Dig This/transcript

This article is a transcript of the Kamp Koral: SpongeBob's Under Years episode "Dig This" from season 2, which aired on July 10, 2024.

[Patrick is walking with two breadsticks in his hands. SpongeBob and Sandy are walking behind him.]
Patrick: With these breadstick dousing rods, we're gonna find the underground pizza motherlode!
SpongeBob: Oh, I hope we find pepperoni pizza!
Sandy: I hate to put a bur onto your saddles, fellas, but pizza doesn't grow underground. Scientifically, it [shrugging] just doesn't make sense.
Patrick: You say science, I say baloney.
SpongeBob and Patrick: [chanting and dancing] Science is baloney! We're looking for pepperoni!
Patrick: Science is balon-- [trips and falls onto a protruding bone in the ground] D'oh! That rock tripped me on purpose! [angrily pulls the bone out from the ground] That's a weird rock.
Sandy: [gasps] That's not a rock, Patrick. It's a bone.
Patrick: As in "bone appetit"? Don't mind if I do. [places the bone on his tongue, which Sandy takes, biting his tongue off]
Sandy: [looking at the bone with a magnifying glass] This could be from the Paleoithic period! [gasps] Or maybe from the Mesolithic period! Or even the [tosses magnifying glass] Neolithic period!
SpongeBob: [magnifying glass is stuck to his body, thinking] Hmm. So you're saying it's lithic unspecific?
Sandy: I'm saying, this could be our chance at finding an undiscovered prehistoric creature! [runs around Patrick, then runs away] Time to get our hot doggity dig on!
SpongeBob and Patrick: Huh. Ooh.
[Bubble transition to Sandy, SpongeBob, and Patrick at a dig site. Sandy and SpongeBob are dusting off a bone, and Patrick is licking one of his own. Food crumbs then fall onto the bone.]
Harvey and Bubble Bass: [laughing]
Patrick: [holding his tongue] Huh? [Harvey is eating a snack bar, leaving crumbs down below] Hey! I just licked that clean!
Bubble Bass: What are you ding dong dinghies digging?
Sandy: [angry] Hello there! Y'all are contaminating our pristine archaeological site.
Harvey: Oops. [laughs]
Sandy: Food and drink are not allowed beyond the tape, so if any of y'all would take a step back.
Patrick: [still holding his tongue] Yeah! Don't be a pig, respect the dig!
Harvey and Bubble Bass: [laughing]
Bubble Bass: Whatev.
Patrick: [takes the snack bar with his tongue and takes a bite] Hmm? [spitting crumbs onto SpongeBob and Sandy] What?
[Bubble transition to Narlene and Nobby carrying a bag and a trash can of bones. Both have a bone in their mouth.]
Narlene: [tosses bone into quicksand] I [both toss the bones out of their containers] love this quicksand, Nobby. It's nature's garbage disposal.
[A bone sinks into the quicksand and goes through a liquid path up to Sandy's dig site.]
Sandy: [brushing the animal skeleton] Hmm. [feels the bone, stands up] Ah! [holds the bone in place] Just the bone I needed.
Mr. Krabs: [gasps, making Sandy's skeleton collapse] What are you doing? You know the graverobbin' badge was discontinued for legal reasons.
Sandy: Oh, it's not that kind of science this time, camp master Krabs. [starts rebuilding the skeleton] We've uncovered a new prehistoric creature that nobody has ever seen! It's a rare one-of-a-kind thing!
Mr. Krabs: [eyes turn to dollar signs] Jackpot. [grabs eyes] Ooh-hoo, this is just the sorta roadsite attraction that'll make me rich! [runs away, making Sandy's skeleton collapse again] I gotta get the word out!
[Bubble transition back to Narlene and Nobby, where Narlene is wheelbarrowing a bunch of junk items with Nobby sitting on top.]
Narlene: I love spring cleanin' in the summer, Nobby. [launches the wheelbarrow, making everything on top of it launch into the quicksand] [scratching her face] Uh, uh-oh. Looks like the junk is a little jammed again. Time to put on your heap stompin' feet, Nobby.
Nobby: [shakes feet to make them larger, tosses banjo to Narlene]
Narlene: [playing banjo]
Nobby: [stomping on the junk]
Narlene: [licking the banjo]
Nobby: [muffled gibberish as he sinks into the quicksand]
Narlene: Whoops. [tosses banjo out of the wheelbarrow and grabs a fishing rod, which she tosses into the quicksand]
[Narlene sees a tug and yanks the fishing rod, which brings Nobby chewing on a can to her.]
Narlene: [wiping sweat] Phew! Thank goodness.
Nobby: [chuckling]
[Bubble transition to several campers working on the dig site, with Mr. Krabs with a megaphone.]
