Bubble Bass's Tab/transcript

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Bubble Bass's Tab" from season 12, which aired on April 9, 2021.

[The episode starts at the Krusty Krab.]
Squidward: One large Flatsom fries. Extra jetsam. [drops it on the tray] Four orders of duckweed. [drops it on the tray]
Bubble Bass: Hmm. Methinks thou forgot my gravy, thou lumpish clay-brained flap dragon.
SpongeBob: [laughs] Flap dragon. [giggles]
Squidward: [sighs] Oh, and finally, one Deep Sea Donut. [drops it on the tray] That comes to a total of-
Bubble Bass: Whatever the measure, squire, put it on my account.
Mr. Krabs: [peeks in from tray] Oh, no, you don't. No more food for you until you pay your tab. [rolls out a long check]
Bubble Bass: P-p-p-ay t-t-t-t-tab? [reaches into his pocket and grabs a coin] I'll flip you for it. [flips the coin]
Mr. Krabs: [grabs the coin] I'll take that.
Bubble Bass: [pulls a game from his pants] How about a friendly game of Three Deadly Challenges?
SpongeBob: Oh, castle! Pick castle!
Mr. Krabs: Oh... [slaps the game out of Bubble Bass' hands]
Bubble Bass: [runs out of building]
Squidward: [laughs] I bet we'll never see that game geek again.
Bubble Bass: [through the drive thru speaker] 50 Krabby Patties, please. Extra pickles. [at the drive thru window] Put it on my tab.
SpongeBob: [walks up to the drive thru window to deliver food to Bubble Bass] Coming right up!
Mr. Krabs: [yelling] Bubble Bass! You...
Bubble Bass: [singing/taunting] Hey, nonny nonny! You look pretty funny! You won't get my money! [starts rubbing his butt on the drive thru window] Nah nah nah nah nah!
[A dad in his car covers his kid's eyes and honks his horn, causing Bubble Bass to run away.]
Mr. Krabs: Mr. Squidward! I want you and SpongeBob to go after Bubble Bass, and collect his tab! [gives the tab to Squidward]
SpongeBob: [squeals]
Squidward: Blech.
[Bubble transition to Bubble Bass' house, where SpongeBob and Squidward are about to arrive at.]
SpongeBob: [singing] Hey, nonny nonny! You look pretty funny! You won't get my money! [stops singing] I can't help it. It's catchy.
Squidward: Look, I just want to collect the money as soon as possible and go. Bubble Bass, we're here to collect your tab! [kicks down the door]
SpongeBob: Squidward, that was so masculine.
Squidward: Heh. Well, I... Let's go. [he and SpongeBob walk into Bubble Bass' house] I know you're in here. Come out!
SpongeBob: [sniffs] Hmm. Smells funny in here.
[Bubble Bass appears as a moose head on the wall before popping back into the wall.]
Squidward: Smells like deadbeat. Hmm. [shouting] If you don't pay up, we'll... sell this furniture. [holds up a nearby chair and drops it, damaging the corner; SpongeBob gasps] Whoops. How much do you think this is worth? I just chipped it.
SpongeBob: Oh, it was the chip that sold me! [holds out a dollar bill] I'll give you ten bucks.
Bubble Bass: [from basement] Hey! Don't touch mother's things! I'll pay the tab! Come downstairs, and we'll work it out. [he pulls the carpet, causing SpongeBob and Squidward to painfully fall down the stairs into the basement]
SpongeBob: [lands in Squidward's lap] My savior.
Squidward: [rolls SpongeBob off his lap] Alright, where is he?
Bubble Bass: [from underground room; hatch opens] If you want me to pay, you'll have to play the Three Deadly Challenges!
SpongeBob: [jumps into the air] Oh! The Three Deadly Challenges! I got this game! [opens up his body, revealing a shelf of board games] Where is it? Game of Strife, Chutes and Bladders... Oh, here it is! [pulls out Three Deadly Challenges and closes his body] Ah! The Three Deadly Challenges!
Squidward: A board game. Whoopee.
SpongeBob: [shouting] Okay, Bubble Bass! We accept the challenge!
Squidward: Why are you giving him the upper hand? He owes us money!
SpongeBob: Oh. But I wanna pway the Thwee Deadwy Chawenges.
Squidward: Oh, all wight al- [clears throat] -alright already! Let's get this over with!
