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This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Biddy Sitting" from season 12, which aired on February 8, 2020.
- [The episode begins with a big baby bottle that says "SquarePants and Star BabySitting." SpongeBob paints on the bottle and Squidward reads the bottle.]
- Squidward: [reading the bottle] "SquarePants and Star Babysitting"? Oh, please. What do you two nitwits know about taking care of babies?
- SpongeBob: [laughs] Just watch!
- [SpongeBob and Patrick pull out powder.]
- Squidward: Huh?
- [SpongeBob and Patrick begin to put powder on Squidward while SpongeBob pulls supplies out of the bottle.]
- SpongeBob: [pulls out a safety pin] Safety pin! [puts it in the powder cloud before pulling out a bottle of ointment] Ointment! [applies the ointment to the powder cloud]
- [SpongeBob and Patrick stop putting powder on Squidward. When the powder cloud disappears we see him wearing a baby bonnet and a diaper and holding a rattle.]
- Squidward: Goo. [sadly] Goo... [cries like a baby until SpongeBob sticks a pacifier in his mouth. Squidward starts sucking on the pacifier]
- SpongeBob: Aww, such a good wittle Squiddy.
- Squidward: What the? What? [jumps up and spits out the pacifier, which bounces off SpongeBob and lands in Patrick's mouth. Patrick then starts sucking on the pacifier] No one in their right mind would ever hire you as babysitters!
- Mother: Yoo-hoo! Babysitters! [SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward look towards the front of Conch Street where they see a woman waving to them] I could use some babysitters here!
- SpongeBob: [Patrick squeals] Oh, boy!
- [SpongeBob brings the baby bottle with him and runs into Squidward. Patrick hops onto the bottle before Squidward falls on his face. He then crosses his arms. SpongeBob and Patrick make it to the woman's house in front of Conch Street.]
- SpongeBob: "SquarePants and Star Babysitters" at your service!
- Patrick: We sit on babies!
- SpongeBob: [laughs] Not literally.
- Patrick: Yeah, not in Italy.
- Mother: [waves goodbye with her hat] Now, you kids behave and listen to the babysitters. Bye now!
- SpongeBob: Bye! [closes the door and sees all the babies. One baby is climbing the stair railing, another baby is chewing on a football, a baby comes out of the floorboard, a baby comes flying with a balloon until pops, and the baby falls into the floorboard, two babies are playing with the lamp, one baby is on the chair, and another baby falls in a TV] Whoa! A whole liege of little darlings. [SpongeBob and Patrick put on helmets with rattles on them. They start shaking them] Alright, Patrick, you take the east plank, I'll take the west, and we'll try to establish a map zone in the middle.
- Patrick: Hahahaha! These babies are no match for my... toddler style! [pulls out a pair of bottles in chains that look like nunchucks. Patrick starts whipping the nunchuck bottles around and makes ninja sounds until he falls on his face] Ow.
- [Bubble transition to Patrick watching the babies cry until he makes a funny face. The babies stop crying and start laughing. Patrick makes more funny faces until he stops, and the babies cry again. SpongeBob has five spoons on his head until Patrick puts another one on his head. With six spoons, Patrick lifts SpongeBob up and dips the spoons in baby food. SpongeBob feeds the babies until they stop crying. A baby is seen on the shelf, knocking plates over. SpongeBob catches the plates, so they won't break. The baby falls off the shelf SpongeBob screams and manages to catch the baby. SpongeBob is relieved that he caught the baby, but the plates fall over the floor. The babies now are crying once again until their diapers stink. SpongeBob puts a clothespin on his nose and flips them over with a giant spatula.]
- SpongeBob: [whistles] Bring her down!
- [Patrick uses a claw to grab the babies. SpongeBob removes the diapers with a vacuum cleaner. He puts powder on their butts until he puts new diapers on them. Patrick releases them and SpongeBob flips them on their beds while the babies fall asleep. SpongeBob puts them to bad and high fives Patrick.]
- SpongeBob: [high fives with Patrick] Yeah.
- SpongeBob and Patrick: Shh...
- [Bubble transition to the next scene where the mother comes home. She puts her hat on the coat rack and notices SpongeBob reading a story.]
- SpongeBob: And they all lived happily ever after inside an oyster shell.
- Mother: Aww... [hands them money] Thank you, SquarePants and Star.
- [Patrick takes the money and puts it in his pocket while he is sleeping. Bubble transition to the next scene where SpongeBob and Patrick are looking for someone for babysitting.]
- SpongeBob: Babysitting!
- Patrick: Skinny or chunky! Clean or funky!
