First and Last Aid/transcript

This article is a transcript of the Kamp Koral: SpongeBob's Under Years episode "First and Last Aid" from season 1, which aired on September 30, 2022.

[The episode starts near Lake Yuckymuck, where many campers are running around having fun. Sandy and SpongeBob are amongst the crowd playing tetherball, with the ball quickly whirling around in the air.]
Sandy: Yee-haw! [backflips and catches the ball] Are you ready for my "Hot Time at the Old Hoedown, Shut the Barn Door, Flaming Saddle Serve"?
SpongeBob: [enthusiastically] I'm ready!
[Sandy tosses the ball up into the air and hits it so hard it bursts into flames.]
SpongeBob: I got it! [gets hit twice, leaving bruises and making him dizzy] I got it...
[The ball continues to hit him until he is covered in bruises and is laying on the ground, laughing in a daze.]
Sandy: Oh, maybe I should've left the barn door open.
[She holds up her hand and grabs the ball. Nearby, Mrs. Puff is looking around, supervising.]
Mrs. Puff: Hmm... [turns and sees SpongeBob] Oh!
[She quickly leaps off the chair she was sitting on, breaking it. She rushes towards SpongeBob in concern, skidding to a stop as she arrives.]
Mrs. Puff: SpongeBob, speak to me. Are you okay?
[SpongeBob groans in pain and falls over as Mr. Krabs approaches.]
Mr. Krabs: Oh, he's fine. [lifts SpongeBob to his feet] Just walk it off, kid.
[SpongeBob turns to walk away, but falls to the floor in pain.]
Mrs. Puff: I think he needs to see a nurse.
Mr. Krabs: Oh, let's not be hasty. Let's take a look-see. [He lifts SpongeBob upright.] Hmm...
[He pushes the bumps on SpongeBob's head back in to the tune of the SpongeBob SquarePants theme song, which cleans up all the injuries SpongeBob has. However, the injuries reappear after a few moments, making Mrs. Puff angrily glares at Krabs, who laughs nervously,]
Mr. Krabs: Okay then.
[He mimics taking out a pen and notepad, writes on it, rips off a page and slams it onto SpongeBob's head.]
Mr. Krabs: There you go, one prescription for "walk it off."
[He lifts SpongeBob onto his feet and pushes him forward, causing him to tumble forward. Mrs. Puff looks at Mr. Krabs and growls in anger. The scene changes to SpongeBob and Patrick playing badminton, where SpongeBob leaps into the air, misses the shuttlecock and lands in the net, which slices him into many small cubes. Mr. Krabs angrily approaches them.]
Mr. Krabs: All of you, walk it off!
[The cubes giggle as they get up and walk away. Patrick walks towards Krabs with his head stuck in his racket.]
Mr. Krabs: You too.
Patrick: Okay.
[He immediately turns around and follows the cubes. The scene changes to the Kelp Luge, where many campers are sliding down the mountain. At the top, SpongeBob and Patrick are next and the worker lifts up the kelp, sending the two down the luge so fast they leave a trail of fire. They jump over a bump and do a few spins in a loop-de-loop before continuing. The speed makes SpongeBob's face get pulled back by the force, while the top of Patrick's head gets ripped off, exposing his brain. His tongue then flies out of his mouth and tastes his brain,]
Patrick: I can taste my brain.
SpongeBob: Whoa!
[The two speed down to the bottom of the luge, where Elwood is unloading a truck full of trampolines.]
Elwood: Gotta move these trampolines.
[He lifts up a trampoline, creating a ramp that launches SpongeBob and Patrick into the air. Larry is bouncing on a trampoline and notices the two heading for him. Before he can react, they hit him and knock him out of his shell, which bounces off the trampoline.]
Larry: Hey!
[He looks down and realizes he is shell-less, causing him to blush and cover himself. He, SpongeBob, and Patrick scream as they hit the Krusty Kanteen, smashing their board and flattening SpongeBob against the building. Larry and Patrick fall into the dumpster below, which scares Gary and makes him run away. The two peek out of the dumpster as SpongeBob falls on the heads and onto the ground. Mr. Krabs angrily walks towards them.]
Mr. Krabs: All of yous, walk it off.
[Patrick and Larry skitter away in the dumpster as SpongeBob rolls after them. The scene changes to Mr. Krabs and Mrs. Puff having lunch.]
Mr. Krabs: Ah, lunch. Me favorite part of the day.
[He opens his lunchbox to reveal a very tall sandwich. He grabs it, compressing it into a bite-size form and is about to eat it.]
SpongeBob: [offscreen] Camp Master Krabs!
[Mr. Krabs misses the sandwich and smashes his teeth together, shattering them. He looks in shock at SpongeBob, who is tapping him on the shoulder,]
SpongeBob: I was playing on the jungle gym and my leg came off again.