SpongeBob: Oh yeah! [Squidward kicks him into underground cellar as SpongeBob laughs]
Squidward: Oh, boy. [climbs ladder into cellar]
[in the cellar]
SpongeBob: Wow. A life-size version of the Three Deadly Challenges. Beautiful.
Squidward: Looks like a hobo campground.
SpongeBob: No, Squidward. You have to look with your imagination. [waves his hand across the screen, revealing a more fantasy-like landscape]
Squidward: What the? No! [ruins the fantasy landscape with his tentacles] It's a dump!
Bubble Bass: Thou art two oozing cysts on the hind side of a plague dog's nose.
Squidward: What did he say?
SpongeBob: The colorful insults are the best part of the game.
Squidward: That figures. Hmm. [walks to where Bubble Bass is along with SpongeBob] So how do you win this goofball game, anyway?
SpongeBob: Since Bubble Bass challenged us, all we have to do is get close enough to tag him out. We get three chances, or should I say three challenges.
Squidward: Oh. [grunts]
SpongeBob: Oh, boy! [he and Squidward grab a sword] Look, Squidward! [slashes with a cardboard sword a few times]
Squidward: Oh, this feels stupid. [sighs]
SpongeBob and Squidward: Charge!
[SpongeBob and Squidward charge up the cardboard mountain. Squidward yells as he hits Bubble Bass' belly with the sword.]
Squidward: Hmm? [the mountain starts shaking] Uh oh.
[SpongeBob grabs onto Squidward as the structure falls down. They both scream as they crash to the ground. A crowd cheering sound effect plays from a speaker.]
Squidward: [tags what he assumes to be Bubble Bass] Tag, you lose! [laughs along with SpongeBob, but accidentally rips apart the decoy. SpongeBob screams]
SpongeBob: We decapitated him!
Squidward: Oh, calm down. It's just a dummy he made from his mother's couch cushions and a sleeping bag. [sighs] All of this for a tab?
SpongeBob: Oh! But you were magnificent, Squidward. So strong and courageous.
Squidward: [pushing SpongeBob back] As always.
Bubble Bass: Thy canker sore bottoms curdle seaweed and sour the ocean.
Squidward: Oh, you-
SpongeBob: [getting up] I got this one, Squidward. Oh, yeah? Well, your pillows are filled with urchins, [pulling on Squidward's shirt and letting go] and your shirts are inside out!
Squidward: [rubbing his nose] Adding injury to insult.
[Trumpet fanfare plays as SpongeBob and Squidward enter a cardboard arena.]
Squidward: Oh... [the speaker plays a cheering sound effect again] Oh, look at all this junk.
SpongeBob: [excitedly] I know. Isn't it great?
Squidward: [pulls on his nose] Let's finish this. [grabs a red cloth] He's obviously in that bullpen.
[The box makes huffing and growling noises. Mama Bass hops out like a bull, and roars at SpongeBob and Squidward, launching spit at their faces.]
SpongeBob and Squidward: Bubble Bass' mom!
Mama Bass: You! You chipped my furniture! [growls as she gets ready to charge at them]
Squidward: He tricked us. What do we do?
SpongeBob: Hide! [pulls the cloth over him and Squidward, both whimpering]
Mama Bass: [close-up of her eyes turning into tablecloths] And that's my good tablecloth! [tire squealing is heard as she charges towards SpongeBob and Squidward, attacking them in a fighting cloud]
[Mama Bass repeatedly jumps on top of the two of them, then starts crushing them with her individual buttocks. They get into another fighting cloud, and Mama Bass slams SpongeBob and Squidward together. The fighting cloud reappears, and she bites on Squidward's legs, making him scream. The fighting cloud reappears again, and this time she does a tango dance with Squidward. Mama Bass shoves a rose into Squidward's mouth.]
SpongeBob: Aww!
[Eventually, an alarm on Mama Bass' watch goes off.]
Mama Bass: Huh? [lets go of Squidward] Sorry, sweetie. Gotta run. [walks off] I'm late for the bake sale. Call me!
[Squidward pulls the collar of his shirt, sweating, and gulps.]
Bubble Bass: [in the crowd] Mother! Why?!
[Bubble Bass' screaming causes the cardboard crowd to fall down. Medieval fanfare plays from the speaker. Squidwars is reeled downward by SpongeBob by a crank. SpongeBob gets tired, and accidentally lets go of the crank causing Squidward to fall down onto a cardboard seahorse. SpongeBob slides over to give him a lance.]
