Big Pink Loser/transcript

Big Pink Loser
General
Season №:	2
Episode №:	23a
U.S. viewers (millions):	2.80
Airdate:	February 3, 2001
Chronology
Previous	"Bossy Boots"
Next	"Bubble Buddy"

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Big Pink Loser" from season 2, which aired on February 3, 2001.

• [The episode begins with a distant view of Bikini Bottom.]
• French Narrator: Welcome to Bikini Bottom, where can be found some of the finest specimens of undersea life. [chuckles] Well, you know.
• [Patrick is sleeping and Incidental 154 walks by and puts a box in his open mouth as he is yawning and waking up. He grabs it and quickly opens it, and it turns out to be a shiny, gold trophy.]
• Patrick: An award? I never got an award before! Eeeee! Look, rock, I got an award! [the antenna on top of his rock breaks] Jellyfish, I got an award! [the jellyfish zap him. Cut to Bikini Atoll, where Patrick jumps up above the surface] Island, I got an awar-- [chokes for air and floats back down] I gotta show SpongeBob!
• SpongeBob: [building a house of cards looking like Gary] Hold still, Gary.
• Gary: Meow.
• SpongeBob: Almost done. [Patrick appears out of nowhere and the cards fall on the floor. Gary flies away] Ahh!
• Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob, guess what? I got an award! [SpongeBob falls down to the floor]
• SpongeBob: [muffled] That's great, Patrick. What's it for?
• Patrick: See for yourself.
• SpongeBob: [his body is facedown, but his face come out and reads the award] "For Outstanding Achievement In Achievement: SpongeBob SquarePants"?
• Patrick: "SpongeBob SquarePants"? That's a funny way to spell my name.
• SpongeBob: Patrick, I think the award is for me. You must've got it by mistake.
• Patrick: But, it's shiny. [SpongeBob takes the trophy]
• SpongeBob: Yeah...but you know what else is shiny?
• Patrick: Ice cream!
• SpongeBob: Exactly!
• Patrick: I can find it! Is it in here?
• SpongeBob: No, don't! That's my... [Patrick opens the door, and a bunch of trophies pile out of SpongeBob's closet.] ...award closet.
• Patrick: I want an award! [starts to cry]
• SpongeBob: [has two 1st place ribbons in his eyes] Aw, Patrick, don't cry. [Patrick starts sobbing loudly and wildly going away from the awards] You'll get an award one day.
• Patrick: I'm never gonna get an award 'cause I've never done anything!
• SpongeBob: But you're Patrick... [jumps on Patrick and his eyes turn into stars] Star! You can do anything you want!
• Patrick: That's easy for you to say. You're SpongeBob.
• SpongeBob: Patrick, if you wanna win an award, you have to do something.
• Patrick: Hmm... I wanna defeat the giant monkeyman and save the 9th dimension!
• SpongeBob: Me too! But that sounds a little hard. Why don't we start smaller?
• Patrick: I wanna defeat the little monkeyman and save the 8th dimension!
• SpongeBob: Smaller. [shrinks]
• Patrick: Doctor?
• SpongeBob: Smaller. [shrinks more]
• Patrick: Fireman?
• SpongeBob: [in a tiny voice] The smallest you can think of! [shrinks even more]
• Patrick: A job at the Krusty Krab?
• SpongeBob: [normal voice] Yeah! [reverts to normal size] I do things at work all the time!
• Patrick: Then let's go! [runs off, pulling off SpongeBob's arm]
• [Bubble transition to the Krusty Krab.]
• Patrick: Boy, it sure was nice of Mr. Krabs to give me a job.
• SpongeBob: And at 50 dollars an hour, too. When I started working here, I had to pay Mr. Krabs 100 dollars an hour. Hey, Squidward, guess who just got a job?
• Squidward: Guess who just quit? [puts his hat on Patrick's head and leaves]
• Patrick: Do I get my award yet?
• SpongeBob: You have to work for it, remember?
• Patrick: Tartar sauce!
• [Bubble transition to SpongeBob flipping patties.]
• SpongeBob: [places the order in the window] Pick-up order! [Patrick comes and eats the order]
• Patrick: Do I get my award now?
• SpongeBob: No, you have to take the tray to the customer.
• Patrick: Okay. [his tray gets to the table but with no food. He burps]
• SpongeBob: Almost. Try again and this time make sure the food gets to the table. [Patrick arrives with the food on the tray but then eats it as he sits down]
• Patrick: Like that?
• SpongeBob: Nope.
• Patrick: [spits out the food in Incidental 100's face and forehead palms as he frustratingly yells] Barnacles!
• SpongeBob: Let's try something different.
• [Bubble transition to SpongeBob and Patrick at the cash register.]
• SpongeBob: All you have to do is answer the phone.