[The camera zooms out to reveal a one-legged SpongeBob. He then holds up his right leg at Mr. Krabs.]
Mrs. Puff: Oh, my goodness!
[Mr. Krabs grumbles in annoyance as he puts down his lunch and squirts ketchup onto the end of SpongeBob's leg, before picking SpongeBob up and screwing the leg back on.]
Mr. Krabs: There. [he flips SpongeBob into the air, and watches as he lands safely.] Now walk it off.
[He rubs his hands together and grabs his lunch as SpongeBob rotates around on his fixed leg.]
SpongeBob: Oh hi, Camp Master Krabs.
[Mr. Krabs glares at him in annoyance, before going to eat his lunch. SpongeBob spins around again on his leg.]
SpongeBob: Oh hi, Camp Master Krabs.
[Mr. Krabs stares at SpongeBob as he slowly whirls out of view. After he leaves, Krabs eats his sandwich as Mrs. Puff glares at him.]
Mrs. Puff: I think this camp has gone long enough without a nurse.
[Mr. Krabs becomes shocked and spits his food in Mrs. Puff's face.]
Mr. Krabs: A nurse? That'll cost me money. Besides, we already have a nurse; Nurse Moppitybuckets.
[He motions towards two brooms and a bucket tied together to look person-shaped. The reflex hammer the 'nurse' is holding falls to the ground as a bird screeches.]
Mrs. Puff: Oh, good heavens no. [retrieves a phone and presses some buttons] I'm calling for a nurse right now. [answers ringing phone] Hello? Yes, we need a real nurse at Kamp Koral.
[An engine is suddenly heard revving up nearby, and the two turn to see a short nurse ride a motorcycle over some dunes. The nurse runs over Nurse Moppitybuckets and skids to a stop in front of them, kicking up a cloud of sand. Once the sand settles, the nurse takes off her helmet and turns to them.]
Nurse Helga: I'm Helga Schmerzen, your new nurse. Where do I work?
[Mr. Krabs and Mrs. Puff look at each other for a bit, realizing what just happened.]
Mrs. Puff: Wow, that was quick.
Mr. Krabs: Not so fast. [gets up and approaches Helga] How do I know you're a good nurse?
[Mo suddenly runs into view and trips over a rock, injuring herself.]
Mo: Whoa, I tripped! Ow.
[Nurse Helga quickly retrieves a medical bag from her motorcycle and leaps onto Mo. After a brief sand cloud, Helga steps back and looks on as Mo marvels at her new arm cast.]
Mo: Awesome. Who wants to sign my cast?
[She rushs away as Mr. Krabs and Mrs. Puff look on in shock. After a few moments of thinking, Mr. Krabs gets an idea.]
Mr. Krabs: I know. I'll pay you out of Plankton's salary. [extends his hand to Helga for a handshake] You're hired!
[The scene changes to a dilapidated cabin, falling apart and covered in plant life. Mr. Krabs and Helga, who is carrying supplies, walk towards the entrance,]
Mr. Krabs: Here we are. [grunts as he rips the boards off the door] The first aid cabin.
[He opens the door and a flock of clambats fly into his mouth, lifting him into the air. He slams his head on the roof, making him spit out the bats and land on Helga, who carries him in and places him down before taking in the sight.]
Nurse Helga: It is perfect. [starts walking to the back of the cabin as Mr. Krabs follows] It reminds me of time as field nurse during Klopnodian Wars. [looks at a rack of equipment and her eyes widen in surprise] Hello, old friend. We meet again.
[She fixes up her hair before affectionally rubbing a bone saw, a wide smile on her face. Mr. Krabs watches on, unnerved.]
Mr. Krabs: Okay then. I'm sure you and Dr. Bone Saw have a lot of catching up to do, so, uh, I'll just...
[He awkwardly leaves as Helga kisses and fawns over the bone saw. The scene changes to the Lake Yuckymuck dock, with Perch Perkins' announcement tower nearby.]
Perch Perkins: Attention campers! The first aid cabin is now open!
[The camera pans to the first aid cabin, which is now cleaned up. Inside, Helga is hanging up an eye testing chart as SpongeBob taps her shoulder. She quickly spins around to look at him.]
SpongeBob: Hi, I'm firsty. [holds up a glass] May I have some first-ade? With a straw?
Nurse Helga: What? You don't drink first aid. [grabs the glass and tosses it behind her] First aid is for abrasions, lacerations, and contusions.
[She smacks her fins together to emphasize her point, ending her explanation with a small hop. SpongeBob just looks at her in confusion as he scratches his butt.]
Nurse Helga: [annoyed] For the treating of ouchies and boo-boos.
