Buff for Puff/transcript

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Buff for Puff" from season 14, which aired on November 20, 2023.

[The episode opens at Goo Lagoon, where a kid is laughing as he runs along while carrying a beach ball. The camera pans over to Mrs. Puff, who is in beachwear on a beach blanket while listening to music on a radio.]
Mr. Krabs: [walks over next to beach chair by Mrs. Puff] Excuse me, miss. Is this seat taken?
Mrs. Puff: It is now, [slaps beach chair] sailor. Mm-hmm.
Mr. Krabs: [jumps into chair, both laugh]
[They almost kiss, then Mr. Krabs' stomach rumbles.]
Mrs. Puff: Hmm?
Mr. Krabs: [turns into ringing bell] Three bells? It's lunchtime! Better get some food! [calling out] Oh, Fondue Man!
[Camera zooms into Fondue Man, who is sitting on a cart on top of a hill.]
Fondue Man: Huh? [squishes face, laughs, then rides cart down to Mr. Krabs and Mrs. Puff, setting down two plates and some cooking instruments]
Mrs. Puff: [applauds with Mr. Krabs, laughs]
[Fondue Man holds up a pot, which he pours fondue into as he winks at the camera. He sets the pot on a burner, and winks to set it on fire. He chuckles, and a plate of food drops next to it. Fondue Man sprinkles some dust on it.]
Fondue Man: [kisses in air] Mwah! [Mr. Krabs gives him a nickel, and he appears unimpressed] A five cent tip? Thanks a lot, mister. [pushes cart away] Hmph!
Mr. Krabs: [holding meat on fork] Ah, fondue. The perfect food for a beach date. [dips meat in fondue pot, and tries to put it in Mrs. Puff's mouth] Uh, okay. Okay. [Mrs. Puff finally manages to eat the food]
[Mrs. Puff holds out her own fork and tries to feed meat to Mr. Krabs, but the meat falls off. She does it again, and succeeds.]
Mrs. Puff: [laughs]
[Mr. Krabs dips an entire sandwich into the fondue, and feeds it to Mrs. Puff, who eats it bit by bit. Mrs. Puff feeds him an entire pizza, then Mr. Krabs dips two glasses into fondue. They both clink their glasses and chug them. Bubble transition to later, when both have large bellies.]
Mr. Krabs: [getting up] Whoo-hoo! [pats belly] Now, that was a meal. What do you say to a romantic dip in the goo, my sweet?
Mrs. Puff: [getting up] Well, I suppose I could wash off some of this cheese.
[They hold hands and begin stomping into the ocean, laughing. They jump into the ocean, making a giant splash, and start splashing each other. Then they notice a giant incoming wave.]
Mrs. Puff: Huh? [both get splashed by the wave]
Mr. Krabs: Ah!
Mrs. Puff: [spits out water, laughs] Oh!
Mr. Krabs: [getting washed away, yelling]
Mrs. Puff: [yelling] Eugene!
Mr. Krabs: The undertow's got me! [flips over] Whoa!
Mrs. Puff: [rapidly splashing] Help!
Larry: [sitting on lifeguard post] Huh? [uses binoculars to see Mr. Krabs' rear end] Rump in a riptide! [tosses binoculars, blows whistle]
[Larry nosedives into the ocean and grabs Mr. Krabs' eye stalks.]
Mr. Krabs: [gasping]
Larry: I gotcha, bro. [ties Krabs' eye stalks around him and swims to shore]
Larry places Mr. Krabs on the ground, who is passed out. Larry does some chest compressions on him, and Mr. Krabs spits out an entire pizza.]
Mr. Krabs: [gasps, coughs] Yay!
Mrs. Puff: [runs up to Larry and hugs him] Thank you, Larry. [kisses Larry on the cheek]
Larry: Ooh.
Mrs. Puff: [off-screen] Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
Mr. Krabs: [eye stalk droops, chokes and falls over]
Mrs. Puff: [picking up Mr. Krabs and carries him] Eugene, don't try to talk. I'd better take you home. [waving] Bye, Larry. Thanks again.
Mr. Krabs: Huh?
Larry: [bangs chest] Larry's always ready to step in. [winks]
Mrs. Puff: [giggles, walks off with Mr. Krabs]
Mr. Krabs: [growls like a cat]
[Bubble transition to the Krusty Krab kitchen, where Mr. Krabs is pacing as SpongeBob cooks some patties.]
Mr. Krabs: I'm telling you, boy-o, that kiss, that wave--I'm [raises claws] losing me sweet Puff to a, a shiny-shelled boy toy!
SpongeBob: Um, [twists eyes into question mark shape] maybe your eyes were confused. [laughs]
Mr. Krabs: No. She loved Larry's [slouches on kitchen door] muscles. She's sick of this old [deflates] sack of fondue.
SpongeBob: [turns off grill] Look, Mr. K, I'm sure [grabs Krabs' eye stalks and sets him down] Mrs. Puff loves you for who you are, not how many muscles you have.
