Camp Crossbones/transcript

This article is a transcript of the Kamp Koral: SpongeBob's Under Years episode "Camp Crossbones" from season 1, which aired on September 30, 2022.

Sandy: Listen up, y'all! [digging through a chest] Our quest today is to [takes out costumes] get our pirate badges! [throws them]
[She throws a blue and white striped shirt and black pants on Patrick, and a large pirate's hat on SpongeBob. SpongeBob's eyes stick out through the jolly roger on the front. She pulls it up and puts it on his head.]
Sandy: You'll be known as [pulls down a beard for him] Squarebeard!
[SpongeBob rubs his beard, takes out a hook, and puts it on his other hand.]
SpongeBob: Arrgh! [jumps off]
Sandy: [to Patrick] And you're Peg-Head Pat! [puts a plunger on his head]
Patrick: [laughs and flicks plunger]
SpongeBob: [to Sandy] Wait a minute! Who are you?
Sandy: [puts on eyepatch and takes out wooden sword] Why, I'm Captain One-Eyed Sandy, of course! [adjusts eyepatch and shows sword]
SpongeBob and Patrick: Whoooa!
Sandy: Alright, you shallywags!
[She throws swords at them, SpongeBob catches his in his mouth and Patrick's gets stuck in his butt. Sandy jumps onto the bed.]
Sandy: Show me what you all are made of! [points sword and adjusts eyepatch] Arrgh!
SpongeBob and Patrick: [take stances] Arrgh!
Sandy: [swings down from a rope] Prepare to have your buckles swarshed!
[They start fighting in a giant dust cloud. Outside, the jock campers are playing soccer. The Dinghies roll into their fight. SpongeBob stands atop Sandy and Patrick.]
SpongeBob: Avast, mateys! You're no match for Squarebeard the Pirate! [laughs]
Craig: Hey, Dinghies! You're interrupting our game!
[The soccer ball lands on SpongeBob's sword and deflates.]
Craig: Hey!
SpongeBob: Sorry. [nervous laugh] Looks like we blew your ball down, me hearties.
[Craig takes the ball back, and the tip of SpongeBob's sword breaks off.]
Patrick: [gets up] You can play with my ball, though!
[Patrick takes a white ball out of his bellybutton and throws it. Craig catches it. As he holds it, it morphs into a skull.]
Skull: Arrgh!
Craig: [screams and runs away as the skull hops after him]
[Bubble transition to the Dinghies in Perch's watchtower. Sandy looks through a telescope, SpongeBob watches outside, and Patrick is climbing the ladder.]
Sandy: Shiver me timbers, buckos!
[Patrick loses his grip on the ladder and falls.]
Sandy: Camp Master Krabs is escaping with a chest full of booty!
[SpongeBob runs over to look.]
SpongeBob: I like booty!
Patrick: I like flying! [jumps off watchtower and crashes]
[Carrying a large treasure chest, Krabs looks around, then goes into the forest.]
SpongeBob: Ooh! Maybe it's filled with pieces of eight! [looks through the telescope]
Patrick: Let's not bring math into this, Spongebeard!
Sandy: [takes telescope] That treasure's ours for the plunderin'!
[Sandy and SpongeBob jump off the tower and keep running. Patrick falls facefirst onto the ground. He gets up, dizzy, and crashes into the tower. Sandy drags him behind her.]
[Cut to Mr. Krabs burying something in the sand.]
Krabs: [laughs] Right where no one will ever find it! [walks off, dusting claws]
[The Dinghies appear behind a bush.]
Sandy: Let's get digging, me hearties!
[Patrick takes SpongeBob's body and uses him as a shovel. He hits SpongeBob against something hard.]
Patrick: Sorry!
SpongeBob: [deliriously] I think we found it! [bumps appear on his head to the tune of the SpongeBob theme song, and he coughs up dirt]
[The Dinghies carry the chest around camp.]
Sandy: Dump that treasure!
[They tip the chest over and a bunch of dirty diapers come out. They throw the chest away, and are disappointed by the "treasure." Sandy's eyepatch flaps open. The smell from the diapers makes Patrick's face shrivel up, SpongeBob's face fall off, and gets into Sandy's helmet.]
SpongeBob: Those are not pieces of eight!
Patrick: I think they're pieces of something Pearl ate!
SpongeBob, Patrick, and Sandy: Ewwww! [back up]
[Krabs is leaning against his chest.]
Krabs: What in the name of Neptune are you doing!? Why'd you dig up [points] Pearl's dirty diapers?
Craig: They popped out kickball, too! [throws deflated ball on the ground]
Patrick: Hey, I gave you a new ball!
Craig: Balls don't bite!
[The skull is still biting his butt. He slaps it off, and it keeps chasing him. Patrick's butt is exposed and his shorts are ripped.]
Patrick: He'll get used to it.
SpongeBob: But Camp Master Krabs, we were only trying to earn our pirate badges! [shows him a page in the handbook] See?
