl! Fire on the poop deck!
- SpongeBob and Patrick: Ahh! Mother of pearl! Fire on the poop deck! [they turn and rub their own behinds]
- Mr. Krabs: Whoa, whew! Alright then. Let's get out of this death trap.
- [Bubble transition to the next day. We see the exterior of SpongeBob's house.]
- SpongeBob: [off-screen] Okay, Gary. Today is a new day. I'm ready to prove myself loyal to Mr. Krabs.
- Gary: [off-screen] Meow.
- SpongeBob: [off-screen] I'm ready! [comes running out of the house] I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready-ready-eady, I'm ready... [Patrick comes out from his rock]
- Patrick: Hey SpongeBob, you're goin' the wrong way! [crashes into his furniture]
- SpongeBob: I always go to work this way.
- Patrick: You're not goin' to work today. We're gonna go play hooky! [points to hooks dangling right across the street]
- SpongeBob: But Patrick, we promised!
- Patrick: Well, I had my fingers crossed.
- SpongeBob: You don't have any fingers, Patrick.
- Patrick: Well, that Mr. Krabs is just a big dummy. We played on those hooks all day long, and nothin' happened to us.
- SpongeBob: But Mr. Krabs said--
- Patrick: Look, SpongeBob, are you gonna listen to a big dummy, or are you gonna listen to me?
- SpongeBob: Umm...
- Patrick: See ya later, SpongeBob! I'm gonna go have some fun. [Patrick goes up and down the hooks] Wahoo! Come on, SpongeBob! Wahoo! You know you want to!
- SpongeBob: [nervously] Ohh, I know I want to, but I promised Mr. Krabs I wouldn't go near another... [almost runs into a hook and gasps] Hook! [almost touches the hook but resists] Oh, no! Mr. Krabs told me all about you! You are a liar! A deceiver! I'll never fall for your tricks again! Never! [goes back to the hook] Is this seat taken? Woo-hoo! [the hook takes him up, but when he comes down laughing and turns around, it is shown that he is hooked at the pants] Whew! Glad I got that out of my system. [gasps] I'm... hooked! And that means... [shows the tuna can with SpongeBob crammed inside then he screams and runs to the Krusty Krab] Help! I'm hooked! Help! Mr. Krabs! Help! It happened! I'm hooked! Oh no! The hook! The hook! Gift shop, tuna can, mayonnaise!
- [The scene changes back to the Krusty Krab.]
- Mr. Krabs: Here ya go, Pearl. Free water for all your little friends.
- Pearl: Thanks, dad.
- Mr. Krabs: Just don't forget to leave a tip for ol' Mr. Krabs.
- SpongeBob: Psst, Mr. Krabs.
- Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! You're two minutes late. What kept ya, laddie?
- SpongeBob: Um, you know those hooks we were talking about yesterday?
- Mr. Krabs: Didn't I tell ya not to go near those hooks?
- SpongeBob: Um... no. [the hook pulls him a little closer] I mean yes! Yes, you told me not to go near them!
- Mr. Krabs: Well, ya weren't playin on those hooks, were ya, laddie?
- SpongeBob: Of course not. [the hook pulls him a little closer] I mean, not exactly. [the hook pulls him a little closer] I mean yes! Yes, I did it! I admit it! [cries] Oh, Mr. Krabs! I'm so ashamed! I mean, look at me! I'm hooked! [shows the hook in his pants to Mr. Krabs]
- Mr. Krabs: Hmm... it's in there pretty deep.
- SpongeBob: What am I gonna do?!
- Mr. Krabs: There's only one thing to do, boy.
- [Pearl and her friends laugh. SpongeBob looks at his pants.]
- SpongeBob: Oh no, Mr. Krabs! I can't take off my pants! Not in front of all these... girls! [the hook pulls him closer] D'oh, okay! I'm takin' 'em off! I'm takin' 'em off! [takes his pants off] There.
- Mr. Krabs: Uh... lad?
- [The hook is shown to be also hooked in SpongeBob's underwear, while Pearl and her friends laugh again.]
- SpongeBob: [screams] Oh no. Oh no, no-no-no, Mr. Krabs! I can't do it! Anything but that!
- Mr. Krabs: I understand. You were a good little fry cook, SpongeBob. [places a "Help Wanted" sign on the door as SpongeBob gasps in shock and his eyes shrinks down in horror] But, we'll find another. Hopefully, one that'll listen to ol' Mr. Krabs.
- SpongeBob: [the hook pulls him a little closer] Oh, Mr. Krabs! I'll listen! I promise! [grabs on to a flower but the hook pulls him away. He holds on to the Krusty Krab signpost] Whoa! No! Please save me, Mr. Krabs! [cries] I promise I'll be good! [his underwear tears off] Whew. [the signpost flings him into the door naked, which makes the girls laugh]
- Girls: Ohh, look! [all of the girls laugh]
- Pearl: It's SpongeBob NudiePants!
- [SpongeBob screams in horror as Pearl and her friends laugh some more.]
- Squidward: [holding a fishing rod with SpongeBob's underwear on the hook] Well, that was more of SpongeBob than I needed to see.
- Mr. Krabs: Mr. Squidward, that was some fine anglin'. Do ya think the lad has learned his lesson?
- Squidward: [off-screen] Oh, I think he'll remember this for a long time. I know I will.
- SpongeBob: [running away] The pants! The underwear!
- [As it shows SpongeBob running back to his house, Squidward's and Mr. Krabs' laughter and SpongeBob's cries are both heard; he enters the house and slams the door as the laughter still continues. A Bikini Bottom bus arrives just as the laughter dies down and drops off a can of tuna at Patrick's house.]
- Patrick: Hello? Does somebody have a can opener?
- [The episode ends.]