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At the beginning of the short, Squidward plays his clarinet. After that, he congratulates the birthday of the Zodiac cancer sign, explaining that cancers are all good at causing problems and blaming them on others. He then tells us most politicians are cancers, and predicts that the viewer will fall asleep seven times this week.
Squidward then ends the short by saying "I'm Squidward, your Nicktoon astrologer," and goes back to playing his clarinet again.