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This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Handemonium" from season twelve, which aired on November 23, 2019.
  • [The episode starts off in Larry's Gym at night; the lights turn off, as Frank, the Muscular Goldfish, goes into the arm wrestling ring. The scene then cuts to Mr. Krabs arm-wrestling with a muscular fish.]
  • Announcer: [from off-screen] Welcome, everyone, to the Secret Anchor Arm-Wrestling Club!
  • Jim the Wrestler: Yeah! [chest muscles flex]
  • [Both Mr. Krabs and his opponent are seen struggling to beat each other, groaning.]
  • Tough Green Fish: Give it up, old man! You're nothing but a softshell, Krabs!
  • [They are still struggling to beat each other until Mr. Krabs pinches his opponent's hand with his claw. His opponent screams in pain and crashes into the table. The spectators cheer for Mr. Krabs as he smiles smugly.]
  • Tough Purple Fish: Yeah!
  • Mr. Krabs: I win — again! [laughs] That's me penny-pinching hand. [holds a penny in his claw and laughs]
  • [The Popeye fish and another tough fish walks in and carries Mr. Krabs's opponent out. Another fish brings in a new table.]
  • Mr. Krabs: This old soft-shell... is ready to twist another wrist! Who's next? [eyes stretch out to Reg, who declines, and to another tough fish]
  • Plankton: [from behind the spectators] I am! [spectators gasp and step aside to reveal Plankton] You got a problem with that, Eugene? [to the spectators] His name's Eugene, by the way!
  • Mr. Krabs: [laughs] I got no problem with that, Sheldon. [to the spectators] His name's Sheldon, by the way.
  • [The Popeye fish and his partner bring in a smaller table and places it on top of the main table. The spectators cheer as Mr. Krabs and Plankton grasp each other's arms. The bell is rang by Larry the Lobster and the fight begins.]
  • Plankton: It's humiliation time, Krab-cake! I've been working out for months to bring you down! [muscles appear throughout his body]
  • Mr. Krabs: [struggling] What's — going on here? I can't... hold it —
  • Plankton: Any last words?
  • Mr. Krabs: Just... one! [lifts Plankton off the table] Sucker! [squishes Plankton with his claw and laughs]
  • [The spectators erupt in celebration.]
  • Jim the Wrestler: Yeah! [chest muscles flex]
  • Mr. Krabs: Next! [another tough fish arm-wrestles with him]
  • [Camera cuts to Plankton, groaning while trying to get up from the table, but gets squished again.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Next! [another tough purple fish arm-wrestles with him]
  • Plankton: I'll get — [gets squished]
  • Mr. Krabs: [from off-screen] Next!
  • Plankton: you — [gets squished again]
  • Mr. Krabs: [off-screen] Next!
  • Plankton: Kra — [gets squished again] bss...!
  • Mr. Krabs: [sighs; picks Plankton up and uses him like a towel, then laughs and throws him away] I'm the champion... hands down!
  • [Mr. Krabs laugh and the spectators cheer for him, while Plankton crawls toward the gym's exit.]
  • Plankton: I'll get you for this, Krabs! You'll rue the day you —
  • Jim the Wrestler: [steps on Plankton] Yeah! [chest muscles flex]
  • [Scene cuts to Plankton crawling to the Chum Bucket, while groaning in pain.]
  • Plankton: Oh, why do I try to compete with Krabs? He always goes long and I always fall short! Will I ever get the upper hand?
  • [A scallop poops on Plankton causing him to look up. The scallop lands on the glove on top of the Chum Bucket.]
  • Plankton: That's it! My glove! My big, beautiful, bone-crushing glove! Thank you, clam!
  • [Plankton is then seen working on the glove on top of the Chum Bucket as a thunderstorm brews in Bikini Bottom. Lightning strikes the glove and Plankton is blasted away; suddenly the glove gains life and starts to move.]
  • Plankton: The pinky is wiggling... wiggling! [laughs maniacally; the glove lets go of the Chum Bucket handle and jumps in front of Plankton] Let's see Krabs throw down this gauntlet! [boards the glove and rides it like a horse towards Larry's gym] Hi-ya!
  • [Scene cuts to Larry's Gym, where Mr. Krabs arm-wrestles and defeats other tough fish like Reg and the Popeye fish. Plankton hops onto the table, in front of Mr. Krabs.]
  • Plankton: I want a rematch, Krabs!
  • Mr. Krabs: [dismisses Plankton] Boring. [shrugs] But whatevs.