• Patrick: Aye aye, Captain! [walks into the boat. The phone rings and he answers it]
• Man on Phone: Is this the Krusty Krab?
• Patrick: No, this is Patrick. [hangs up and starts whistling. The phone rings again and he answers it]
• Woman on Phone: Is this the Krusty Krab?
• Patrick: [annoyed] No. This is Patrick. [hangs up and continues to whistle. The phone rings yet again and he answers it]
• Another Man on Phone: Is this the Krusty Krab?
• Patrick: [yelling angrily] No! This is Patrick! [puts the phone down and folds his arms] I'm not a Krusty Krab.
• SpongeBob: Uhh, Patrick, that's the name of the restaurant.
• Patrick: Huh? Oh... [cuts to a shot of the Krusty Krab] Fish paste!
• [Bubble transition back to inside the Krusty Krab.]
• SpongeBob: It looks a little dusty around Table 3. How about you sweep it out? [hands Patrick a broom]
• Patrick: What's the point? I can't do anything right.
• SpongeBob: You'll do fine. [Patrick sweeps with the handle end of the broom instead of the head]
• Incidental 41: [approaches Patrick] Hey, pal. You just blow in from Stupidtown? [continues drinking]
• SpongeBob: Keep trying, Patrick.
• Incidental 119: I've got a load of awards for SpongeBob SquarePants.
• Patrick: [furiously growls with steam whistle blowing] Why can't I do anything right?! [sweeps harder in frustration then jumps into the air and repeatedly bangs the head of the broom on the floor making dust rise all over the Krusty Krab's dining area, which makes the nearby customers cough]
• SpongeBob: [pushing Patrick] Kitchen...!
• Patrick: [throws the broom to the floor] I'm never gonna get an award, now.
• SpongeBob: Don't give up, Patrick. This time I've got something I know you can do. We're gonna open a jar. [gets a jar and opens the lid] Easy. Now you try. First get a jar. [Patrick gets out a pickle] Patrick, that's a pickle.
• Patrick: Yes.
• SpongeBob: You need a jar. [Patrick picks up a spatula] No... [Patrick takes his pants off] No... [Patrick picks up SpongeBob] No. Try... this! [gives Patrick a jar] Now take the lid off the jar. [Patrick puts the lid in his mouth] Just relax. Lift your hand. [Patrick lifts his hand] Great! We're almost there. Now put it on the lid. [Patrick puts his hand on counter] No, the lid. [Patrick slides his hand to the corner of the counter] The lid. [Patrick tries for the lid over and over as SpongeBob keeps telling him "the lid," Patrick pants due to exhaustion; few seconds later, Patrick is almost there] Freeze! [Patrick's hand is on the side of the jar] Almost there. Now head for the lid. [his hand goes lower] Cold. [his hand goes higher] Warmer. [his hand goes higher] Warmer. [his hand goes higher] Warmer. You're hot. You're on fire!
• Patrick: [exaggerating] Aagh, it burns!
• SpongeBob: Ok, ok. Wait, wait. Do exactly as I do. [takes it off again] Exactly as I do. [takes it off again] Exactly. Exactly. Exactly.
• Patrick: Exactly as you do. [takes lid off jar, then starts to cry] Oh, no, I broke it!
• SpongeBob: No, no, Patrick, you did it!
• Patrick: I did? [both cheer as Patrick slams the jar into the floor] Touchdown! I'm jarmaster!
• [The scene changes to the two leaving the Krusty Krab.]
• SpongeBob: That was great, Patrick! You really got the hang of it.
• Patrick: Yeah. Remember when I had my hand up? And I put it on the lid?
• SpongeBob: Oh, yeah.
• Patrick: And then I took the lid off and I thought I broke it?
• SpongeBob: [laughs] Yeah.
• Patrick: But I didn't. I opened the jar with my hand. And it was all because you showed me how to do it. I'm never gonna forget this.
• SpongeBob: Patrick, you do exactly what I do, and you'll have an award in no time.
• [Bubble transition. Night becomes day in SpongeBob's house. A clam crows like a rooster] I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. [notices Patrick dressed up like him]
• Patrick: Good morning, SpongeBob!
• SpongeBob: Wow. It's amazing how a simple change of clothes can make a guy look...just...like...me.
• Patrick: Yup, if I'm gonna be an award winner, I've gotta dress like one!
• SpongeBob: That's creepy...but flattering! I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready... [Patrick copies SpongeBob, who then stops] Huh?
• SpongeBob: Well, back to the old grind.
• Patrick: Well, back to the old grind.
• SpongeBob: [puts on his work hat] Forgot my hat.