SpongeBob: [in realization] Oh! In that case, can I have a Band-Aid?
Nurse Helga: What for you need Band-Aid?
SpongeBob: [nervously as he shuffles his foot] I don't know, things?
[He pulls out a book from behind and opens it, revealing pages filled with Band-Aids]
Nurse Helga: [annoyed] No!
[Her answer is so sudden and shocking that it launches SpongeBob across the room.]
Nurse Helga: Come back only when you need one.
[She turns around and starts to work on the bulletin board.]
SpongeBob: [offscreen] May I please have a Band-Aid now?
[Helga turns back around and gasps; SpongeBob has somehow been turned into a Rubik's cube.]
Nurse Helga: What happen?
SpongeBob: Well, I was dumping trash in the compactor and...
[A flashback occurs, showing SpongeBob dumping trash into the compactor. He turns around to leave, but slips on a banana peel and falls in. After a few moments, the compactor spits out a cubic SpongeBob, who laughs. The flashback ends, and Helga begins to turn SpongeBob's parts around, eventually 'solving' him and returning him to normal. SpongeBob notices his pants are backwards and quickly spins them around.]
Nurse Helga: Now go!
[The scene changes to the first aid cabin. Inside, SpongeBob arrives laughing uncontrollably.]
Nurse Helga: What is problem this time?
SpongeBob: [points to back] It tickles really bad.
[Curious, Helga turns SpongeBob around to reveal three sea urchins stuck to his back. One growls at her.]
Nurse Helga: [in shock] Ah! Good gracious.
[She peels off the urchins one-by-one and tosses them behind her, and they all gather up and crawl away like an inchworm.]
Nurse Helga: How did you survive all this time without camp nurse?
SpongeBob: Camp Master Krabs always says to walk it off.
[He uses his hand to demonstrate someone falling over and dizzily getting back up.]
Nurse Helga: Walk it off? That won't do. Things will be different from now on. [grabs SpongeBob and shoves three corks into his back] Now go! And watch what you're doing out there.
SpongeBob: I will.
[He rushes to the door but misses, slamming into the wall and launching the corks at Helga. She turns around and jumps in shock at the corks, right before getting hit. As SpongeBob leave, Helga sits back up, the corks having ended in her eyes and mouth. She grabs a cork and shakes the others off.]
Nurse Helga: Ugh. He is the most ungeschickt (clumsy) person mine eyes have laid across. This must end. I follow him, nip his bud before it starts.
[She grabs a pair of scissors and cuts the cork in half, launching a cork piece at her and knocking herself out. The scene changes to a pair of tightrope pillars in camp. At the top, a bruised Helga is wearing a rope and tying the other end to SpongeBob, who is riding a unicycle.]
Nurse Helga: Isn't this a little risky for camp?
SpongeBob: Probably.
Nurse Helga: You are a danger to yourself. [grabs rope] But this will keep the ouchie away.
SpongeBob: Ouchie away!
[He cycles halfway onto the tightrope, looping around the rope in panic. Upon realizing nothing bad happened, he gives a thumbs-up to Helga.]
Nurse Helga: Ha! I knew safety line was good thing.
SpongeBob: Okay!
[He suddenly wobbles and falls off the tightrope, pulling Helga with him. She falls down to him and repeatedly slams into him. The scene changes to the baseball field, where Sandy is pitching and spits out some gum on the inside of her helmet. Patrick is the catcher and is enthusiastically pounding the catcher's mitt with his fist.]
Patrick: Yeah, bring it in.
[Nearby, SpongeBob is choosing between four baseball bats. He picks one up and, happy with his choice, absentmindedly throws the other three away.]
Nurse Helga: [offscreen] Wait!
[Helga rushes into view, a cast now on her foot. She notices the bats and ducks under one, sidesteps another and jumps over the last one. She quickly waddles towards SpongeBob, a determined look on her face.]
Nurse Helga: We must prepare you for battle.
[She reaches into her medical bag and pulls out bubble wrap, before quickly wrapping up SpongeBob. After she's done, Helga smiles proudly as SpongeBob is covered head to toe in bubble wrap.]
SpongeBob: I can barely move. This is no fun.
Nurse Helga: Exactly. No fun means no boo-boos.
[SpongeBob waddles his way onto the baseball field, where Patrick pops one of the bubbles.]
Patrick: I can't help myself! [giggles] It's all I wanna do.
[He proceeds to quickly circle SpongeBob, rapidly popping the bubbles.]
SpongeBob: I know. If I could move my arms, I'd be poppin' my bubbles too.
[On the pitcher's mound, Sandy gets ready to pitch.]
Sandy: Whoa, hyah!
[SpongeBob is too distracted by Patrick to notice the baseball. The ball lands in his laughing mouth, and he spits it so hard it flies over the horizon, bursting into flames.]