  • Plankton: [pretends to be in pain, clutching his hand] Oh no, not a hand cramp! Not now! [smugly] Luckily I have a last-minute substitution, standing by. [takes a deep breath and blows a whistle]
  • [The ground rumbles and the Chum Bucket glove punches a hole into Larry's Gym. The glove then flicks the tough fish away with his fingers and makes its way to the wrestling table, about to wrestle with Mr. Krabs. Scene cuts to Larry the Lobster holding the mallet to ring the bell, but he faints onto the bell causing it to ring. The match between Mr. Krabs and the glove begins, and he struggles to defeat the glove.]
  • Mr. Krabs: [groaning in pain] Eeeh – oh, oh – oh — [Plankton is seen with an evil grin on his face, while Mr. Krabs continues to struggle] Any... last... words?
  • Plankton: [blows the whistle and the Chum Bucket glove hoists Mr. Krabs up in the air] Just one... Sucker! [laughs maniacally while Mr. Krabs trembles in fear]
  • [The glove spins Mr. Krabs in the air and whacks him on the floor, causing a hole to form.]
  • Mr. Krabs: [regains consciousness] Huh –? [shadow forms above him] No, no, no, no, no, no —
  • [The other tough fish fall above Mr. Krabs as the glove gathers them all into the hole on the floor. Plankton hops on top of the glove.]
  • Plankton: [raises arms in victory] Ta-daah! Let's give a big hand to the new champion! [applauds; then takes a deep breath and blows the whistle] Okay, move it, filthy fingers! [rides glove like a horse straight to the Krusty Krab] Aww, too bad Krabs isn't here to catch me with my glove in the cookie jar, heheh... Bust the door! [glove punches a hole into the Krusty Krab, flicking away the chairs and tables] Bust this one, too! [glove flicks the door of Mr. Krabs' office and goes in, creating a hole; the safe containing the secret formula is then seen] And now, for the secret formula! Open, said me! [hits glove with a whip but he is blasted off of the glove; the glove then growls at him and he hits the glove with the whip one more time] Go and hand me that, I command you! [glove takes whip from Plankton and he trembles in fear] Please don't hurt me! [glove flicks the whip away] Whew!
  • [The glove punches a hole into the kitchen and brings Plankton along. Plankton is then dipped into a container of hot sauce; afterwards, the container sizzles and Plankton is blasted off of the container onto the floor. Plankton screams in pain, slaps himself multiple times, afterwards, his antennae fizzles off and he rockets towards the sky. He falls back down into the Krusty Krab kitchen, screaming then groaning in pain.]
  • Fish #1: [from off-screen] Look out!
  • [Someone screams, and the Chum Bucket glove is then seen leaving the Krusty Krab, flicking random Bikini Bottomites and their vehicles away, with two citizens landing on the Krusty Krab window. A boatmobile lands into the Krusty Krab, and Plankton hides himself after taking a peek at the commotion.]
  • Plankton: Uh-oh. That glove is gonna destroy Bikini Bottom and I'm gonna get blamed for it! [panics] I hate prison food! But I can't stop that monster all by myself... This is an emergency! [slips onto a puddle and becomes dizzy; his vision gradually clears itself and he sees an emergency box on the kitchen wall] Emergency box... That's convenient! [goes to the emergency box and opens it, revealing SpongeBob inside]
  • SpongeBob: [laughs; jumps off of the box and gives Plankton a salute] What is your emergency, Sir? [sees Plankton] Oh, hi, Plankton.
  • Plankton: I need a hand with something, kid. [takes SpongeBob with him, by the hand] Now do it!
  • SpongeBob: Don't worry, Sir... No matter what the emergency, I've seen it all before.
  • [Scene cuts to the Chum Bucket glove holding a boatmobile and controlling it, making it crash onto a Bikini Bottomite's boatmobile. The Bikini Bottomite runs away, screaming, and the glove throws the automobile it's holding onto the abandoned boatmobile. Plankton and SpongeBob are then seen watching the glove from a distance.]
  • SpongeBob: [screaming] I've never seen that before! [a burning automobile flies past and SpongeBob avoids it; the glove heard growling in the background]
  • Plankton: Usually it's sitting quietly on top of the Chum Bucket.
  • SpongeBob: Well, maybe we can talk to it.
  • Plankton: Talk is cheap! [whips out a stand with a button on top of it] Which leads you to push this button when I say so.
  • [SpongeBob, looking very excited, tries to push the button but Plankton slaps his hand away. Plankton is then seen boarding a tank loaded with missiles. Plankton aims it at the glove, who is seen crushing a boatmobile.]
  • Plankton: [shouting] Hey, Fistface! Prepare for annihilation! [to SpongeBob] Push the button, SpongeBob! [laughs maniacally, then pauses] Huh?