Krabs: Pirates?
[The word echoes as he reads "Pirate" on the page. A flashback shows Krabs as a kid, sailing in a crow's nest against a tropical backdrop. A fish in a pirate costume comes up to him.]
Fish: Come on, kid, [zooms out to show the scene taking place in a restaurant] my shift's over. Time to go!
Young Krabs: [pokes sword] Get back, you wandwubbers! [laughs]
[The fish sighs and picks him up, carrying him into the camera.]
Young Krabs: No! I wanna keep pwaying piwate!
[Fade into present-day Krabs' eyes tearing up.]
Krabs: [cries] I just wanted to keep pwaying piwate! [cries more]
[Tall Tail picks up Mo and carries her away.]
SpongeBob: Awww... Oh, uh, Camp Master Krabs, I...
Krabs: [takes handbook] No! [rips page out and shoves the book in SpongeBob's face] No pirate badges! No pirate can ever step foot [points to ground] on this campground!
[The Dinghies sadly walk off, and SpongeBob and Patrick cry in their cabin.]
Sandy: Mateys, don't lose heart! Pirates never give up!
Patrick: Huh?
SpongeBob: [sniffles] They don't?
Sandy: [stands them up] 'Course not! [walks them outside] You heard Camp Master Krabs! [leans to ground] As long as our paws don't touch the ground of Kamp Koral we can be pirates all we want! [points to cabin] This can be our pirate ship! [motions to camp] And all of Kamp Koral can be our ocean! Everyone on deck? We got pirating to do!
SpongeBob and Patrick: Yeah!
[They all dance around, with SpongeBob and Patrick spinning together. Patrick lets go of SpongeBob, who spins around, and Patrick bumps his butt backwards, accidentally knocking him off. Patrick makes a yodeling noise.]
[Inside the cabin, Sandy pulls a rope that converts the roof to a sail. The crow's nest shows a flag shaped like SpongeBob's skull. Patrick almost drops his telescope, and ends up swallowing it, reshaping his head. SpongeBob kisses a mermaid figurehead and puts it on the mast. He goes to the back and goes into a bucket of green paint, then writes "S.S. DINGHY" on the walls. He and Sandy make a small cannon out of a roller and a garbage can, and Sandy fires a cannonball at him. SpongeBob bounces on a stick outside and the lid falls down. He takes the steering wheel and whistles. The sails catch wind, the tube to Sandy's tree breaks, the posts break, an anchor is pulled, and the cabin starts sliding around camp. It runs into two kids playing jump rope, dragging them behind. Patrick spots something from the crow's nest.]
Patrick: Ooh!
[He rings a bell, then takes a telescope out of his mouth and looks through it. It extends and bumps into Harvey, who's building a Sea Trek set. Harvey sees the telescope, so Patrick retracts it and swallows it again, then rings the bell.]
Patrick: Nerds ahoy!
[They move the cabin up and jump through a hole in the ceiling.]
SpongeBob: We're here for your booty!
[Patrick flops in through the hole.]
Patrick: Yeah! Booty!
[Kevin and Harvey hug each other. Bubble Bass backs into the corner.]
Bubble Bass: No! Not my bountious booty! [kisses butt]
Sandy: No! Just your badges! [uses her sword to pick their badges off and balances them, then puts them in Patrick's bag] Ha ha!
SpongeBob: [writes on notepad] Thank you, mateys, and don't forget your receipts! [sticks receipts on them] Tally ho! [holds Sandy and Patrick, extends his legs, steps out of the cabin, and takes the wheel]
[The cabin sneaks around and hides behind various landmarks. Sandy and SpongeBob step out, and load Patrick into their cannon.]
Sandy: Ready! Aim! Fire!
[Patrick is launched next to a hole in Roh and Rea's cabin. He falls through the cloth. Sandy busts a hole next to it, and SpongeBob uses the door.]
SpongeBob: Arrgh!
Rea: [hugs Roh] Please! We have nothing here!
Roh: All our assets are in stocks!
SpongeBob: Arrr! We don't want yer money!
Sandy: We want yer badges! Hand 'em over, ya lubbers!
[Rea presses a button on a remote. The wall parts to reveal a painting of a safe. Rea takes off the painting to show a real safe behind it. She reaches into the safe and hands her badges to SpongeBob.]
SpongeBob: Ah-ha! [puts them in Patrick's bag]
Patrick: Ah-ha!
[Their cabin goes to the Frigate cabin and raids it.]
Larry: Hey! We worked out hard for those badges!
[They fight at the Barge cabin.]
Anchovy: [angry meeping]
Anchovies: [appear outside the cabin, meeping angrily]
[The cabin parks at a grassy cliffside. SpongeBob holds a badge up to the sun.]
SpongeBob: Ooh, look at 'em shine like doubloons!
Sandy: [jumps out of badge bag and relaxes on it] Ah, a pirate queen could get used to this!
Patrick: [jumps down] Avast! There's something scary going on over there!