Mr. Krabs: [growls] Look. [opens shirt, SpongeBob gasps] Look, boy. This farmer's tan, [pulls at skin] this flabby shell, so undefined. [shakes SpongeBob] See the realities of a middle age on an all-fondue diet! [frothing, SpongeBob screams] Look away! [SpongeBob crawls out of the kitchen window] [crying] No crab should look like this!
[SpongeBob comes back.]
Mr. Krabs: There's only one option, boy-o. [pats chest] I gotta get in shape before me next date. And [flicks SpongeBob's employee hat off] you're gonna help! [carries SpongeBob like a suitcase]
SpongeBob: [laughs]
[Bubble transition to Larry's Gym. SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs walk towards it.]
Mr. Krabs: That crustaceous hunk mustn't know who I am or why I'm here, boy-o.
[Two muscular fish inside the gym are lifting weights while Larry lifts them up with his own larger weights.]
Female trainer: Go, go, go! Yeah, yeah! [SpongeBob opens the door] Unh, unh, unh! Go, go, [Mr. Krabs opens the other door wearing a disguise] go, go! Sweat!
Mr. Krabs: This was a mistake. [flailing arms] Abandon gym! [tries to leave, but SpongeBob grabs his arm]
SpongeBob: You can do this, Mr. Krabs. Do it for Mrs. Puff. [snaps off claw] Huh?
Mr. Krabs: [reenters, grabs claw and walks inside] Oh, you're right. I'll do it for Puff. [bumps into Larry] Oh!
Larry: Welcome to my [puts claws together] temple of the bods.
Mr. Krabs: [walks off] Save the sales pitch. I got this.
[Mr. Krabs tries using a weight lifting machine, but crushes himself. SpongeBob and Larry wince.]
Larry: [pointing at weight machine] You know, that's actually for--
Mr. Krabs: [hops off machine, walks away] Whoops. Heh-heh. Finished me reps. [uses another machine, and puts the handle on his butt as he swims in place] Hmm. Okay.
Larry: I can show you how to--
Mr. Krabs: [jumps up] Okay. Got me heart rate up. [runs off] Ya-ho.
Larry: Uh, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: [under giant dumbell] Never heard of him. [tries to lift the two weightlifters on the weights, but his arms wobble and the weight lands on his neck]
[The two weightlifters step away as Mr. Krabs flails his legs.]
Larry: Must be shy about his first day. If you want to work out, I'd be happy to help train you.
Mr. Krabs: [weights break him in half] Heh, heh. Yeah, maybe I could use a few pointers.
[Bubble transition to some weights on the floor.]
Larry: Let's just try lifting some free weights.
SpongeBob: [pan over to him] Look, Larry, I'm doing it! [strains to lift a cotton swab]
Larry: [groans, wipes face] Sponge--huh? [looks over at Mr. Krabs angrily] Hey!
Mr. Krabs: [laughs as he puts weights in his outfit]
Larry: [pointing at Mr. Krabs] No stealing the free weights, bro.
Mr. Krabs: Well, are they free or not? [weights drop and rip his clothes off]
Larry: [groans, lowers head] I've never met [puts claw around Mr. Krabs] anyone as workout-averse as you. I just don't know how to motivate you.
SpongeBob: Ooh. I know how to motivate him. [twists nose to open safe in head, pulls out two money bags and backs up] Huh? Huh?
Mr. Krabs: [clapping] Ooh. [walks over to weight bench with money bags] Money, money, money, money, money, money. [starts quickly lifting weights] Money! Money! Money! Money!
Larry: Whoa. Nice trick, little dude.
SpongeBob: That's nothing. You should see how I get him to take his pills.
[Bubble transition to Mr. Krabs running on a treadmill as Larry holds up a dollar on a fishing rod. He tries to bite it and continues running. Then, he grabs onto a bar and uses his teeth to grab a dollar bill hanging on a hook above. He is then seen in another room beating up a piggy bank with coins in it. Then, he is seen back in the gym doing push-ups with a safe on his back. Then he puts his feet together on another contraption, making a cash register lift up and release some money each time. Then he is seen running up a staircase with bags of money in his hand, and reaches the top.]
Mr. Krabs: [laughs and jumps] Yeah!
French Narrator: [reading time card] One week later...
[The door to the steam room opens, releasing a bunch of steam. Mr. Krabs comes out, looking larger than usual in a robe.]
Mr. Krabs: Whew. [SpongeBob wheels in a mirror in front of him] That was one heck of a workout. Time to see what 168 straight hours of exercise does to the body.
[Mr. Krabs takes off his robe, which releases steam.]
SpongeBob: [gasps]
[It is revealed that Mr. Krabs has not gotten any more muscular, and is the same size as before. He falls to the ground on his face.]
Larry: [walking by, whistling]
Mr. Krabs: Hey! [pokes Larry] What's the deal, Larry? Why ain't I ripped?