  • SpongeBob: [covering his eyes] Oh, I can't do it, I can't shoot the glove! [hides in his pants and points at the glove] It's – it's wiggling...
  • [The glove is seen grabbing a bus and squirting its passengers out. The passengers scream and run away as the glove throws the bus away.]
  • Plankton: [reaches for the button as his missiles point towards the sky] I must push it! [pushes the button and laughs maniacally as the missiles are launched towards the sky] What? [the missiles head down to the ground and hits Plankton and SpongeBob, causing an explosion; Plankton is then seen running on the tank's wheel like a treadmill, with his antennae burning] Why are you here again?
  • SpongeBob: I'm helping. [laughs; picks Plankton up] Listen to me, Plankton. You can't fight a big monster like that with hate. You can only defeat them with love. [tries to kiss Plankton but is slapped away]
  • Plankton: [groans in disgust] Love? That's too brutal... Let's do it! [SpongeBob's eyes turn into hearts and accidentally crushes Plankton with his hand]
  • [Scene cuts to SpongeBob and Plankton trying to fit into a giant glove.]
  • SpongeBob: [laughing weirdly from inside the disguise] Disguise!
  • Plankton: Pipe down, SpongeBob, or you'll blow our glover... I mean, cover!
  • [SpongeBob gives Plankton a thumbs-up, then proceeds to spray their disguise with perfume. They then head towards the Chum Bucket glove, seen continuously destroying property in downtown Bikini Bottom, and it then throws a boatmobile away, causing it to explode. SpongeBob and Plankton's glove walks by, giggling like a lady, and it catches the Chum Bucket glove's attention. The Chum Bucket glove catches up with SpongeBob and Plankton's glove, and dances with it. The two gloves then form a heart and little hearts show up around them.]
  • Plankton: [from inside the disguise] It's working, SpongeBob! He's in love! He's a big dope.
  • SpongeBob: [giggling] Love...
  • [The Chum Bucket glove spins SpongeBob and Plankton's glove and leaves it behind. It comes back, bringing a dinner table with candlelights. It then proceeds to get some chairs so they can both sit down, as if on a date. The Chum Bucket glove tries to hold the pinky finger of SpongeBob and Plankton's glove, but gets slapped away. Afterwards, it tries to slurp a spaghetti noodle, then SpongeBob and Plankton's glove does it as well. The Chum Bucket glove slurped a bit too much and it slurped SpongeBob and Plankton's glove off, causing SpongeBob and Plankton to accidentally reveal themselves. The Chum Bucket glove groans in shock.]
  • Plankton: [calling out] Check, please.
  • [The Chum Bucket glove groans in anger, smashing the dinner table while SpongeBob and Plankton run away. Afterwards, it groans in sadness after finding SpongeBob and Plankton's discarded giant glove. Scene then cuts back to SpongeBob's frontyard, with SpongeBob sitting down and Plankton pacing back and forth.]
  • SpongeBob: I'm sorry, Plankton. You came to me for help... and I failed! [cries and drowns Plankton in tears]
  • Plankton: [accidentally swallowing SpongeBob's tears and spits it out] It's alright, kid. [squeezes water off his antennae] Keep your pants on.
  • SpongeBob: [stops crying] Eh? Keep my pants on? [stands up and spins his pants around] Keep my pants on! That's a great idea! Eee-oop! [puts his pants down]
  • Plankton: Are you insane? [looks away] I said, keep them on!
  • SpongeBob: [walks towards his front door] Don't worry, you'll see. [clears throat] ♪ Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? ♪
  • Hans: [shows up and puts pants back on SpongeBob] You do.
  • [Plankton looks at Hans in shock, then screams.]
  • SpongeBob: Thanks for the pants, Hans, but... could you help me with another problem?
  • Hans: [manipulates hand like a puppet and pokes SpongeBob] I'm always here to help you, SpongeBob. [holds out his hand] High-five!
  • SpongeBob: [morphs into a hand and jumps to meet Hans's hand] High-five! [falls down and accidentally crushes Plankton]
  • Plankton: Ouch! [pops out of one of SpongeBob's holes] I get it. To catch a huge glove, you need a huge hand!
  • Hans: [gives a thumbs-up] Oooh, ja!
  • Plankton: [squeezes himself out of the hole] You're a genius, SquarePants!
  • SpongeBob: But that old glove could be anywhere by now. How are we going to find him?
  • Plankton: Hmm, let's see... if I was a glove, where would I go?
  • Hans: [raises hand enthusiastically] Ooh, ooh, ooh... I know!
  • [Scene cuts to Glove World, where Harold and his son are ogling at a Glove World toy stand, with an employee looking very bored.