- SpongeBob: We won't get paid if your kid's mislaid!
- Mary: Oh, boys, right here! Oh, I could use a babysitter!
- Patrick: Yay!
- SpongeBob: Ooh! [they rush towards Mary] While you go out, and dance, and revel...
- Patrick: ...We will watch your little devil!
- [SpongeBob and Patrick swirl her around.]
- Mary: Yes! [hugs Patrick] Oh, thank you! [hugs SpongeBob then runs off] Thank you!
- SpongeBob: Wait! Where's the baby?
- Mary: She's inside! I'm free! I'm free! Hahahahaha!
- [Mary hops away happily while SpongeBob and Patrick look confused at each other. But they both shrug and enters the house.]
- SpongeBob: Baby! [shakes the rattle] Baby?
- Patrick: [holds up a pillow] Is this the baby?
- SpongeBob: Hmm? No, I- I don't think so.
- Patrick: Huh. Oh! [holds up a lamp] This looks like a nice baby girl. [turns the lamp on]
- SpongeBob: She's nice, but she's not a baby. [Patrick throws the lamp] Wait a minute. [runs to a wheelchair and looks down] Aww, I found the baby.
- [SpongeBob turns the wheelchair around and shows Patrick the baby. But it isn't a baby, it is Mary's mother from "Chocolate with Nuts." She is shown asleep and it startles Patrick.]
- Patrick: Eek! That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!
- SpongeBob: Patrick, all babies are beautiful. Even the ugly ones, and we don't know the baby's name is.
- Patrick: She looks like she's been in the tub too long. Let's call her Baby Prunes.
- SpongeBob: What a pretty name! Little Baby Prunes.
- [They both laugh until Baby Prunes wakes up and screams as she sees SpongeBob and Patrick.]
- Baby Prunes: Who are you?! Where's lazy Mary?!
- Patrick: The baby can talk!
- Baby Prunes: Help! Help! It's a robbery!
- [SpongeBob puts a pacifier in her mouth]
- SpongeBob: No, Patrick, Baby Prunes is just mimicking what she's heard. It's just baby talk. She's babbling.
- Baby Prunes: [spits out the pacifier] I'm not babbling, you bone heads!
- Patrick: Din-din time! [pulls out a spoon full of food] Here comes the airplane. [makes train noises and puts the food into Baby Prunes' mouth, but she spits it out, which Patrick swallows] Yum. Playtime! [dumps out some blocks and throws the bottle away] Kids love to build things with blocks!
- Baby Prunes: [chuckles] Oh, I'll build something, alright.
- [Bubble transition to all the blocks built into a jail with SpongeBob and Patrick in it. SpongeBob writes on the wall. Inside the play jail, there is a toilet, a pipe, a bunch, and a shelf filled with books. SpongeBob checks his watch.]
- SpongeBob: Whoa, Patrick, we've been playing in here for three hours. Better check on Baby Prunes. You know what's the best part about playing jail?
- Patrick: No.
- SpongeBob: Jailbreak! [smashes through the block jail]
- Patrick: Jailbreak! [runs the opposite way, running into the wall and making him wobble in the correct direction]
- Baby Prunes: [picking the door lock with her tongue] I gotta pick this lock and get outta here.
- SpongeBob: Oh, there you are!
- Baby Prunes: Come on, come on.
- SpongeBob: Nap time! [picks up Baby Prunes and carries her away from the door with her tongue still on the lock]
- Baby Prunes: [her tongue leaves the lock] Put me down, you yellow scouring pad! Unhand me! [cuts to SpongeBob walking to a spot in Mary's house and Patrick pulls out a baby cradle] No! [SpongeBob puts Baby Prunes in the cradle] Get me out of here! [SpongeBob puts on a baby bonnet on Baby Prunes, tucks her in a blanket, and staples it to the cradle] Ow! Ugh! Ouch! Get your... [screams]
- SpongeBob: Oooo! Who's a colicky baby? It's you! [tickles Baby Prunes in the neck with one finger] Coochy coochy coo!
- Baby Prunes: Bleh.
- SpongeBob: I'll go up and prepare a bath for Baby Prunes for when she wakes up.
- Patrick: Okay. While you're doing that I'll just space out. [starts spacing out] Uhhh...
- [As SpongeBob goes upstairs, Patrick's eyes turn upwards and drools. Baby Prunes looks at Patrick with his eyes upwards and then escapes from the cradle by using a secret door at the bottom of the cradle, and runs away chuckling evilly. Meanwhile, upstairs, SpongeBob is in Mary's bathroom. SpongeBob turns on a faucet in the bathtub.]
