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Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy VI The Motion Picture 123
"Cut! No, Mermaid Man, it's 'stolen Krabby Patties.'"

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This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "A Place for Pets" from season 13, which aired on October 22, 2020.

  • [The episode opens up to a shot of the Krusty Krab zooming in towards the front entrance with Fred walking into the restaurant. It then transitions to inside the restaurant where we see customers eating and Squidward delivering food to tables.]
  • Squidward: Order for...
  • [Incidentals 41 and 42 show looks of excitement as they quickly snatch their food from the plate Squidward is holding. It then shows them eating their food like a bunch of slobs and getting soda all over Squidward.]
  • Squidward: Eugh, oh. Disgusting. You people eat like animal... animal... anim... Achoo!
  • [Squidward sneezes and it causes him to slam his head into the plate, getting the two soda cups getting stuck in his eyes. He then pushes his eyes through the bottom of the soda cups and uses them as binoculars as he looks at the table next to him.]
  • Lady Upturn: Oh, there's my baby. Oh, my little baby!
  • [Lady Upturn feeds her pet worm who is coming out of her purse a small Krabby Patty. Squidward then pulls the soda cups off of his eyes which results in his eyeballs becoming small. He then walks over to Lady Upturn's table.]
  • Squidward: Oh no. You cannot bring a worm in here. It's unclean! And some of us are allergi... Achoo!
  • [Squidward sneezes then hits his head on the table as Lady Upturn and her worm look at him very surprised. Mr. Krabs then rushes onscreen.]
  • Mr. Krabs: What's with all the sniffy fits out here, Mr. Squidward?
  • Squidward: It's not my fault, Mr. Krabs! She snuck a pet into the restaurant!
  • Lady Upturn: Oh! I didn't know my sweet little Fifi wasn't allowed. [picks up Fifi and brings her over to Mr. Krabs]
  • [Fifi then whines at Mr. Krabs with a sad face and then Squidward sneezes all over both Mr. Krabs and Fifi, resulting in her hair flying onto Mr. Krabs' eyestalks. Fifi then strains and makes her hair to grow back instantly.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Well, your sweet little Foo-Foo's gotta go, we got a strict policy, [gestures toward the sign] no pets allowed.
  • Lady Upturn: What a shame, Krabby Patties are all my Fee-Fee will eat these days. I would have gladly paid double the price, if it only meant she could have her favorite food...
  • Mr. Krabs: Huh? [changes the sign] There, all fixed! [shows Lady Upturn the sign] See? Now: Pets Allowed!
  • Lady Upturn: Oh! How delightful!
  • Squidward: Of course. [sneezes]
  • [The scene bubble transitions to several customers eating alongside their pets; Mr. Krabs is literally raking in a pile of cash, and the cash spits out from a machine into his office.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Hee hee! I tell ya, Mr. Squidward, I'm making more money than Neptune! Hee hee hee! [Squidward sneezes, and his head hits the cash register, leaving an indent]
  • Health Inspector: Hold it right there, Krabs! [he takes off his little girl disguise]
  • Mr. Krabs: Oh no, the health inspector!
  • Health Inspector: Oh yes, the health inspector! And I'm afraid you can't run a restaurant and a feed lot out of the same building! [the scene changes to Bubble Bass eating food on the floor along with two other pets] It's unsanitary. I'm shutting you down! Unless... you pick one. People or pets.
  • Mr. Krabs: Ohh. Eh... [he looks at a customer with a dollar bill frame] Ooh! [he then looks at multiple pets with dollar bill frames appearing] Oh! Oh, yeah! I choose pets!
  • Squidward: [chuckles] What?! No!
  • Mr. Krabs: [pushing the customers out of his restaurant] Alright, you heard the man. If you ain't a pet, you're trespassing. Time to go! Get a move on.
  • Fred: Wait a minute. What about our pets?
  • Mr. Krabs: Ooh! Well, don't worry. I'll still be billin' ya for whatever they eat.