Mr. Krabs: [using megaphone] Pick up the pace. Chop chop. This ain't a government job.
[Various items pop out of the ground.]
Larry: Yay!
Campers: Yeah!
Larry: [puts a washboard on the skeleton]
Sandy: Huh? Uh, I don't think that's part of the creature.
Larry: Washboard abs, bro. Ha, that dino was [flexes and rips his shirt] ripped. [walks away]
Harvey: [puts a banjo in place of the washboard, then puts the washboard on top]
Sandy: Those can't possibly go there. Well, that's a banjo.
Bubble Bass: [tosses plunger at washboard]
Sandy: And a plunger? That can't--I mean--it's not--!
Mr. Krabs: Well, they all came out of the same hole in the ground. Hey, maybe it played in a dino junk band!
Bubble Bass: Exactly. Archaeologists have discovered cave drawings that told the tale of many a musical dinosaur. Such as the Altosaxasaurus. [thought bubble appears above him showing the Altosaxasaurus, which plays sax music from its mouth]
Harvey: And, uh, it probably evolved a plunger. [image changes to the dinosaur with a plunger for a head] Basic science. [the plunger dinosaur is seen plunging a dinosaur toilet as flushing is heard]
Sandy: [gasps]
Mr. Krabs: [stretching out hands] We'll call it the Bloodthirstybanjoplungersaurus!
Camper: [places a license plate on the back of the skeleton, and a car horn plays]
Sandy: [waving hands] No! That's a license plate!
Harvey: Easily explained. When the caveman invented boats, the dinosaurs' hypersensitive hearing couldn't stand the noise. And being very dumb, they ate the sound, which in turn means they ate the boat.
Sandy: That's it! It's [points] clearly not about science anymore, it's all about the money!
Mr. Krabs: [laughs] Welcome to the [pats Sandy's helmet] real world.
Sandy: [throws Mr. Krabs' arms away] Well, I won't be a part of your scheme. I'm [wipes hands] washin' my hands of the whole darn thing! I can't believe it... [grumbling]
Mr. Krabs: Okay, have a nice ride on your high horse. [to Harvey and Bubble Bass] You two brainiacs finish puttin' this thing together. [walks away, pointing] And step it up, time is money.
[Bubble transition to Sandy angrily walking near the quicksand.]
Sandy: [notices the trash heap] Huh? What are y'all doin'?
Nobby: [pulls a rope from the air to flush the junk down the quicksand, then jumps off]
Narlene: Oh, how do, Sandy?
Sandy: I've been better.
Narlene: Well, to answer your question, we're spring cleanin' in [tosses bone into the quicksand] summer!
Nobby: [pointing] Look at that! Bone go bye-bye!
Narlene: [tosses several more bones and other junk into the quicksand]
Sandy: Hmm. Gotta say, those bones look a might familiar. Say, do y'all know where that stuff goes when it sinks?
Narlene: [tossing more stuff] Nope. It'd be mighty rude to get a seahorse as a gift, and then examine its mouth in front of the person who gave it to ya.
Sandy: Hmm. This quicksand pit must be connected to our dig site somehow. And I think we've been building what we thought was a prehistoric skeleton outta your junk! I'm gonna test that theory myself! [jumps into the quicksand]
Narlene: What a waste of a perfectly good squirrel. [she and Nobby have a moment of silence] Anywho, Nobby, you remember all that Sugar Squeeze that we've had? [holds up expired jug of Sugar Squeeze, which coughs; tosses jug into the quicksand] Well, it's time to send it all [tosses expired Sugar Squeeze barrels into the quicksand] back to nature.
Nobby: [waving] Bye-bye!
[Bubble transition to a sign that says "SEE THE THING." Several campers wait in a line.]
Campers: [chattering]
[The line is revealed to be entering a circus.]
Mr. Krabs: [peeks from the cloth wearing ringleader clothing, chuckling, then goes back inside to see everyone building the skeleton, except SpongeBob and Patrick building a sandcastle] Coming along great, boy-os. People are gonna be lining up to see this thing. Put your backs into it, lads.
Bubble Bass: [he and Harvey are on top of the scaffolding] Hmm. [holding a mug and a toaster] It seem [tosses the mug] this is in fact the final piece. [puts the toaster onto the top of the skeleton, which pops out toast they both grab and eat] Mmm. [he and Harvey give thumbs up]
[Patrick is eating a snack bar while SpongeBob taps at the sandcastle with a toy shovel. Sandy's head emerges from the sandcastle, ruining it.]
Sandy: [growling]
Patrick: Hey! [pointing at Sandy's head] This bone looks like Sandy!
SpongeBob: [laughs as Sandy gets up] That bone is Sandy!
SpongeBob and Patrick: [the ground shakes] Huh? [the expired Sugar Squeeze emerges] Ah!