SpongeBob: Sir Squidward, you look magnificent upon your mighty steed. [he waves his hand across the screen again, recreating the fantasy landscape]
Squidward: [gasps] Yes. Yes, I see it now!
Bubble Bass: [lands on the ground] Any last words, Squid-wuss?
Squidward: May thy fat head be set upon by sea spiders and torn asunder, leaving only thine eyes to witness the humiliation!
Bubble Bass: Ooh, pretty good last words.
SpongeBob: [handing Squidward a shield] Sir Squidward, thy shield.
Squidward: Ha! Shield, shmield. [knocks the shield away with his lance]
SpongeBob: My hero.
[The speaker plays the cheering sound again, and Squidward and Bubble Bass look at each other, grunting as each of them get a cinematic close-up. SpongeBob blows into the giant horn and falls off the boxes. Squidward and Bubble Bass charge at each other, and SpongeBob covers his face with his costume.]
SpongeBob: Oh, I can't look! [his eyes rip out of the costume]
[Squidward and Bubble Bass continue charging at each other.]
Bubble Bass: Mommy!
[Squidward's lance deeply penetrates Bubble Bass' belly, sending him back and causing him to fall to the floor.]
Squidward: [punches Bubble Bass' face with his lance] Alright, Bubble Bass. You're tagged. Pay your tab.
[SpongeBob mocks Bubble Bass with the tab.]
Bubble Bass: You bested me at Three Deadly Challenges. But I am broke! Verily, I spent all of my money on cardboard. [a piece of cardboard falls down] What are you going to do to me?
Squidward: Nothing, but I am sure Mr. Krabs has some Deadly Challenges of his own for you.
[The scene bubble transitions to the Krusty Krab, where Bubble Bass is mopping the floor.]
Bubble Bass: This is torture! My arms are killing me. I can't feel my fingers. [letting go of the mop and clenching his right arm] I feel a cramp! I'm cramped! [leaps up, and his butt touches a customer's Krabby Patty] My back is breaking. [the patty's ketchup squirts into a child's face, making him cry, and the customer takes him away angrily. Bubble Bass faceplants into the mop bucket] Oh...
[Several customers are complaining to Mr. Krabs.]
Customers: That guy is terrible! [more overlapping dialogue]
Mr. Krabs: Look, I sympathize. He's gotta work here until he pays off his tab.
Fred: I've got some money. [lays money on Mr. Krabs' desk]
Woman: I'll contribute to that.
[The child from earlier grabs a hammer and breaks his piggy bank on the desk.]
Mr. Krabs: What? That's not- I didn't really- oh- oh. [gasps as he sees several customers giving him money to pay off the tab]
Old man: Just get that menace out of here!
[Mr. Krabs walks over to the restroom with the money, humming. Bubble Bass is cleaning the restroom toilet, mumbling to himself as he flushes the toilet.]
Bubble Bass: Hmm?
Mr. Krabs: Alright, Bubble Bass. Your tab's been wiped clean. [rips apart the tab] You can go. [Bubble Bass stares at him] Well? Go already!
Bubble Bass: [running past Mr. Krabs, making him spin] Verily, I am free-ith! [giggles]
Mr. Krabs: [gets dizzy, and gets up. He giggles as he counts the money. He then hears the cash register ding] Huh? [walks out]
[Mr. Krabs' jaw literally drops as he sees Squidward giving Bubble Bass four bags of Krusty Krab food.]
Bubble Bass: [imitates a horse] Krabs! I thank thee, clapper-clawed barnacle, for forgiving my debt. And FYI, I just opened up a [close-up of his face] new tab. [squeals and laughs as he walks away] Hi-ya!
Mr. Krabs: Oh, Bubble Bass! [runs toward Bubble Bass, who is laughing while running away]
[Squidward laughs. SpongeBob exits the kitchen with a rose in his mouth.]
SpongeBob: [takes the rose out of his mouth] Ole, Señor Squidward?
[Squidward jumps out the boat, and holds his arm out to SpongeBob.]
Squidward: Ole, SpongeBob.
[SpongeBob puts the rose back into his mouth, twirls, and then starts dancing with Squidward.]
Squidward: I'll lead.
Mama Bass: [pokes Squidward's arm] May I?
[Mama Bass giggles whilst looking at Squidward.]
Squidward: Eh, but of course. [he and Mama Bass dance. SpongeBob eats the rose, and the episode ends with Squidward and Mama Bass dancing out of the Krusty Krab]