  • Sandy: Whoa! [moves with everyone else out of the way]
  • [Suddenly, a domesticated variant of an Alaskan Bull Worm emerges from the front entrance and rests by the road. Several boats, including a bus, crash into its behind, causing it to vomit out all of its contents off-screen.]
  • Sandy and Fred: Eww.
  • Mr. Krabs: Hoo hoo, Sandy. Your Alaskan Bull Worm certainly was hungry. [puts on glasses and starts punching numbers]
  • Sandy: [gasps] Sweet jawbone of San Antone, I'm broke! Looks like I'm eatin' [she pulls out a can of nuts] canned nuts for the rest of the year. [she eats some nuts]
  • [Bubble wipe to the next scene with a customer wanting to go inside the Krusty Krab, while a worm goes inside.]
  • SpongeBob: Welcome, little worm! Here at the Krusty Krab, it's a pet paradise. [snails, a sea bunny, and a worm are eating some Krabby Patties] Enjoy yourself! And don't forget to order something to eat.
  • Worm: [barks, then starts licking its tail]
  • SpongeBob: Oh uh, maybe I'll order for ya. [chuckles]
  • Incidental 31: [bringing his pet clam to the Krusty Krab. Squidward, now wearing a gas mask, opens the doors and carries it.] Hey man. Could I like, get a Krabby Patty to go?
  • Squidward: Sorry. Pets only. You can try your luck across the street.
  • Incidental 31: Aww, I don't wanna eat chum. [starts walking to the Chum Bucket]
  • Squidward: [laughs until the clam bites his head]
  • [The scene cuts to the Chum Bucket, where Incidental 31 enters.]
  • Plankton: [laughs] The house special! [sets a bucket of chum onto the table]
  • Larry: Ugh. It's great that my pets are eating and all, but I'm still hungry...
  • Patrick: [Watching the Krusty Krab by a window where a customer's worm notices Patrick and eats Krabby Patties of the floor, and the worm taunts him.] I wish I was a pet, so I could eat off the floor.
  • Bubble Bass: You are eating off the floor.
  • Patrick: [with a chum bucket on the floor] Yeah, but, I want to eat Krabby Patties off the floor!
  • Larry: The pink dude might have the right idea, guys. If we dress up like pets...
  • Fred: We could trick Krabs into serving us, of course!
  • Plankton: If you wanna make costumes, I have a craft corner.
  • [Everyone runs to the craft corner to make animal costumes, making Plankton spin and fall off the table.]
  • Old Man Walker: [with a blue bottle on his head] Anyone seen the glue?
  • Plankton: [evil laugh, he gets inside Spot's body] Now's my chance to sneak into the Krusty Krab in my pet, Spot. [Spot barks, then he starts digesting Plankton; Plankton laughs] Hey... what's happening?! [Plankton is being digested by Spot] No, Spot! Stop digesting me, Spot! Bad Spot! [screams, and Spot excretes his eye, then he wanders away.] Barnacles...
  • [Meanwhile back at the Krusty Krab, everyone is eating Krabby Patty meat while Mr. Krabs puts money away.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Into the wall you go! [puts the last money stack away and closes the door] [shocked] What the?
  • [Several costumers walk into the Krusty Krab in animal costumes.]
  • Fred: Oh boy, I mean arf arf! I'm hungry!
  • Tom: [laughs] Woof woof!
  • Mr. Krabs: Hmm... Squidward!
  • [A clam eats the Krabby Patties Squidward gave him, along with the table.]
  • Squidward: Yes, Mr.- achoo! Krabs?
  • Mr. Krabs: Why don't all these new pets have patties in front of them? I'm running a business, not a shelter! [He compresses Squidward into his helmet, then kicks him, sending him rolling along the floor]
  • Bubble Bass: [sliding onto the table where a sea bunny is eating a Krabby Patty] Greetings, fellow lagomorph. Perhaps you might consider sharing a slither of your b- [the sea bunny points and screams at him; six other angry sea bunnies are now behind him] Ooh! I'll just be- [jumps off of the table, and the sea bunnies follow him]
  • [One of the sea bunnies bites onto Bubble Bass' butt, and rips part of his pants off, making him scream. While running, Bubble Bass bumps a worm's table, startling it, and the patties fall off of the table. The other customers start eating the patties on the floor, and three angry worms appear, which attack the customers.]
