Encyclopedia SpongeBobia
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Encyclopedia SpongeBobia
Whelk Attack 094
"Spon... Spo... Spo...!"

This SpongeBob SquarePants episode transcript is incomplete. You can help Encyclopedia SpongeBobia by adding new content to the page.

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "A Very Patchy Holiday Livestream" from season 14, which aired on December 15, 2023.

  • [The episode starts with Patchy preparing his camera.]
  • Patchy: "Okay. Recording and action!"
  • Patchy: "Dear SpongeBob. Wait is this thing on?"
  • [Patchy gets locked out.]
  • Patchy: "Locked out! Hey Potty what's your passcode?"
  • Patchy: "Oh barnacles I forgot. Potty left to go celebrate Christmas with the other the parrots. [shows a picture of Potty and his family] Mommy the Parrot, Poppy the Parrot, and Glen."
  • Patchy: "Thankfully Potty wrote his passcode right here in case I got locked out."
  • Patchy: "It spells "P a t c h y," Patchy awww Potty always thinking about me."
  • Patchy: "Patchy is a landlubber squawk?! Potty! That's not- [realizes the recording started and gasp] already recording?" [clears his throat] Hi, SpongeBob. Patchy here. President, vice president, first mate, intern, administrative assistant, and vice president in charge of certain things of the SpongeBob SquarePants fan club. And definitely not a landlubber. [groans]
  • [Patchy's livestream gains a viewer.]
  • Patchy: "Oh how I wish we could be together on this Christmas holiday."
  • [Patchy's livestream gains a second viewer.]
  • Patchy: "Christmas is a time when Santa makes all our dreams come true. Like when I asked him to finally meet my hero. You SpongeBob."
  • [The scene transitions to a scene from "It's a SpongeBob Christmas!"]
  • Patchy: "Santa's Workshop? I here Santa! I'm here!"
  • [Patchy runs into a cave as Potty watches.]
  • Potty: "Squawk! I'm not going in there."
  • [Patchy encounters Santa in the cave.]
  • Patchy: "Santa!"
  • [Santa sits up as Patchy floats to sit on a present and pulls out a list.]
  • Patchy: "There's only one thing I wants for Christmas, and its to meet me hero SpongeBob SquarePants."
  • [Santa begins to shake salt on Patchy as the illusion ends, revealing Patchy was actually in the cave of a polar bear who wants eat him. Patchy then runs out of the cave as the polar bear chases him. The scene transitions back to Patchy's livestream.]
  • Patchy: "[groans] Okay, so that Christmas, Santa only granted Potty's wish." [the livestream gains another viewer] But I'll never forget the time we really did meet. It was the one holiday more important than Christmas: your birthday.
  • [The scene transitions to a scene from "SpongeBob's Big Birthday Blowout." SpongeBob sees a shadow falling from the sky and scream. The object is a giant present. SpongeBob moves to reveal his face was sliced off from the present. He pulls his face from beneath the present and reattached it and reads the tag on the gift.]
  • SpongeBob: "From your biggest fan. I have a fan?"
  • [SpongeBob opens the gift, revealing Patchy the pirate's head.]
  • Patchy: "Ah, surprise! [laughs] It's Patchy the Pirate! Happy birthday SpongeBob!"
  • SpongeBob: Oh! [his body forms into an eye before blinking back to normal and shedding tears] Thank you, Patchy! [hugs Patchy. SpongeBob and Patchy burst into a heartily laughter. The scene transitions back to Patchy's livestream]
  • Patchy: "Now, we both know I could never come up with anything better than that gift, so, here I am again! This time, in a safer, less painful way. On your video screen."
  • [Suddenly, a few fans begin to join Patchy's livestream.]
  • Patchy: What? Huh? [mumbles] What?! I'm live?! [the livestream gains another viewer] Five viewers? [and another viewer] Six viewers! Sweet Neptune! I'm going viral as scurvy at sea! [gasps] Maybe SpongeBob himself will tune in. [alert pings] Ooh! A message from "Number1SpongeBobFan." What?! Hey, that's me, buddy! [alert pings again] And one from "SpongeBobFanClubPresident." Hey! That's my job, too! Let's get one thing clear, okay? These are my jobs, but I will allow all of you to be members of my fan club. So, as your fearless fan club leader, I it's only fair I show you all the Bikini Bottom "memor-arrr-bilia" on my Christmas tree. Okay, it's not much, but I know we've all seen way worse.
  • [The scene transitions to a scene from "Just in Time for Christmas." GrandPat is at the top of the tree, fitting a star topper on it. Patrick runs into the room and hits the telephone pole, being flung back into the punch bowl. GrandPat is shocked with electricity, while the family stand and admire it.]
  • Cecil: Nice job lighting the star, son.
  • [GrandPat falls off the tree and walks outside the room. Bunny walks into the kitchen. The scene transitions back to Patchy's livestream.]
  • Patchy: "Ouchy. [chuckles] Hey, I bet all you true SpongeBob fans notices my background sky flower Christmas ornament."
  • [An ornament dangles in front of the Christmas tree next to Patchy.]
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