Patrick: Huh.
Sandy: Hey, y'all! Those ain't prehistoric thing parts! They're bones and junk that Narlene and Nobby dumped in the quicksand!
Bubble Bass: I see you've come crawling back after falling from your [making a horse gesture] high horse.[loses balance] I'm falling! [falls down and screams]
Patrick: [climbs to the top of the scaffolding with expired Sugar Squeeze] Huzzah! I christen thee The Thing! [smashes bottles onto the skeleton, bringing it to life]
[The monster opens and closes its mouth like scissors.]
Patrick: Uh...
[The monster twirls its arms around, breaking the scaffolding and leaving Patrick on a thin pole.]
Campers: [scream and run away]
Patrick: [losing balance, screams, then crushes Bubble Bass' head] Huh?
Sandy: This is scientifically impossible! [as Bubble Bass runs away] It can't be alive. [flailing] It's made of frickle-frack!
SpongeBob: Ah!
[The monster stares at the three of them.]
SpongeBob, Patrick, and Sandy: [scream and run away as the monster chases after them]
Mr. Krabs: [next to the line of customers] Step right up, only $50 to see the [twirls cane] Kamp Koral Thing!
Campers: [cheering, giving Mr. Krabs money as they run inside]
Mr. Krabs: [kisses money]
Campers: [scream and run out of the circus]
SpongeBob, Patrick, and Sandy: [scream and run out of the circus]
Mr. Krabs: Huh?
Monster: [roaring as it runs out, destroying the circus]
Mr. Krabs: Uh, no refunds!
[Two campers are seen looking at the "SEE THE THING" sign.]
Camper #1: Pssh, like anything could be that scary.
SpongeBob, Patrick, and Sandy: [running past] Run!
Monster: [approaches the two campers and roars]
Camper #1: I stand corrected.
Campers #1 and #2: [scream and run away]
SpongeBob, Patrick, and Sandy: [screaming and running away from the monster chasing them]
Monster: [growls]
Perch Perkins: [from tower] Attention campers, there's a hideous beast running through camp trying to eat everyone. Today's advice, [screaming] run! That is all.
Campers: [scream and run as the monster runs past them]
[A camper hides in the sand and two campers run into each other.]
Anchovy: [meeping in panic]
Campers: [running away, screaming]
Boy: [looks around, then climbs up the zipline stairs and rides the zipline]
Monster: [roars at the boy]
Boy: [screams and ziplines backwards, climbing down the stairs]
SpongeBob, Patrick, and Sandy: [hiding behind a log in fear, looking around]
SpongeBob: Oh, no! [takes off eyes and tosses them] I can't look! Oh, who is the creature eating now, Sandy?
Patrick: I hope it isn't me!
Sandy: It's not eating anyone. It's just gallopin' around grabbin' stuff.
Harvey: [running away from the monster] Don't eat me! I'm 98% cholesterol! [trips on a rock, dropping some of his things]
Monster: [roaring at Harvey, who covers his head in fear; takes the calculator]
Harvey: Huh?
Monster: [runs off with the calculator]
Perch: [reading a comic book on the tower, where the monster approaches him] Huh? [screams and backflips out of the tower]
Monster: [snatches the microphone, and uses a magnet to take one of the loudspeakers off]
Mr. Krabs: [enters the school bus, which gets pulled up by a magnet, screams]
Monster: [rips out a battery from the bus]
Mr. Krabs: Hey, those things cost money! [bus falls] Whoa! Ow! Me wallet!
[The monster sets the battery down, connects two plugs, opens an umbrella, and punches numbers on the calculator. Electricity flows through the contraption as the monster calls someone through a fan.]
Person: [through phone] Hello?
Monster: Yes, this is Glarg. Evacuation request from... [looks around] Earth?
Person: [through phone] Roger that.
[A floating machine made from a giant clock appears. A compartment opens to reveal two similar-looking creatures.]
Glarg's friend: Hey, Glarg!
Glarg: [to SpongeBob, Patrick, and Sandy] I would like to thank you three.
Sandy: You're, uh, welcome.
Glarg: You reassembled me after my spacecraft exploded. It allowed me to call my friends for a ride home. Farewell, and thanks for [gets abducted] all the Sugar Squeeze!
[The giant clock blasts away into the sky.]
Sandy: Well, I guess that was science. Science fiction!
SpongeBob and Patrick: [chanting and dancing] Science is baloney! [pepperoni pizza slices come out of a hole, Narlene is playing her banjo, and Nobby is dancing with his big feet] We found the pepperoni! Science is baloney! We found the pepperoni!
Sandy: Science sure is takin' a slackin' today. [a slice of pizza falls onto her helmet, groans]
[The camera irises out on Sandy as the episode ends.]