Eye of the Hotdog/transcript

This article is a transcript of the Kamp Koral: SpongeBob's Under Years episode "Eye of the Hotdog" from season 1, which aired on May 26, 2023.

[The camera zooms through the camp as Perch speaks.]
Perch: Spanning the camp...
[Bubble Bass dives off a cliff into the water, creating a big splash.]
Perch: To bring you a variety of sports!
[Three campers pull back bows with plunger-tipped arrows.]
Perch: The whoo-hoo of victory...
[A bruised anchovy with boxing gloves, holding a trophy, is carried away by his teammates. Two other anchovies hold cameras and take pictures. The arrows land on the anchovy's trophy, head, and glove. Cut to a screaming camper sliding down a mountain on skis.]
Perch: And the boo-hoo of defeat.
[A short yellow camper is looking at his watch and tapping his foot impatiently, waiting for the restroom. The skier crashes through the back of the outhouse, creating a smoke cloud.]
Yellow camper: [runs away] Uhh, I'll come back later.
[The skier stumbles out of the outhouse and falls on his face.]
Perch: The summertime drama of athletic competition.
[Larry spikes a volleyball over a net. Another camper tries to run up to him. Larry thrusts his chest forward and knocks him away.]
Camper: Whoaaa!
Larry: [raises hands] Yeah!
Perch: [over logo] This is Kamp Koral's Narrow World of Camp Sports! [walks past camp gates] Hello and welcome. I'm Perch Perkins. On today's program, we examine the life of camp sports legend [shows picture of Craig standing on a podium and giving a wedgie to another camper] Craig Mammalton. His athletic achievements are well known, but his journey into greatness starts much earlier.
[Static covers the screen, a VHS effect appears, and we see a baby Craig in his mother's womb, doing push-ups. A montage shows Craig playing football, baseball, swimming, preparing to run, spinning on his head, vaulting over a bar, lifting weights, and doing ballet.]
Perch: [over montage] Craig demonstrated an aptitude for sports at an early age. Born with an athletic drive, he was bound for glory. By elementary school, Craig was not only good at sports, but at anything involving athleticism. [outside camp] It was at Kamp Koral where Craig really flourished. [cabin shows up] In the Frigate cabin, he found his sports family. [pans to a wall of Larry's trophies] In fact, when his camp counselor Larry the Lobster was a camper, he set the record in every event at camp, [pan up to Larry's wall, showing a variety of 2nd place trophies and medals with a picture of Craig winning a gold medal] until Craig broke them all.
[Larry appears in his room, gritting his teeth and holding a glass. A caption reads "Larry (the) Lobster".]
Larry: [straining] Larry is proud that Craig broke all of Larry's records. [breaks glass]
Perch: [walking through camp] Craig thought he had reached his highest peak, but then he saw an even higher peak when Kamp Koral announced its first annual hot dog eating contest. [eats hot dog] Mm, mmm.
[Cut to Krabs in his office, with a box and cans of hot dogs. A caption reads "Eugene Krabs".]
Krabs: I found some navy surplus hot dogs under me cabin, so we had a hot dog eating contest.
Perch: Craig started training immediately, strengthening his stomach so it compact the food and make room for more.
[Craig is doing pull-ups on the roof of the cabin. He squishes a soda can with his stomach.]
Perch: But he wasn't favored to win.
[Cut to SpongeBob sitting on his bed, captioned "Local Rube".]
SpongeBob: Because of the stretchiness of my body... [stretches his sides] everyone thought I would win!
[The scene switches to a hot dog eating contest. Craig eats them rapidly and SpongeBob has many crammed in his mouth. Their counters each go up.]
Perch: The crowd was evenly split, rooting for Craig [shows various fans of Craig in the crowd] and SpongeBob! [shows crowd cheering for SpongeBob]
[SpongeBob puts a hot dog in his mouth, closes his mouth, and pokes the last one in. After straining for a moment, the hot dogs shoot out of his head as the counter rolls down. Cut to SpongeBob in his cabin.]
SpongeBob: [takes out hot dog] Apparently, I'm mostly out holes.
[Back in the contest, as SpongeBob keeps shooting out hot dogs, Patrick is next to him and putting ketchup on a hot dog. His counter reads 076.
Perch: But what nobody was expecting was last-minute entry Patrick Star!
[Patrick eats his hot dog and the counter increments. Cut to him on his bed, as the caption "Patrick Star" appears.]
Patrick: I was late because, at first, I thought it was who could eat the least hot dogs, and that was way too hard. [SpongeBob looks up at him, unsure]
Perch: When SpongeBob lost his hot dogs, Craig thought his victor was assured...
[Craig continues eating hot dogs. SpongeBob spits out the last one and flops on his face, his counter now reading 000.]
Perch: But he didn't count on Patrick's uncanny gluttony.
