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This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Gary Takes a Bath" from season two, which aired on July 26, 2003.
  • SpongeBob: Gary! Looks like it's that time of week again: bath time. [Gary's pupils dilate] Come on, let's go get the water started. You're gonna have to get in that tub, Gary. Now, Gary, we can do this the hard way, or the easy way, or the medium way, [zooms in on Gary's eyes] or the semi-medium-easy-hard way, or the sorta hard with a touch of awkward-easy-difficulty-challenging way... [Gary just stares] So that's how you wanna play it, huh?
  • SpongeBob: Gary! Check out this new toy. Fetch! [Throws the ball to Gary. Toy boomerangs back to SpongeBob and he reads the box] Huh? "New" Boomerang Pet Ball: Really Works! Hmmm. [throws the box but it boomerangs back and hits SpongeBob in the head]
  • SpongeBob: [with a bomb strapped to his chest] Gary! There's a bomb strapped to my chest! It's gonna explode in 3 seconds unless you take a bath!... [Gary doesn't react] ...Please... [bomb explodes] ... I am now going to assault your mind with subliminal messages.
  • [pictures of a bathtub, a shower faucet running, and then a bar of soap come up, then a disturbing picture of a giggling girl appears]
  • Subliminal Girl: [high-pitched laugh]
  • SpongeBob: I'm sorry you had to see that. [on the phone] Hello, Fancy French Restaurant? I've got a naughty snail here who won't take a bath. [person on the other side is talking] What? Can you say that again? Slow down, it's like you're speaking some other language! [hangs up] Hey, Gare! How 'bout some leap frog? Weehee! Okay, your turn. [flips Gary into the wall and breaks his shell, then we see Gary with his shell bandaged] Hey, Gare! How 'bout some leap frog? [Gary whacks him on the head with a cane] ... I've got a crisp dollar bill for the next fella to take a bath in this house! [Mr. Krabs comes in taking a bath then takes SpongeBob's dollar] Ya-da-da-da... [stops dancing] That didn't work either, huh? [SpongeBob dresses as a pirate] Gary! Gary! Look what I found! It's an old, pirate treasure map revealing a location of buried pirate treasure in this very house. Come on, boy, let's go get that treasure. Whoo! Okay, Gary, now 40 paces to the left. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10... 24, 25, 26, twenty seveeen... [nervously looks at Gary] 40. The treasure must be in here! [opens bathroom door] Wow, Gary, look! A pirate treasure chest.
  • Gary: Meow.
  • SpongeBob: Why, no, Gary, this isn't the bathtub. [Kicks away a paint can] It's treasure. Look, doubloons. [shows 2 bars of soap] Don't drop 'em... Look at this brooch! [shows a rubber ducky]
  • Gary: Meow.
  • SpongeBob: I don't know what a snail would want with a brooch! Now why don't you just get into the tub?! [tries to throw Gary in the tub but is on SpongeBob] Get in the tub! [tries to throw Gary in the tub but is unsuccessful again] Get in the tub!! [tries to throw Gary in the tub but is unsuccessful again] Get in the tub... [tries to throw Gary in the tub but is unsuccessful again] In the tub. [tries to throw Gary in the tub but is unsuccessful again] In the tub! [tries to throw Gary in the tub but he floats over the tub, and appears back on the floor after 2 seconds] Now, Gary, are you gonna get in this tub or am I gonna have to... [pulls up Gary off the floor but both end up dangling from the ceiling] Gary, could you... [Gary sucks in one of his eyes into his head and SpongeBob loses his grip] Gary, no! [Gary pulls in other eye] Gary! [SpongeBob falls in the tub]. Alright, Gary, you have duped, and/or, frustrated me for the last time. So, if I can't get you to come to the bath, I'll just have to bring the bath to you. [absorbs all the water in the bathtub]. Psst, Gary. Bath delivery. [SpongeBob spits water at Gary but misses and hits the armchair instead]. Come back, Gary. I have something to "chair" with you. [SpongeBob spits more water at Gary but misses and hits dirty dishes, which cleans and stacks them] "Dishes" more like it. "Water" you waiting for, Gary?
  • Gary: [meowing in a tree]
  • SpongeBob: Aww, stuck in a tree? It's time to clean up your act, Gary. [spits out water at Gary but realizes it's a gramophone playing a record of Gary's meows]. Oh, no! I bathed Gary too hard and removed his skin. [Gary, while meowing mockingly, takes the ladder off the tree] Gary! Bring that ladder back this instant. [ladder falls down] I am really not amused, mister. You are going to take a bath, and you are going to get clean right now.
  • Gary: Meow.
  • SpongeBob: I am so the boss of you!
  • Gary: Meow.
  • SpongeBob: It may be a free country, but you live in my house under my rules.
  • Gary: Meow.
  • SpongeBob: Don't use that tone of voice with me. You will do what I say when I say. [Gary slithers forward] What are you doing? I am talking to you, mister. [Gary stops right next to some mud] Do not go near that mud puddle! Gary, the snail, do you hear me? I am giving you three seconds to get away from that mud puddle. One, [Gary moves closer to the mud] two, [Gary moves closer to the mud] two and a half... [Gary leans over the mud] don't make me say three! [Gary leans further over the mud] Gary! Gary! Gary! Gary!! [SpongeBob falls out of the tree and into the mud] I'm a dirty boy. [SpongeBob is in the bathtub]
  • Gary: Meow.
  • SpongeBob: Yeah, yeah, Gary. [scrubs his ears] I'm getting behind my ears. [Gary grins]