  • Patrick: [in a rock costume] Pet fight! [throws his pet rock into the fight cloud, and joins in as well]
  • [Mr. Krabs is scared, and an entire fish bone drops in front of him. Fred backs away from four snails that are surrounding him, and he closes his clam costume, to which one of the snails bites his leg.]
  • Fred: My leg!
  • Squidward: [hides in the cash register to evade the scallops, which attack him anyway] No no no, bad scallops, [four of the scallops carry him upwards] no, aah! [he breaks through the ceiling; Bubble Bass is still running away from the sea bunnies]
  • SpongeBob: [opens the kitchen door with a plate of Krabby Patties] Who's ready for... a violent brawl? Stop, please! [gets in between a snail and a customer] The Krusty Krab is a place of peace! [pushes away both of them; he also pulls away another customer and two more pets; finally, he pulls the bear head off of a customer in a bear costume; the health inspector's head pops out, and SpongeBob gasps] The health inspector?
  • All of the customers: The health inspector?
  • Health Inspector: Uh... roar?
  • SpongeBob: [confused] But, I thought you said people and pets can't eat together.
  • Bubble Bass: [angrily] Yeah, what are you doing here?
  • Mr. Krabs: [angrily] This whole mess is your fault.
  • [The angry crowds starts cornering the Health Inspector.]
  • Customers: Yeah! Yeah yeah yeah!
  • Health Inspector: [slowly walking back to the wall] Um, I was just hungry for a Krabby Patty. We've all been there, right? Plus, I, uh... I've learned something today. SpongeBob, give me a bouncy "C," would ya?
  • SpongeBob: [grabs a stool and starts playing a piano] Ooh, gladly!
  • Health Inspector: [starts singing to the music] ♪Pets, are people too, just like me, just like you. Yes, whatever you like to do, there a pet who likes it too! There's a pet for people who like to run and one for people who don't. A pet for folks who avoid the sun, and for those who should but won't! A pet for people who sing and dance, a pet for people who cry! A pet for people who take a chance and for those with just one eye! Yes, no matter what we say or do, there's just one thing I know is true: We all eat patties, yes we do! And every pet likes eating them too! Because...♪
  • Everyone: ♪Pets are people too! Just like me, just like you! Yes, whatever you like to do, there's a pet who's just like you, just like you! Pets!♪ [everyone is exhausted after singing]
  • Health Inspector: Phew! Pets and people deserve to eat side by side! [SpongeBob gets excited after seeing the health inspector scraps the contract]
  • Mr. Krabs: Yes! And a round of patties for everyone, not on the house! [everyone cheers, bubble wipe to the next scene with pets and people eating together]
  • Incidental 160: Gosh, mister! You've got more customers here than I've ever seen!
  • Mr. Krabs: 'Course I do! Didn't you hear the song? ♪Pets are people too!♪
  • Incidental 160: Well, if they count as people... [rips his disguise and a fire marshal comes out]
  • Fire marshal: ...Then they count as fire hazards! I'm the fire marshal, and you're over capacity, Krabs! Shut 'er down! Everyone out!
  • Mr. Krabs: What? No! [everyone grumbles and leaves as the fire marshal hold the door] Wait, come back, come back! Me pet profits! [starts crying] I'm ruined!
  • SpongeBob: Hey, uh, Mr. Krabs? I was planning on taking a Krabby Patty home to my Gare-Bear. You could overcharge me for it if you want.
  • Mr. Krabs: Really? Thanks, boyo! [him and SpongeBob hug] You're a good minimum wage employee! [Squidward falls from the roof]
  • Squidward: [stands up groaning; he then grabs hold of the closing camera iris] Achoo! [the camera iris closes on his nose and Squidward pulls it away as the episode ends]
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