Sandy: Whoa! Golly.
[The ball whizzes deep into camp. Mo takes off her cast and shows off her healed arm.]
Mo: Hi!
[The ball hits her on the head and she falls to the ground, stunned. The ball then flies to Perch Perkins, who is sleeping in his tower. The ball hits the tower and Perch screams as the tower falls and hits the ground. The ball then travels to Jelly Meadows, where it hits a jellyfish that spits it back, electrifying it as well. The ball zooms all the way back to the baseball field, where it hits Helga on the head, knocking her out and electrifying her. Her leg twitches as she lays unconscious. Patrick and SpongeBob awkwardly look at Helga before Patrick pops another bubble. The scene changes to the first aid cabin, where SpongeBob is sitting and playing chess with Helga, who has bandages on her head.]
Nurse Helga: There will be no more dangerous fun. Just sitting and playing thinking games.
SpongeBob: Oh, can we at least play 'Razor Sharp Checkers'?
[He holds up a box that has pictures of checker pieces with razors lodged in them.]
Nurse Helga: No! [hits box away, scattering pieces everywhere] You are boo-boo magnet, and worse, a boo-boo magnet to me. Chess is safe and gentle game. [takes a pawn and moves it forward] See? Now you move.
[SpongeBob looks at his pieces and thinks, before picking up a pawn and moving it forward. A small rumbling is heard before the tool rack on the wall suddenly falls onto Helga. She weakly raises her arm out of the mess.]
Nurse Helga: Checkmate.
[The scene changes to Porpoise Peak, where SpongeBob and Helga, now with an arm sling. are setting up mats. They sit on the mats as Helga breathes deeply before exhaling.]
Nurse Helga: Here in the wide open, with the beautiful mountains behind us, there is no way we can get hurt.
[SpongeBob hears some laughter and turns around to see Patrick, Sandy and Larry playing with a flaming soccer ball.]
Larry: I'm wide open!
SpongeBob: Can I please go play 'flaming soccer' with my friends?
Nurse Helga: No!
SpongeBob: But camp is supposed to be fun.
Nurse Helga: In my country, children do not have fun. They stay safe. Now, close eyes, find center, and start chanting the mantra I taught you.
[SpongeBob hesitates for a moment, before sitting in the lotus position.]
SpongeBob: No fun, no fun, no fun, no fun, no fun...
[His chanting creates soundwaves that blow back the trees and annoy the wildlife. At the top of Porpoise Peak, the soundwaves dislodge a rock, causing a rockslide to happen. As Helga relaxes, she hears the rumbling and turns around, screaming as she notices the rockslide. She gets up and quickly waddles away, but the rocks crush her. SpongeBob slides towards her on top of a rock, and one final rock hits SpongeBob's head before bouncing onto Helga's head, knocking them both out. The scene changes to the first aid cabin. Inside, a sleeping Helga, now in a full body cast, screams as she wakes up. After a bit, she calms down.]
Nurse Helga: Phew, it was just a nightmare.
[She then realizes that the entire inside of the first aid cabin is covered in yellow, spongy material. She sees SpongeBob rip off a part of himself to cover a spot on the floor.]
Nurse Helga: [panicked] Ah! Stop hurting yourself!
SpongeBob: Oh, it doesn't hurt. [rips off another chunk and slaps his head, making it grow back] I'm made of sponge. But you aren't, and since you're so accident-prone, I nurse-proofed your cabin for ya.
[He then giggles as he jumps up and down, before bouncing around the room and landing in a chair.]
SpongeBob: See, now ya can't get hurt. It's fun, try it.
[Helga folds her arms and turns away, but hears SpongeBob's giggling and looks to see him bouncing on the chair. Helga presses her foot into the spongy floor as SpongeBob keeps bouncing. Helga then starts bouncing up and down, causing a smile to grow on her face.]
Nurse Helga: Oh, this is fun.
[She laughs as she starts bouncing around the room, and SpongeBob soon joins her. Mr. Krabs then enters, covered in bruises.]
Mr. Krabs: Hello? I need a nurse.
[He presses the bumps on his head to the tune of the SpongeBob SquarePants theme song. SpongeBob and Helga stop bouncing to talk.]
SpongeBob: Let me guess; Sandy's "Hot Time at the Hoedown, Shut the Barn Door, Flaming Saddle Serve"?
[Mr. Krabs nods as a horse is heard neighing. Helga gets a pen and notepad and writes on the notepad.]
Nurse Helga: Walk it off. [rips paper and smacks it onto Krabs' face] We are having fun!
[Mr. Krabs groans in pain as SpongeBob and Helga bounce around the room, and the episode ends on an iris out focusing on the note on Krabs' face.]