[Patrick sees the hot dogs flying through the air and sets down the one he prepared. He sticks out his tongue and catches them all in his mouth. After he swallows, his counter reads 165. He then eats the one he set down, incrementing it to 166. Krabs is reading a newspaper, when an alarm clock goes off and he hits it.]
Krabs: All right, time's up!
[SpongeBob groans and falls off the table. Craig sits back, his score reading 089.]
Krabs: In second place, camper Craig! [takes out silver trophy]
Craig: That's me! [takes trophy as the crowd cheers]
[Patrick lays back and eats another hot dog. His counter increments from 331 to 332.]
Krabs: And first place goes to camper Patrick! [takes out gold trophy]
Craig: Hey, yeah! [kicks Patrick away and takes the trophy; laughs] Yeah!
[The crowd boos for Craig, who looks confused.]
Craig: Huh?
[Cut to Tall Tail in his cabin. A caption reads "T. Tail".]
Tall Tail: It was harsh. Craig thought he came in both first and second place.
Perch: Craig had never lost before.
[The campers laugh at him. Craig looks confused.]
Perch: His mind couldn't register defeat... until the laughter started.
[A row of fans have letters on their chests spelling out "CAIRG". They pull them down and back up to replace them with "LOSRE".]
Larry: [in cabin] You could see the moment that reality set in.
[Craig sweats as he holds both trophies.]
Perch: Losing broke Craig.
[The shot of Craig's face breaks like glass. He is seen laying on top of the cabin at night. He takes off his hat and holds it to his chest.]
Perch: He had reached the dark hour of his soul, a place most athletes never come back from.
Larry: [in cabin, lifting weights] He stopped caring about sports. He stopped working out. He even stopped eating hot dogs, [drops weight] and that's a protein, bro!
[Craig prepares a bindle stick and talks to Larry, Mo, and Tall Tail.]
Perch: When Craig finally did speak, it was to tell his cabin mates that he wasn't worthy of living with true athletes. [Craig points and walks to the outhouse, lifts it up, and goes in a hole under it] He was only worthy of bunking under the outhouse. [SpongeBob walks up] But it was a sponge that finally got through to Craig.
[As SpongeBob enters, the same orange camper runs up and tries to use the outhouse.]
Orange camper: Wait, wait, wait wait, wait, wait! [the door is closed] Ugh!
[SpongeBob hums, unrolls a Mermaid Man comic, and lifts the seat up. Craig is heard sobbing. SpongeBob is shocked.]
SpongeBob: [awkwardly] Uh, Craig, I can't go with all that weeping. [cheering him up] Besides, losing was a gift. [Craig peeps out of the hole as SpongeBob speaks] It lets you know how great winning is. You are way more than just one little, old loss!
Craig: [pokes SpongeBob's face in] Oh, you're right, sponge bro! [jumps up] Aha!
SpongeBob: You're ready!
[Craig runs out of the outhouse. SpongeBob points at himself before closing the door.]
SpongeBob: And I'm ready, too!
[When the door shuts, the orange camper is still behind it.]
Orange camper: [screams]
Perch: [over shot of cabin] Craig was on the road to redemption, but the journey out of the dark reaches of the soul is long and hard.
[Craig and his cabinmates are meditating.]
Frigate members: [like "ohm"] Bro...
[Craig levitates, and Tall Tail pushes him back down.]
Perch: Thankfully, Craig's friends where there to lift him up and help him train for the second first annual hot dog eating contest.
Krabs: [in his office] I had some leftover navy surplus hot dogs from last week, so the second contest wasn't costing me a thing. [pauses] Neither.
[A rock song plays over a montage of Craig training. He looks at a board with pictures of hot dogs and one of a stomach, and pins a picture to it.]
Singer: [singing] One dog at a time! I got my eyes on the prize!
[Craig does pull-ups and bites a sausage link that Mo hangs from a fishing pole.]
Singer: [singing] Got a belly for victory, can't be satisfied!
[Craig puts more pictures on the board. He boxes a hot dog that Tall Tail holds, then bites it.]
Singer: [singing] Bring on the brats and wieners! Gonna eat the competition for dinner!
[Craig puts another picture on the board. He blows on some trumpets in sequence. Larry throws him a hot dog, which he eats and claps. The board is now full of pictures.]
Singer: [singing] I'm gonna eat them ! Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Perch: Craig was back. He had the eye of the hot dog and was ready to compete.
[Craig runs up to a cliff overlooking the lake, with a link of sausage. He dances and bites it in half, then twirls it. He accidentally ties his hands up and falls off.]
Perch: But what did his rival think?
Patrick: [in cabin] I wasn't gonna go easy on Craig. [points to stomach] It wouldn't be fair to my stomach. [stomach gurgles]
[Static transitions to another hot dog eating contest. Patrick and Craig are facing off again, and Chovy and Harvey are on the other side of the table. Krabs stands by the clock.]