• Patrick: [also puts on his work hat] Uh, me, too. [SpongeBob mops the floor then puts the mop up; Patrick mops the floor, but he makes the floor wet; SpongeBob comes out with a handful of plates and slips and breaks them all; Patrick follows in SpongeBob's footsteps; SpongeBob glares at him]
• [Bubble transition to SpongeBob and Patrick at the grill frying patties. They both whistle to the tune of "Row, Row, Row Your Boat", then stop, and they both wipe their foreheads.]
• SpongeBob and Patrick: Whew! [SpongeBob drops his spatula]
• SpongeBob: [laughs] Dropped my spatula. [bends down to pick it up]
• Patrick: Uhh, me, too. [drops his spatula and bends down to pick it up; SpongeBob takes off his hat, then Patrick takes off his, they both put their hats back on, then they both put their hands on the grill; Patrick's hand burns after a few seconds] Owwww!
• SpongeBob: Aha! [shows the fake hand] You're copying me!
• Patrick: Yes.
• SpongeBob: Why are you doing that?
• Patrick: So I can win an award like you.
• SpongeBob: Well, it's annoying, so stop it!
• Patrick: Stop it. [both imitate the others facial expressions]
• SpongeBob: Say, you're good.
• Patrick: Thanks.
• SpongeBob and Patrick: Ha! Darn. [both look at each other with suspicion, while rubbing their chins. They later watch each other as they dance to Mary had a Little Lamb] Mary had a little lamb whose fleece was white as... pickle fish lips! [both cover their mouths] Seaweavel. [both cover their mouths again] Yorgyshmorgies. [both cover their mouths yet again]
• SpongeBob: [in his head] At least I'm safe inside my mind. [realized that he wasn't safe in his mind]
• Patrick: [in his head] At least I'm safe inside my mind.
• [SpongeBob and Patrick then scream in panic and run out of the Krusty Krab.]
• SpongeBob: Stop copying me!
• Patrick: There's no award for that!
• Squidward: [leaning against the Krusty Krab sign pole, reading a newspaper, a Krusty Krab hat falls near him] Well, I guess it's safe to go in now. [puts his hat back on and walks back in]
• SpongeBob: [he and Patrick are still running] Patrick, how long are you gonna keep this up?
• Patrick: Until I have as many awards as you.
• SpongeBob: We'll see about that!
• Patrick: No, we won't.
• SpongeBob: [takes out a jump-rope] I'm the jump-rope champion of Bikini Bottom.
• Patrick: Me, too. [takes out a jump-rope]
• SpongeBob: Oh, yeah? I call this one: The Slice N' Dice. [crosses his arms and jump-ropes while Patrick tries to imitate but ties himself up with his rope] Ha! Not a scratch on me. [his body breaks down into pieces, which later hop away]
• Patrick: Oh, no, you don't! [squeezes the rope on himself breaking his body down into smaller pieces, then he and SpongeBob repeatedly hit their heads with a hammer]
• SpongeBob: Not much fun being me, now, huh, Patrick?
• Patrick: Are you kidding? I used to do this way before I started copying you. [SpongeBob stops hammering his head but Patrick does not notice; Patrick hits himself faster and too hard, he stops and gets dizzy...] Wheeeee-eeeeeyeeehhh-eeeeh. [...as trophies appear and spin around his head, tweeting like birds. He falls on the ground; SpongeBob laughs and runs into Patrick's rock painted as SpongeBob's house; SpongeBob gets angry and steam comes out of his head]
• Patrick: My turn! [runs into the pineapple rock]
• SpongeBob: [runs into his house] I wish I had the old Patrick back, but he just wants to be like me. [pushes his nose into his face and comes out of his house dressed in Patrick's normal outfit. He imitates Patrick.] Hi, I'm Patrick Star. I'm the laziest, pinkest starfish in Bikini Bottom and I wish I were me and not SpongeBob.
• Patrick: What's so great about being a big pink loser? [SpongeBob's nose pops back out] Exactly. I was never closer to an award than the minute I started copying you.
• SpongeBob: [normal voice] But, Patrick...
• Patrick: Patrick's not here!
• Incidental 41: [stops in front of SpongeBob and Patrick in truck] Trophy delivery! [drives off and SpongeBob has a package in his mouth]
• SpongeBob: Another trophy?
• Patrick: [sarcastically] Oh, great! [SpongeBob opens the package] What's it for this time?
• SpongeBob: "For Doing Absolutely Nothing Longer Than Anyone Else: Patrick"! This trophy's for you!
• Patrick: Yay! [puts his trophy on his head like a hat] Eeee! [both rip off their present outfits to reveal their own normal outfits]
• SpongeBob: So, what are you gonna do now?
• Patrick: I'm gonna go protect my title! [jumps on his rock and falls asleep, the rock closes]
• French Narrator: So you thought I was kidding, huh? [cut back to a distant view of Bikini Bottom] No, in Bikini Bottom, excellence can be found, even under a rock. [The episode ends.]