[SpongeBob looks through the telescope. Behind some coral, a flag that reads "KK" is sticking out.]
SpongeBob: Hmm? Mmm-hmmm... I see a flag...
Patrick: [scared] Not a flag!
SpongeBob: I see cannons!
Patrick: [scared] Not cannons!
SpongeBob: I see... Camp Master Krabs's angry bloodshot eyes!?
[Krabs glares at them angrily through the telescope. Patrick screams and hides in his plunger. Sandy takes the telescope, but puts it over her eyepatch eye. She moves the eyepatch to the other side and looks through it again.]
Krabs: [wearing navy uniform and helming his own ship] I said no pirates!
Sandy: [ominously] Captain Krabs!
Krabs: Ahoy, me counselor crew! You, hoist the sails!
Lady Upturn: You heard the captain! [claps]
Regigille: [rotates crank] Mmm, very good, madam.
[The sails raise. Rea and Roh look down from the crow's nest. Larry is at the back of the ship.]
Krabs: You! Man the cannons!
[Larry salutes and holds both of the cannons. Krabs points to Bubble Bass, who is reading a comic.]
Krabs: You!... Eh... Never mind.
[Krabs' cabin closes in on the Dinghies' cabin.]
Sandy: [gasps] It's the Kamp Koral Navy! Assemble a boardin' party!
SpongeBob and Patrick: Ahoy! / Aye aye, sir!
Sandy: We got a humdinger of a battle on our hands! [puts on eyepatch and sails towards Krabs' cabin]
Krabs: Fire!
[Larry shoots cannonballs at the Dinghies' cabin, which they swerve to avoid. They stop behind a coral, which is completely blown up by a cannonball. Krabs' crew celebrates. The Dinghies' ship sneaks behind Krabs'.]
Sandy: [twirling lasso] Let's lasso this rock, you scurvy dogs! [throws lasso around crow's nest]
Krabs: Counselors! Attack!
[Larry hooks the Dinghies' ship.]
Sandy: Here we go!
[She swings with SpongeBob and Patrick to the other ship and start fighting, but they find it empty.]
Sandy: Huh?
SpongeBob: What?
[They see Krabs' crew landing on the Dinghies' ship and starting to fight, but then noticing.]
Sandy: Sorry! I thought we were battling over here!
Krabs: [apologetic] Nope! No, no! My mistake! You stay there, we'll come to you! [angry, to crew] Get 'em!
Krabs' crew: Yo ho!
[They all get on Krabs' ship and battle. Sandy smacks her sword into Larry's cannon. Larry fires two shots, but Sandy avoids them. The cannon only spits smoke, and Larry inspects it, but gets shot himself and falls over. Patrick swings on a rope up to the crow's nest.]
Rea: Toodles! [cuts rope]
[Patrick screams and crushes Larry. SpongeBob and Lady Upturn fight around Bubble Bass, who is still reading comics. Bubble Bass puts down his comic and sees them swordfighting. SpongeBob stands on Upturn's sword and knocks her hair off, then chases her. Bubble Bass shrugs and keeps reading. Krabs rides out of his room on a cannon and fires life preservers, which catch the Dinghies and trap them.]
Krabs: You campers have been found guilty of robbery on the high seas!
Sandy: We weren't robbin'! We were just borrowin' badges so we could clean 'em!
[SpongeBob rolls away in his life preserver and comes back without it, pushing a washing machine. He opens it and badges spill out.]
Krabs: Huh?
SpongeBob: Since we couldn't earn our pirate badges, we decided to go for our badge-shiners' badges instead!
Krabs: [picks up badge, which sparkles] Badge-shiners' badge!? What gave ye that cockamimie idear?
SpongeBob: [shows handbook] It's right here in the manual! [Krabs takes it] Right behind the page you ripped out!
Krabs: It don't matter! [rips up book] I ain't bought any in years! We're all out! No shining badges, no pirate badges, no nothing badges!
[The counselors and the Dinghies get angry at Krabs.]
Krabs: [nervously] Eh heh heh, who wants to earn their no mutiny badge?
[The campers rush towards Krabs, angry. Larry picks up the washing machine and carries it off.]
[At sunset, a flag is raised and a camper fires himself out of a cannon. Other campers are playing on a fake pirate ship. SpongeBob gives a pirate camper a badge.]
SpongeBob: There you go, buddy!
[The camper charges off with his pirate sword. Sandy walks up, and SpongeBob looks in his bag.]
SpongeBob: I'm out of pirate badges again, Captain One-Eyed Sandy!
Sandy: [calling out] You heard Squarebeard! More pirate badges, Peg-Head Patrick!
[Patrick swings in on a rope, crashes face-first, and salutes.]
Patrick: Yes, ma'am! [giggles]
[Krabs has been trapped in two life preservers and hung up by his underwear to his cabin. Patrick snips a bit of Krabs' heart-patterned underwear with scissors and runs off.]
Krabs: [weakly] Yo ho ho.