Perch: It was the moment of truth. Did Craig have what it takes to come back from last week's defeat?
[Craig and Patrick look at each other angrily, then turn around and shake hands. They aggressively push up against each other, grow hands from their stomachs, shake them, and arm wrestle.]
Krabs: Alright, you scallywags, when the wiener clock strikes 12:00, you got [punctuating by poking his hand] ten minutes to eat all the hot dogs you can.
[Split screens show the contestants ready to face off. Harvey and Chovy look nervous, while Patrick and Craig are determined.]
Krabs: Three... two... one... [clock strikes] Go!
[Chovy's score is 003, and he dips hot dogs in water before eating them. Harvey swings his hands back and forth with a bunch of hot dogs shoved in his mouth, and his score is 005. Craig and Patrick eat hot dogs at a rapid pace. When they finish, they wipe their mouths with napkins and are served more hot dogs, then continue facing off.]
Perch: And they're off! Chovy and Harvey are making noble efforts, but it's clear the real story here is defending champion Patrick Star and challenger Craig Mammalton who clearly has something to prove.
Audience: [cheering]
[Chovy, with the score 013, and Harvey, with the score 014, are each struggling to eat more.]
Perch: Chovy and Harvey, having no chance for first place, compete for the booby prize. The true weenie warriors are Patrick and Craig, neck and neck. One falter, one mistake, and the trophy is lost.
[Craig and Patrick continue eating rapidly, their scores being 174 and 176.]
Audience: [cheering]
[The video pauses.]
Perch: Just as the contest was racing to a finish, a twist of fate stepped in.
[A camper takes a plate of hot dogs from Plankton, who sits against a crate in his kitchen.]
Perch: It was right after the camp cook finished preparing the last hot dogs when he noticed the expiration date on the side of the hot dog crate.
Plankton: [reading] "Do not use after July 28th, 12:09 p.m." Hmm, that's oddly specific. [sees calendar] Oh, no. That's today! [screams] Three seconds from now! [looks at his "Planklex" watch]
[Chovy, at a score of 099, tries to eat another hot dog. The hot dog jumps into the air, explodes into a green cloud, and is covered in mold. Chovy turns green. Harvey, with a score of 014, is eating more hot dogs, which go moldy, and he turns green. Craig and Patrick stop eating, their hot dogs expire, and they turn green. Craig looks at Harvey, whose score is now 101, and Chovy, who are badly ill. Suddenly, Chovy, and then Harvey, start vomiting up the hot dogs as their counters go down. Craig struggles to keep his down. Patrick, at a score of 099, vomits them out. With a score of 999, Craig sees a moldy hot dog.]
Perch: Craig knew with one final hot dog, he could win it all.
[Craig takes the hot dog, and the audience gasps. He bites into it and eats the entire thing, to the audience's disgust. Once he chews it, he sees the clock running down. He swallows, and it hits 12. Krabs screams and the crowd starts cheering. Craig's counter flips to say "WIN", but he and the other contestants promptly vomit out the rest of their hot dogs. The campers run away, screaming, as the moldy hot dogs rain down.]
Perch: It was pandemonium! Rancid hot dogs were everywhere!
Plankton: Wait! Don't eat the--! [spits out hot dog] Uh-oh! [spits out more]
[Bubble Bass spits hot dogs at Kevin.]
Kevin: I don't understand! We didn't even eat any hot dogs! [vomits more]
[The counters are knocked over. Harvey, Chovy, and Patrick are collapsed on the floor. Craig lays on the table.]
Perch: It appeared Craig had lost again. The rules of the contest state, "If you can't keep your hot dogs down, you will be disqualified."
Krabs: [in his office] Disqualified? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I thought they were gonna sue me, so I gave them all a trophy just to shut 'em up. [pauses] Wait, you're gonna cut that part, right?
[Krabs spray paints a trophy golden and hands them out to everyone.]
Krabs: Well, what do you know? You're all winners, or should I say, wieners! [laughs]
[Craig and Patrick sit up and look at their trophies.]
Craig and Patrick: Huh?
Perch: The gods of sport worked in mysterious ways that day, but how would Craig take the decision?
Craig: [thinking] A golden hot dog? [snickers, then bursts out laughing]
[He and Patrick laugh at their trophies, with Patrick having gold paint on his mouth from having eaten his. In his cabin, Craig continues laughing.]
Craig: [laughs] All that matters... is I gave it my all!
[An image of Craig over a flag appears.]
Perch: And that sporting spirit is why Craig Mammalton will always be a camp sport legend, always striving to be the best he can be!
[The camera zooms out to show Craig in the Kamp Koral Narrow World of Camp Sports logo, and a star transition closes the episode.]