- SpongeBob: Hmm, strange... There don't seem to be any baby items in here. Hmm... [looks in a cabinet to find not baby items but old-woman stuff] Okay, pills, pills, dentures, more pills, hemorrhoid cream. [closes the cabinet but then notices a little birthday note stuck on the bottom-left corner of the cabinet] "Happy birthday to mother on her 137th birthday." Aw. [gasps and realizes the truth] 137th birthday?! [hyperventilating] Oh! Baby Prunes isn't a baby, she's an old lady!
- [Meanwhile, Baby Prunes is trying to escape from Mary's house by using her tongue to unlock the door.]
- Baby Prunes: Come on, come on! [just then Patrick comes along with his eyes still upwards]
- Patrick: Is that a puppy I hear? I didn't know they had a puppy. What is it, puppy? You wanna go out? [Baby Prunes frees her tongue out, and a light bulb appears on top of her head]
- Baby Prunes: Oh. [barking]
- Patrick: [opens the front door] There you go, puppy.
- Baby Prunes: So long sucker! [maniacal laughing] Uh... [barking]
- Patrick: Huh, the puppy knows baby talk too... [just then SpongeBob comes in from the stairs]
- SpongeBob: Patrick! She's not a baby! [falls from down the stairs and hits Patrick and looks around while he's on Patrick's stomach] Where's Baby Prunes?
- Patrick: I dunno, I just let the puppy out.
- SpongeBob: That was no puppy! [jumps on Patrick's stomach] That was an old lady! An old lady that we're responsible for! [SpongeBob and Patrick scream and run outside to find Baby Prunes]
- SpongeBob: If you were an old lady, where would you go?!
- Patrick: Ah, I don't know, back in time?!
- SpongeBob: What about a sewing circle?
- Patrick: Ah, yes. A sewing circle back in time!
- SpongeBob: Come on! [pulls Patrick with him]
- [SpongeBob and Patrick go into a sewing circle with some old ladies.]
- SpongeBob: [kicks the door open] Old lady Prunes?! [the old ladies look at SpongeBob and Patrick in wonder] Have you seen a baby that's really an old lady?
- Bakery cashier: Oh, look. They have schmutz on their faces! [spits on a napkin, then the other women follow]
- SpongeBob: No! Not that!
- [Patrick and SpongeBob are scared while the old ladies rub the napkin on their bodies.]
- SpongeBob: Ah, where's Baby/Old Lady Prunes?!
- Patrick: No! No, gross!
- [Patrick is disgusted while the old ladies rub them.]
- French Narrator: Meanwhile... [cuts to a scene with an erupting volcano]
- Surfers: Yeah!
- Baby Prunes: Yee-haw! Lavabunga! [while she is having fun, the other surfers are gone and lose the challenge]
- Surfer: Dude!
- Surfer 2: Uh, I'm okay!
- [Baby Prunes laughs maniacally, then we cut to a scene where people are parachuting.]
- Skydivers: Yeah! [they jump off of the plane and skydive]
- Skydiver: What are you doing, you don't have a parachute!
- Baby Prunes: Aw, parachutes are for babies! [she jumps and laughs maniacally while the skydiver is surprised] Oh yeah! [she falls into a haystack and laughs maniacally]
- [Bubble transition to SpongeBob and Patrick on the road, looking for old lady Prunes.]
- SpongeBob: Prunes!
- Patrick: Old lady Prunes!
- SpongeBob: Old lady Baby Prunes! [Baby Prunes is wrestling and throws a boxer on SpongeBob and Patrick]
- Baby Prunes: [breaks through the entrance with a boxing glove] Well, if it isn't my two babysitters! You humiliated me!
- SpongeBob: Prunes, you're alive!
- Patrick: And still talking baby talk! [they run to her and she mumbles angrily]
- Baby Prunes: Why, I oughta! [punches them in the face, knocking them away]
- SpongeBob: Ahh, Prunie wants to play, nice old lady. [she repeatedly hits them until they become realistic]
- [Baby Prunes starts getting tired and floats onto the ground, sleeping.]
- Patrick: Aw, her boxing tuckered her out. [then they fall out of the tree]
- [SpongeBob picks up Baby Prunes and cradles her, putting her into her wheelchair.]
- Patrick: Aww...
- SpongeBob and Patrick: Shh...
- SpongeBob: Ah, another job well done. [sniffs] Uh, Patrick, I think she needs to be changed.
- Patrick: No, that's me.
- [The episode ends with them walking toward the sunset.]