  • Timmy: [pointing somewhere] Daddy, I want it!
  • Harold: Now, Timmy, you already have one of those glove toys at home.
  • Timmy: [pointing at the glove toys] Not that one... [points to something off-screen] That one!
  • [Harold screams, and the Chum Bucket glove is then seen destroying property within Glove World, throwing a mini ferris wheel away. It stops in front of a mini merry-go-round filled with children.]
  • Kid Fish: Uh-oh.
  • [The Chum Bucket glove spins the mini merry-go-round, blasting the children away. The Glove World visitors scream and run away, and the glove flicks some of them off of his path.]
  • Hans: [from off-screen] Hey, Glove-zilla! [camera pans over to him, with SpongeBob and Plankton, and points at the Chum Bucket glove] Someone needs to teach you some Swedish manners! [clenches into a fist as a kid screams and runs away, then prepares to charge like a bull]
  • SpongeBob and Plankton: [points at the Chum Bucket glove off-screen] Sick 'em, Hans!
  • [Hans charges like a bull towards the Chum Bucket glove and pokes it, blasting SpongeBob and Plankton off onto a concessionaire stand. Afterwards, he picks out a mascot-wearing Glove World employee and flicks him away.]
  • Hans: I challenge you to a duel!
  • [Hans wrestles with the Chum Bucket glove. SpongeBob and Plankton are seen watching Hans wrestle the Chum Bucket glove.]
  • Plankton: Give him the old butt-kicking discount, Hans!
  • SpongeBob: But only love will defeat the glove!
  • [Hans continues to wrestle with the Chum Bucket glove. Hans pinches the Chum Bucket glove, while one of its fingers punch Hans away.]
  • SpongeBob: Oh, look, they're playing rock-paper-scissors! [Hans and the Chum Bucket glove play rock-paper-scissors while SpongeBob counts, off-screen] One, two, three! [Hans uses scissors]
  • Plankton: Yeah! Nothing beats scissors... [chuckles]
  • [The Chum Bucket glove uses rock and is hovering over Hans.]
  • SpongeBob: Oh, except rock...
  • [The Chum Bucket glove crushes Hans as SpongeBob and Plankton groan in pain. The Chum Bucket glove then proceeds to have a thumb war with Hans.
  • SpongeBob: Oh my goodness, it's a thumb war!
  • [Hans continues to have a thumb war with the glove, which overpowers him and throws him onto a nearby ice cream stand, crushing it with their weight. They roll on the ground, towards SpongeBob and Plankton, who attempt to run away but end up being onboard Hans. The glove hurls them towards a bigger merry-go-round, and they all spin around as the glove continues its thumb war with Hans. They are all hurled off the merry-go-round, and the glove holds Hans down with its thumb. Hans is stuck under the glove's grasp.]
  • Hans: I can't defeat the glove, SpongeBob, it's too strong! You need to create a diversion.
  • SpongeBob: Diversion, eh?
  • [SpongeBob thinks of a diversion, and Plankton does the same, pacing back and forth.]
  • Plankton: Oh... Aha! [pauses] No...
  • [The scene alternates between SpongeBob and Plankton, who are both thinking. They suddenly get off of Hans.]
  • Plankton: We need a bullhorn, stat!
  • SpongeBob: [morphs nose into a bullhorn] I am a bullhorn, stat!
  • Plankton: [hops on SpongeBob and speaks into one of the holes; his voice amplified by bullhorn] Hey, Figure-face! Your grandma is a combat boot! [laughs]
  • [The Chum Bucket glove stops its thumb war with Hans and heads towards SpongeBob and Plankton, who both shiver in fear. The glove hovers over both of them and is about to attack, but Hans wears the glove.]
  • Hans: I got him! [poses] How do I look?
  • [The glove struggles to get off of Hans but is intercepted.]
  • SpongeBob: [admiringly] Aww, they fit each other just like a glove. [laughs]
  • Plankton: [imitates SpongeBob's laugh] Hardy-har-har.
  • Hans: He's harmless now, SpongeBob. See you tomorrow morning, I'll bring the pants! [leaves]
  • Plankton: [laughs, then realizes Hans left with his Chum Bucket glove] Wha–? Hey, come back! That glove is irreplaceable! Or is it?
  • [Scene cuts back into the Chum Bucket, whose glove is now replaced by a boot.]
  • Plankton: That looks way better than a glove! And it's a combat boot... to boot. [goes inside the Chum Bucket while singing to himself; then combat boot falls down] Ouch!
  • Jim the Wrestler: Yeah! [flexes his chest muscles]
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