Larry: [puts claw on Mr. Krabs] Fitness is a lifelong journey, bro. Can't change your physique in a week.
Mr. Krabs: [deflates] Oh.
Larry: [takes off shell] Ah. [hangs shell in locker, walks off] Mm-hmm. See you bros in the sauna.
Mr. Krabs: Hmm? [slips out of disguise and takes Larry's shell] No one can change their physique, eh? Hee-hee-hee-hee.
[Fade to Goo Lagoon, where Mrs. Puff is suntanning in her beach chair.]'
Mrs. Puff: [snoring, wakes up to the ground shaking] Huh?
[In the distance, Mr. Krabs, wearing Larry's shell, drives a motorcycle in the air and lands on the sand. He does some push-ups while grabbing onto the vehicle with only his claws.]
Mrs. Puff: [visibly impressed] Ooh? Ahh. Oh.
Mr. Krabs: [tosses motorcycle]
Mrs. Puff: [laughs]
Mr. Krabs: Hey there, ma'am. [raises sunglasses] Is this beach taken? [winks]
Mrs. Puff: Oh, my. Eugene, you're so well-defined. [sees Mr. Krabs has left] Eugene?
[Pan over to Mr. Krabs surrounded by cheering beachgoers.]
Mr. Krabs: Take a look. [shows off muscles] These are called gains, people. [flexes butt] Yeah. [strains]
Mrs. Puff: [irritaed] Hmm.
[Some beachgoers are seen playing volleyball. Mr. Krabs slides into the court, pushing someone away.]
Beachgoer: Whoa!
[Mr. Krabs beats his chest, and hits the volleyball with his chest. The volleyball pummels a female player into the sand, creating a sand explosion. She emerges with the ball on her head.]
Female player: [with black eye, gives thumbs up] Nice pecs, Mr. Krabs!
[Mr. Krabs shows off his body with a crowd surrounding him.]
Beachgoer #1: We love you!
Beachgoer #2: Wow. We love you.
Mr. Krabs: [signing autographs with fist protruding from chest] Strongest crab in the world! I fear no man!
Mrs. Puff: [arms crossed, scoffs]
Larry: [off-screen] Krabs! [is shown wearing Mr. Krabs' shell]
Beachgoers: [gasp]
Mr. Krabs: Larry? [screams and runs away]
Larry: [off-screen, as Mr. Krabs runs by Mussel Beach] I'm going to crack you right out of my shell, bro.
Mo: [holding weights] Whoa! Mr. Krabs, looking good!
Larry: [walking by, panting]
Mo: Was that Larry?
Craig: He must have stopped working out for a few minutes.
Mo: Huh? Ahh! [both start rapidly lifting weights, creating smoke]
[Larry is chasing after Mr. Krabs. Larry steps on a piece of meat with fondue on it.]
Larry: [looking down] Fondue? At the beach? [slips and falls down] Whoa! [gets swept away by the waves] Whoa! [a crowd gathers around] Oh, oh, oh, oh! [struggling to stay afloat, flips over]
Incidental 17: Larry's in trouble!
Sadie: [holding a baby version of herself] Someone save him!
Incidental 61: [emerges from sand] Who will lifeguard the lifeguards?
Mr. Krabs: [eyes move back and forth, whimpers] Huh? [spots Fondue Man on a hill] Fondue Man! [takes Fondue Man's cart and rides it down the hill]
Fondue Man: [screams]
Mr. Krabs: [takes fork from cart, and tries to poke Larry with it] Uh, okay.
Larry: [gets penetrated with fork] Ouch! Whoa!
Mr. Krabs: [pulls Larry backward, making him land in the fondue]
Larry: [gasps, panting] Ohh.
Crowd: [cheering, gathering around Mr. Krabs]
Mr. Krabs: Oh, yeah! Ha-ha. That's right, saving the day over here.
[Larry and Mrs. Puff look at each other, then at Mr. Krabs with contempt.]
Mr. Krabs: [flexing muscles] What do you think of me now, Puffykins? Your old Krabsy is quite the hero. Hiyah!
Mrs. Puff: Oh, puh-lease. I'm not into muscle-bound, self-centered jerks.
Mr. Krabs: Heh-heh. What's that?
Mrs. Puff: I like my boys a little [tugs on Larry's face] soft around the edges.
Larry: Oh. [gets kissed by Mrs. Puff, a cheese love heart appears, chuckles]
Mrs. Puff: [licks lips] That's why Larry and I [picks up Larry with fork and sets him down] have a beach date tomorrow. [laughs]
Larry: [laughs] Larry loves beach dates.
Mr. Krabs: Beach date? [walks forward] Wait! I was kidding! The muscles were just a ruse. Puffy! [gets out of shell, surprising the crowd] See!
Crowd: [leaving in disgust]
Mr. Krabs: [chases after Mrs. Puff and Larry] Ah! Puffykins, I'm soft.
Kid: [cries and runs off with beach ball]